Why do men bitch and moan about "having" to make the first move?

[Anonymous]

This dude asked a question on g@g saying, "Why do men have to make the first move." And I comented why personally I'm not going to make the first move. Which is because I have a hard enough time making bloody friends. Hell, just talking to people I don't know is a big enough hassle for me. I said firstly I'm ugly, (well I think I am) and no guy would find me attractive anyways so no need to make a fool of myself and have them snicker and call me ugly to my face. Then I said I would just let love to to me. That dosen't imply that a man has to aproach me. It implys I'm going to live my life until I find someone. Also thaf I'm not going to go out of my way to find out if some guy likes me meirly based on the way he looks. We all know attraction today is based on looks and I already jnow I would be turned down. Then the guy who posted the question started giving me the 3rd degree saying, "Guess what we guys are insecure, awkward and clumsy as well... Imagine we'd use that as an excuse like you do 😋 Nobody would have fun anymore."
Cool, but men are not forced into making the first move. You could let a woman aproach to you. You men do not HAVE to make the first move. It's the 21st century, women aproach men, men aproach women gays aproach gays. (etc.) Society tell men they have to, but society lies. (As we all know.) Society tells women that they have to be white, stick thin, or thicc to be "beautiful." We all know that a lie. Just like Society also tells men they can't cry, but that they have to strong manly and have a beard. But not all men can gro beards, and men are humans too. Therefore having emotions just like women, and having the ability to express those emotions.🤔

[Ripper_E]

Attraction is based on more than just looks.

I understand what you are saying with that attitude, you're giving guys more of a reason not to approach you. Lack of confidence is unattractive, at least to good guys. There are plenty that would take advantage of that. There is no guarantee that someone will approach you. Sometimes you have to take it into your hands, something not many women do. it's hard putting your feelings on the line and liking someone makes you especially vulnerable.

Someone has to do it, whether it be the man or the woman. Most men, have been in some situation where women complain about men not asking them out or confessing our feelings as if we are responsible for their feelings. If you like someone, make a move, they may or may not reject you, but if you do nothing, you are 100% to blame. That applies to both men and women

[MrMAC777]

Women tend to prefer the guy to make the first move. Women generally send signals only. Whiney guys need to learn the signals. It's like a traffic light, green means go. Except there are like 50 go signals. Then they need to learn the 10 or so stop signals. Tricky business.

[almightygodszoke]

Finally someone

[Leon747]

Women tend to wimp out of asking a guy, they like the majority of the time. That leaves men who are short on confidence having to uncomfortably step up to the plate if they want to get somewhere.

[dwiller943]

Exactly!! There's no gun pointed to their head forcing them to make the 1st move.

[ghostqueen]

It's GAG people are bitching and moaning about literally everything.

[Meninist]

“You could let a woman aproach to you”

They don’t though. You even said yourself you don’t approach men.

So for us we can’t just simply wait until we find someone. If we just wait, the girl won’t bother making the first move ever. They’ll end up going for a man who DOES make the first move.

I have no idea why you asked a question telling men “look, I don’t approach men because X” (meaning other women will most likely also think this way) only to then say women will approach them. It’s just lying.

[Asker]

I dont aproach anyone

[Meninist]

Yeah exactly, so why bother telling men that they can let the women approach when you know they don’t?

[Asker]

Because ik they do. women do aproach men, it's not as often but I believe things are slowly changing

[Meninist]

Pass the drugs please.

[Meninist]

Also to answer your question:

Why do men bitch and moan about "having" to make the first move?

Maybe women should stop their double standards of equality. They seem to think it’s 2018, that men and women are equal, but literally all of them are to ok good to ask a guy out.

[Chaz269]

Well, you've got a point. It's not a good point supported by any empirical evidence or societal norms, but it is indeed a point. The fact is quite simply this: if our species depended on women's willingness and ability to make sexual advances, we'd have died out long ago. According to the broadest surveys ever conducted on this matter, only 16% of women have ever asked a guy out, and ZERO percent have made it standard practice. The reality is, if the species is to thrive, men MUST make the first move. If you have any evidence to the contrary, please share.

[Anonymous]

You say 'you could let a woman approach you'.

Men are not preventing women from approaching them.

Most men are not approached, ever. While a fair number of women do approach men, for the most part they are approaching the same subgroup of men.

I realize that not all women get approached. Some women are very attractive, and are approached all the time. Average young women get approached with some regularity. some young women are not paid much attention. That experience is what 80% of men experience.

[Tenor27]

The reason it makes us mad is because while it’s the *insert current year or century argument here* women still expect us to make the first move. You even said that you don’t approach men. We’re mad because it’s a double standard. Women have such massive egos that they think they don’t have to put in any work. If doesn’t make it any better that women are always putting up these personas that no one deserves them and we have to fight to even speak to them. Then women complain about us not making the first move. In short, double standard, and it’s your fault.

[winterfox10]

I think that we just get tired of being made a fool... dating is a lot easier from the woman's perspective and I think a lot of guys are resentful about it. You should know though; most women are actually like you; they want the guy to make the first move. So in a way, we DO have to make the first move.

[Asker]

I would make the first move but I gotto work on my talking to people skills.. like a lot.. 😂

[Asker]

You by far are the nicest person to answer my question. Lol, I guess I deserve it I was being an asshole.

[winterfox10]

I get it, believe me I get it! But guys have to work on those things too. Take me for example; no one taught me how to act, so I had to figure it out on my own. I actually taught myself social skills by reading blog posts.

Women have the upper hand because y'all have your beauty. You don't need social skills when you're pretty, you can just flutter your eyes and guys will come calling.

[Asker]

I need them bc I'm not pretty 😂 I think it's better to be ugly and funny (like me)

[winterfox10]

lmao well I'm not sure what to say about that then... but I hope you can imagine why having some chick tell a guy to sack up, be a man, and ask her out might not endear him.

[moviedude714]

Exactly it's like why can't girls come after guys for once?

[boggboss]

Like the other 2 have said yes it's the 21 century but that means nothing it's still socially expected for guys to make the first move yes it's changing but women don't or most don't through excuses or just thinking guys should that's as simple as it is

[lightraid51s]

You went way off course and went full liberal retard. Every time I switch on my TV I see blacks singing or dancing or if not some white person up on racism accusations so no, society doesn't tell people to be white and thin. As for men being told to be manly, wtf. Every TV series is some effeminate streak of piss crying his eyes out. Being the victim in today's society means your a big brave hero for speaking out about how your president choice didn't get elected. I'm 33 and never in all of my life have I ever had a woman approach me. Women don't approach, equality only works when they want something.

[ravedave]

I think the common thread among the opinion of the men complaining about this is that, sure, women CAN make the first move, but we're still not at the point where that happens often. Most of the time it's a rare woman or circumstance in which that happens, and because of that guys still feel like they're forced to be the one making the moves

[Meninist]

Rare? Try nonexistent.

[mlgjamz]

"why do men bitch and moan?"
*Proceededs to bitch and moan about everything*

[watisgoingon]

if guys don't make first moves then no one will. women have such massive egos that they think they should be queens of the world without actually doing anything.

[AG900]

It's because women run away when a man makes it clear it's about feelings. Unless we had a sexual approach. That's something I'm against

[Anonymous]

"Why do men bitch and moan about "having" to make the first move?" Because I always have to do it. That's why. Women never approach me. I always have to initiate everything. Why can't you women ever make the first move? Afraid you're gonna get your feelings hurt? Well fortunately for you all you gotta do is stand somewhere and get approached while people like me gotta do all the work because women don't ever approach me. You got it easy.

[MrMAC777]

They are making the first move, you just aren't paying attention.

[Opinion Owner]

@MrMAC777 Then you tell me because I clearly can't see it.

[MrMAC777]

As per social norm, women would be perceived as sluts if they ran around hitting on guys. So they send signals. Next time ur out, look around the room slowly. Look in the direction of the women you are attracted to. If they are interested, they will make eye contact. They might smile. Smile back, but dont keep staring. Look away, talk to your buddy. If you look back in a bit, if she makes eye contact again, she is interested. She might flip her hair or play with her earrings. If she turns towards you, go introduce yourself. You have to learn body language, because they won't yell across the room "I wanna fuck that guy!".

[Opinion Owner]

@MrMAC777 Well that's part of the reason why I like direct women. I suck at reading social cues. I could read it if they made their signals more obvious because sometimes the stuff they use as signals could just pass as being nice.

[MrMAC777]

Here is what you are missing: the signals come before you even approach. That helps you determine who you're going to get somewhere with once you approach. Then you have to continue reading cues while talking, cuz she might lose interest. If you just talk to every girl you are attracted to, you won't know who is interested. Lots of girls say they know in seconds if theyre interested. Also, be careful with forward women, theyve been around. Because theyre forward lol.

[Opinion Owner]

@MrMAC777 Right and it's hard to pick up on it because I can't read social cues that good. I can read it but it has to be blatantly obvious. I guess it's something you gotta practice.

[MrMAC777]

Yep, practise makes perfect. But you won't miss a girl who is beaming a smile directly at you in a room full of other people! Try it next time and let me know how you make out. Follow my steps I gave you. 👍😉

[ovoxo_]

You have insecurities you need to deal with, but instead you're here complain about men. Weird.

[Asker]

I'm not confident at all 😂 I can't even fake it. Yeah, I'm ugly. But I'm okay with that. I have accepted it. Now I just have to find someone who likes ugly bitches like me.

To be honest, I'm a chill person. If someoone talks to me I'll talk to them. My problem is not my ugly face, it's that people don't like ugly people. And IF I even got that far to the poing of them speaking to me it's the aspect where I have to start the conversation. And when I'm nervous I stutter.. badly then my voice shakes and sounds almost like I'm crying. I do need to work on talking to people. Then ongoes the shaking. Its just a horrible chain of effects. Lol. It's like fucking dominos. I'm not here to complaining about men. It was just a question I asked in an asshole way.😂

[ovoxo_]

You're putting waayyy too much thought into this. You're a girl. Guys will approach you period. And if you approach them you'd get even better results. That's it. You need to work on yourself, you have emotional issues...

[Asker]

Emotional issues? 😂 Yeah okay, whatever you say.

[Celtero]

Average women doesn't make first moves-Eventually some guy will.

Average man doesn't make first moves-Hopefully he likes the way his hand feels, because he'll be alone forever.

[DIAMOND911]

There are a lot of guys that can't express those emotions, or dind the right words for them. Its just like there's a lot of women that can't either

[Russwill]

I agree with you and him both! But no need to give you the riot act!

[nickdell]

a lot of guys don't handle rejection well. As you said it's somewhat expected for guys to make the first move but a lot of the times that they do they are the ones rejected. If you don't know how to handle it, it takes its toll

[OZuwa]

Because females don't tend to make the first move but I really don't know why that Is?

[Anonymous]

It's still very rare for a woman to make the first move or ask a guy out first

[Decentguy]

Men are not the problem, The problem is your Ego

[Asker]

Okay. Im cool with that

[Revolver_]

which dude