Too scared to make a move?

[lifeis2boring]

Ok well, there's this guy who is one of my best friends, and he says he's in love with me but hardly ever speaks to me in person, only on IM and texts. A while ago he hooked up with this other girl I really don't like and they went pretty far. He's still a virgin and so am I. I got insanely jealous of this girl and was just angry at him for not noticing how upset about it I was. He knew something was wrong, but not that it was about him. It took me some time to realize that I actually did have pretty strong feelings for him which I had been suppressing because he is my best friends ex. Anyway, I told him I was jealous of the girl and he ignored it because I asked him to. He then started to stop talking and hanging around our friends and I got really worried. There was about three weeks of constant crying about it, which is ridiculous. Eventually I talked to him (online) about it and he said he didn't want to be around me because I'm not good for his heartbeat. After a while I told him how I felt but I couldn't be in a relationship with him for many reasons. Everything was ok for a while and we were slowly becoming friends again, but he has also made all of these new female friends who he spends more time with and I can't help but feel jealous. Then last night he suddenly got angry at me, saying that I'm just making things harder for myself by convincing myself I love him, when I don't. I'm so confused because I was in so much pain about him and now he says I'm lying to myself about my feelings for him, and I have no answer. I feel nothing. If there was anyone I would ever want to spend my life with, it would be him, but I'm only sixteen, it's ridiculous to think about that at this age. I want to try and talk to him in person, but I am way too scared. And I'm not even sure what I'm scared of. I know I'm worried about my best friend, being his ex and all, and also that I have no sexual experience whatsoever and he does. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

OMG girl! You are so in over your head with this one! Well, first of all, I will warn you ahead of time that I am going to speak from his perspective in order to try to help you! First of all, you said that he tells you he is in love with you but hardly ever speak to you except in text & IM's. That is probably because he does not know how you feel about him. You probably did not give him very clear signs that you truly wanted to be with him. He does not feel secure in the relationship, which basically means that he does not know where he stands with you, because you do not communicate clearly to him how you feel about him and that you want to be with him too. You have hurt him and it comes through as him being pissed off because he is hurt by what he considers you rejecting him. Since you have not really responded very well to him putting himself out there for you by telling you he's in love with you, etc., he has come to the conclusion that you do not feel the same way, or else he sees that you are afraid to love him, and he is hurt by that because you will not open up and let him into your heart and life. He knows he loves you and knows that you feel the same way too, but that you are too afraid to try because you don't want to get hurt. He's hurt and angry at that. Next, since you have hurt this guy by making him feel rejected because of your inability to respond to him, due to fear or whatever, he has decided that the pain is not worth it anymore, so he is trying to move on. Next, you finally decide that you want to be with him and let him know that you are jealous of him being with other people, because you have finally figured out that you do love him. So, he is left feeling hurt and confused and probably afraid now of making a commitment to you, because when he was trying to convey his feelings to you, you were not responding, and he's afraid you're going to change your mind and that if he stops going out with other women, that you will no longer be interested in him. He thinks you're playing a game and is pissed because he put his heart on the line, and he's afraid you're going to stomp on it and demolish it into pieces! Does this make sense to you? My advice to you is that, after all the pain he has gone through with you, if you want him to be with you, and you are truly ready to make a commitment to him, you should prove yourself. If you truly love him, the way that you think you do, then you need to prove it to him or else he's not going to believe you and is going to keep moving on with his life. However, if you really are not in love with him, don't play with his heart or else you are going to seriously wound him even more and he is going to hate you and shut you out of his life for good. He may already be that wounded with you, but I think it's actually wise to let him have some space right now, and if you do truly love him, you can show him when he's ready to try again. Well, that's all I have room to write!

[Thorzilla]

Well that's a difficult situation. I'm not sure what it could mean if a guy tells you that what you feel is not love, like trying to convince you that you don't like him, maybe that's his way of telling you that he's not interested.

It hurts to do this, and it's the hardes thing to do in these cases, but I think you should move on. You are young (only you are only 1 year younger than me), and you got so so so many new people to meet. Just move on, and if he did feel something about you, he will notice it after you are gone and come back to you crawling.