Why is he so awkward after hooking up? Does he feel guilty, or is he a jerk? Did sex ruin everything?

So the story goes like this...

A younger guy at my job began playfully teasing me, & acting kinda flirtatious. I suspected that he may have a slight crush on me, & honestly liked the attention, but I never took it too seriously.

One day he halfheartedly invited me out for after work drinks, along with some coworkers, & I went. He seemed excited that I came, & we had a lot of fun. That night the two of us ended up in a hot+heavy make out session, to both of our surprise. He admitted that he had secretly wanted to, & was worried that I would end up blaming it on the alcohol. I assured him that the attraction was mutual, but made it clear that I didn't want coworkers to know. He asked if we could meet again to finish what we started, & I didn't oppose. He was super affectionate that night, & snuck another kiss before we went home.

A couple of weeks went by with us being back to normal at work. He would, however, send me flirty texts & messages online. I also found out he had some pics, & videos, of me (not creepy or dirty) on his phone. Plus he didn't tell anyone, which made me feel more comfortable about the situation. It was cute.

After playing it cool, he just blatantly asked when we could hook up. We coordinated our busy schedules, & finally came up with a night. I ended up going to his house, where we hung out, drank a little too much, & had sex like we planned. Everything was fine that night, & the sex was OK (I think). Still, It didn't get weird until the morning.

I know me sleeping over wasn't an issue, because he already made it clear that I could spend the night, but he did have to go to work (I didn't). We left his place, barely mentioning anything about the night before, & he seemed to be in a bad mood. He then casually mentions missing some girl's daily morning text message, so she thought something was wrong. He never mentioned this girl, who lives out of town, before so I didn't know how to respond. He then joked about telling everyone at work, & gave me a quick awkward hug when he left.

I sent him a playful text saying that I hoped he made it in on time, and he did not respond.

The next time we were at work together he seemed to be ignoring/avoiding me. He was polite, & professional, but all the playfulness was gone. It bothered me so I sent him a message asking about the awkwardness. He assured me that he didn't feel awkward, he was just in a bad mood, & he was sorry if he made me feel that way. I felt better with his response, but it's been almost 2 weeks, & he is still pretty distant. We always got along, & I was starting to consider him a friend before all of this. I had no hopes of anything serious, maybe a possible friends with benefits situation, but It's not like I thought we would seriously date. Now I just want to be like it was before, but this situation has become super awkward. Is this his way of dropping me after a hook up, or am I reading too much into this? I do overanalyze everything, so am I overreacting? Why is it weird?


Most Helpful Girl

  • This is pretty normal. That is why I am not a fan of casual sex. It is more fun to flirt with a guy and continue with that, than it is to have one night of sex that could be great, could be okay, could be crummy, and then get the cold shoulder.

    Guys love the idea of casual sex. But once they are done, awkwardness about all of it can sink in. They may fear you will expect a repeat or think you will get attached. A lot of women do get attached from one night of sex. We do think they will want more. I also think that once they get one night of sex with a woman they have no emotional attachment to, well they filled their need for sex and the reality about the fact they have no feelings for the woman hits and they feel super uncomfortable around you.

    This guy had a sexual desire for you, but nothing beyond that, and now the mystery is all over and there is no further need for him to flirt. Best thing to do is ignore him. Don't be rude, but don't try to flirt or have any small talk with him. Maybe he will come around to just being cool around you, but maybe not. Good luck!

    • I disagree that once a man gets one night of casual sex with a woman he has not emotional attachment to that it'll be awkward seeing her in the future. Honestly, I find it feels perhaps even more 'natural' or 'calming' having had sex with a woman and then just seeing her around town casually. I'm casual friends with most all the girls I've had sex with the last few years I'm not awkward about it, they're not awkard. Now this is all in person...

    • What is awkward is however is the continuing text relationship. Women seem to make that awkward; in fact I just asked a question about it : J

    • I forgot to add the disclaimer that "some" guys will experience this. Sorry, I have been on the receiving end of jumping into something with a guy too fast and having him act all weirded out next time we see each other. I have also talked to guys and had them talk about how they can feel guilty that they did not want more with the woman and they don't know how to act around her afterward. And what is awkward about her texting? Is there some reason she shouldn't continue to talk to him?

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • Ouch! Like how old is this guy? He must either have thought the sex was bad or he realized it was only OK for you. Or, perhaps he does have a girl from out of town and now feels guilty about cheating on her. Another possibility, the idea of having sex with you turned him on, and now that the line was crossed, he may indeed feel guilty about it. There's no way of telling without directly talking to him about it.

  • I think this happens to a lot of guys after hooking up. How he's feeling, I just don't know.


What Girls Said 2

  • He finally got what he wanted and now he's done. End of story. That's why I don't have casual sex anymore.

  • sex ruined everything. but you know this. just try to keep things cordial when you have to interact. casual sex is like blunt force trauma to the head, when you wake up, you always feel like sh*t.

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