My shallowness; can I overcome it?

[Anonymous]

I always feel like such an ass when I look at a woman and check out her waist and curves.

I don't like breasts, I don't really care for butts. Unfortunately, I really like women's waists, if they're well shaped and I like the way my arms feel around them whenever I'm with a girl.

So basically, this leads to one problem: I don't like bigger girls.

Obviously, I know this is awfully shallow of me and I want to get over it... But I'm not sure if I can. I don't really know if it can be considered acceptable.

One of the contributing factors is that I used to weight 325 lbs, and now weight 195 lbs (At 6 foot 4), so I've gone from a very unhealthy weight to a totally normal weight. As much as I'd love that to be an excuse for myself, I guess it really can't be.

If I could get an explanation as to why this may be unacceptable/acceptable that'd be great, because I feel like a jerk whenever I have thoughts like that about thicker women.

And for the record, a little big of weight doesn't bother me, my previous ex was 40 lbs over weight and she was gorgeous; at the very least to me.

Updates

+1 y

Haha, and I should add that when I'm looking at a girl's body this is what I usually notice. I really do love women's faces too, not just the waist.


I'm not THAT shallow... I don't think... ._.

[kidaphon]

If girls slap you with the label of being shallow then just give them the finger. This is something I like to call pre-selection. Humans are still animals at the end of the day, so we instinctively have some sort of physical attraction to people of the opposite gender. The only reason they complain is because they want to instil this belief that appearance is not the first thing you should look for. But step back and ponder for a second here, if you were to wake up to a body you felt like throwing up to every day, then would you rather that over the occasional scorn and verbal abuse that you are superficial? I think I would take the latter.

[Mesonfielde]

I completely agree. I would also add that the first thing you can perceive about a person is their looks. Personality can only be second. And to take personality into consideration, you must run it through your thought pattern (rational perception) - which is certainly a lot slower than your irrational perception.

[JohnGPL]

Honestly, the fact that you're even consciously aware that it's a shallow feeling is a step ahead of where most people are in terms of analyzing their own view of the world. Since you have this awareness you can catch yourself using it to make judgments and reverse your decisions if you so choose. That's about all you can hope for really. You can't exactly force yourself to be attracted to something you're not.

[Asker]

Hmm... He does solve practical problems.

[nicelilsprout]

You shouldn't feel like a d*** because you have preferences. I don't care for big guys. It's just not my thing. If you're looking to kick the habit of being grossed out by a big girls waist, just try to not look. If you do look, try to just accept the fact of the big waist. Also, getting to know people who are over weight will help you look past it. I have a few awesome, bigger, friends.

[Chaitea]

It's nothing you can help, so don't worry about it. You can't -make- yourself be attracted to someone. Just because you know what you like, and that happens to be women with nice defined curves, doesn't mean you should be down on yourself.

It's really not your fault, so don't sweat it :)

[Ain_Amara]

You can't control what your attraction is-that's just who you are. As long as you show respect to a girl who's big, that's OK =]

[Gregs]

hey man, you have to be honest to yourself. Just because you are not sexually attracted to a girl does not mean you can't hang out and still be friends with them right? Otherwise what about all the gay guys who are going to be feeling left out because you are only checking the girls out?

[ihatework]

if that's what you like then don't kick yourself for it. nothing wrong with having preferences.

[Froggyz]

Everyone has preferences, no biggy (: