If my crush doesn’t do anything should I move on?

[Anonymous]

This guy hasn’t made a move at all. We see each other everyday, but no other contact besides social media. He’s turned me down to hang out, once. But in person he’s given me every. single. sign. that he likes me. Even puts so much effort to come talk to me. The one thing I don’t understand is he doesn’t give me eye contact when I’m close to him. Anyways, we won’t see other this week. It will be a nice break but it will get me thinking if he’s even interested in getting to know me. So I’m wondering if he doesn’t make a move the next time I see him should I move on?

[Anonymous]

Listen mate... the worst case scenario with crushes is hoping they make THE MOVE!!! You leave it up to that and yeah you’ll sometimes see this occur... some signs but nothing to push forward a chance to hang out or start a relationship.

Let’s start here... how did he reject your invitation to hang out?

[Asker]

He lied to me. he said he had to take care of something but he one point in a convo he told me he took care of it. But then another day he said the reason he couldn’t hang out was his buddy came into town. So not sure what the truth is. He should’ve just told me he didn’t want to hang out

[Opinion Owner]

Oh!!! I see!!! Well you could look at it that way, sure!!! It’s true he had 1000 excuses but he didn’t outright say NO savvy? You could say well if your buddies left you, and you’ve finally taken care of your errands I’m free these two days ( pick two days) if you’re up for hanging out and doing...(choose something lol).

But try something like that and if he makes excuses again then yeah, he’s not really into you and he’s giving you no kind of advancement... so then you move on. But try again first.

I know it sucks to be the one to have to mak the effort but, it’s worth it in the end :). You can get em, don’t move on just yet :).

[Asker]

Okay so I confronted him about it. I actually apologized because to me it looked like I made him uncomfortable when I asked. SO his response was don’t be sorry I wasn’t uncomfortable, there’s still time to hang out! What do you think of that?

It does suck!! Feels like we’re going in circles!

[Opinion Owner]

Wait so you just did that haha? That’s perfect! Now you’ve got the chance to get some one on one time and with that you can make anything happen.

And yeah, trust me I know! My crush is the same way. And she’d make up 1milkion excuse to not hang out with me also.

But at least you’re making some progress now lol. Hopefully this will break the circle when you guys hang out :).

[Asker]

Okay, well that was last month. Then I quickly reminded him I’m leaving for a month. So no progress yet. Time is running out... But I actually want him to do something ya know? It just feels like I’m annoying if I ask again.

[Asker]

Keeep at it with your crush! It’s attractive to us in how guys treat us so well!

[Opinion Owner]

No I get it, totally. it does feel like you're begging or bothering the person if you ask again, and it makes it worst that here you are putting forth the effort again only to get rejected again. damn, it is like that circle you mentioned lol. I do hate that. since he's giving you the signs in person, with deep eye contact and all that, I definitely think there is some interest on his end, hopefully he acts on it and switches things up for you and ask you out instead :).

hang In there with your crush to, things can change.

and yeah I'm still trying but I can feel her slipping away kinda too lol. but thanks for the kind words mate.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for making me feel not alone!

I can say from this side if you’re crush is even kinda still around she still likes you! Keep me updated!!

[Opinion Owner]

No problem, Glad I could help!

But that’s definitely good news and sounds promising! Because she’s the one who actually initiates text or hangouts if we ever talk. So thanks for that perspective from your side :). i’ll Def keep updated.

[Asker]

LAST THING; Okay that’s the problem in my situation, he hasn’t asked for my number, & i haven’t asked him for his, I’ve been the only one to initiate conversations over social media, and the only one to ask to hangout. WOW i sound terrible. But I’ve never had a guy that likes me (if he actually does like me according to signs in person) who tries to avoid me so hard. Should I still not give up?

[Opinion Owner]

Haha you're not terrible mate. You've stepped out of your comfort zone to get this guys attention, and are willing to still hang in there despite no advance from him. so it's ok if you haven't asked for a number yet. The only reason I haven't said give up yet, is because I know feelings for a crush don't just go away immediately, and when you hand in the towel early... somewhere down the line, you feel regret or get the what ifs... like what if he did like me. or what if I did this lol.

But seeing at this point how he hasn't even asked for a number or anything... especially after you've asked to hang out in the past, and there seems to be some sort of relationship between you two, I don't know, it might be time to start trying to lose interest in this dude who's giving you nothing to work with or go off of.

im really sorry he's not meeting you halfway or giving you anything to have hope on ☹️

[Opinion Owner]

sorry to add this in here, but could I get your opinion on something my crush did awhile ago?

[Asker]

Ugh yes I hate “what ifs” !! Yeah he deff trusts me with personal information and his life plus he is interested in my life. He actually seeks me out when I try to let go of whatever I have for him. But this week is a break from seeing him & its my attempt to decide to start getting over him or to keep holding on. I also need to realign my eyes and see the truth rather than see what I want the truth to be. Ya know?

Yes go for it!!

[Opinion Owner]

Hm, well him trusting you with that sort of stuff seems promising, as well as if he ask questions to let you know he does take an interest in your life. And yeah thats how it usually goes... chase and they don't look back, prepare to turn around and never look back and they start to slowly chase you. But yeah the best thing you can do for yourself is too stay sharp and not be blinded by your crush and stay around, when you can pursue options that will work hard for your affection like you're working hard for his, savvy!

[Opinion Owner]

And as for the other question! Sorry to ask I just kind of wanted another opinion, and your way of thinking kind of seems in tune near mine lol.

But crush sent a pic like this to me... captioned with “dat ass”!! What’s your thoughts on this?

[Asker]

Hmmm okay I’ll try thanks!!

Yeah no problem! Okay instant opinion and this is just INSTANT because I need a little context... It looks like she wants you but she also wants attention & you may have not been the only one she sent that too. Was it random:out of the blue she sent this? Has there been anything like this before? When you say awhile ago where were you in the crush phase with her?

[Opinion Owner]

I believe I was the only she sent it too, it wasn't snapchat it was text. and I say that because it was when I got a temp job at racetrack gas station briefly and they didn't allow cell phones, so I had it in the car and when I finally got to respond she was mad that I hadn't. she goes and says as I was literally about to respond "I send you a pic like this and you couldn't respond, I'm hurt".

an yes it was out of the blue, I was crazy excited when I saw it. We were friends by this point, nothing major, so it was late crush stage I guess lol. There was this one other time something similar ish happened lol... where we went shopping together in Victoria secret and she was going to buy a outfit I liked? if that counts lol.

[Asker]

Oh dude you’re in. She’s so into you! Keep going!

[Opinion Owner]

Haha i didn't mean to make this about me. So again i apologize mate. But wow, you think so? I hope so! that would make going forward easier, especially if i gotta initiate lol.

Thank you kindly for sharing your insight and helping me out too :)

[Asker]

Bruh, don’t be sorry! I’m here for ya!
LOLOL “especially if I gotta initiate”

yeah have confidence and show her more and more in little ways you like her back. Then it will surprise her when you actually jump in!

You’re so welcome😊

[Opinion Owner]

Haha Thanks for being awesome!!! Cool to have someone to provide insight from the “other side” :).

Yeah, gonna try to really step up for her b-day coming up and Christmas haha. Seem like opportune times to show her, ya know :).

Fingers cross! Your crush comes through in some way for the holidays 🤞🙂!!!

[Asker]

Yeah I don’t know man the more and more I learn and look back on our interactions, maybe it’s clear and I just don’t want to see it. Maybe he really isn’t interested in me. I just never had a guy be very very sweet to me and seek me out in the way that he does so I probably just take things the wrong way. People are right if he likes me, he will do something about it & he’s not doing anything. So my best bet and is figure out how to get over him.

[Asker]

Wow sorry I just dumped that all on you

[Opinion Owner]

No worries mate!! It’s a tough situation you’re in, and getting over someone is never easy, even if it’s a crush. To be honest I feel like trying to get over a crush is harder than someone you shared a relationship with. Because you’re always wondering what if you could’ve missed a chance or had the chance and what makes it worst is when they’re like this guy and provide breadcrumbs that keep you thinking, that big move/chance is just around the corner.

But it’s almost a new year, so it’s time to become a new you And it will be that douches lost. He’ll come groveling when he realizes.

[Opinion Owner]

Also can I get your help once more lol? So her b-day is coming up, I’m thinking of asking her to hang out some day around it, not on it because I’m sure she has plans... but thing is I think also she might have a boyfriend ( not 100% sure). So should I ask? And there’s the gift I want to give it’s something she mentioned awhile ago but it’s $130. Is that too much for my position and the occasion?

thanks in advance super awesome helpful anon mate :)

[Asker]

Tbh, if you have a smidge thinking she has a boyfriend. Don’t ask. That could potentially be a turn off from her because some girls would be like “why did he ask that? He knows I have a boyfriend.” When really you were innocent. Find out first then go for it. Yes, $130 is a lot. Keep looking. And maybe keep that in the back of your mind when you are the boyfriend.

[Opinion Owner]

Hm, shoot it’s hard to explain it all lol. plus I feel so bad to keep asking you all this with your current situation.

Its like her bday, graduation, & Christmas are coming up yeah? And i just wanted to me it special ya know. We have a very deep history. Like if I told you it all, you’d think we were bF/gf.

From cuddling in better together, to sharing food and drinks (like same straw, same bite), sneaking behind her past boyfriends back to hang out, talk and text everyday.. saying we love you too each other. Her even getting mad she would always have to say it first lol.

Other stuff I’d leave out unless in PM lol. But for reasons I kept dissapointng her in the past. Even when she would make the moves, so that’s why the big gift and hangout this time yeah lol. Still think I shouldn’t try or what? Cause if you think this is disaster waiting to happen let me know. Cause I really don’t want to initiate and get shut down or something?

I promise this is the absolute last, scouts honor ✌️

[Asker]

Hahaha really stop being sorry it’s cool! Hahaha I just hope I’m helping!

Okay hm, first of all that’s so cute & it sounds like you are head over heels for her! Second, if I was you I wouldn’t want to be sharing her with someone else so even with all the history, if I was you & for your heart’s sake I would have a short, clear, feeling sesh with her. If she’s honest and transparent, she will feel the exact same. Ya feel? Lol

With the move, I totally think you should make it! You’re safe, she’s right there plus after your feeling awkward convo that will be confirmation too!

About the gift, lol it brings back a time when I was in grade school and my boyfriend spent all his allowance on a ring for me. So one time, I was wearing it&we were at lunch. Well, the

[Asker]

whole day gossip went around that he didn’t like me anymore, he wanted it back, and he was going to break up with me. So at lunch I got in his face, took the ring off, put it on my plate and threw it in the trash. He was SO MAD AT ME. Then his friend informed me on everything and Come to find out the rumors weren’t true at all and down went his hard workin money in the trash. All that to say is unless you make a consistent salary then yeah go for it. Hahaha but if not, I wouldn’t do it because something so quick could happen and your $130 goes down the trash.

UNLESS for all three occasions you only give her the big gift, and let her know there’s nothing else then yeah that might be good

[Asker]

P. s I see my crush for the first time after a week and might be coming to you for some answers so I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine!

[Opinion Owner]

Omg, you’re helping out heaps, trust me!!! I usually don’t even bother asking for advice much anymore because people offer just standard generic advice! Like they’re all basic lol. But you go into some detail, so no mate I really appreciate it haha.

And can I just say... you’re a evil bit... no I’m just kidding haha. But that ring story, wowww that had to be one helluva situation to explain and deal with if you guys stayed together lol.

And “head over heels” 😒!!! Hahah maybe but I don’t like to say it. But I’ve given her a makeup kit $150 in the past like years ago... and she would Snapchat her using it everyday to me lol. So I don’t think she’d do that but you never know. But she’s a gamer and this is just like a super expensive customized controller & yeah it would be for all three occasions def... I’m not Donald trump 🤑.

[Opinion Owner]

But yeah!!! I’m just like terrrified to ask!!! Once ago she would hate my guts because I never asked her out. Even saying “it sucks I take time to try to hang out with you but you never do the same for me”.

And after a brief silent treatment to me lol. She was back to inviting me out. But I’ve switched and tried inviting her out before because of what she said and have gotten major shut down, so I decided to like never initiate with her again lol. I always answer just never initiate to get rejected.

But recently like yesterday, she text from nowehere and we chat. And she mentions a Christmas treee we bought together ages ago, and is like it reminded me of you lol. So then I get in the mode to want to try but mate I’m telling you I feel your pain, because I’m just terrified of that rejection potential.

And P. S OF COURSE I got you if you ever need any advice or insight and I can provide any. And plus I’m always hoping to hear some good news when you two cross paths once again :)

[Asker]

Okay then buy her that gift!! She will love it!!

If I was her I would be mad why you haven’t asked me to be your gf! Hahahahaha. Here’s the thing, and not just in relationships but in life you can’t let past rejections dictate how you live in the now. Just because past shut downs (she was playing games with you btw) doesn’t mean it will happen again. Look at it as applying for jobs, if you apply for this job and you don’t get it, the world is not ending... You’re going to apply for another job right? Yes, you are. Stop being afraid of “potential” rejection!!!

[Asker]

Update: I didn’t want to say this until maybe tomorrow. But I saw him for the past two days. Yesterday, he was in mid conversation and stopped kinda nudged my arm with his hand and said “hey what’s up?” Then that day I caught him looking a few times. Today I saw him and he avoided me, didn’t make eye contact, walked passed me and was fidgety. He wouldn't look at me when he was close to me. But that’s actually normal now. Like it’s almost like he knows where I am in proximity to him and makes a hard effort not to look at me. I know this because I stare at him and smile until he looks except he NEVER LOOKS. Anyways, we normally have side convos but it hasn’t happened, he doesn’t seek me
out anymore can you explain this behavior?

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for advice up above!! I haven’t had time to really respond with amazon and these damn 12hr mandatory shifts lol :(.

But for as your sitch, hm, I might have some theories, to his behavior... but what happened on that day he stopped mid convo with someone else and nudged you to say hi? Did you guys speak any further that day? and were you ignoring him to make him seek you out first with that nudge?

Because if so, then I definitely think there is some level of interest there. And I think he’s confused by your behavior and it’s making him question to talk to you or leave you alone.

Because if he’s just downright ignoring you as you stare and smile at him, after he initiated with you first, then he’s trying to see the reaction you give. It’s not to far from what I’ve done in my situation... like when the girl I liked would be super attentive to me, to drop to like warm and eventually odd behavior... I then try to ignore her straight up to see, if she will seek to get my...

[Opinion Owner]

Attention or just let us hang in awkward silent treatment forever. It’s ultimately usually a game to see the reaction you give, if I was him I’d be thinking... I wonder will she nudge me on the arm and just outright get my attention, or I wonder if by doing this she’ll pay more attention to me next time if I take the time to initiate with her. Stuff like that if that makes sense?

The next case could be, he’s nervous!! You’re both in a state of hot and cold, cat and mouse right now. You’re trying to deceive if he’s worth chasing so some days you’re all in and others maybe not so much, as you try to back out.

Same for him even though he’s Given you no major advances, the fact that he hits you to say hi and stop talking to someone else to do so. I think even he has some interest/feelings for you but they just might not be as strong as some other potential options at the moment, or he doesn’t know how to take the new mindset you have toward him haha. Which is “forget him” atm lol.

[Asker]

So that day we didn’t speak any further, I wasn’t ignoring him. We literally crossed paths at the perfect time. Like he walked up and stopped as I was walking up to where he was talking think perpendicular like a T. Then we were shoulder to shoulder then he said something. I felt like he may have thought he had to say something because of the perfect timing ya know?

Yes that makes all the sense! Hang on I’ll get back to that part in a sec.

Okay so the nervous theory, so all the signs says he’s nervous like at first he would fumble over his words, his voice gets lower, can’t make eye contact with me, oh and one time he winked at me but he looked down and winked cause he couldn’t look straight at me. But I’ve know him for quite some time I don’t know if I keep giving him the nervous excuse. Like he should be used to me. He’s pretty confident with other girls so I don't know.

Back to your ‘trying to see the reaction you give’ theory, he won’t give me any opportunities to initiate first.

[Asker]

I used to be able to. It was like back and forth, he’d initiate even when he would be talking to another girl and then I would. But not anymore, so like today, I saw him. He was talking. Guy A said “hey how are you?” To me and all He said was “sup” & kept talking to that guy. Like no pause for me to start a convo or even flirt with him in a stare. Then guy b came up to me and was talking to me+guy A and he stood behind guy A to where I couldn’t see him and didn’t join in the conversation. Then an hour later I was talking to guy B and he was a distance away but pacing and keeping his eyes on us.
I don’t know man I feel like by now he should always know I will give the exact reaction and will initiate when he allows me to. He is always worth chasing to me. But I’m tired of trying not to be confusing, reassuring him, making advances, and etc. then not getting anything back equally. Was there ever a time the girl just let hang in awkward silent treatment where you felt like

[Asker]

You needed to do something about it? Because this week has been silent treatment but from him, he’s been very closed off.

[Asker]

Just wondering if I need to do something to make the peace.

[Opinion Owner]

hm, i wonder what the initial nature of you guys relationship was and where it started to decline exactly. Because you say at one point you could always initiate and he would even STOP talking to other girls to speak with you.
That’s what I would consider high interest level type of behavior.

And now you guys are constantly going from barely talking to silent Treatment. Which sort of indicates low level interest at this point. especially considering where things were.

Now the thing with silent tratement is usually you only give it to someone who once meant a lot to you and dissapointed you in some way, USUALLY.

So at the core of this I think what’s happening, is that, at least from what I’m piecing together is that, his mindset by this point is this
“Why bother trying to initiate, because she will just act like this”
“Why even talk to her, she’s only going to do this”
“What’s the point in engaging in small talk, if she’s just gonna talk about this or act like that”

...

[Opinion Owner]

Now I could be way off base of course.

The situation sort of reminds me of a friend/acquaintance of mine named Rachel.

We were pretty cool at one point, and I use to initiate with her or would be more engaging in conversation and stuff like that.

But slowly I just realized she was GOD AWFUL boring. And every interaction was the same and I dreaded it. She literally would say heeeey like this... and I’d say something like what’s up and she’d follow it up with nothing much just chillin and nothing else EVERYTIME.

So if still force myself to interact here and there but for the most part, I would give silent type treatments like this guy or pretend to just be really busy and speed past if I saw her and stuff like that. Or if other guys were talking, In a group if they had her attention... I’d slowly start to slip away and leave them to it. by the way I also was not into this girl just o clear that up lol. Totally not my type.

...

[Opinion Owner]

But anyway this isn’t to say you’re boring or anything like that. I think it’s a case of too much the same. Like it’s sort of like my situation I suppose.

Where the crush slowly retracts there fills attention they once gave us, because our interactions never LEAD anywhere if that makes sense?

Like I believe your crush was once interested and as was mine, but because it’s been. So long now and nothing leads to anything like a relationship or anything... they chalk it up to this is all it’ll ever be. So I’m not gonna do anything special or initiate if I don’t have to.

We basically get put into the low tier friend class. And then we’re left trying to get back what we once had and start initiating, asking to hang out, getting annoyed at not understanding why we’re barely communicating anymore and feeling like we’re at the Bottom of there PRIORITY LIST now lol.

All hope is not lost though! I think...

[Opinion Owner]

It will come down to us having to really take the charge in the friendship now because we didn’t do so early on. Like MAKING the oppertunity to initiate,. Just stopping them dead in there tracks and making them notice/ talk to us.

Next time you see him, stop him, hit him, throw something (light) at him and make him talk to you. Just anything random to get his attention. Now if he ignores you after a attempt to make peace or chat with him like this, well then I’d say it really is that time to leave him alone.

But even though it sucks to have to take ALL THE CHANCES and not be met halfway even a little. If you want this dude I think it’s posisble with how he acts towards you. Seems like he was feeling you and somewhere things fizzled down a bit to make you feel like like an outsider instead of a friend or potentially more. But just go out on the limb and put him in the spotlight with initiating where he can’t refuse. like block his path playfully and say hi lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Oh yeah and for as the girl I’m trying to get!! Hahah, unfortunately I’ve had lots of silent treatment moments.

Back out of a hangout... silent tratement!
Make a joke she took offensive... silent treatment!!!
Not respond to a text completely... silent tratement

And yeah I did feel the need to make peace everytime. So I would by candy, leave a card in her locker, all kinds of stuff to get back in her good graces lol. But we worked together so I guess the oppertunity made it easier than what you have to go through tho :(.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your input! It’s been all so great! Okay, I can tell you when it declined, when he declined by second hangout, I friendzoned him the stated “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable by asking, I will never ask again.” He said “there’s still time to hang out.” I said well I’m leaving for a month, so I’m running out of time.

What could he be disappointed with me about? I should be disappointed with him! HAHAHA IF ANYTHING, I’m too much for him. I have a flirty personality and it does seem like I flirt with his friend who is married but that’s not my intention. It’s just that his friend acts like he wants to interact with me, have convos, looks at me, laughs at my jokes, and just acknowledges that I’m there. What am I supposed to do? Ignore that because my crush isn’t interested in doing that? Like yesterday, his friend was talking to me and the last sentence he said “I know you don’t want me to watch you walk away so walk backwards. I said no just turn around so he

[Asker]

turned around& I ended up walking backwards still. I saw my crush ask him “dude what are you doing?” His friend said something and my crush looked at me smiled/laughed then looked down. Then they all laughed out loud at something. I will say I haven’t been on my game with interacting with him this week because it’s hard for to keep interacting with our relationship still not going anywhere. UGH. I could punch a wall just thinking about it. Like how does it not bother him that if he’s interested he doesn’t get to have me in his life. I mean I’m fun! Hahaha here’s my question: if at one point he was interested why hasn’t he moved forward in leading our interactions into at least a friendship? Like I’ve made a fool of myself trying to lead and he does nothing. It sounds like he’s never liked me& I get if he’s not but why give off vibes that you like me but don’t want it to go anywhere? What would be a reasoning behind that?

You telling me all your situations just makes me even

[Asker]

Think he’s not interested. I’m just around to boost his ego and keep his confidence up and make him feel like a man. If he was, he’d be trying!

Last thing, and we don’t have to talk about this anymore I’m so sorry mate! Hahaha but when you all hope isn’t lost, for me it is unless he does something and I don’t know what to do anymore to give him that confirmation to do something. It sucks because we were ALMOST THERE, my gut says we were both right there and he let go. So I think we’re done.

Thanks!!

Any updates with your current situation?

[Opinion Owner]

Haha again like you've told me... it's no problem at all. I don't mind trying to help if I can provide any sort of detail, insight or point of views from my side that help you get just an inch closer to your crush ya know. So no worries mate, trust me. feel free to share if you need to.

It's kind of tough to tell exactly what's going on in your sitch though without really knowing your crush personality. But what could be the reason fr his lack of trying on his end, even when things were RED HOT in the beginning , is because he might be the type of chap to either wait for the girls to take charge, or he was content with where you guys were.

I think because these are OUR crushes, we enter the friendship with expectations and when those expectations don't get met, we see it as them not caring and losing interest and other negative thoughts.

It's kind of like, when I expected my crush to remember my birthday...

[Opinion Owner]

but she didn't of course, even though I remembered EVERY detail and major event/ date she told me. I never said anything to her really, but it hit me hard when I realized, that happy birthday text or anything was never coming. What I think is going on is this guys personality is just lackluster, he probably thought the little interactions he gave were more than enough on his end, and of course they weren't. So as time went by and no other moves got made, you had come to terms with him probably not liking you and started slipping away. providing less energy than before, and it made him withdraw also.

sort of like, well "if she's gonna back off, I guess I will too". and slowly you guys friendship and the chance for anything to happen slowly seemed to complexity fade away. But if he feels like you're completely backing off I think he drops little breadcrumbs to get you back hooked in... because I don't think he wants you completely gone to the point you're not talking at all forever...

[Opinion Owner]

like I think he'll give silent treatments here and there, and will behave oddly here and there but overall if he sees you backing off to the point not looks like he will lose out on you completely... he says hi, or goes back to being friendly to sort of keep you on the line. sort of like a potential option down the line. So I think thats why he gives you attention one moment, then backs off the next straight out ignoring you... it's a hot/cold pattern to keep you around I think. I could be wring though. Some might say potentially he's just a shy guy also? So if he's shy, then that could be why being bold and trying to get you out on his end is taking so long. He might have to reach that comfort level with you, maybe? But it comes down top his personality.

But Don't let him get you having to question yourself and what you bring to the table, you're definitely more than enough. you've put in way more effort than most girls would, so its his stupidity showing...

[Opinion Owner]

here for screwing things up. And don't feel like my situation is better haha... trust me it's not. This girl is just as confusing and makes things difficult for me too, which is also why I'm so relaxed or distant when it comes to her. I also feel like a fool believe me. I've often ended up the bad guy with her... for not trying and then trying. So thats why I said terrified earlier.

one sec she'll be mad at me for not texting, not asking to hang out, not seeming like I care. and believe me I care about her to freaking death, but when I try to do thing her way, I;'m usually met with the... too busy, going with someone else, I have no time, it's not a good idea type answers. sigh... then I feel like a complete asshole and douche for trying just to get that rejection I knew was coming haha.

I'm gonna ask her soon for the upcoming holiday, but I already know the answer. and its not like cop out, it's just I've literally been doing this song and dance with her long enough by this point..

[Opinion Owner]

and I don't see it going differently. she makes it like we have some special bond always saying stuff like "oh I can do that to you because it's me" or the nickname she's gave me " oh I can call you that because it's me"... but I think she enjoys crushing me to be honest lol. 😔.

[Opinion Owner]

We’ve had so many breakup type moments mate, it’s like I feel like we’ve dated actually. She even cried telling me she couldn’t do this anymore before. Where I spent an hour telling her I don’t wanna not have her in my life and stuff lol. Sounds like a relationship yeah?

But I’m determined to win her over, I am uh “heels over head” for her but it’s a super struggle. But I’m patient and willing to take the humiliation an all cause I feel she’s worth it.

So just be careful of your heart. I can tell the relationship between you and your crush is emotionally exhausting and painful for you. So be careful yeah.

[Asker]

Let’s talk about your sitch first. At least you’re trying. Give yourself a pat on the back for that. Don’t do it her way anymore. Do it your way. I feel like you may not being yourself but that you’re trying to please her so much you’re feeling defeated. Before your big asking to hang out, which you should make it clear “as a date” if you want, but give her something she can’t say no to. Don’t ask her. Personally, tell her. Like “hey picking you up at this time (insert time) for coffee,

[Asker]

here (insert place)”

Deff sounds like a relationship & also sounds like she’s very unpredictable so don’t give up. Don’t say you already know what the answer is or you know where this is going. Because you never know.

[Asker]

My situation is very exhausting. But yeah letting me know the little stuff like he wants to keep me around or doesn’t want to stop talking to me forever gives me something to hang on to. I saw him on Friday. I approached him. He was normal again and couldn’t stop smiling at me, flirting with me, gave me a compliment. That’s the guy I crush so hard on. Not the guy that plays games. I think you’re on to a lot. He just graduated college and looking for a big boy job, so he may content with his life right now. But I guess I expected him to know that I didn’t want anything except a friendship at first.

Question, what’s a lack luster?

His personality from what I’ve picked up is confident, outgoing, friendly, EXCEPT AROUND ME. He changes with me. He gets quiet, he get serious, and

[Asker]

HANG ON COMJNG BACK NOT DONE

[Opinion Owner]

Haha I can’t find where I used “lackluster at” but it just means uninspired, or lacking in full commitment of sorts lol.

And sigh for as my sitch, sigh!!! Trust me when I say I KNOW what’s coming haha. But she reached about again yesterday and we talked, it was fun as usual but to be honest I think during the conversation I lost interest. It could come back I don't know. But as of right now I’m over her. you're absolutely right when you said I can’t be myself, and the conversation yesterday let me realize that I think to. I have to watch what I say like crazy and it’s just annoying.

She’s always happy and stuff to her our talks are great, but I always feel some way afterward... and I don’t like it. She’s still someone I care for and I’ll give her the gift coming up, but chances are she’ll reject it too. Like I said when it comes to me, she enjoys rejecting me I believe, seriously lol.

[Opinion Owner]

I know you have more to add for later, but what I read so far, is awesome yeah!!! Means there is some potential still there for that guy that did have you crushing. He’s in there somewhere. And the holidays are the perfect time to bring it out... you can try to give him a gift or something or go out for eggnog haha. Try to get that hangout in. I think that’s where he will either make a move or you’ll figure out if you still really want this also.

But it’s great he’s back to flirting even, that creates so many oppertunities to build up attraction and all.

[Opinion Owner]

Also with my sitch! It’s like ok, she keeps mentioning her B-day and graduation. is she wanting me to ask to hang out? Is she trying to hint you think or is she just turning into a old granny and forgetting things already.

[Asker]

Okay, hi I’m back. let me finish replying before I forget my thoughts.

I guess what I don’t understand is even when I don’t back off, message him on social media, ask him to hang out, and flirt with him he doesn’t get it still. As far as I know, he does have an ex girlfriend so it’s not like he is inexperienced. He could be shy but if he is STILL shy with me after so long, it looks like he’ll never not be shy with me. So question, when a guy’s personality isn’t shy, what would make a guy shy being around a girl? Also, I think I’m going to step back and not talk to his friend. It’s funny because he steps back and listens in our conversations like his friend is getting to know me for him. But it could be making him jealous? Also, when his friend isn’t around and it’s just the two of us, it’s the crush flirt type energy between us. So does stepping back from convos with his friend sound like a good idea?

You’re so right about dropping little breadcrumbs! But here’s the sad thing, if

[Asker]

I back off completely. He will too. He’s a copycat behaviorist. Ya feel? One time he even told me “hey we’re just trying to be like you.” It was a joke but deff truth behind it. It feels like it never will reach a point he takes charge or the comfort level he wants with us. Gonna come right out and say it. There will always be sexual tension between us.

Thank you so much for your encouragement!

Wow! You’re over her! Tell me how to do that?

Deff don’t want to be in anything where you have to walk around on eggshells. That’s a terrible place. I’m not exactly 100% sure why she keeps reminding you but My advice to you is going to be bad advice because I hate it. But I would say ghost her for a little bit. Then be straightforward next time you talk to her, but obvi feel the convo out but say like “I know you have a b-day/graduation coming up. You won’t stop telling me lol but I’ve got something up my sleeve.” Drop a hint and see her response.

[Asker]

Question: what are some ways I can tell if he doesn’t want it anymore or lost interest or wants to keep me around just to boost his ego? Just so I don’t make him uncomfortable by asking a THIRD TIME to hang out and he turns me down again.

[Opinion Owner]

Well in most cases, the norm, if a guy isn't usually shy, and becomes shy around a girl it's because he's potentially nervous, intimidated, or is in a constant state of flux where he wonders how he looks in the girls eyes. Thats the case with that usually.

And fir as not talking to his friend... hm, are you two cool with each other? It might hurt that guy if you cut him off for seemingly no reason, and plus if he's good friends with your crush, it could make him talk bad and negative about you to him... which might influence your crush down the line. but thats also overthinking it haha... and worst case scenario.
best case scenario, you cut him off and yeah maybe it will cause your crush to seek out more attention from you, because you will appear more available. So it could be beneficial to you, the less the other guy is around, means more one on one time for you and your crush.

Wait so there is sexual tension between you two? If that is the case, you have a lot to work with in the.

[Opinion Owner]

future!!! Sexual tension is the best way/ fastest way to get a relationship going. Most people base compatibility off of if they would have sex with someone first. So thats a huge update mate.

and for as if he's no longer interested? well I look for signs like this...
1. he only comes to you for SOMETHING (and this gu comes to you just say hey whats up) so it's not just because he NEEDS something from you, but wants to talk to you just because.

2. you're always making the initiation... and so far it seems to be uneven who reaches out first... but he does reach out still and thats a good sign. It would be bad if he never did.

3. body language. but this one can be tricky at times though. But you know, they say watch how close they stand to you, or if you inch closer do they back away, stuff like that. Does he give you eye contact or look away.

These are some things to keep in mind as you ask or whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

And I think I spoke to soon... I don't know for sure if I'm OVER her. but I think my crush level just decreased dramatically because the more I talk to her, she just isn't the girl I once knew sadly. She's almost reminding me of that girl Rachel I mentioned awhile back and that just got to me. It was like the more she talked the more I was getting that kind of vibe.

I think part of me would love this chance to be with her just to see, because we user to be so awesome together, and occasionally when together I see those old glimpses... but overall I think its just time to give up man. I don't wanna keep wasting your time with the same stuff, but its just not fun ALWAYS feeling bad.

I just truly feel damned if I do make a move and damned if I don't. there's no winning... its all just lose-lose. im even thinking I'll just mail the gifts to her spot instead of asking to hang out. because EVERYTIME I've ever asked I've always gotten rejected... literally every time...

[Opinion Owner]

and then I've also caught hell because I don't ask her to hang out. so I just feel like I'm trying to win a game I'm handicapped in. like playing baseball with no hands. like I know you say dont be terrified, and maybe that was the wrong word lol! But it's not even a guess, believe me I'll be coming back on here telling you how she did EXACTLY what she's always done... and thats reject the hangout like usual. or best case scenario she accepts but we're limited to the max where to go. I'll choose a thousand spots I think will be fun.. but her answer will be
-I'm going there with someone else
-I don't wanna go there it sucks
-id rather just do (something else)

and since I KNOW with no doubt whats to come... I think thats why I'm just like ready to let go man. This girl was like winning the Super Bowl for me, capturing the championship, winning the World Series but... I just... I don't know.

[Opinion Owner]

If it helps though, I don't see him rejecting your advance to hang out this time. I don't know why, but I just think he's waiting for you to ask, which sucks.. but I do think when you ask he won't turn you down, and if he does... ask to reschedule on a specific date... don't let anything stay upon in the air... like maybe next time, or when I'm not busy.
SET AN ACTUAL DATE.

www.cosmopolitan.com/.../
this little article offers some little insight on ways to help also yeah.

www.boredpanda.com/.../

And this is lightly funny, and seeing some responses can help ease your mind in being braver than this guy to take the leap of asking for a date.

[Asker]

Yikessss! I’m not a girl that can come onto a guy sexually! Especially when I’m in this state of mind where I think he isn’t interested. But I’ll keep those signs in mind. I screenshotted so I can refer back. Today, he couldn’t stop staring at me so back to the roller coaster! I’m going to stop bothering you now, but I’ll keep you updated!

Thank you so much for everything!! You’ve been such a big help!
Uh oh. Reminding you of someone you weren’t into, not a good sign! At least you don’t live in ‘what ifs’!!! I would stick to your original plan and see how it goes! But yeah that all sucks! I’m so sorry!! Keep me updated too!

It’s finals week gotta delete the app for two weeks!

[Opinion Owner]

No problem, thanks for all your help too... good luck on those finals mate 👍.

[Asker]

Hi mate. I have only a couple more days to see my crush until I won’t see or talk to him for a month. I’m literally about to burst and just freakin tell him that I like him. That way maybe when I come back I either get to move on and never see him or we move forward. Question: this week has been no talk just a lot of eye contact from a distance from him. But today I had to approach him and ask him how he was so finally he got to talking to me. Then that guy A friend I told you about interrupted. Anyways, there was a couple of time he was walking and in my area of close proximity. Then the second time he was close to me I asked him a question about my arm and then he touched my arm. He just couldn’t stop smiling at me. But then the third he came close to me he didn’t look at me at all. Did any of that say anything positive? Or am I being a girl and overthinking?

[Opinion Owner]

Hello mate, finals coming along smoothly I hope!

And yes, Touch is a huge indication of being comfortable and attraction. But in your case, I truly do think it is at the point where its either continue this cycle of hot and cold moments... where he's giving you all the right signs one moment, and totally shutting you out the next.

or just take the chance and TELL HIM, how you feel, Especially with you being away for a month. But don't leave it in the air, tell him, and get the reaction and answer right then and there, and do it IN PERSON mate, trust me.

Believe me, its scary to put yourself in a position to get hurt, but its relieving to finally not have to stress worrying if certain actions mean what you think they mean or don't. YOU GOT THIS mate. Tell him tomorrow? I think it will be ok.

[Opinion Owner]

how you feel about it?

[Asker]

Not to be a girl or anything, LOL. But because of this situation I’m struggling with studying for finals. The good thing is I’m done Tuesday. Just can’t keep my head on straight.

I didn’t do anything. I don’t know how I feel. I guess I’m not understanding this hot and cold thing. I’ve never been through it before. For all he knows, he’s in the friend zone so why hot and cold moments? I feel like maybe my gut is saying he’s not interested. So I can’t take a chance especially when im clueless on everything with his side. I’m a risk taker but not in a situation like this. I never want to blind side someone with my feelings for him. Like we haven’t even hung out yet. I think my risk is to take a hug and say goodbye for a month😭

How’s your situation?

[Opinion Owner]

omg such a girl 😂. nah, but thats understandable... you wanna know where you stand, he's being a hot and cold, maybe, maybe not kinda guy right now... and its gotta kill you being stuck somewhere in the middle. That would weigh on anyones mind. Kudos to you for even making it this far before Tuesday lol.

hm, well maybe don't take the reveal feelings risk, but definitely ask him out to coffee, lunch, or dinner if your bold risk.

but if you don't do it, believe me you're not alone... I'm right there with you. I haven't asked either, but i personally truly know my end result is why I haven't...
1. Too busy
2. Someone else asked
3. not a good idea

it will be one of these. but I also know if I say or do nothing... welp, she'll hate me... AGAIN for like the seventh time. I really just don't know what to do mate? I'm literally stumped. like playing chess and having no moves.

[Opinion Owner]

Sigh! So tmrw i will be sending a video saying happy birthday its based from this video lol. https://youtu.be/tTgsoS2M4RQ
A hologram saying happy birthday in joking fashion. Good idea or a serious nope? Hm, though by time you see this it will most likely be done lol. So hopefully... good idea haha. And from there ill also ask if MS.4EVER TOO BUSY... is free from anywhere till now till end of December to celebrate her bday... so she's free to pick a day or TYPICALLY REJECT ME ugh. Sound good, what you think?

[Asker]

No that’s such a good idea! Always keep humor in whatever you guys have.

Yes, sounds good!

I know you like her but word of advice don’t take her hate personally. she doesn’t really hate you when you think she does. It just means she cares so much about you she wants you to care so much about her or at least show her you care. Even though you do, she wants more from you. And this time if she rejects don’t do anything more.

How about this? If she doesn’t reject I will take my risk. Sound good?

P. s is it weird that I’m the girl going through the same things your are? Which makes it even more obvious that he isn’t interest in me.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha ok, glad that it doesn't come off corny, thanks.

Yeah, I think you're right. I've never cared about a person this much where I want to do, but am so hesitant because of their past actions. but I'm quite sure you're right on whats going on here. And I don't take it personally really but, I'm just not a fan of doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results to the point its almost insanity to keep trying it... if that makes sense. but it's cool I've come to terms with it recently, I just see this as the last attempt. my conscience will be clear after this, because she makes me out to be the guy not trying, but if I do and things end up like I say. well NEVER again. there will literally have to be a new day of the week before I ever initiate with her again after this.

and DEAL... haha though technically I see what you did there. (you know she will reject and then you won't have to do the risk huh? haha)

hm, yeah I've been kinda looking at it that way also...

[Opinion Owner]

like our roles are very similar just on opposite ends. but I think its just a bit different, and thats why I don't won't you to feel like a too much discourage and see it as no interest so easily. Me and this girl were MAX besties, and she had a crush on me awhile back but there was a boyfriend involved. Though now I wish I would've just stolen her away, but trying to take a guys girl were against my morals... at that time. we did everything together. now again many arguments would happen because I was feeling odd being so close with her as she had a boyfriend, which is why I wouldn't contact first because it didn't feel right. many times its like our friendship would breach what I thought was friendship. holding hands, cuddling, sharing drinks/food, sneaking behind mates back. its a long deep story.

but point is, I feel like there's potential with you and this guy because you seem to be really really into him, and I don't want you to back out before taking that high risk potential high reward.

[Opinion Owner]

now of course I'm gonna feel horrible if you do ask and dude gives you an excuse again, and I pushes for you to take this risk. but I don't think with what you told me that he's gonna reject you again. and most guys are willing to get at least one hang out in before passing complete judgment on a girl.

but lets hope it works out great for us both, no rejection for me. And none for you if it comes down to honoring the DEAL 😏.

[Asker]

Hi pal,

Just talked to and saw my crush for the last time for awhile. It sucks so bad. Who knows what will happen with time away? Last night though I ended up asking ‘guy A’ friend that I always talk to and he said that my crush likes to be alone, he doesn’t hit on anyone. He also said that he doesn’t dislike me, doesn’t think I’m weird, and I didn’t creep him out by asking him to hang out twice. He said that he could be being nice to me since he sees me a lot so it’s not awkward for me. Then I also asked “well how does he feel about me?” He said i don’t know we dont about that kind of stuff. So I think I’ve found my answer and now I’m going to take this time away to get over him. Thanks for your help and advice!

Any update with you?

[Opinion Owner]

Wow, I’m so sorry mate!! That truly does suck!!! Every time I see a comment from you I always hope it will be the opposite of bad news, like outta nowhere he grabs gestured you on a date. Just flies in and parachutes off a B-14 and says anon will you go to Starbucks with me lol. But yeah seriously though I’m sorry it didn’t work out, and I couldn’t provide any better working advice to figure him out, or improve the situation :(.

If it helps I got owned to. Took a major L!!! So I will be joining you in your misery and pain. You know how misery loves company.

I shoot over the text happy birthday!! She says thank you she appreciates it!! And then I say I know you're like Ariana grande level booked up, but do you have any free time from tmrw till Jan 1 somewhere?

Annnnnnd... Nothing😣😔!!! You see, I knew the outcome would be something like this, what do you think about it lol?

I also chalk it up to her graduation...

[Opinion Owner]

Is today!!! So maybe that’s a thing!!! But it’s also been 3 days no answer so I don't know, lol. What do you think mate?

[Asker]

You are so sweet! From what I got he did like me, but he didn’t like me enough to even pursue a friendship. I’m at peace with that. But all of your insight was so very helpful and deff put my mind to rest on some nights. Thank you so much.
Question: we’ve been in this playful argument and I’ve finally put it to rest. It looks like I win it do you think it would be cool to message letting him know the final answer and see if he has a rebuttal?

Ugh mate I’m so sorry!!! I think it is so stupid. I think she played with your heart and got her satisfaction of that. So now she’s been evil enough to ignore you. That’s terrible. 😭

On the other hand, this time last year I was graduating and my week leading up to graduation was SO BUSY. I did have a party and I ignored every message, social media, phone call, and etc for a week and even a couple of days after my graduation. Not to be rude but just to make sure I soaked up every minute of that time. Wait it out before being terribly miserable! She would be so foolish to flat out not reply to you. If that is the case, kick her to the curb!!

[Asker]

You deserve better than that.

P. s keep in mind I have message over Instagram since I don’t have his number.

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks, thanks... I really appreciate the kind words, yeah. I'm not heartbroken or super miserable or anything as I never got my hopes up, and I totally expected something like this anyway. This isn't the first time this has happen trust me. but it will be the last on my end... if she does respond, I just want to like give her her gifts if possible, and after that I'm even telling her we won't have to hang out beyond this, I just kinda wanted her to know I was happy she was born, and mega proud she graduated. after that.. she doesn't even have to talk to me again, I'm no longer crushing on her, she's important to me, but I'm cool on having to be with her or anything... I almost always know what she will do at this point lol. so its cool. Think thats a good idea or no?

But yeah in your Sitch I think a final answer is good, just to see if he has a rebuttal. Just be careful in getting your hopes up in expecting an answer, because he seems like he might be the type who would want to respond back, but not do so for whatever reason, especially over DM as oppose to text or something. But either way for the closure, I think it's a good idea.

[Asker]

Okay you’re so right!! He didn’t reply. He is that kind of guy that was nosy so he quickly read it. Since you were spot on, do you know what he thought of my message? Like was he annoyed by it or weirded out by it and decided not to respond because he just didn’t want to have a message from me? I’m actually okay with it because it gives me the last word in the argument. It even shows more that he was being nice to me in person because he had to.

Proud of you that you’re over her and just wanting to give her her gifts+let her be happy! Wish I could be in that place! She’ll eventually miss you as friend and come running back to you in due time. That’s your choice then to let her back or to put up boundaries as far as you want in a friendship with her. You have the total right to do that especially in the way she’s acted towards you.

[Opinion Owner]

WOW, again was hoping to not be right... but he seems like the type of dude to do that. Did he still not reply to you? That's crazy after you two's history, you'd think he'd say something at least. Hm, I'd have to see what your message was to get an idea on what he might've been thinking, if thats ok?

haha thanks, yeah I don't want to be passive aggressive about it like I'm only doing this for some reason... I just genuinely wanted to celebrate her two days of a birthday and graduation. but I do hope she is having a blast and all that, no hard feelings. I try to stay in reality about situations I'm in, and I was always aware where me asking would go lol.

and trust me, from this experience you've had you'll learn to reads a situation and people just the same... the painful experiences just teach you, and show you how to handle things and what to usually expect from certain types of people. Plus you're like already super knowledgeable on peoples behavior already.

[Asker]

Ugh HE REPLIED. He did that rule of waiting 24 hours to reply!!! He killed me. That’s so him though. He gotta play these games. If that doesn’t describe how he acts towards me in person I don’t what else does. Soo, the context is I live very far from where I go to school vs where my family is. So the argument is it’s a 10 hour drive with traffic+stopping. He believes it’s 8 hours because google maps says it 8 hours. He’s never driven it before. so I timed it!! It took me 10 HOURS!!! I’m getting all heated again ugh. So I had to message him on Instagram. His reply was a screenshot of the google maps travel time with the message of “You must be slow then xD.” What do you think of that? Should I respond? I haven’t just because I can’t go back and forth of what he thinks of the message and if he will reply back or not. Also did I mention we know each other from the gym? Does that change anything?

[Asker]

Hang on not done!!!

[Asker]

Hahaha “painful experiences” I have never been through this type of painful experience, I’m over here so CLUELESS. Maybe someone will come along behind me and I’ll be able to help them out!

Maybe if you’re up for it, text her a “hey how are you doing? How were celebrations?”

Way to stay positive and in reality!! But with so much of your history I think you should keep holding your head up high! It is nothing that you have done or haven’t done!!

[Opinion Owner]

WHAAAA, he responded, wow. I shouldn't be too surprised he did the ol "makes her was it and squirm before I reply routine".

But yeah these are some interesting new pieces of information, not sure how they factor in but hm... do you to go to school together? do you travel 10hrs everyday for school? and you say you met at the gym... like a planet fitness type workout gym?

and yeah you can reply, I think he will respond, he just might respond in a delayed manner, but yeah he'll reply it seems. Though he does seem to be the argumentative type at least in a sarcastic playful manner with response like "You must be slow then xD"... So just expect more of that than him really giving in and saying "oh your right it was a 10hr die you had".

but I will say the response seems like playful banter, like playful teasing. Which guys usually do with girls they enjoy the company of. Not that it means attraction or continue to pursue him, but it just does give off like a friendship type vibe with that response in my opinion, I don't know.

("But with so much of your history I think you should keep holding your head up high! It is nothing that you have done or haven’t done"!!) Thanks so much for this comment I genuinely appreciate it, as so often does every-time we end up on bad terms, I always feel like the assshole/bad guy. LOL so it's just nice to see that.

“hey how are you doing? How were celebrations?” see texting that is logical and make sense, like a lot of sense, and I would have no problem doing that BUT, I just know it will either
1. get ignored equally like the last text. or
2. further lead to a bad scenario. because say I treat that and she responds. then am I to ask about the last text? if I do. she'll most likely ignore IT for bringing it up. or it leads to awkwardness in my opinion.

but maybe I'm overthinking it. so what WOULD YOU DO. DO YOU think it's a good idea to double text and send that? and how would you proceed if you did send that text, about asking about the last one?

[Opinion Owner]

I honestly wish it could just be and feel normal like a actual friendship. where its like if a text doesn't get answered, your first thoughts are like... oh she just missed it, or phone error... you know something normal or innocent. but seeing how she's gotten every other text and the only one, literally that gets ignored or no response is me asking if she has any free time... well I just don't think it's coincidence.

she once said "even if I didn't do anything we would've ended up here" and at that time here was just being at odds. because I swear somehow, its like I'm always trying to EARN her friendship back for misunderstandings or whatever.

This is why I flipping absolutely HATE initiating with her, and leave it up to her. because I dont like that "I'm bothering her feeling" ugh. and thats what things feel like now. now I dont want to double text... and thats made me not initiate for graduation, and I probably won't be able to say merry Christmas now 😔. thus... im the bad guy.

[Opinion Owner]

sorry for that rant haha, its like the more I type, the more I sort of wound myself up to let it out lol, sorry.

[Asker]

Okay so I wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. I decided I wasn’t going to reply but I was feeling so bad because that’s not me. But I didn’t want the conversation to keep going. I just can’t handle it. Two days later, I replied, “ohhhh, piss off. Hahahahaha.” Within seconds of sending it, it read “seen.” And no reply. SO MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

Yes planet fitness type workout gym. He works there. & no we do not go to school. He graduated and I’m working on my second degree.

[Asker]

You are not an asshole!!! Stop feeling like that.
1. Uggghh i hate when people ignore texts. But as long as you’re not antsy about her ignoring your first text then yea dont text if you know she will ignore it.
2. No don’t ask about the last text. Let it slide. You’ll make her roll her eyes but when you don’t ask she’ll get to wondering why you haven’t asked about hanging out and then maybe she will bring it up. You gotta think of ways to surprise her, keep her on her toes. EVEN in a friendship. Something that is so attractive with my crush is he is always surprising me. It’s freakin cute. If she replies, keep convo going and maybe a door will open about the hang out text.
3. Personally, from a girls point of view we don’t get annoyed with double texts like guys do. We’re so animated with texting and saying multiple stuff simultaneously, she won’t even think two wits about it.

[Asker]

Ugh yes normal friendship!!! Where are those nowadays? “phone error” Hahahaha when I was younger the LEGIT reasons I didn’t get back to people was because I broke my phone/screen, it was lost, or taken away because I got in trouble. Hahahaha. Now it’s just when I lose it.
Yes yes truth be told much of today’s problems is OUR OWN MIND.

Mate honestly, she is a terrible friend. I know you have such a history, liked her, And what not but you deserve such a better friend. If she was a guy, you wouldn’t be trying this hard. You would be “hi and bye” buds. GET A NEW FRIEND.

[Asker]

Tell me Happy Christmas hahahahaha

[Opinion Owner]

Ahhhh, so all this has been taking place at the gym? i see, I see!! So I'm a bit confused Mission accomplished for him NOT replying to you? Haha, is this because you delayed responding to him 48hrs or so? Also is this dude a personal trainer?

Hm, I'm at a lost on how to further "advise " you in any way lol. I know you're taking your 1 month trip away from him, to sort of evaluate the status of what you Guys have and if you will continue with him afterwards or not, when you return. You guys relationship seems like it got more playful with the running joke of how long it takes you to get to and from your school, 8hrs or 10 haha. You seem very self-aware though, so in your case I think you will be able to read him better than I, and know how to follow up accordingly haha, maybe not on what to say or do (we all fail there) but on how he is acting towards you and all that. if you think this mate is completely uninterested, well I know you've really looked into it, and accessed the situation to know that that is truly the case... because the advise you give me is always pretty spot on haha.

Like seriously you take the time to number and address each and every point I made and agree to it, disagree to it, counteract it or further elaborate on it, its awesome. So truly thank you for that.

Yeah it just sucks because I've know this girl since she was 19, and it just sucks how tings were then in our friendship to where they are now. But its o. and yes she definitely is a douche. because I promise you WHEN she does make contact, and she will... it will be like nothing ever happened, no sorry or anything lol. And its one of those situations where it hurts to be her friend sometimes, but it would hurt even more to drop her as a friend, ya know. her family even use to adore me. Christmas and thanksgivings together, even had a picture on the legendary fridge of pics haha... so you can see how it currently sucks haha.

but eh... I do think its time for new friends of course lol.

[Opinion Owner]

and tell you "HAPPY CHRISTMAS"... happy? lol!!!

[Asker]

Happy almost New Year mate!! Any update with your sitch?

[Opinion Owner]

Happy close to new year to you too lol :). Nope, still just my last sent text and no response or talking to her since then. I went through a small “what did I do wrong” phase like a day or two lol. And now I’m cool. Just time to move on I guess.

You? Enjoy your vacation? Had a good Xmas? Any good positive updates with the dude?

[Asker]

So sorry to hear that. 😭ughhh we all go through it. Someone is coming right around the corner for ya! I can feel it! When it does, hold it loosely and treat it as getting to know another great person that enhances your life. She’ll treat you 10x better than that other chick. Then enjoy life on the “what’s going to happen next?” That’s where the fun lies.

So sweet of you to ask. Great Christmas & still enjoying vacation. Don’t go back til the 14th. Weird stuff happened with a different dude during Christmas. I’ll have to get your input on that one.

But updates with that dude? Ya know nothing has happened except I have realized how emotionally EXHAUSTED I have made myself with everything that I went through. I hit these brick walls through out the day. I’m not physically tired. I’m sleeping great at night but I’m emotionally drained tired if you know what I mean. When it hits, I know exactly why. Which is weird. I now see I wasn’t living healthy when I was crushing on him. Still think of him& realize he did like me but didn’t know what to do. Im done waiting around. So positive updates? My 2019 goal is to not see him anymore and move forward.

[Asker]

Also to give you an example of emotionally drained tired, just in case you don’t know what I’m talking about. I saw my friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time at the store the other night and my personality is to be excited and full of energy to talk. But my emotions were lacking. I was still excited to see here. I just was BLAH. My words weren’t coming together. My mind was blank. And I just wasn’t fully present. Also, I have caught up on rest but as soon as my break started I would cry for no reason at random times, that is emotionally tired tooo!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks, Thanks! yeah, it's no use worrying on it... I can't do anything to "fix" it, so it's time to move to the future lol. Thanks for your words of encouragement though. I wish the same for you as well on meeting some mate 10x better than that bloke from the gym lol.

HOLY, thats one epic vacation.. you still have nearly 2 weeks left haha, NIICE. Can't wait to hear about the weird stuff (hopefully good weird lol) that happened with this new lad.

And yeah 2019, will be a Nice place to start to move along to better people for your life. People that don't mentally exhaust you. Believe me I do know that, that is a legit thing, and judging from your story about how you dealt with your longtime friend, I can tell you were in an exhausted mindset, and thats just not good to have that kind of energy going into the new year anyway. being on routine like a robot, all mindless like a drone and not being able to potentially even attract mr. right, because you're not being your usual self.

so i think you're making, all the right moves right now haha. Seriously, good for you, mate :).

[Asker]

Awwwhhhh thank you for your encouragement. Yes, I was in an exhausted mindset. That’s why I need so much advice. So thank you again for your input. Cheers to a new year!!

Okay, not really a new lad. I actually grew up with him. He was one of my brother’s best friends. He used to come by for Christmas but he stopped when he got older and was off to college. Let’s call him Lewis. So Lewis and I weren’t friends except through my brother. Then we connected at my brother’s wedding in 2016. As soon as we caught up on life at the wedding, I made it my mission to make him friend. Well I did some embarrassing stuff to make him my friend 😳🙈 i asked him to be my wedding date one time. I

[Asker]

would text him and then he’d ghost me. I’d randomly call him and sometimes he would answer. I’d try to meet up with him when I was in his area and just basically be the annoying little sister. I’d also pray for him but he has no idea about that. So I quit trying to be his friend. He just wouldn’t take me. Made it clear he did not want to be friends with me. I saw him in July and we didn’t really talk. Then I did my random call on the 22nd of December. He answered and we talked for thirty minutes. Then on Christmas my fam told me to tell him to come by like he used to. Well, he was two hours away and said he had family stuff to do all day but thanks for the invite. Then, late afternoon I get a text from him saying he’s on the way. I was like what the heck. He ended up staying several hours, eating dinner with my family, talking story with my grandparents, and chatting it up with my dad, gave him a tour of the house, and etc. My sister brought up good points so now I want to know what you think. She said “IT IS SO WEIRD THAT HE CAME BY. Like a good weird, he must’ve came by for a reason.” My brother wasn’t with us but Lewis didn’t know that. My sister said, even if he came by to see our brother they live 10 mins apart and could’ve seen each other any other day. We live so far out of the way. Lewis had to pass his house to get to our house and my sister said if someone invited me and I had to drive two hours away a normal guy would’ve said thanks but no thanks. Last but not least he kept giving me these sweet looks that would make me blush hardcore. I don’t know. What do you think? Not trying to think this way but did he come by to see me?

[Asker]

1. Have me and Lewis hit the friend status? Or am I still a little annoying sister to him?
2. Does he remember any embarrassing stuff I did in that last year or so trying to make him friend?
3. Will he stay in contact with me? Or looks like he’s off on his own again?

[Opinion Owner]

AHHH, so a former mate, I see. Hm, did he accept your wedding date offer haha, just curious?

But for as him seeing you as a little sister or a friend, I think with the 5 month gap from July to December, it's a good chance you've reset to at least friend status in his eyes, or at least neutral haha.

For as him making the two hour trip having a reason to it... hm, I do think its for a reason but its a multi reason situation sort of. You guys talking for 30-min on the phone obviously went good, I'm sure you did some catching up, and had a great enough conversation to peak his interest about where things are with you and your family, and I'm thinking the thought of seeing what you guys are up to and you... sounded more interesting than the most likely boring "family stuff" he would've been doing "all day" lol.

so it's probably like priority reason was to catch up with the family in general, and pseudo side mission see what you're up to, possibly how you look, if he hadn't seen you since, and to possibly see if you've matured beyond the little annoying sister role you use to take on haha. This also falls in with the "sweet looks" you mentioned, they're not for no reason, he's gotta be remembering the old times with you or thinking about how much you've changed since then, but it indicates "something".

so pros/ indicators of interest potentially
-changed initial plans
-drove two hours
-stayed several hours
-30 min phone call
-sweet looks

cons/ potential negatives
-could just be a random holiday feel good bug he got and came on a whim

I take it you're probably 23, what's his age? Also what happened after dinner and the house visit, did you two have any moments to catch up in person to yourselves?

