Why is she avoiding me after sex?

[Brandon87]

I have known this girl for 10 years and here recently we reconnected and expressed are feelings towards each other and continued to date, one night she came over and we started to make out and the next thing I know were upstairs expressing ourselves on another level right on my floor, the feeling of love was all around and she stared me down and gave me that naughty smile and I did the same to her, 3 hours later I kiss her goodbye and we part ways. She seems to be avoiding me its been 6 days, we do have occasional small talks on facebook and I ask her what's wrong what did I do and

HER:she replies with

""I'm not mad or anything. I just been busy trying to get myself straightened out. I have a lot of things going on right now""

ME:So I tell her how I feel like

""I know your a busy mommy and have things in your life you gotta take care of, I'm just glad your talking back because the 6 days of silence was killing me""

HER::

""Don't blame yourself for anything that I'm doing, your a great person and your really cool to hang out with (even though your shy)""

her ex was abusive to her and was possessive and controlling and at times hit her so she's had some physical and mental abuse, this guy is her kids father and is now in prison for having sex with a 12 year old. Before we even had sex days before she expressed to me that she has trust issues and its hard for her to trust anyone. So I express back I too have some trust issues and I too have been hurt by some of my ex's. everything was great until we expressed ourselves sexually..

I'm really confused and need some understanding because I feel hurt.. what do you think about all this?

Updates

+1 y

Ok so today I really had a talk with her. come to find out she's been seeing another guy so I guess I was just a booty call and didn't mean a god damn thing.. I get the urge to run to her house and beat the new guys head in with a ball bat.. if I see him!

[Anonymous]

i definitely agree with the gents below. if you want a feminine perspective, you're essentially paying for this guy's mistakes. she's terrified. I've ran away from amazing men in fear that they'd turn out not so amazing. you guys having so much history and such a huge connection and that gives your budding relationship a great foundation...however, the stakes are a lot higher because if she falls for you, she'll hold herself responsible if anything bad happens. women often, if not always, blame themselves when they get into tricky situations and although we hold some responsibility, we shouldn't take all of it. if you f*** up (and I'm not saying you will) she'll probably bury herself in so much guilt that she'll never love again.

so in conclusion, she's scared. I wouldn't completely back off, but I wouldn't call her every day. text her, fb her. tell her you're just thinking about her and hope she's doing well along with her child. let her know that you're not smothering her, but you're not giving up on her either. be romantic tho, but not cheesy, we'll see that as 'game' and run away, but if you're just honest, we'll appreciate that.

it sucks she had to go through that. I've been through sh*t, my friends, and my mother was abused (she never tried dating after my father tho :/) so hopefully this'll turn out well. if she does run away from you, don't blame yourself. she's just not ready.

[Brandon87]

Thank you : ).. appreciate your response, I know it will take time but I'm determined when the time is right to show her she can trust me and never fear me or any other man laying a hand on her, I want her to feel protected when I'm near.

[el3ctric]

After the way she has been treated it's completely understandable that she is reacting this way..I think maybe you should give her some space and after that,tell her that you're there for her if she needs to talk...then maybe ask if she wants to go out to the movies or something..And see what she says.

I don't think it has anything to do with you,been treated that way is horrible and it will of course effect how she is in future relationships,after been with you,she may have felt a bit scared getting so close to someone again after what she's been through..so I'd say just give her some time..

[Brandon87]

Good advice, thank you :) Its been 7 days and today finally she talked to me more on facebook. the silence was really killing me but now I feel better :) thank god

[l-hedoniste]

BACK. OFF.

She's figuring out whether she made the right move, whether she led with her heart or her head, where she wants to go from here, how you'll fit in the scheme of things, etc., etc. It's the exact time that you _don't_ want to be pushy.

Check in every now and then, let her know you miss her, but don't try to pry a decision out of her; it'll turn against you.

[Brandon87]

Thank you you also make some very good points.. I backed off when I figured she probably just needed some space to think and to love her kids.. Her kids come first and I'm determined to back off and give her the mommy time.. Ima keep my distance and message her once in awhile and let her know she's missed.. I just hope this is all there is to it :)

[l-hedoniste]

People don't make love by accident, so it'll all work out. Best of luck.

[Littletad]

She seems afraid to start something new, and I don't really blame her. I think... since you knew her from the past, she was able to reconnect with someone who knew her. That's why she slept with you, but I don't think she sees you in a serious light. At least not yet.

[Brandon87]

Thanks man you make some good points

[l-hedoniste]

A classier approach: "Whatever it was to you, it meant a lot to me. If you want to see me again, or just call and hang out, call me."

Why burn that bridge?