New girlfriend is looking for handouts....I'm getting very angry. How do I confront her about it?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a new girl for about 6 weeks. She's 20 and I'm in my late 20s.

For the most part everything going well. She doesn't flake out, she keeps her word about meeting up. She drives to see me. She laughs at my jokes. She's easy going. She meets my "needs"...

I also gets tons of compliments from my friends about how hot she is.

However I'm having a major problem. In the beginning I paid for everything as a gentlemen should. However we've been on 15+ dates now and she has NEVER offered to pay/split ANYTHING. She also rarely says thank you or shows any gratitude when I pick up the bill.

Last weekend I was at the mall with her and she wanted to check out a perfume store. I said "do your thing" and I went to a nearby store. She than ran over to pull me in the store saying "please tell me how this smells". I know she wasn't planning on buying anything her self but I know girls love to shop so I went in with her. After trying 10+ scents she found her favorite. The price was $56 and she kind of glanced over to me (and the sales rep did too). I acted like I didn't notice the hint. She then kept looking for samples. Finally they offered a sample bottle for $17. I caved in and bought it for her. She barely breathed a thank you.

Then last evening I took her to a 24hr diner for midnight breakfast. The bill came around and she didn't even glance at it. I then went to pay at the register and she just walked out the door to wait for me. After paying I looked at her...no mention of "thank you". Under my breath I said "your welcome". I didn't say anything to her as we drove home.

This isn't about me being cheap. This about her being appreciative/grateful for me paying. She's taking everything for granted and p*ssing me off to the point I want to dump her.

How do I confront her about this? This is the only major issue I have in our relationship. I don't like being treated like a chump and being taken for granted.

Updates

+1 y

Just an update I haven't called her in 5 days. I have no urge to see her again. She's knows I'm p*ssed...but I didn't tell her exactly why. Every post she puts up on FB is a complaint about me...who cares...done. I got my half, she got a free meals..

[Epiphanies]

This is not a functional relationship.

The girl has her priorities all wrong. This is either because she is in it for her own gains because she thinks that because you're older, you have more money or because she believes that this is how dating works.

She is treating this like a business transaction. She treats you well, she's a good girlfriend, she takes good care of herself and in return she wants you to be her sugar daddy. She doesn't thank you because she thinks you owe her. She's not completely out of her mind, a lot of guys are actually willing to pick up the tab for girls like her but it's a relationship at the most basic level. As long as you keep paying for her, she'll keep acting the part.

This is pretty much standard for about half of attractive young women. When dating an older guy, this goes up to two thirds of attractive young women. That's the second bit. You're too old for her. She's not at the stage where she wants this relationship to go anywhere. I'm not going to make any assumptions about why she's not serious (it could be for a number of reasons, maybe she doesn't think you take her seriously either) but the fact of the matter is that you're in different places. In an ideal relationship, men are usually older than the women they date but this girl is just out of her teens like I said, she's just not there yet.

I'm sorry but I don't see this working out for you. I can understand your frustration with her but you have to realize that what you're doing right now is paying for a good girlfriend who does whatever you need her to.

She actually did you a favour by not being appreciative. If she was a pro and was extremely appreciative, you might never have realized what was going on.

Good luck and let us know how it goes,

[Asker]

Nah I'm questioning how long this relationship will last myself. She actually emailed me on POF about 2 months ago and that's how we met. I thing is I look young (I'm in really good shape) so I'm often noticed by younger women. She thought I was 24.

But mentally her and I are definitely not on same plane. But at the same time she has never flaked out (this is my numbero uno pet peeve) like so many women I've dated in the past. If she wasn't a freeloader I would be very pleased.

[Epiphanies]

Fair enough, like I said, it's norm for half of attractive young women and it goes up to two thirds if they're dating older men. So even if you don't look old, that's still the norm for half of them.

She's not flaking out because she's putting in an investment for herself. Her being there for you = perks like meals and gifts for herself.

Eventually you'll find someone else who won't take stuff for granted or flake. Just look for the other 50% of attractive young women who aren't freeloaders.

[WowLovely]

Well, that's the worst kind. That kind of girls really p*ss me off because because of them, guys think all girls are like that. I think you should make plans with her and tell her how much you missed her and stuff and make her say it back for a few times. Then, on the day of the date, tell her you can't go out because someone stole your wallet or you don't have monyon you for some reason. If she says she has to cancel, you'll say "I thought you missed me ?" if she says "Moneys not an issue" you'll go and she'll pay for once. Either way.. Teach her a lesson.