(sorry if to invasive of questions, just trying to get a better read on the situation, you DO NOT have to answer these if thats not obvious, not trying to invade on peoples privacy lol)

[Asker]

First off, NOT INVASIVE AT ALL. I’m the type of person that hates talking about myself so if you don’t ask, I won’t tell. Secondly, thank you so much. Everything sounded so spot on. Wow. You’re right about the multi-reason situation. He follows me on social media but it’s funny how you said “he’s gotta be remembering the old times with you” because he loooked at old pictures around my house and we reminisced a lot around the table during dinner. That was fun. In the end, he didn’t even mind my brother not being there. Haha he did feel awkward at first, I felt bad. Hopefully, those looks indicated a good “something.” I’m good with neutral. Think there’s any future contact on his end with it being in neutral?

Your questions:
-yes I’m 23. He’s 26.
-he rejected my wedding date offer after he said he would think about it. Ugh THAT MAKES ME CRINGE. I have to get over that. Yuck oh my gosh. I was just desperate not to go by myself. Ended up not being able to go because I couldn’t get myself to go by myself 😭
-I’m okay with the holiday feel good bug. That sounds about right.

-what happened after dinner and house visit?
This is where I need help. Yes we had few moments to ourselves. I say few because we had talked on the phone just days before so it was like nothing changed. But my family was around and they kept noticing the chemistry/ sweet looks between me & him and I felt so uncomfortable with them watching us. Just because all other times my family would’ve been oblivious but hello this time even my dad started to notice and give me smiles when me and Lewis would talk. It was weird so I avoided as much as I could the moments in person we had to ourselves. I know that’s so horrible. It just had to be done. 😭🙈

Sooo, this is how I also know my family notice. After he left, at different times in the rest of the night... my dad, my mom and my sister told me to follow up text him with “hey thanks so much for stopping by. My family really enjoyed you

[Asker]

And my dad would love to have breakfast with you sometime soon.” Well given my track record with so many texts and calls then being ghosted for once I didn’t want to be the annoying little sister. I can’t stop thinking about it now. I should’ve texted him. I just got scared. I didn’t want to be ghosted. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to sound “interested” or creepy. Is it too late? If not, what should I say? 🙈

OR was it good that I didn’t follow up text him? Just weird that all three of my family members, at different times told me to text him the same thing.

[Opinion Owner]

Welp hope you had a great new year... safe parties, no DUI'S 😂... also sorry for delay lol.

HM, YES you did miss a chance to keep contact by not thanking the mate for coming over, haha, your family was right on, with the idea of sending a thanks for coming over text or something.

Buuut, the good news is I don't think it's too late, but I do think if you were hesitant to send it before, I'd imagine you'd feel pretty apprehensive about sending it this late lol. but I do think you still can send over a text like..."hey, happy new year, hope this year you're not such a stranger like 2018 lol, also thanks again for coming to dinner for Christmas, it was really great catching up". Something like that... with more or less wording haha. And you can even throw in the news about "father breakfast" somewhere to encourage him to make a commitment to coming back, so you can be more prepared, and not so caught off guard yourself. But trust me I get why you'd be hesitant and nervous about not being ghosted again lol... my situation for example 😋.

With things ending neutral I do say chances are good he'll make contact again, not CERTAIN, like 100% lol, but pretty good... I wouldn't be surprise if there's some new developments already for New Years where he's made contact haha?

Also ooooomg, no its not weird at all that you avoided the guy somewhat with family around, NOONE or NOTHING can make a situation as odd as family staring, whispering, and looking like they hope you make some type of move as they smile eerily in the distance, sigh.

LOL, don't cringe... its not so so bad haha. His miss out. But it does brings back a cringeworthy wedding story of mine. I had a crush on this girl jessie for awhile, we got semi close and then she later gets a guy, gets engaged and later married. inv me to the wedding and I accept happily... SAD AF, depressed like hell cause marriage is THE END (in my eyes).

[Opinion Owner]

I'm about to watch my crush walk down the aisle. Of course in my mind, I'm like I'll pull some movie style... objection and she'll run away with me haha, I didn't of course. But I thought if I go I needed a date, so I ask this girl Lindsay and she exposes me to the core.

we're standing near jessie, she says ah you need a date for Jessies 👰 wedding, well nope I did think you were cute once but you never gave me any attention and I know you're into jessie. so NO.

she said this loud right next to jessie. I'm embarrassed to the max. jessie hears and looks confused. later tells me its ok, but you know... now I'm flustered. so wedding day comes, I don't go... and till this day she hates my guts 😔😔.

moral of the story... I hope a diaper falls from a plane on Lindsay :).

Anyway though... yeah, just shoot over the text, maybe end it with a question mark and not a statement, so he has to respond instead of ghost you again. and if he does well, let's hope the same diaper finds him too.
But end it like, also dad wants to know if you were up for breakfast sometime soon? Instead of the thanks for coming over!! Cause he doesn't have to reposed to that and you'll be left in the air wondering how he took things, ya know.

[Asker]

I’m baccckkkk, mate.

Thoroughly enjoyed rereading your story hahaha gave a little chuckle again.

Sorry for the MIA had to readjust life ya know?

How are you?

[Opinion Owner]

😱 She Liiiiveeesss!!! Welcome back, mate XD.

*Cringe* I don’t think I could survive the cringe if I re read what I put lol. I just try to forget this bit these days lol.

No apologies necessary! It’s 2019... I figured you were getting into all kinds of newfound trouble, the good kind ;). The kind that requires no phone or laptop lol.

And I’m pretty good, thanks for asking mate! She still hasn’t talked to me since I last text her if you mean that part lol.

How about you?

[Asker]

Hahahaha I’m diggin this friendship! Yes, I live!!!

Ughhh, I’m always into trouble. ALWAYS. And yes no phone or laptop and it’s freakin great. Like I don’t even pick up phone til at night before bed. Or when my mom calls me because if I don’t answer she’ll think somethings wrong with me.

I was just asking in general how you are!! That’s good to hear your good but not good to hear she STILL hasn't talked to you. I’m so sorry!!!

I’m good tooo! Trying to get back into the swing of things!

[Opinion Owner]

Haha indeed, indeed same here mate!!!

I didn't think they were real but apparently they do exist 😯... old people taking over younger people bodies. Because to not be able to use your phone or any tech until bed time is extraterrestrial... no human can achieve this amazing ability.

You'd never guess who made contact 🙄 last night... with a hey yooo. clearly she's going to act like the text was never sent I'm sure? what do you think?

and how was your vacation overall? can't remember but did you go to an exotic island haha? sail the Zambezi river? take pics on the Eiffel Tower?

[Asker]

Hahaha old people are pretty bad on their phones!! I don’t know the older I get the less I crave screen time. And I guess I do use it more than I said during the day but A LOT less than I used to.

AHHHHH! Not going to lie, I was really hoping she would contact you!! I’m actually so happy for you. I know you must be over it but it’s still always great to get something in return. It does mean she’s thinking about you and she has been thinking about you. Yes, of course she will overlook that text. But you should overlook it too! Keep your guard up this time. And just be cool. Don’t make anything happen. But don’t swoop to her level and ghost her.

Guess who came up to me to talk to me for like a long time after a month and a half of no contact?

Overall, so good. I’m actually missing home now but I’ll get to go back at the end of February. Hahaha yeah I went to Mauritius and just sailed the ocean blue!!

[Opinion Owner]

Haha I hear yah on that. Only so many apps can hold attention as you get older and mature up yah?

Hm, I gotta tell yah I don't know how to feel about her contacting. I have this serious hate for it but yet I do get somewhat happy I guess. But more than anything it's like this dread when talking to her. our text went like this...

her: hey yooo
(I was sleep at the time so didn't respond to 2 hrs later)
me: the vamps awake... hello?

she didn't respond till next day
her: whats gooooooooood homie
me: the deal on geico car insurance where you can save 15% on car insurance is pretty gooood.
her: LMAOOO😂💀
her: wellppp I'm up for playing some games today if you want to
me: does "some game" include the one I want you to play?
her: neverrr everrr Ken (my name)

now I'm not gonna lie, I was a slightly salty soooo... I didn't respond till like 2 maybe 3 hrs later lol.
me: yo if you still up for gaming what game are you trying to play?

and no reply... so we're back to square one I suppose, idk? but this is why I'm kinda just ready to be over it. but her making contact does make it difficult no lie. what should I do mate? I'm at a serious lost on what to think or do. was I the jerk here?

alright but now on to more exciting GOOOD news, uh... like HELLL YEAH, Gym guy totally and completely missed you didn't he? I bet he did like a running hug and spin around haha. I'm dying to know how'd that conversation go?

Holy deep blue... like Africa? Where people hike in the rainforest, swim with dolphins and surf on kites... mate you're starting off 2019 too epic. I'm all kinds of jealous right now, I want to travel to a place cool like that lol.

[Opinion Owner]

alright so quick update... I freaking hate this girl, god do I hate her, because she ignores me yeah? but then asks to play today, so I accept of course... and its like nothing happened or changed... its like right back to being the best of mates, but I feel like I'm acting kinda. I mean I'm legit enjoying myself (which annoys me), but I guess there's this part where I just hate it... this probably makes zero sense lol.

I don't know mate, It's like painful talking to her, but I still do it. I just hate this after effect of feelings after talking to her, where I'm like happy and sad you know. sigh, sorry to resort to rants again but this is why I almost didn't want her to return.

[Asker]

I legit was just replying to you!!! Okay so keep ranting. I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. Don’t be sorry!! You guys saw each other today? Do you have any love feelings for her after all this? like you want her to be all yours or you want her to just be consistent with how she treats you/this whatever relationship you have with her? I think you’ve been thrown a curve ball and you’re looking so far into outfield that you’re missing the time to swing. Ya know? You don’t want to enjoy yourself because you believe she’s going drop you again and be repetitive in her behavior. Am I onto anything?

There’s always pain. Its how you deal with it that makes it hurt a little less. it’s always better to have loved and lost than to have not loved at all.

[Asker]

AWWHHH, Ken. Y’all could be Barbie and Ken cause she does kind of look like Barbie.

Wow!! What a conversation! Hahahha. Just looking at it, I’m at a loss. I have no idea her intention. But no, you were not a jerk. You not replying 3 hours cause you salty was kind of jerk move BUT she don’t need to know that. Hahahaha If anything, she’s the jerk. I think you should tell her to get lost. But if you can’t handle that because you’re so torn between “ready to be over it.. make it difficult, no lie,” then confront her and call her out on whatever you think needs some answers/closure. I don’t know what you should, actually. I’m really stumped. IM SO SORRY. Come back to me maybe I’ll have something better in mind later.

YES, gym guy. Okay well, I missed my opportunity of the running hug+a spin because I was the jerk. So I got back three weeks ago. I was salty, my feelings were hurt, mad, believed he didn’t miss me, and just so over it. I went back to the gym and ignored him+went to the gym at times I THOUGHT he wasn’t working at (kept running into him UGH) and acted like he didn’t exist. That was for me and my own emotions. Well there were a couple of times we had to say hi because we crossed paths. But that day was the first time to actually talk. So we caught up on life. Good talk. Kind of talk like “hey I miss talking to you.” Except he kept looking over to the side for something and I’m not sure what was going on then he dashed right out for some reason. It was like he was nervous. So I think I may have hurt his feelings and he decided to approach me and break the ice. Which was never my intention. I wasn’t playing games with him. BUT TODAY OH MY GOSH. You’ll never believe what happened. Today has me really shook.

[Asker]

Today, I was stretching before my workout, (leg day) and he comes to where I am sets up a mat next to me and starts stretching. We were there for a solid 15 minutes. We talked, gabbed, laughed, flirted (my friend said) and it felt like normal times pre me making moves. It was good. BUT I found out he is 3 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. Everything in my bones and body tells me he likes me but I just don’t know🙈

[Asker]

It was like we were the only ones in the gym existed. Actually, that’s not true because he checked out a cute girl that walked by. But whatever hahaha

[Opinion Owner]

OMG she use to joke about that because she's into barbie or rather was. And my name so it was like a running joke for some time.

And thanks for that, cause that's how I saw it. She makes contact after having ghost only to do so again without truly knowing I was being a salty douche... I could've been at work or something lol, like you said. I wasn't but I could've been xd. Trust me I appreciate your input, it's helpful for what it was, because trust me I'm at just as much of a lost on what to do. she even used my nickname I told her NOT to call me... and I barely caught it and she was like "oh I was wondering if you were gonna let me say it lol". and we had tons of fun. So it makes me have hope that I don't want but yeah lol.

Now you... TSK TSK... I wish I could say he was the only jerk here haha, but I can't believe your behavior young lady, tis unacceptable XD. Nah, I totally get why you'd react that way
at this point, guard up, not willing to let your guard down again so he can bring in his waves of confusion that he does. Plus you had no prep time, you went somewhere he shouldn't have been and yet he randomly showed up anyway, so I can get the "jerk" behavior haha.

But it worked out because look what happened... he's deciding to make the moves now. you guys catch up briefly an he's appearing paranoid like and nervous looking over his shoulder, and then make a big move by coming over to YOU, and working out with you. THATS HUUUUGE... for him. Before now he gave you nothing to go on he even wanted to have conversations without it just happening, but here he deliberately made things happen.

Now while it went amazing where you guys were like the only two on planet fitness, keep your guard up around that one. it took a 2 month long style vacation for him to realize the value talking with you came with and that all you initially wanted was a small sign like what he gave at the gym. Because to me also, I'd say he like you with what he pulled but could be...

[Opinion Owner]

a let me catch up now that she's back ordeal only.

or maybe just strike while the irons hot you know haha, go big like he went big and ask for coffee after work. I still think once you two have a proper outing, you'll be able to really tell if its just a nice move here and there or if it's proper interest this mates got in you.

haha and the other chick probably just had a butt sweat stain that was gross and caught his eye, no worries lol.

[Asker]

Okay. This will be a hard pill to sallow. The more I think about your sitch, the more I believe you should drop her. It’s like a dog going back to its own vomit, he still gets sick and it’s foolish. I think that’s where you are because I’m not seeing a change in her. Also, I really have this gut feeling she’s doing this to multiple guys and whoever she’s in the mood for her attention goes there. Ya know? I could be wrong though! I just hate to see you hate her but then enjoy being with her but then it annoy you. That’s not how it’s supposed to be. And then her ignoring all the effort that youve beeen into this whatever relationship you guys have, I hate that for you too. I think you should look back at the time she ghosted you. Were you happy? Were you moving on? Were you at peace with everything? Or were you miserable? Tossing and turning at night? And just frustrated ready to get everything out in the open? Here’s the cool part, you're THE MAN. YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT. MAN UP& DO WHAT YOU WANT. Use words if necessary! Hahaha

Yeah, I was such a jerk. But when he did come up to me I was nice!!! Don’t let that confuse you hahaha each time he does come to me, I’m super sweet. Also, that wasn’t my intention, I didn’t ignore him so it would push him to do something. I just couldn’t face him or I would go home a mess and stay in on Friday nights and cry my eyes out. I’m not going to do anything except keep my guard up. You’re so right. Thank you for that. I now know, if he wants me he can come and get me. HE IS CAPABLE.

DUDE, YES. I’ve been saying that for a year now!! ONE OUTING will tell me a lot!! I actually have this nightmare that I get one on one with him and he turns out to be so disgusting. 😝 but yeah, I’ll be able to really tell everything!!! But question, he’s almost 30 do you think he’s at the age where he wants a girl to be just friends with?

😂😂😂😂THANKS FOR MAKING ME FEEL GREAT with that comment. But she was gorgeous and tall.

[Asker]

HE GAVE ME THE LOOK!!!

[Opinion Owner]

Hahaha, I was kidding of course. Your vibe doesn't seem like you'd e the type of person to be a jerk to someone face just outright lol, At least thats the vibe I get. Also I know it wasn't some elaborate plan to get him to make a move... it was just your process of moving on and things just sort of happen in between that, good things that is Because yep now you know, HE IS CAPABLE of making his intentions known.

Hm, haha I think we all have those visions/nightmares where we think the person has a hidden side we'll eventually see in a different setting or environment than we're use to haha. Now as for your question, I personally think NO, he's probably not "LOOKING" for a female friend and more of a companion at the time, but friendships lead to relationships you know, so it's not out of the question to see if a friendship can hit it off so well it naturally leads to more. So don't feel discouraged if it starts as s friendship for a time before more :).

[Opinion Owner]

Haha fortunately it's easy to digest, no worries. While odd lol, I think that's a very fitting analogy... the vomit dog bit lol. I've thought about stuff of that nature for some time, so it's been on my mind here and there to. it's like I don't think we can let go of each other though in some weird irritating form. BUUUUT she's still a douche. I think it stems from this deep way I hurt her in the past, and I think that's also why I accept when she does act like a douchebag here and there. I feel like I should accept it because I caused our initial... uh "split" we'll just say lol.

There's this time she told me her life was better without me. Crushed me like crazy to hear this, because this is when everything was going good AFTER the incident. Then outta nowhere one day she's just like I can't get past the way you hurt me in the past and I think my life will be better without you in it.

now I accepted this... crushed on the inside, but accepted no problem where even she was like "oh wow thanks for being so understanding". Now here's the thing after accepting her being "done" with me... she's like I'll still text you from time to time to see how you're doing.
🤨... uh what. This makes no sense right? So I even mention this... and she's like "well I still care about you, it not like that just goes away.

so I'm sure you can imagine my confusuion here. again I just accept and say ok. maybe a month goes by she's texting randomly and being weird. then following week asking to hang out. This has been a pattern between us for awhile. And the thing is I feel like I'd fall into a similar one if I cut her off... if that makes sense? I ask that knowing this situation makes zero sense lol.

And thank you for your MOTIVATING CHANTS 😊. I wish I felt like THE MAN lol.

(uh I meant for this to post first with just happened lol)

[Asker]

Hahahahah okay just making sure but this time I was out of my own character and was an extreme jerk!!! I told him “I’m sorry” today for judging and assuming things on him. I don’t think he took it seriously! But I was sorry!

I’m the one that wants a friendship that leads to a relationship as far as I know!! So you think he’s not doing anything but he doesn’t want that? I just need a friendship first or I will break his heart so quick because of my past. I made my intentions know as “just friends” pretty quickly so just wondering if he’s still holding on to that.
Ugh today he walked behind me so close to where I could feel the wind of his presence on my back as he was passing by. I was talking to someone and couldn’t even keep listening to what they were saying 😂 ooopsie

[Asker]

Man that is so harshhh in what she told you! No one should ever say that to someone nor should someone “stay in their life and text from time to time” after that. Like wtf?

Yes I can imagine your confusion!! And I totally relate to you falling into the same pattern as her! It’s hard!! Here’s a tip that I’ve learned through times of going back to my past whether that be a situation, person or just a bad habit. Set boundaries for yourself. But first, set the mindset of “I can’t control her nor can I control the outcome of what happens between us.” Once you have that locked down, you are already at ease with what type of friendship this is because you can only control you and that’s enough. So next set boundaries, I’m not sure what that looks like only you know but an example would be “don’t open up too much to her anymore.” Or “don’t let her make me feel this or that way when she says something negative to or about me.” In that case you’ve got to speak truth over yourself such as “I am loved. Other people love to have me in their life and I enrich their lives just as much as they enrich mine.” Ya know what I’m saying?

[Opinion Owner]

Well see extreme jerks don't even apologize so haha still hard to believe :P, but I hear yah. A least you did apologize and he understood.

Hm, so you're saying your past mates were boyfriends first and not friends and you don't want to repeat that cycle? Sorry slightly confused on what you said but I believe I got it, just want to confirm lol. And for as him you told him in the past you want friendship before anything else and are trying to see if he still remembers that? Hm, i would think so seeing as he hasn't really asked for an outing yet. I mean it seems like it could be coming soon based off his current actions like the laying the mat down at the gym and walking behind closely. It's clear he missed you from what you're telling me haha, it's like he's attached again. Granted even with that said though, It's clear you still like this dude, and I think that old pattern has a chance to set in where he starts getting used to you being back and doesn't ever ask, so be prepared to still have to be the one to ask at some point though lol. I think, hopefully I'm wrong of course and the streak of good interaction between you two stays high and positive. You ever contact brothers bestie/ family friend guy lol?

[Opinion Owner]

Mmhmm, my thoughts exactly, lol glad you see it my way. Believe you me, I was all kinds of confused after she said that at the time.

Yeah, I agree... that's why I was asking yah if I shoulda even sent that text she ignored haha, because I know her by now. I was quite sure she would overlook it or skip it in some fashion. Yet I promise you later down the line I'll be the bad guy for not asking her out somehow... crazy right? But trust me it will happen. I swear I'm the only guy she never remembers any good deeds, but the negative things lol... she can save like a high grade PC lol. But yeah thats why I NEVER initiate with her despite really wanting to.

Even when we're excited by a game coming out like this upcoming game we saw advertised while recently playing lol. I'm hyped by it and so is she, she's like why didn't you text me about it...(like seriously lol). I'm sure you can guess what I was thinking with her saying this 🙄.

But yeah thanks again truly fir the advice, I swear you really tailor it to the situation, it's always well thought out and detailed. I'm not used to that lol, so many people always try to get info out of me, but I just don't even share because they give such default and generic answers. And I've usually tested them once to see what style advice they give on a lower tier problem, so if they fail to be helpful then, why would I share my more deeper personal stuff you know lol. So thanks for well thought out answers mate :).

[Asker]

LOL@ “boyfriends first” I don’t even let them get to “boyfriend.” I get freaked out that I fling quicker than you can say “fling.” What I am saying is all my relationships happen so fast that I can’t catch my breath and I break too many hearts by making excuses and sending them on their way. I want this to actually be different. I’m even watching myself though run away when small situations happen. Anyways, yeah I still very much like this guy. Even when I read “coming soon based off his current actions” made me freak out hahahahahah. You’re right on the old pattern where he gets used to me being back. I’m noticing that too! Spot on, mate!!

I did contact him!! However, I didn’t end it with a question and I didn’t get a reply but he contacted my dad. They’re having lunch together sometime soon. So mission accomplished! Thanks for remembering that!!

[Asker]

SO CRAZY.

Hey, I’m just trying to help out a mate. I really don’t want to say the wrong things which is why it’s thought out! Haha come to me with anything and I’ll give it my best shot!

you're WELCOME. And thank you!!

[Opinion Owner]

You're a heartbreaker, dream maker, love taker 💔 haha. Well then, I can officially diagnose that I believe what you have is a commitment issue, something another female friend of mine admitted to having. Usually stems from a bad past breakup, not digging in any way mate I swear, I just think that is usually the link for ending relationships fast?

but also hm, you got it bad haha. I think your vacation gave you the more time to miss him like he missed you lol. Before the vacation you were starting to enter that move on phase and now haha, that idea of wanting him for a boyfriend is back in full bloom it seems. I feel yah though, its why I hate having a "crush" because they usually give you 10 reasons to leave and then 1 nice thing makes you stay... annoying right lol? Sooo you gonna do anything for Gym guy for valentines? it is the month of love lol.

AWW that's messed up, maybe you do still have the little sister figure in his eyes. But he's hanging with your dad so interaction will probably occur again somewhere down the line.

[Asker]

Oh my gosh!! No, no, no, you’re so right! I am a heartbreaker, have commitment issues, and stems from bad past breakup! But I guess I want things to be so different. So I believe if things don’t start so fast, it won’t end so fast. I want to see myself not do this. FOR ONCE. You know what I mean?

So yes, EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING IS ANNOYING.

Hahahahaha no plans with gym guy for Valentines. Don’t see this turning around soon. Also, I hate Valentine’s Day. But I am about to crack though. I really just want to tell him “I LIKE YOU.” Or just flat ask if he’s even into me so I can just move on or start moving slow with him. But I probably won’t do that because the gym is not the place to do that. Like we’ve said before just one outing would make a difference!!!

Actually, I thought I had it bad but I caught some cutie’s eye last night where he stopped what he was doing, gazed at me and didn’t break eye contact until I left. I got all giddy with butterflies in my stomach. So I’m realizing there are other fish in the sea. But if my current crush don’t do something soon, someone else sweep me off my feet.

Yeah, I will always be the little sister! But I’m over that!! Just glad him and dad can spend time together!

Do guys do that... ask for first date on Valentines Day?

[Opinion Owner]

Hm, some guys do take advantage of valentines day to ask their crush out yeah! It's easier to get a yes even if from a pity perspective of being solo on valentines lol.

BUT... I think it's that time mate 😏. So I'm officially gonna put out this Dare. I dare you to ask your crush out for Valentine's Day, Yup, There it is mate.. officially out there. You even got like 10 days to work up to it haha. But I say just go ahead an ask since it is valentines coming up, and I personally think he'll say yeah. Most dudes will take a date just to see where things go, so I think your chances are good. I'd be super shocked if you got rejected on just a simple outing. 2019 the year of making it happen lol.

[Asker]

I can’t!!! I don’t think he likes me!!! We’re not having anymore encounters!! This past weekend, a guy asked me on a date and I told him “I am hung up on this guy (gym guy) and I just have to clear things up with him, first.” And he called off the date and won’t even talk to me anymore!! I have got to figure this out with gym guy!!!
Help me. Should I have not been truthful with that guy? Should I clear things up with gym even when I’m not totally sure he likes me anymore?

[Asker]

I just really don’t believe the gym is a place to do it! I’ve tried to be subtle with convos like “oh no wonder you’re not into me, I’m so young compared to you.” But we just don’t cross paths anymore! All these guys who else are working at the gym are getting girlfriends from the gym and I feel like if gym guy truly likes me, he would have totally done something by now! Correct? But then his actions say otherwise, like looking at me all the time. And his looks are looks I’ve never seen before. And then coming to stretch with me, asking to pop his back, talking to me and catching up on life that tells me he likes me but then no encounters at all this week and still no asking out!!! Ughhhh

[Opinion Owner]

Should I have not been truthful with that guy?
Well worst case scenario, while being truthful is admirable I DON'T think it helped in this case, I'm thinking the little white lie would have served you better. Chances are this guy has probably erased you off his dating list, because you've presented yourself as complicated, having issues beyond your control and unavailable lol. Best case he's just a little confused and annoyed because you're still undecided on another dude, and you made it seem like he's not worthy enough after having taken that step to ask you on a date, so in other words you hurt his ego but he'll probably still talk to you eventually lol.

Should I clear things up with gym even when I’m not totally sure he likes me anymore?
Haha mate I think it's because you're not totally sure he like you anymore that you NEED to clear the air. It's either ask and get the closure you'll be thankful you got, so you don't waste anymore time wondering what ifs. OR, ask and profit from him telling you he likes YOU too.

"I feel like if gym guy truly likes me, he would have totally done something by now! " Now with this I think it's just a matter or too late, without the back and forth and the interactions between you two, something should have happened by now, YES! But I think the reason it isn't now is because there gets to be a point where the dude is like if something was gonna happen it would've by now also, and so he just marks you as just a friend, and never again will any attempts to try to date or have any outings will ever occur.

Soo... that's why it will now be on you to make that move.
"And his looks are looks I’ve never seen before. And then coming to stretch with me, asking to pop his back, talking to me and catching up on life that tells me he likes me but then no encounters at all this week and still no asking out". This is just reason to make the move NOW while these high indicators are still happening.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you will get so much tension and stress released if you just ask and see what happens. Like even if he says No, which I don't think he will... you will still feel good that you asked and got it over with. And also I think the gym is a fine place to ask, why not there... just tune out the others if that's the fear lol? YOU GOT THIS MATE. Don't psych yourself out of it.
-no more subtleties
-no more using the setting lol
-no more wondering what ifs
-no more self doubts
LET'S DO THIS, IT'S GO TIME... YOU GOT THIS😎

[Asker]

Okay found out today through that other friend of mine who works at the gym, gym guy doesn’t like me 😭 I’m super sad. But he kept saying “you’ll get over it. You’ll get over it.” And so I asked do you think he knows I’m into him. He said no he doesn’t know. So I’m not going to say a word. Ohh and apparently that friend was smirking while I was pouring my heart out and I asked “why are you smiling?” He said “because the girl I’m into won’t stop talking about how fine gym guy (said his name) is too.” So there’s other girls into him too. And he has options and I’m not one of them.

About the worst and best case scenario... I blew my shot. It’s feeling like it’s the worst case scenario. He’s super mad at me. I could’ve been on a date right now. But nooo, I had to open my big mouth.

[Opinion Owner]

AWWWWW NO, Anon mate you didn't go the asking a third party route did you? 😔. This is like painting in RED ON YOUR BACK I LACK THE CONFIDENCE TO ASK MYSELF, just saying lol, this is usually the thought if you get a friend of a friend to ask. AWW mate, believe me I know that asking indirectly seems like the easier route to avoid that potential rejection, but I guess I'm a true believer in the "you don't know until you try" mindset, where it helps to see your crush's reaction, if it's how they truly feel you know. I just think having someone else do it, they can't express what your crush says with 100% accuracy, or give the details.

I say all this because I've done the indirect route before in asking my crush to in the past and she outright told the guy to tell me that, she would've went on a date to at least see what potential I had if I'd not been a coward and sent someone else to ask her. It was 1000 times more horrible than if she'd just rejected lol, knowing I could've had the chance but I BLEW IT for not just asking the question myself, you know!

HAHA, I mean maybe you were hiding nearby and heard the whole exchange yourself in the gym I don't know, but if not, I wouldn't just rely on the friend of the crush to be your answer. I personally think it will still be on your mind about "what if" this way any way lol!!

and why would the other guy be SUPER MAD at you? you did let him know respectfully yeah?

also you 100% sure he's not referring to you as the "GIRL HE LIKES HAS A CRUSH ON GYM GUY"? Maybe this other mate likes you 😯?

[Asker]

Maybe I should tell you my name since you told me yours! Whad cha think? Hahahah

Okay, clarifying story. I didn’t have the indirect source ask. The indirect source asked a million times what was wrong with me, since I can’t hide my emotions. So I just told him I was hung up on gym guy but that I was upset because the date I was supposed to go on last night called it off because I opened my mouth. And then that’s where we were. You’re so right though. My life motto is “you don’t know until you try”!!! Something just doesn’t feel right after listening to that indirect source. I don’t know my gut is not feeling at peace. Something just doesn’t add up!!

What do you mean I was hiding nearby and heard the whole exchange yourself in the gym? HAHAAHHA

Oh for sure “what if” is STILL ON MY MIND. But also, “what about,” is on my mind!!! Like “if gym guy didn’t like me, what about the times he gazes at me? Or what about the times we make each other nervous? Or what about the times he met my dad and got all weird? Or what about the times, he’s been just so sweet?”

I don’t know why that other guy would be super mad!! Yeah I respectfully told him and followed by, “lol you’re something else.” 😭

[Asker]

Okay, I have thought about that!!! However other descriptions he has said about the girl he likes is “the girl I’m talking to right now, can’t stop talking about how fine gym guy is, keeps showing up, keeps replying, and the girl I don’t know if she’s into me.” That’s not me!! I’m not talking to him right now. I have never talked to him about how fine gym guy is. I don’t reply because we don’t even text and he knows I’m not into him because he’s married. We have made the “FRIENDS” status very clear!! What do you think?

Also, just have to say THANK YOU SO MUCH. I truly appreciate you and all your input and just being consistent with replying!! Wanna be instagram followers? Or is that weird?😂😂

Anything going on with your sitch?

[Opinion Owner]

Haha its up to you! It'd be cool to know but you don't have too or anything 😋. But if I had to guess, I'd guess you as an Ashley or Megan lol?

Ahh, well that's different, this guy was just worried about you and asked, which lead to him telling you about gym guy. So it wasn't like you had him ask on your behalf lol. And I would agree that him not being somewhat interested just doesn't add up to me either. I would say the things you mentioned that he does fall into the interest category more so than not. But that's why that inevitable asking has to happen and soon lol.

Haha and I only use the hiding nearby reference when I was wondering if by chance you overheard how the friend of gym guy asked him, so it would better help you get an understanding on why he didn't like you at the time. But that doesn't matter now anyway lol.

Super mad guy sounds like a douche type I'd typically tell a mate to stay away from, but it could somehow be all a misunderstanding of some sort. Because no way he's mad at YOU for a reasonable let down sheesh.

Hm, Well that's more douchebaggery yeah? This other guy is married and interested in another girl 😯. I don't think its you by what you mentioned then, NO! But it's odd the way he words it in my opinion.

Hm, my sitch lol. Well I never text her so I usually don't have much to tell. But surprisingly out of nowhere today she texted me from work, I was super shocked. She was talking about the game I was telling you she was excited about. Its a game series we use to play and she considers it "our game" where we always [play it together.

But it was just odd how she texted randomly from work about it, and kept texting lol. and was so excited for us to play it next Friday, making early plans talking about be ready, we're gonna be up allll nightttt 😋. I was just shocked. talking about the game I expected, but just randomly and FROM WORK is like something she has NEVER DONE.

[Opinion Owner]

Now I try not to look into things she does because I'm just at the point I don't care anymore. so I don't even ask what do you think this means or could this have mean this, when it comes to her anymore. she just does random stuff, I don't personally think it means anything, and I'm quite sure I don't really even matter to her, so yeah lol. it's just whatever.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhh and also I have zero social media beyond snapchat I never use lol. But nah it wouldn't be weird to add on instagram. I've been thinking about getting on because to be honest to get my so called "crush" Instagram would be the way. She use to be like me against social media but then she joined and everything changed lol. And also she made me get snapchat which is the only reason I have that lol. but nah it wouldn't have been/ would not be weird. I've thought about adding my picture on here but just hesitate because questions I've asked on here have been about former crushes I do not want to find out lol.

[Asker]

No, no, no. Wrong!!! Hahaha it’s an original name. I was the first one then everybody else named their kid that. Like Will Smith and Brittany spears😂

[Asker]

Okay, I will talk to him SOON. I’m headed home this coming weekend because I’m super homesick and need to clear my head. So maybe after I’ll get my head straight and know what to do/say. I just see this ending really bad. Because gym guy is the ONLY guy not to try anything with me and he has to have a reason whether that be he does like me but not in a place of wanting anything or he truly doesn’t like me. Either way, it’s a lose-lose.

Super mad guy does seem douchey but he did have a legit reason to be mad. However, I think just throwing potential away so fast was overreacting. I just super freaked out in that moment and subconsciously made him run. CAN YOU SAY COMMITMENT ISSUES?🙈 hahaha

Married guy, yes... more douchbaggerg. I think he does like me. 😭😭😭he won’t leave me alone on Snapchat!! I’m cringing so bad. I don’t know what to do, except curse my personality.

[Asker]

Okay your sitch. “Our game” that’s super cute hahah

Wow!!! She’s keeping you on your toes! It might not mean anything however, she is thinking about you. She is thinking about how much time she wants to spend with you. She is wanting attention from you and she wants to give you attention. Take as a compliment but also take it wisely. Stay level headed which you are! So proud! In your situation, there’s always a piece of a connected love/like feeling from you guys, both. I really hope I get to an emotional/mental state like you with my situation. Today, was an awful day!

GOOODD. Don’t get social media hahahah it’s the devil. Okay we’ll just say mates on here then, mate!! 🙃

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, well I will admit I am officially curious now with you saying it's an original name 😯.

But anywhoo... Now I'm also curious as to this. Have you never had to ask a guy out on date😯😯? I only ask this because USUALLY it's the first timers that want to make sure everything is lined up and presented perfectly like they're giving a presentation on why they should be the right choice to go out with haha. That's what your "head straight and know what to say/do comment is vibing to me lol. But that's just ironic if so, as I had a near similar issue IF THAT IS THE CASE... I was always lucky enough for girls to approach me, or be the aggressive pursuer where I never had to work up any courage to risk a rejection by asking a girl out. So when I did finally have to which wasn't super long ago... good god was I terrified of the girl saying no, she wasn't interested. And I mean terrified. Like I thought up all the reasons it could go wrong or what she'd say without just letting it happen naturally lol. But honestly I don't think your asking him out will go bad in my opinion... unless you come off major oddball style and make it weird, which you won't of course, cause you got this mate, TRUST.

Hahaha COMMITMENT ISSUES!! There, it's been said 🐵. But in this case I think you jut don't wanna even give the idea of committing to something else that COULD happen because the idea that gym guy might be a potential is in the back of your mind all the time. He's like your #1. Like you really like this dude, so I think you don't wanna make stuff weird by asking and dealing with the aftermath of a potential (won't happen) rejection, and you're passing up other guys interested in you in hopes for holding out and eventually gym dude will man up and ask you, I think. Because you've passed up two other clearly interested guys now haha. Third strike you're out, so don't let that happen aha.

[Opinion Owner]

Well if married guy is the dude from before that would say stuff like “I know you don’t want me to watch you walk away so walk backwards. Then yes I think this guy likes you. I don't think it'll go beyond flirty like behavior but I definitely think he likes you.

Aww I'm sorry mate, that sucks to hear on a Saturday. What happened? if you want to share.

And believe me I don't want social media really lol. But it's needed to further relationship with my douche of a crush lol. Plus it has it's other benefits potentially if I market my future content right lol. But yep, I think it is hell haha. And it goes without saying but trust me I appreciate YOU mate, for your advice before I got to this emotional/mental state haha. It comes when it happens so often you just don't care... it's sort of bittersweet. I would've eaten up the thought of her "thinking of me" and me being on her mind, you know stuff like that you read into normally to give yourself hope... but I just don't even really worry about girls/"her" moves anymore. I like to study human behavior but worry about what a girl/she does and how it relates to myself, yeah, it's just to maddening to constantly be thinking about haha, if that makes sense?

[Asker]

I don’t want to type it... I’m scared this app is super sketchy. But google “Brittany Spears oldest son’s name.” Lol.

Nooooo I have never asked a guy out!! Lol but as far as “head straight and know what to do/say.” That goes for that too but also just in general... I don’t even know what to say to him anymore. We don’t interact as much. When we do, it’s short and I stand there not knowing what to say. I go to the grocery store and just stand in the aisle for like 10 minutes... no idea what I’m there for, forgetting everything all the time... All because I’m thinking about him/situation so much.

“Because the idea that gym guy might be potential is in the back of your mind all the time”... YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. Also, I reread those texts and I put it this way to that guy after we planned a night for the day, “I have to be honest, I have to clear up things first with this guy I’ve been hung up on just to clear the air.” Then i shortly explained “we’re just friends. Buts there’s an elephant in the room.” Something like that. In which he replied, “lol you’re something else.” Anyways, How would you have taken that if you were in his shoes? Was that too honest? Was he irrational in calling off the date? Or does he have every right to be mad and act out?

[Asker]

Wow you have such a great memory! I’m so impressed!! Yes. I’ve passed up multiple guys and It is the same guy that said that comment! Wow!! Hahahaha I’m steering clear of him right now.

Just had a drowsy/stressful/overwhelming day that day. Thinking about that guy ya know. Also, I hurt my foot but I go to the doctor tomorrow! So I’m all good now!

Yes, that all make sense!! You’re seem like such a great and smart guy.

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhh now I get the "will smith" and "Brittany spears" references. Hahaha. Well beyond The smith kid, it's not a name I hear often, and faar from overused and generic... and you're honestly the first girl I've heard with the name... Pretty cool, mate. I'd say it fits you based off what little I do know 🙃.