[Asker]

Hmm....that's a good idea. Thanks!

[Epiphanies]

I agree with this experiment but not with the my-wallet-got-stolen game. She may cut her losses but she may pay this one time because she knows you'll be paying in the future.

An alternative would be to start doing cheaper things like renting movies, going for walks, things that you don't have to pay for and see her reaction after that.

[Asker]

Oh by the way I realize not ALL girls are freeloaders...but unfortunately many are. I'm glad you recognize that since a guy has penis...doesn't mean he's instantly rich....lol.

[WowLovely]

Hahahahaha and what I do works best. If my boyfriend feels weird with me paying expensive stuff, I make a pack with them: They pay dinner, I pay drinks, they pay desert, I pay the cab. It works out perfectly.

[LOLsaveslives]

It's more culturally expected when guys pick up the tab. The question is if she's a gold digger. Tell her you can't afford expensive things and are trying your best. It's not about he much money you spend on her but more of how much do you care for her to spend what you have. If she values your time then go and a picnic or rent movies. See how she will react, if she's a gold digger she will dump you and put her priorities first. Guess you'll never know unless you try.

[Phoenix52]

That's what happens when you cater to a girl at the start. You act like a gentleman, you set yourself up for it in the future.

What you can learn from your mistake here is this - don't ever put a penny into a girl from the start. Let her pay for her own sh*t while you pay for yours. From thereon out, she'll keep playing that way because she expects it.

You set yourself up for this. If it became a problem, you should have told her at some point to start paying for herself.

[MandMandM]

You just have to tell her to shape up or ship out. She probably walks. Cut your losses - 6 weeks isn't too much time invested.

[b61983]

WHOA! What a B! I'm sorry! that's disgusting female behavior

[Asker]

just don't be one of these girls. Also chastise other women who act this way. I know not all girls are like this, but too many are. If woman want "equality" in this world...they have to have equal financial responsibilities too.

[b61983]

oh man. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not like this. I am the woman who insists on buying her own stuff especially on first dates because I am SOOO paranoid of this "i bought her dinner and beer and she didn't f***K" I don't want a man to feel like he should get laid for buying me stuff,so, I simply don't let them :)

[Asker]

I think it's appropriate for man to buy the FIRST MEAL as long as it reasonable priced (not no $200 dinner). It doesn't buy his way into your pants...but it should be a definite sign you are MORE THAN FRIENDS. One of my female roommates thought it was perfectly fine to have a man buy an expensive dinner on a first date and still friend zone...unbelievable.

[b61983]

ya I only think a expensive meal date is good for special occasions...why would a guy spend $200 on a girl he doesn't even now? thatd be kinda dumb

[Asker]

I agree...some dudes do it. In some cases it does get them in girls pants (when she doesn't even like him...but the money).

I try to keep my meals to a glass of wine/appetizer. $30 to $40 is fine.

I don't mind spoiling women who are GENUINELY into me. But it's f***ing hard for me to figure out.

[BlackSuperman]

she full of sh*t... time for you to dump the wench... tell her EXACTLY how ya feel, and don't hold back...

[Anonymous]

Exactly what "Erikeee" said. I would get rid of her because even if you tell her, she's only going to say what you want to hear.

[Erikeee]

Thats what you get for dating a 20 year old. No Joke. She's treating you like your her father. mmm mmmm mmm.

[Asker]

Well first off she came to me. 2nd off she thought I was 24 and third off we had a st8 up conversation about the age thing and we were both cool about it. Yeah there is big difference in maturity. However we do have fun.....but I don't want to go broke.

You are young so you can joke around about me being "a father"....but seriously aging sucks for both sexes...and even more so for girls.

[Erikeee]

It doesn't matter who came on to who first, you're still dating a 20 year old. So bam! As to joking about being a father, I'm actually not joking, that's how she is treating you! Doesn't matter if you guys had the age talk. Her actions are speaking for themself, you're her tool.

[Asker]

Well if I was her "tool" I would be picking up on this bullsh*t. She's history now. I know you mean well, but the way you describing it is making me angry.