See I just find that super hard to believe lol, YOU flustered and at a lost with what to say or do. You seem like you'd handle a high pressured situation, or nerve-racking sitch with finesse and ease haha. Is the new nervous behavior from the few months away? The crush you have getting worst or more intense? Orr from finding out his age, and those 3 years got you overthinking things lol? It's got to be something, or some undertone reason here. I'd think things would be a breeze with how long you've known this guy. You've been gym friends for awhile now right?

And thats Hilarios by the way and I can picture it. Just standing in the aisle lost in thought while a uniform storeman is just like "mam, MAM, do you need help reaching the top shelf".

But for as the douchemate. Hm, I'm more of an understanding type of fellow though, or rather I try to sympathize/envisage like I would if I was the one relaying the bad news to someone, and I wanted someone to give me the benefit of the doubt. So no I wouldn't have treated the witch like he did lol. plus your text is reasonable and fully explanatory on what you were going through, and didn't want to bring to him. I would've just answered like. "Oh hey it's cool I understand maybe just get back to me if you figure things out yeah and good luck with it all" ... but thats me.

And not to toot the horn but I do have a pretty good memory haha. I always tell friends don't tell me something you want forgotten because I remember everything. They're usually impressed up until I use it against them in an debate or so lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Ah I see, glad to hear it wasn't nothing major. And hopefully the foots all good now. let me guess, you kick something over beating yourself up over gym guy 😂😂?(jk)

[Asker]

Hahahah thanks, mate! I used to hate it and would never tell people my name then when I would say my name it came out so quiet and just wasn’t happy to say it! but I’ve grown and like it now!! Wow I never told anybody that!

WOW! You are something else hahahah a good something else. You got me down to a T. I do handle high pressured and nerve racking sitch with ease EXCEPT for speaking in front of crowds. I can’t do that!! But yes, this is very new and out of the ordinary!! The nerves happened right after he came to stretch with me. I have been different EVER since! It has been different ever SINCE. Actually, the only difference is he doesn’t look at me anymore. EVEN when we’re close in proximity he won’t look at me!! We rarely speak anymore... I fixed that though. I said “NEW RULE, every time we see each other we have to say hi. Even if it’s passing and you don’t want to... we still have to say hi. Deal?” He said happily, “deal” hahaha so we say hiii now. But yes, been gym friends for awhile now and let me ask you this... How can I have such a liking/deep crush for this guy when all we have is gym interactions? Like we haven’t even spent time with each other outside the gym!! How does this happen? ALSO, being gym friends awhile now, HOW DO I STILL MAKE HIM NERVOUS? Like the other day he came up to me and every inch of him was nervous!! I don’t understand... he should be used to me!

😂😂THAT HAS HAPPENED SEVERAL TIMES!!!

That is amazing!! One lucky girl will be so grateful for your memory!! I used to have a great memory now I just forget everything hahaha

Hahahahaha someone said that to me the other day and I said yeah the dumb boy broke my heart so I kicked him. LOL. No but I get an MRI next week... off of for this week... meaning no gym! 🙈 hopefully, it will be good soon!!

[Opinion Owner]

Ohhhh inside information, I feel special haha🐵. But yeah I can I can imagine, I once knew and Arabian guy named shithead YES, but it was pronounced SHEETHEEED. he was of course against anyone seeing his name on paper haha.

Hahaha I think we're both just good at interpreting and deciphering the information given to us to determine peoples patterns or personality sort of. And public speaking oh god, give me waterboard torture over that anyday haha. OH MY GOD, I'm so glad you decided to come up with that rule, because I don't think it needs to be as weird as its becoming haha. It look like it was becoming like the old pattern pre vacation all over again. But awesome to see it's fixed now and you guys will always be on speaking terms, thats a great step in the right direction for what you want in the end.

"How can I have such a liking/deep crush for this guy when all we have is gym interactions?" Haha Believe me, chemistry when you have it or believe its there will cause deep feelings like this. When you can envision yourself with someone, or you have 1 conversation with someone and afterwards you're left wanting more or feeling emotions you can't explain... it only fuels the Deep crush. And in your situation, but also like in life in general I think there's the problem that "Desire" presents. Desire, just increases in a extreme way the closer you feel the object of desire is to being achieved, if that makes sense? Like if you're close to getting your goal you work harder, faster, or more aggressively to get it, well with matters of the heart, the closer the object/person of desire is the heart beats a little faster, blood pumps more aggressively and hormones and whatnot just jump out of control only increasing that crush, which makes it become the #1 thought.

HOW DO I STILL MAKE HIM NERVOUS? LOL, well I think this is because you guys are sort of having those high school style conversations still no offense haha. What I mean is where it's not fully comfortable...

[Opinion Owner]

And you feel the gender tension, or crush tension, where its like "does he or she like me," or "did this come out right", "was this corny, did he/she get what I just said"... haha, it appears natural on the surface but underline are all these thoughts about how the other perceives you. When it's a friend it's just so freelance fun and goofy where you're not worried about what to say or do, or why... it just is you know. So I think he's experiencing this just as much as you are and it shows when you two interact... but I also could be WAYYY OFF BASE 😂.

LMAO, That makes for a funny hospital visit story... he broke my heart so I broke his nose or face.😂. Good luck on the MRI and hopefully not having a injured foot though. HM, so you go to the gym weekly? Also have you ever thought about asking gym guy for his number or giving yours? It'll be easier than the next step of asking for an outing lol.

[Opinion Owner]

Sigh I'm still having my issues too though. Like yesterday we gamed of course and sighhhhhhh... on one hand yet again I despise this girl but on the other omg, talking to her has a small... er well.. medium size effect still. From the text to playing with her and talking to her, it slightly gets me still I guest, not like a lot, but a little which is arrrgh. when she thinks she is the only one that can call me my full name, or when she's like who knows you better than me. "Her dont play without meee"s", sigh it just so cutesy when she says it and then those flipping old feelings.

Not to mention she has this new cat, now I love animals more than anybody but ughhh, her talking too the cat on the other line/side is sooo obnoxious lol, reasonably so, I mean I get it of course though. She's always like "come here baby", "kisses", don't do that or this", I love you" good lord. But the real annoyance is I miss sweet sayings like that myself lol. When I was her Kenny and she my (her name), and hearing her say I love you to the cat, mate it's weird cause it's like she's saying it to me and I remember when she used to.

I think I'm conflicted AGAIN lol... what should i do (will smith's kid), why is this such a uphill, downhill thing. I'm perfectly fine until we chat and we're laughing, and being silly, and she's saying I hate you playfully and its so much fun. Then the past starts flipping creeping up.

[Opinion Owner]

like mate, this one conversation has me thinking back on all the past stuff you know like, this girl has pulled splinters from my fingers lol, hugged me when all sweaty after working on a truck, called on me to take cafe of her when sick... I think those all thoughts are fluttering around still. This is not good 😔.

[Asker]

That rule.. oh my gosh! I thought it was stupid but he’s said Hii every time and I MELT😂🙈

It ACTUALLY has never been weird! That’s what makes me so shocked by everything. He’s never been awkward even after I messaged him through social media. Which I hate when people are so awkward after messaging myself included!! He’s just SO DIFFERENT. You know at this point for what I want in the end. I just want a freakin friendship!! Like he told me he applied to a job in Colorado but he doesn’t think he’ll get it. What if he moves away and THATS IT? Like I hate that.

Oh we have the chemistry that’s what makes me so drawn to him. Do you think he feels it too?

Yes, makes total sense! Just always wondering if this desire is one sided 🙄 like how could he not feel the same? Or have the want to get to know me outside of the gym?

Which brings me to asking you this.. I came across this article. Will you read it to see if 1. It’s true. 2. If my crush lies in one of these categories. 3. If you still believe I should go forth in this nonsense sitch.

www.google.com/.../signs-a-guy-likes-you-but-is-scared-how-to-get-a-guy-to-ask-you-out

[Asker]

HANG ON NOT DONE

[Asker]

Hello I’m back!! Sorry about that!

I go to the gym daily Hahahaha. Nooo I haven’t thought about asking for gym guy’s number! I don’t think he would give it to me. 🙈apparently, he doesn’t hit up anyone. He likes “to be a loner.” Plus, the dynamic is so weird because he works there and gives training sessions and what not. Ya know? Hahaha wouldn’t even be able to find the perfect opportunity to slip him my number.

Okay I know your sitch has happened a week ago!! I’m so sorry for being MIA. Has anything recently happened?

Ughhh, “those flipping old feelings” that’s the worst I know!! I saw a quote and it hit home... it’s probably so stupid. But it said “don’t feel bad for feeling.” So first, take the weight off your shoulders for the feelings your feeling of the past, her being cute, playing games, all her antics that gets you and then some. Secondly, she knows she is pulling you in. That cat talk, SHE KNOWS!!! She knows the old times!! Girls who aren’t naive unlike me know what they’re doing and know how to push those fluttery buttons. Thirdly, this is the best part for you. You need to TALK TO HER. Have that DTR (determine the relationship) talk. TELL HER you can’t be thrown around like some lacrosse ball. It isn't fair. Lastly, conflicting comes from our own emotions vs our own head. Find balance between the two! I think you should step back for a bit from her! I truly don’t want her to fall into the same pattern with you and see you get hurt😭

[Opinion Owner]

Haha well This rule is working in your Favor, So kudos to you once again for making it. Plus again it always leaves an opening for interaction now, so... That's perfect for what NEEDS TO HAPPEN NOW 😏😋... the coffee hangout.

"I just want a freakin friendship!!", "What if he moves away and THATS IT? Like I hate that"
Haha well see now the fire is lit, The universe might be forcing your hand to get you to make that hangout happen sooner rather than later. Even if the result is friendship in the end, friends hang out all the time beyond there normal meeting spot, or work, so it will be totally natural to ask for a fun evening out doing whatever, "coffee" is just the default lol but it can be so many other things.

Hm, now for as your other questions.. I think it all kind of ties in with what the article is talking about yeah. Is there chemistry and do I think he feels it? I'd say yes, with what you've told me about things he does and him in general.

But as for article itself, I think it's true I definitely know I've fallen into each of the categories haha. I've been broken hearted where I wasn't even thinking about asking out any other girl, i've been business minded where I wanted to be situated perfectly before I present myself to a potential mate (you know like what do I bring to the table type of thing), I've thought a girl was too amazing to even be slightly interested in me even when she straight out made it clear (this girl Ashley Ayala lol, god I screwed that up), shoot even the girl now falls into category 3 lol, and number 4 omg that hits too close to home.

But Gym guy, if I had to place him, it would be in category 2 more than anything. I don't THINK he's broken hearted (but hey you truly know him, I don't), and I don't think he's struggling with self worth or misunderstanding your signals at this point, and I also don't think his hesitation comes...

[Opinion Owner]

from fear of rejection because you said you've asked him before and he made the excuses to not go at the time... so I don't think he's bothered by a rejection, when you've already made a clear advance once. So I think it could be a reason beyond the four categories or either cat 2, he's more mr. busyness than meets the eye. He did decline the first outing for a friend coming into town, and said he had something to take care of, sure sounds like a busy mate to me lol. Plus he said there's still time to hangout, so I use that keyword as him being a time crunched guy potentially. (This is just scrolling back up not really remembering by the way haha).

But just use this part of the article haha... I think it fits here perfectly:
Can I give him a nudge? It can be tough to get this guy to have a paradigm shift (impossible for some), but remember that some of the greatest romances begin with the simplest of means. See if he’s up for coffee or something low-maintenance.

He was willing to hang out before when you asked, to communicate on meeting up you guys would have to exchange phone numbers I would think... I believe he'd give it to you. Haha J, look it's Friday tomorrow, he could be leaving soon depending, you've wanted this, he might want this... just ask for either number tomorrow or for an outing... no perfect opportunity lol... just pure savage interrupting his workout session and bam "here's my number, you're welcome" haha.

[Opinion Owner]

Hm, well we played Friday, it was great. Then Saturday she asked to play again, it was great, and then randomly she text to play Tuesday it was equally as much fun. The issue is each time we play I feel those old feelings return to some degree. Nothing to where I think I would get hurt haha, though I genuinely appreciate you trying to look out for my feelings, so that you. But beyond her birthday I don't text her or put myself in a position to get hurt or rejected when it comes to her, you know category 4 haha. Can't reject what isn't asked lol.
My issue with her is just that I don't know what I want when it comes to her, I use to think she was the most awesome person on planet earth and I would do anything to have her/ be with her. But now there's so much I hate about her, and so much that I love. I can't deny I feel some sort of way when she text though considering I don't contact her in anyway at all.

she's got instagram, tinder, facebook, dudes she works with and goes to school with as well as other people on xbox, soo I'm just shocked I even exist still sometimes if that makes sense?

Also I don't think she's dong her cat talk with intentions though, haha, I mean maybe, but she really is kind of just like that. She use to baby talk me early on and it would irk me so bad sometimes lol. she likes to be motherly in her own way lol. Trust me though I'm the first to think someone is doing something with motive, especially her... ESPECIALLY HER, but I think its just circumstantial, she really likes this game and she really like her new cat haha. and I'm just convenient, I don't think she has motive behind her actions lately, but I don't know truly 😔.

[Opinion Owner]

like ok this one thing has me wondering, nothing I'd look into but just trying to see... ok, in this game you kill people, and you can hide there bodies... so this one part I kill my guy, she kills hers. I hide my body behind a tree, then she does and she's like I'm gonna put my body on top of yours, and she's giggling and stuff. just me or? what do you think.

Now honestly if this was before I would just use that comment and say what I want, as thats an easy comment to play around with, but now I'm so reserved, I don't even try to make a flirty comment to her comments, which is ugh, like I want to... but what can you do lol.

[Asker]

First, wow thank you so much for all your input and all the details of insight you provided. Secondly, I ALMOST asked. Except there’s something in my gut that made me stop. I don’t know what it is!! I normally go for it but wow my gut was just hitting hard to hold my tongue. So nothing happened. And honestly, I’m okay with it right now. I think I’m finally in a place where I can walk away from the gym after interacting with him and be good with keeping friendship in the gym. I don’t stress over it on the weekends. And I think my gut was telling me to stop because if I was to get another no it would’ve messed up my emotional/mental state with it all.

I’m so sorry for that potential loss with that great girl!!😭 ngl, I truly hope gym guy feels like that hahahah 😂but with your girl now, you CANNOT THINK THAT WAY. You should be learn from that Ashley chick. You’re not going to screw it up.

I mean I don’t really know know him. He’s 27 not married so I’m sure he’s had some heartbreaks. But overall, I think you’re right. Gym guy would fall into cat. 2. I thought about cat. 3 but that is narcissist thinking. If anything, I’m not good enough for him. ZAYUM, he’s such a great guy. Anyways, some days I think he doesn’t know that I’m into him or he still thinks he’s in the friend zone forever. I don’t know. The more I go on, the more I think, maybe this is just a thing that stays in the gym. Kind of like the play “Into the Woods” hahaha not sure if you’re familiar with that.

HAHAHHAAH thanks so much for your effort in scrolling up! Means so much to me.

GOOD FOR YOU. Just watching out for you, mate.
“My issue with her is just that I don’t know what I want when it comes to her.” I think you need ask yourself some hard questions. Like, what do I want with her? Can I go like this forever? Is there a piece of me that feels disappointed when old feelings pop up? Do you really hate her? Or do you hate that she makes you like/love her? Maybe even ask yourself small questions

[Asker]

Like do you like that you don’t contact her? Do you only appreciate her attention? Or Do you actually appreciate her friendship and what you guys have right now? Here’s the thing, despite your feelings and you being in your head I think you have such a great thing going on. Earlier on with gym guy, because I’m tired of just waiting for something not to happen I would’ve done anything for a friendship with him like you guys have. Or even just effort to message me once. GAH, I’m cringing now looking back at my effort with him. Anyways, I think you should put aside the past, her motives, and just enjoy the playing of what it is now!!

Hahahahahahah. No it isn’t just you!! I think you should be wondering. But I don’t know what to think because honestly, I would never stuff like 🙈😂 “like I want to... what can you do?” You one up her with another flirty comment💪hahahahhahaahahahaha.

[Asker]

I hope I answered everything!! And please take everything with a grain of salt... I’m learning I’m actually very naive!! Hahaha

[Opinion Owner]

Haha Happy to help in anyway I can. Don't worry about asking, I apologize on constantly bringing it up, consider the subject dropped from here lol. It's good to see you're happy with the interaction between you two now as it is. That's always the best option, making the best of what you have you know. I totally get the not being able to handle a second blow after a devastating first one (meaning the 1st rejection). So as long as you're ok with all, its good yeah.

Lol thanks & yeah Ashley was great back then, but this was awhile back, so it's cool now. She was probably the first girl to take the male role of pursuing me I'd ever dealt with haha. So I just thought it was some angle, like this girl couldn't be into me. And I more so thought about the girl now being better than me around when we met, not now though lol, it's other issues with that one lol.

" If anything, I’m not good enough for him. " Surely you don't REALLY think this I hope lol. As cool as you think gym guy, you're equally as cool, and I'm seeing that simply from text lol. But either way don't let the crush have you feeling lower than this mate. Annnnd I know the movie but haven't watched it... I love the concept, but I hate musicals and I heard it is one so
I haven't watched... YET lol.

Yeah of course haha, no problem on scrolling up. Have to refer back to give the best answers possible sometimes XD.

And don't cringe at your effort with gym guy mate, you were simply doing the best you could with what he was giving you to work with. It's like you said he didn't contact you so, you had to step up and take the bold step which you did, no shame or harm in that. Also I think you guys are building toward a good friendship, sometimes great friendships start off slow and work through those long foundations before they become best friends and super close friends.
And yeah you're right I'll work on just putting aside the past, her motives, and just enjoy the playing of what it is now :)!!

[Asker]

Hey no, no, no, don’t be sorry!!! I always need that push and totally down to talk about it with you. But Im ALWAYS the one to initiate and for once I actually want him to choose to step up and do something. If I would’ve asked and got rejected it would’ve been the third time. Remember? Haha. But I don’t know if you know this but I had to go home for 5 days and get away from it all. I recently got back and just am fed up with myself of how much I spend my energy, time, emotions, and mental state STILL that I’m just happy with what it is right now. Because I neeed to be. Thank you. thank you.

Whoa, sounds like Ashley and I could’ve been great friends haha. Ohhhh so you never took her bait back then when you thought she was too good for you? But now looking back, it was because of other issues? Were those other issues with you or with her? Hahaha just want to clear it up. It truly sounds like my sitch with gym guy... I’m not sure about him thinking I’m too good for him. But I could be the first one to take on the male role and he doesn’t know what to do with it. & despite his “Mr. Business,” category.. there could be other issues. Ya know?

Yes, I do think that the more I watch him interact with people and listen to how much he knows about life, I very well could be not good enough for him.

Basically, everything happens in the woods. It’s kind of the place to be in hahaha you just have to watch it. It’s kind of dark and sad so maybe don’t watch it lol.

YOU DA BEST :)

Hahahahaha I cringy person.. especially when it comes to myself. All the time, I’m like why am I the way I am?

“Sometimes great friendships start off slow and work through those long foundations before they become best friends and super close friends.” I never thought of it that way! What a great insight! Thanks for that!!

Have a great Saturday, mate!!

[Opinion Owner]

Wait, wait, wait... Third time like the number after 2? No way, I only remember the one time, When did moment of truth asking part 2 commence? I need details haha. But yeah I just didn't want to keep pushing the issue you know, I know outside interference on matters of the heart can be annoying after a while, when people outside the issue make it seem like they know what's best and all that lol. I think I remember you saying you were going home, but I thought it was just because, I wasn't aware it was because things were getting to you on the gym guy sitch, sorry to hear that :(. When you feel like you're not gaining ant ground on getting whatcha want, it can consume almost every thought and send yah into depression real quick. So it's good to get away from those thoughts for a bit, if ya can, so thats a good thing.

Haha Ashley was super cool, I'm sure you too would have got along great yeah. Especially with the boldness lol. And no there were no issues in the past at all, I meant just that there were times when she would ask me to take her on a date, or when we'd go shopping for her she would get these like sexy style clothes, an I'm like how come I never see you in these after the dressing room haha (jokingly) and she would be like "thats cause you never take me out". And there's more reasons than the one I'm about two list BUT a major one is that I didn't think I was good enough at all for her. plus she would say comments like " I wonder how many guys would hit on me if you weren't here" I don't know why exactly but this comment stung and there's others trust me.

Like j, here's the thing and this could be more venting than looking for advise, through any insight is cool and appreciated always from you mate. But so we played again today Sunday, and as always it was great. She's always like "had so much fun" yeah. But the thing is this is about as far as a friendship is NOW, video games here and there...

[Opinion Owner]

I use to see this girl everyday multiple times a day, she couldn't leave my side without texting "miss you already" or "cant wait to see you at (time)". At work she had to say goodbye to me. If she was working a 7-3 and I a 4-11 shed ask me to come early to see her, and then sometimes stay till freakin 11 with me lol. and I'd do the same. She'd text early so that we could wear matching uniforms lol, and wear makeup I liked. Like lipstick color I wanted or eyeshadow I wanted or my favorite color. sigh... 😔 😔.

she would always grab my arm or waist, and constantly hug me, to the point it was annoying at the time haha, but it always one me over of course. And now to just video game buddies...😡, I think thats my issue here... it's like going from that to this which is soooo low tier compared to what I once had. And you see what asking to hang out got... it got straight ignored, so I don't know if I will ever get that back or what.

Believe me im happy with her being back and any interaction. Honestly the more we talk I think the more she keeps getting amazing in my eyes again, which is bittersweet of course. But the thing still is she just isn't the same girl completely, she's into stuff I'm against now and she once was, and she wants to be a tatted up girl (which isn't bad or horrible just different lol), and god she curses like a sailor now, and everything is annoying or aggravating or stressful lol to her.

she's honestly reminding me of a girl I swore I'd never wanted to deal with again and have been happy to no longer have in life lol, but now she's slowly getting all her mannerisms. so there's that, but I still care for this girl so much. So it kinda makes me a hypocrite to reject one girl for things she did similar and be so into this one if that makes sense? Not that, that matters lol, because personality wise the difference is insane lol.

[Opinion Owner]

I even use to have full access to her phone, something she wouldn't even allow her boyfriend at the time haha, or anyone else and now the friendship is so basic ugh 😔.

It wasn't to long ago she was asking me to help her go to the store and buy a 4k TV, and help her set it up lol, and now I wish I had J mate 😔. but I was still feeling unworthy at the time.

Alright relaxing on the venting lol. But Seriously Don't think you're not worthy of gym guy, take it from me it will just rob YOU of opportunities that might be there that you can prove your worth (to yourself or him) or just have a good time haha. Like me missing out on going tv shopping with her. But seriously DON'T THINK THAT WAY, try to get out of that mindset ASAP.

HAHA HARDLY... MAYBE THE BEST AT BEING CRINGEWORTHY 😂, BUT thanks THOUGH. YOU'RE THE REAL MVP.

Cringe is my middle name. it honestly sounds like you stay in your head like me lol. We're our own worst enemy when it comes to thinking things we do our uncool, disappointing, or cringey lol.

Sorry to hit you with all this, I always feel bad Because I know what you're trying to get out of your situation, so it's like rubbing it in your face or something, so hopefully it doesn't come off that way or anything.

Hope you had a great weekend to mate 😊

[Asker]

Yes... hahaha I was wondering why you kept saying second time to hang out. Okay here’s the timeline. Met him in January of last year. Made it my mission to make him my friend in March. First time asked him to hang out in July. He said no because it was his birthday weeekend. He did say “I’m just chillin on Sunday.” But I had to drive home that morning. Went home and on a trip then came back in mid-August. Second time to ask him to hang out was in October. I asked what he was doing that weekend because I asked face-to-face he said he was just taking care of his parents’ dogs. So I asked him to hang out.. he said yes, we made plans. He messaged me 30 minutes before we were supposed to hang out he said he forgot he had to take care of his parents’ dogs, which was a lie because he already knew he had to. Also, we we planned to hang out at a lake. He could’ve brought the dogs. Anyways, I messaged back I said “it’s all good. Thanks for letting me know.” “Oh by the way, this was just a hangout as friends. Didn’t want you to think of it in the wrong way.” He started typing. Then he deleted what he was writing and never replied. So I didn’t see him for a week after that. The first day I saw him, he approached me telling me he hasn’t seen me in awhile and asked what have I been up to. I was very cold and rude. Still recovering from his rejection. Actually worked out thinking why did his rejection hurt, but still drawn to him. THATS WHEN, I realized I liked this dude as more than a friend. It wasn't always like that. But it was like “I want what I can’t have.” And boy did I want what I couldn’t have. Then a week later after that... still October, I went up to him apologizing to him letting him know I didn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable and feel like he had to say yes to me then feel like he had to lie to me about not hanging out. He said

[Asker]

He didn’t lie that he really had a buddy come into town and he had to hang with him!! HUMPHHHH... that wasn’t what he told me lol. But I let it slide. I ended the convo, “okay well I’m sorry, I will never ask you to hang out again.” He said, “ there’s still time to hang out” I said, “well I have finals coming and holiday breaks I’m fixing to leave for awhile.” He said, “oh you’re going back home?” I said “yeah, see you later.” And I left. He upped his game in the gym from
Then on. But it all stayed in the gym. So when I got back in January that’s when I realized it was time to get over him and he didn’t like me and it was time to move on. Then he upped his game again. And here we are. Well you know the rest and everything in between. I’ve totally given up at this point. My school is suffering. Im suffering. Gotta move on. IM CRINGING. ILL BE BACK.

[Asker]

Okay terribly sorry about that!! I just couldn’t relive that but I’m over it now.

Wow!! I didn’t realize that was a thing.. “I didn’t think I was good enough at all for her” pfftttt yeah that comment was not necessary! I think she was just trying to get you jealous! Not to make matters worse, but she really liked you! Take it from someone in her kind of in her shoes.

About your venting: you are on what we call, sideline friendship zone. You’re still suited up. Ready to play. Maybe second string, in for sure when a player gets hurt but you’re on the sideline. You’re in the friendzone for attention and feels good and toying with emotions. I could totally be wrong cause man is she confusing!! But just reading first hand, that’s what I get. I know it is an issue. I know it must be so frustrating!! UGHHHH LIKE I UNDERSTAND.

Question: How much do guys take personality into an account? Like what if gym guy isn’t physically attracted to me but likes my personality and likes me to jus talk to him because I’m fun and sweet (LOL. I get that all the time)

Gonna speak truth, stop caring for this girl!!! It doesn’t seem like she truly cares for you in the way you care for her. Which sucks, I know!!! She sucks so bad. She’s changed. She’s someone you don’t want. So let your feelings catch up, and don’t want her!! Hahaha I know, I know, easier said than done. I will say girls like to have guy friends especially someone from their past, around to boost their confidence because they could be super insecure.. that could be her and that’s not fair for you especially if you have feelings for her when she’s stringing you along. I COULD BE ALL WRONG. What do I know? Nothing hahahahaha. I’m glad to know you can vent to me though!! Keep doing it :)

About your “don’t think you’re not worthy of gym guy,” I truly don’t think anything will happen!!! I think he has better options and holding out for someone better.. I know I do that and it’s all fun and games til it gets done to u

[Asker]

HAHAHAH CRINGE TWINS!!!

YES IN MY HEAD ALL THE TIME.. but I’ve recently come to an ease. I don’t know how but I let go things faster now!!

ITS ALL GOOOOD. No, no, no doesn’t come off in any bad way!! Gym guy is just misssing out on me hahah

When you guys text, what do you talk about? Have you thought about pouring your feelings out to her? Or just communicating with her?
When you

[Opinion Owner]

Oh, wow when you said I'll be back I thought it was your usual, "Not done" style, i didn't know it was getting to you mate, sorry about that, to make you relive the traumatic experience yeah.

But wow, ok so you definitely went into the full details of what happened back then, And I can still see how the negative feelings came about him, but I don't think he meant to be hurtful there, which I think you know by now of course with the time you've had to reflect on it lol. But I think what happened is he probably did have to watch the dogs but used it as an excuse to prioritize seeing the other mate over you. You ever confirm if this "buddy" was a girl or guy? There's usually a hidden Peking order of priority when it comes to hanging out with the other sex. Like I use to be priority over other guys except this girls boyfriend, but eventually I trumped him lol, so even though prior plans were made, IF I asked to hang out she would cancel with other guys we worked with, other guys, and yes even the boyfriend. So that's what it sounds like happened in my opinion with the second time asking. I've seen it first hand lol, and I've been guilty of it myself with said person, I'd accept a hangout with another person and then if she wanted to hang out, I'd quickly cancel with the other nicely by saying... I had extra HW, or I had to feed the neighbors dogs (which was true, but only took about 30min MAX lol). But I'd have a clear conscience because it wasn't a complete lie you know haha. Overall it's pretty messed up in a way though 🤔.

But sorry to hear how it's been affecting your school and personal life, "suffering" is quite an intense word. So I hope your moving on process goes amazingly well, and one of those other sexy body hotties at the gym place a mat near you and says "what's up girl" 😏

Haha well, at the time I had somewhat , low self esteem and there were other mates she was interested in prior to me who I'd classify as more attractive than myself at the time, at least in my eye

[Opinion Owner]

Nah, you're not making matters worst, I KNOW she DID, but that's past tense sadly... and competition has only gotten steeper with her on social media now lol. But beyond that, There were so many reason I couldn't act on her liking me before, thats what annoys me too. Basically falls into the honor, being old fashioned, and the gentlemen category lol as to why no past actions were taken.

😂😂😂😂😂, Your metaphorical way of explaining the FZ is hilarious hahah. Nah I don't think you're wrong, it's what I'd call this situation too. This is gonna sound weird because the parallels make zero sense realistically, but it's like I care about her like she's family/like a kid sister and more potentially at the same time if that makes sense haha? But trust me it sort of makes no sense. The only way I can explain it is like, because we were such close friends first, it's not so much being with her, as it is I just wish we were close again. She use to tell me everything and I legit mean everything no secrets, and no details spared lol. And it use to mean a lot that she would share anything she found exciting to me.

And when we talk now, I take notice all the time when she's mentioning other people or new friends or places she's been or concerts she's gone to, and it's like I want to ask about them but I can't because ever since that falling out, if I ask certain things she gets a certain way and this is because she's a girl with many many secrets and she likes it that way honestly. So she gets defensive like I'm trying to get her to spill a secret or something and I just genuinely find things she does interesting and love hearing how passionate she gets when she's talking about them. Now she the problem here is that I'm known for being the guy that listens and ask questions that makes it seem like I care, its what she use to love about me, how attentive I was and how she could share things or talk about things and I'd get as excited as she would right?

[Opinion Owner]

well now because I fear her reaction if I ask about something, or if I comment on something that I took notice on, I Don't comment or I change the subject or answer vaguely and this creates a disconnect that we once had. So you pair that with the not texting or initiating, and the not being on social media... and we have the friendship that exist now. Gaming and thats it.

I just miss what was. And that close bond from before, and if I could get that friend back I'd still be ok with not being with her lol. not that I even need that, she's just someone rather I love her or hate her, I just feel this attachment or connection to where I think I do just want her as a person in my life to whatever extent, even if it is this limited friendship you know.

there's a few occasions where I can see her warming back up to the old ways actually. Like when she recently called me up when she was sad, or how she's going to universal this weekend and she actually told me. And I brushed it off the first time, and then when we talked yesterday which I was surprised she text again (it's been more frequent lately lol), she brought it up again almost like she wanted to talk about it. But I didn't bite because I swear if I asked it would've gone sour, I just know it. But yet at the end of our conversation she's like Yeah I'll tell you all about it when I get back 😯. I was shocked to hear this, almost reminded me of the old her. But if she forgets to talk about it when she gets back AND SHE WILL, DESPITE what she said... I'm not bringing it up sadly, as much as I would love to hear about it. Because I know her and with her I'm almost never wrong, like seriously. but sigh it sucks to mate.

But also back to the kid sister comment haha so its like I still have the protective nature over her we both once use to have. Like she made it this thing from before we we had to call each other when we got home to let each other know we're safe. Use to be corny to me.

[Opinion Owner]

but now I find myself wanting her to do it lol or I hate to see her sad, or stuff like that. And So I feel like a protective older brother sometimes, weird yeah? But I'm also not against a relationship with her, as I never use to see things that way at first, but she yes SHE use to always push relationshippy stuff and ask stuff like I wonder how we'd be together, or get mad when I use to quickly tell people we're not together when our workplace thought we were and would ask haha. And it's something I kind of would like to explore now of course. But it's not relationship or nothing in my eyes where I need to "move on" per say kind of thing, hopefully this makes sense, its weird though I know, considering lol. But I 'm content with friendship if thats all it ever stays, I just wish the predictability of knowing she's gonna ignore something or get angry at something wasn't there, but I'm rarely wrong when it comes to her. And also when it comes to her, see I know I could get her to be interested again, like if I stated posting on Pinterest, update my picture, join social media, get back active on snapchat... believe me she'd get curious 😋. I just stopped everything related to her after the falling out so there's no reason for her to be curious when it comes to me at the moment you know. She gets so excited if I mention something I've done recently, but I don't go into detail nor is it ever as exciting as it seems lol. I got closed off and depressed like mad crazy after that falling out, so I didn't really do much, but it's I think its time to reclaim the old me again lol. Plus with her if I'm to make any progress it's the only way now you know?

[Opinion Owner]

Whoo boy, sorry for this book I just wrote. we'll conclude it there haha. but hm, personality counts for a whole lot, I've grown feelings for girls I wasn't physically attracted to in the beginning, but through getting to know them they're personality won me over. Now granted there still has to be some level of physical interest there though before I consider "getting with" them lol. Are you doubting your physical attractiveness currently when it comes to gym guy?

"Gym guy is just missing out on me hahah" keep this mentality for as any guy, especially him. They're missing out on the Awesomeness that you'd bring into they're life, sucks for them. "I think he has better options"... See you can't say stuff like this mate. You have to believe you're the BEST option, there's no option 2 when it comes to you.
" holding out for someone better"... HAHA REALLY, Nooo mate, that someone better is already their working out right next to him, you just have to believe that you are. Confidence goes 1000 miles trust me. He sees something in you, even if you're questioning it, guys don't hang around lame girls when they have these so called better options, they hang around when they no longer need to add other options into the solved equation mate :).

oh and well reopening the book I guess lol.. nahhhh I'm not pouring my heart out to her, thats a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE IDEA... believe me haha. If I want to lose her thats the recipe for it lol. You'd think otherwise, but in the case of her its a recipe for good bye ken 😂.

[Asker]

Okay, hahahah I'm just being so dramatic. I wasn't reliving trauma. It wasn't barely traumatic. But you know what they say, "hindsight is 20/20." I got another glimpse of that. Looking back and typing that all out just reminded me of how much I've thought about him, felt for him, gone through the battle of "does he like me? does he not like me?" then overthinking our moments/convos, and everything in between. Now looking at him, makes me realize he never thought about me or put as much as energy into this as me or has any feels/effort towards me and then realizing again he has no idea about anything on my side. The actual worst part is wondering everything about his side, so many wonderings, questions, and things that I would love to be answered. But I can't read minds. But typing it all out was I believe, more a hurtful than cringeworthy this time. Sorry, I'm back.

I'm pretty sure it was a guy. I don't know He could have a girl on the side. THAT WOULD ACTUALLY ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS!! hahahah I got overcome with this feeling the other day that him having a girl could make everything come into clear view. Like everything would make sense of his lack of effort if he did have a girl. But i don't know, thinking about that makes me want to throw up. Man, I wish I knew. Hmmm, how could I find that out?
Yeah, he hasn't once canceled out or made me or priority. That clears up some stuff too.

I don't handle the moving on process very well. I suppress everything until it all rises back up. So right now I've put everything to the back burner and moved my studies to the front. Focusing on school hard core right now. No sexy body hotties for me right now. I'm donnnnneeeeeeeee.

HAHAHAHAH. Glad you think my FZ analogy was a good one.

Okay first off, "your book" loved reading it and hearing your heart and the details that you've put in. However, it made me so sad for you and remind me of a best friendship I had with a guy along time ago. Which I haven't dealt with ever

[Asker]

So I don't know how much of help I can be. But here goes...

"I care about her like she's family/like a kid sister more potentially at the same time," MAKES PERFECT SENSE. What a guy you are. About those secrets and "she likes it that way honestly," ... wow do you see that as a red flag in her personality and choices?

1. Sounds like you're walking on eggshells around her. "Now because I fear her reaction if I ask about something... and this creates a disconnect that we once had." 2. Sounds like something has happened in her recent past that has caused her to change her behavior. She sounds very complex. She almost sounds like she's had a unstable dad in her life or trust issues because of a past relationship. But with you, it's like she almost wants to break down walls completely but then she builds it back up. 3. With the history + present + your feelings + her, I think you love her. 4. Wait, where do you live? You said, "universal this weekend"

"DESPITE what she said... I'm not bring it up sadly, as much as I would love to hear about it. Because I know her and with her I'm almost never wrong, like seriously but sigh it sucks to mate." OKAY THAT SUCKS SO BAD. I don't even know what to say to that. I feel so terrible for you!! Makes me want to cry. I don't know, I feel like there should be freedom in communication that you should be able to watch yourself when it comes to just talking about the weekend.

Oh yeah I for sure know what you mean when you said it's not a relationship where you need to move on. I don't think you should move on. AS WEIRD AS THAT SOUNDS, I think you be patient with her. I think you allow yourself some time keep seeing where this goes... to grow your relationship. Maybe one day you guys will be in a relationship and look back on this time and see how much you learned to have a foundational friendship or how the baby steps helped you in certain situations or look back and see how much you learned about her and you. I feel like you

[Asker]

are taking everything in and wow THAT'S GOLD. Keep doing you. Keep letting her surprise you. I think it's fun when someone keeps you on your toes. Maybe not in the exact way she's doing to you but honestly, it's easier for you as the guy, I know you care a lot but you don't have to ask or make comments or put the hard effort in as you would if you were her actual boyfriend. Just sit back and let her come to you. And honestly, you're in a safe position right where you are with her. Now, you are your worst enemy and you gotta control what gets to you so you don't make yourself crazy, like I have with gym guy. Not saying you have, but don't get to that place. don't claim the old you again, claim a new, better version of you. you've grown and changed just from this. You don't see it but you have. Remember "hindsight is 20/20."

Yeah, I always doubt my physical attractiveness when it comes to any guy. There's a lot of pretty girls here and gorgeous fit girls at the gym. So yeah, insecurities come out ugly on me. HAHA.

Will you elaborate when you said "he sees something in you, even if you're questioning it, guys don't hang around lame girls when they have these so called better options, they hang around when they no longer need to add other options into the solved equation mate"? I had an awful day with him, he flat out ignored me. I watched him look at me while I was working out and stretching while he was training some girl. He was flirting, laughing, talking great conversation with her. I never caught eyes with him but I could sense every now and then his body would turn and he would give me a look. It's what he does. He's very sneaky, he thinks HAHAHA. He has great peripheral. I'm not making that up. He tries so hard but I'm smarter than him. ANWAYS, remember our rule? He left without saying anything to me. I watched him leave. I wanted to throw up and claw that girls' eyes out. so I don't know, mate about him hanging around.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so what I meant by my comment is that this guy has Putin effort where a normal guy would not. He even tried to adhere to the rule you set by Saying hi to each other everyday no matter what. A lot of people focus on only the "good looking" aspect of dating or relationships and forget that a wide range of what creates relationships is from connection, chemistry, how you make someone FEEL. These are things you guys have displayed from long ago, no matter how rocky things get or how great they are there's these emotions there.

It takes effort to ignore someone, it takes effort to talk to someone, it takes effort to do things to be around someone, it took effort to even come up with an elaborate way to back out of the hang out at the time you asked. Most guys who don't care about a girl will decline with no explanations or a basic one like "I didn't feel like it".

You might feel less than when it comes to these supposed super model, Victoria secret angels on his better list of options, but trust me those girls that seem like they have the best body, a killer smile, a charming personality, are hiding something they're insecure about to, and maybe when you have your time to interact with this gym adonis , they're thinking wow that girl showcases such security in what she has to offer, that girl talks with such ease and intelligence, she gets him to work out with her without any effort and I have to pay for his personal trainer services, wow how is she so collected and well put together.

No-one is out of your league. Rich or poor, dirty or clean, flexible or non flexible, Fortune 500 or fast food worker, you make a person feel a connection with you beyond your life situations, beyond what goes on IN YOUR HEAD, beyond what other people on the outside may say or think... then no-one can stop you from getting the person you want except yourself. Feeling something cannot be helped or controlled or explained 100% logically. It just happens and it just IS...

[Opinion Owner]

" If it appears that a man is choosing looks over substance, then it’s not a man that a high-value woman, like yourself, should want." -Miss Soloman

Even if you feel less physically attractive, look at it... you're hitting the gym (frequently at that) and doing something to get the way you want.. so even that's something he probably take notice in, especially being a motivator and gym instructor. You're goal oriented and ambitious is what that gives off.

Now this next section brace yourself because it will be very familiar haha, but I don't think you will move on unless you ask the questions you want answers to. I Don't think just trying to erase this will be satisfactory enough for you. This is something you've thought about for awhile, seem heavily invested in, and put a lot of energy into. So I think you will not be able to move on until you do the deed mate. Finding out if there's a ms gym guy, or if he would hang out with you will always haunt you until you have that certainty. Especially with wanting to throw up with not receiving a greeting from him haha. Plus I feel like the only way to gather more intel on where you stand on his list is if we had more evidence lol. Like evidence that comes from how he takes you asking for the 3rd/final time. We/you could better access if it's possible or a dead end, or worth stressing over or worth dropping you know.

How's your girlfriend circle? like your close gal pals if you don't mind me asking? I'm curious as to what they might say about the situation or the guy himself?

and also I'm thinking your universal is probably California haha. But I stay in orange park, fl. and my universal is in Orlando which is a 1 to 1hr 30 away depending. You don't live in Florida do you😯?

[Opinion Owner]

Wait also on the rules you guys set... weren't you both supposed to say hi to each other no matter what... why did you let him leave without saying goodbye J😤, you're supposed to say it to if it looks like it won't get said before the days over haha. And did something happen that caused a rift recently between you two?

And mate, believe me what you wrote was very touching and helpful and emotional. I could cry me self after reading it. I kid you not the I tell you I've never had anyone take the time to go into such detail like you do when you explain a situation. Close friends, wise uncles, people who claim they're empathy magicians have never provided such level of detail like you do mate. A lot of what you said is indeed very spot on. I'm no fan of her dad, and yes she's had not so great past relationships, and I didn't help when I further broke her trust. So again that's why I try to be patient with her. Even at my own expense most Times lol.

There's just so many times I thought we wouldn't even be nothing by now because of the past pain we caused each other lol. So many times did I get the silent treatment from her lol. But I also remember she would try to mend the fence by sending a picture of us together on snap and putting memories on the caption, and I'd be like it doesn't have to be over we can make new ones lol. it use to be so boyfriendish girlfriendish I swear haha.
when we would fight I would be like it's ok I won't bother you anymore, you know super dramatics and a bit of reverse psychology lol... and she'd be like no I'm not just going to cut you off you're family. I'd play it cool but on the inside I was feeling like a champ and like I , want something to her you know.

I can still remember when we were watching maze runner in the theater and she lays her head on my shoulder and is like ken you're the only person I ever said I love you too outside my boyfriend...

[Opinion Owner]

or the day she texted I love you, I'm so happy I have you in my life. J, omg these memories can be nice to revisit but so painful at the same time. I even literally still have every picture and text she ever sent. Just not on my current phone because I switched of course but I still have the phone if I wanted to revisit and cry myself into depression haha.

RAWRRR... but anyway not gonna make book part 2 haha but, thank you for the kind words again. I like to think I've manned up an matured greatly since then also hahah. And Yeah I feel like I'm slooooooooooooooooowly breaking down walls with her again. She was telling me things again, just barely but I'll take it you know. how she did a friends make up, got invited to 2 weddings and how she's always a bridesmaid never the bride lol. so yeah one day at a time, and only time will tell :). You've been beyond awesome through this process though😊

[Opinion Owner]

Ah and one more thing... guess I'm just sharing cause there's no advice needed here haha, but I think talking about her and the past just puts a guy in the feels no matter what. so I like even remember for Halloween awhile back when she dressed up like Harley Quinn, and I'm work minding my business as usual lol, and she sends this sexy Harley Quinn pic where she s like can't wait to come and kiss my puddin...😯. once again you can imagine my excitement haha. but she was always sending kissy face pics or rather duckface pics omg haha... sooo many. But no complaints here.

now our job was even against us though, they started putting us on different shifts, and opposite ends of the store so I remember not even seeing her that day because I got off early and they made her come in late 😔. We did do things we shouldn't have though, we took 2 hr to 3 hr lunch breaks, left early, would sneak over to see each other. or take jobs near the other haha. so they hated us. 😔😔😔I think I just depressed myself haha.

sigh I miss stuff like that

[Asker]

Oh okay, so guys are not just being nice. Like there has to be an interest and an effort when it comes to being around girls? See for me, I’m just nice all the time. I’ll talk to anyone for no reason. You think he doesn’t feel obligated to be nice to me so he stays around me? Always in my head, but because I have asked him to hang out twice, my belief is that he feels obligated to be nice to me. Maybe he knows I have this huge interest in him but he feels bad for me, so he treats me like he cares. I don’t’ know.

I’m going to jump around a bit, my girlfriend circle? I don’t talk about it with my girlfriend circle. Except one girl who lives in London and we only message about it because of one funny instance that happened. Lol That’s a different story saved for later. Then I talk about it with you. You can imagine my conflict with bottling everything up. Which I already do, but in these situations it is not good to be left alone with my own thoughts and emotions. Everyone when I mention it, is so harsh with me. They all say the same thing, “Oh this happens only in the gym?” “You can’t like him if you’ve never hung out with him.” “He’s not asking you out, move on.” “He doesn’t like you or he would be pursuing you.” Or my favorite, “How can you even like someone this much when all you have this based off of is little moments at the gym?” I’m careful with who I talk about it now with. Makes me feel stupid when I open up. Nobody understands. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for the sweet advice all the time and not being so harsh. Side note: I thought you lived in the UK since you say “mate,” all the time.. and then when I read Universal I don’t know why but I thought of Harry Potter World in London. Hahaha. No I’m in Arkansas but originally from Texas. I wish I lived FL for Disney world and the beach.

[Asker]

“Did something happen that caused a rift between you two?” I have nonstopped thought about this question since I read it. Honestly, it’s the reason why I’ve taken so long to reply. There’s a couple of things I have thought about that could have caused a rift within him. But always in my head so tell me what you think, that day he stretched with me he asked me pop his back, I rejected because I was afraid I was going to hurt him. He was like “naaahhh. You won't hurt me.” I said “No, I can’t do that.” OH, I also told him, I needed him to hurry up and get done stretching so I could work out because I didn’t want him watching me while I worked out. I would’ve felt judged by him. Well I think I embarrassed him because if he believes that was his way of letting me know he likes me, then he took my rejection of not popping his back as a rejection in interest in him. I’m telling you since then, he HAS BEEN SO DIFFERENT. He isn’t the same around me anymore. Like today, I saw him and he was so antsy and like moving all around the place trying to get away from me and avoid me but still had this want to talk to me. Legit, I was in mid sentence and he walked away to get a drink from the water fountain. I DON’T GET IT. But okay so there’s another thing… remember gym guy A? Married guy, mutual friend, gym guy and him work together? We’ve gotten closer. We talk all the time in the gym. Like side conversations… I’m always laughing. He’s always telling me ahbout his life. We have each other on snapchat and my crush NEVER COMES AROUND ME when gym guy A and I are talking or like if the three of us are close together, my crush won’t talk or look at me. He just backs off completely. Also, I’ve gotten closer with of my crush’s clients that he works out with but he’s an older gentlemen, married, and just a very sweet guy. Don’t take this wrong way, but somehow I find favor with older married guys. So anytime my crush’s client and I are talking, MY CRUSH NEVER COMES AROUND ME OR TALKS TO

[Asker]

and he intentionally avoids me. Except one time, he shook the gentleman’s hand and asked “How are you?” BUT THEN NEVER LOOKED AT ME. What do you think? ARE YOU CONFUSED? That’s all that has come to mind… or a conceited theory would be he’s watched me more and more in the gym and is scared of his feelings for me that have grown but because of his place in life he has to back away. HAHAHHA BUT THAT’S NOT TRUE

Yes, the rule. UGH. I KNOW. I KNOW. But like I said I got so jealous of the girl he was with because he laughing and smiling and talking it up with her but he doesn’t do that with me. Plus, I did to him what he always does to me. ANYTIME, we are like five feet apart from each other or just in the same proximity….. he will intentionally not look at me.

HANG ON ILL BE BACK. Gotta study.

[Asker]

Alright I’m back!!
Hahahahaha thank you so much for that encouragement. Really boosted my confidence.

When you said “no one can stop you from gettin the person you want except yourself,” that’s not true for this case. He can stop me from getting who I want. I had that off feeling that he might have a girlfriend. But again I don't know. Makes me sick to think about.
The other day he came up to me to talk to me but he couldn’t just stand there and talk he kept leaving and trying to walk away. Like he didn’t want to talk to me or was scared someone might see us talking and get the wrong idea.

You’re absolutely right I can’t move on unless I ask the questions I want answered. I can’t just erase this. I’ve tried so hard to and nothings working. I don’t know what to do anymore. I keep saying this but for sure this time I’m all out of plans. HAHAHA YES EVIDENCE IS WHAT WE NEED. But my friend the girl I talk to about this asked me a hard question and she said “don’t you think if he wanted to hang out with you, he would be asking you? And don’t you want to hang out with someone who wants to hang out?” I was like WHOA, that hit hard in my stomach and she is so right. What do you think from a guy’s perspective?

I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. However, I’m glad my words impacted you. I’m glad I’m here for you. I’m also sad, you don’t have family or friends to speak that truth over you.

“Even at my expense most times lol.” Talk about selfless relationship. I think so many relationships fail because they don’t think of the other person above themselves. They don’t put them first in these types of situations and they expect “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” But people will fail and disappoint you most times. Keep at it. Steady wins the race.

Wow those memories!!! I can’t imagine how you must feeling revisiting those. I know it must be super hard though. HAHAHAHA LOLZ at you guys’ sneakiness work rebellious acts.

Let me ask you this, since you

[Asker]

Guys have reconnected have you asked her what you can do for her? Like for instance, have you complimented in how you enjoy time with her playing games then casually asked her what else you guys could do together that would make her happy? Ya know? Or does that not make sense? I think if I was in her shoes, and we’re totally different, I think I would like a guy even more if he took my interest into his hands and was actually THERE for me? I remember my best guy friend and I went through so many separate relationship rollercoasters of our own and each time we got our heartbroken we each were faithful in being apart of the healing process in small ways with each other. Like one day, I had my heart broken and my best guy friend took me to a baseball game and just hung out with me. We didn’t talk about it but just spending time with him made me have confidence in myself again and not be torn down because of a stupid heartbreak.

[Asker]

Now don’t take that advice if you know how she will react and that reaction will be negative. But girls love small ways to be loved and cared for

[Opinion Owner]

Not 100% sure, but what it sounds like you're getting at is, do I think he's hanging around you or interacting with you out of pity? That's a definite no, at least from what I gather. Now, it's a valid and fair point and people do, do that sort of thing and that includes guys yes haha, but in your case, I truly don't think it's a situation where this guy is feeling forced to interact with you out of guilt or pity, or any undertone reason other than he enjoys your company and the interactions you two have.

AHHH I see, and yeah I totally get that. I understand that 100%. My nearby circle of people I know (friends is a loose term I'd use lol), pretty much disregard what I might bring to them about situations like this too, so I avoid oversharing or sharing with anybody near me PERIOD. So I totally feel you there. But that also sucks to hear, because I know how bottling things up like deep level crushes can eat away at you within. And there's just some things even a clear detailed explanation won't help solve for us that try to sympathize and help you from afar, that a true close friend experiencing and seeing it up close and personal will be able to evaluate you know lol.

Haha yeah I have a Australian friend that "mates" me to death so it just kind of rubbed off on me and I abuse/use it now without even trying. It's just become part of my texting habits now too 😂. But no unfortunately no cool exotic mate here, just a boring American Floridian lol😔. I would of never thought ARKANSAS wow haha. That's interesting. I personally know little to nothing about the state. I imagine Oregon like terrain though haha, probably way off though.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, well YES, I am confused on this next part. The only reason I could think of him doing this 360/full turn on how he acts after the back popping situations, is potentially because he's just confused on your actions like you mentioned. I Don't really know if embarrassed is the word I'd use but it could be that lol. I think it might be because it was a chance to break the physical barrier between you two (which might already be broken, idk), and you didn't take the bait. This could be way off of course. But it seemed like a escalation move in my opinion, where you offer up this opportunity to advance a relationship or further a friendship even, by creating a chance to break the tension of a taboo topic or a physical barrier that exist. So I guess that could be on his mind as he interacts with you now. Because his antsy behavior seems like what nervous nerds or shy guys do. They have no intent to be weird or offensive, but they act that way because they're confused or anxious around someone that they find intimidating. This is the case... USUALLY. I don't see that being the trouble with this so called confident gym guy haha. So yeah I'm just as confused as you really lol.

Now this next situation... hm, this is quite familiar. You talked about him being odd before with married guy #1 and you, Where he doesn't look at you or talk to you, and acts like you're not there. Also with that, its not much surprise to see him being the same way with you and married client guy.

This sort of behavior makes me believe he does like you. I say this because the behavior seems territorial but handled In a passive aggressive way. You know where you give your wife or best friend the silent treatment In hopes they will bend the way you want them to bend, or give into your demands. In your case, he treats you bad for interacting with other GUYS he knows. At least thats what it appears like.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, to be honest... with your sitch, I have to apologize because I just don't see many ways to help you with this guy beyond just having a chat with him, and asking the tough questions haha. Because
1. he acts, what I would call, jealous when you have three way interactions involving guys he knows.
2. He's hot or cold based off actions you do or don't (which would mean he holds you in a high position where he has expectations for you, and acts out if you don't meet them)
3. You both seemed to be going to great lengths to avoid each other or do acts to cause further jealousy lol (no offense)

Now, About the question your friends presented... HMMM. I sort of think what's resonating with you is sort of this negative reinforcement haha. I think you're gravitating towards this idea that he isn't into you or can't be into you because his inaction, and anything that reinforces that idea resonates with you. I think you guys have more couple qualities than you both realize haha. You both sort of remind me of ex's forced to be around each other to a point, if that makes sense. hopefully that doesn't come off offensive, I just mean you two have touching moments then it hits a slope where you're avoiding each other you know lol. But I just think Maybe he hasn't forgotten what you said when you mentioned "I'll never ask you to hang out again". and then moments like the refusing to pop his back. I wouldn't see those as points against you but I think maybe he is. Other than that it's not common, his behavior so it's hard to determine, and in this case I guess your friend isn't wrong. He could've asked you out by now. But I think you just have to talk to him. No rush, take the time to work up the nerve or courage and just Talk it out, in your own time.

A few other things is, I CANNOT believe you passed over the opportunity to have him watch you workout hahahah. You could've showed off and wowed him. And him having a girlfriend, can you ask the married snapchat guy?

[Opinion Owner]

WHOAAA, whoa... did not cry, haha, just to clear that up. I was just shocked by your response and the detail haha, but no tears were shed in the writing of this message.

Have I asked her what I can do for her? 🤔. I wouldn't ask her that to be honest lol. And no I haven't complimented her when we play games. She always says if it was fun but I can't. It's tough to explain but I just can't do things like that anymore.

Like I always made her interest mine. this was what she liked about me, but see our relationship isn't that anymore. I use to watch teen mom because she liked it. I learned every Taylor Swift song because Taylor's her god. Mani and pedis every week for her, though I personally did it before her but even more so after. Haha I can name soo many things I do now and took on just for her truuuust me.

its tough to really explain but it would not go over well to really DO anything when it comes to her. if I do anything currently, we'll be right back to ignoring and being shunned like a time out until she randomly decides to come back. So I got no moves either 😔.

[Asker]

I am so sorry for being so confusing. It has been one of those weeks where I am just brain dead. Words are hard. Feelings are mixed up. Have to reread a sentence, over and over and over because I have no idea what I just read. The other day I stood again in the aisle at the store just staring into space. Yes, I was trying to get at if he was hanging around me out of pity. That is so happy to know he enjoys me and wants to talk to me. The other day he did stay around me. Thanks for that perspective.

People suck. That’s why I try to be such a good friend to all and give my two cents in what I know. I actually care for others’ people’s problems and never want them to feel like I don’t care or their situation is dumb. It sucks having that be done to.
HAHAHHA. Yeah, Arkansas. I’m here for school. It’s actually kind of hard to explain because there’s mountains, lakes, rivers, flat and farmland, but then there’s hills, city, and rich parts. Nothing like Oregon though. It’s just a piece of everything except the beach.

Again sorry for the confusion. Ever since that day I haven’t really been confusing to him though. I’ve said hi every time since the rule, except that day when I saw him with that girl client. Hahahah. Physical barrier isn’t broken. I hugged him once and oh my gosh. I can’t touch him again. WHOA. Then he touched my forearm muscle and I melted. THEN several times he’s walked passed me and I had this urge to brush my hand against his back and brush my cold hand with my fingers up his arm as he walked by. BOTH TIMES he was inches away from me, on purpose!! BUT I GOT SCARED. AHHHHH. Cringe. Cringe. Cringe.

[Asker]

DUDE, I think he is a nervous shy guy. Like just observing him, he does all he can not to look at me because the vibe I get is he doesn’t want to put himself in a nerve-wracking situation. Or the fact that he is respecting my comment from that day, “I don’t like people watching me work out.” I didn’t let him watch me work out because my form is terrible and I would’ve felt judged and insecure. But then with others he never acts the way he does with me. Like one time we were facing each other and he was walking towards me but he got nervous when I didn’t break eye contact so he acted like he was going to pick trash up off the ground. If it wasn’t me he was looking at, he would’ve never diverted his attention. I promise you that. Again, yesterday, I was all dressed up for class and walk in the gym. I saw him for a spilt second looking at me plus his married worker friend and then the NEXT SECOND, gym guy turned his back towards me but his friend said “HEEEEEY.” That was when I had to step up and say HI, FIRST. When he does talk to me, I think it’s a confident front. I think he is totally intimidated by me. I have never had a guy act this way towards me before. SO I DON’T KNOW. He may just be ready to get away from me forever and I keep showing back up.

OH MY GOSH. Speaking of married gym worker, he is sabotaging me and gym guy.. I witnessed that first hand. WOW. But I did find out from him, gym guy doesn’t have a girlfriend. I’ll tell that story after your reply. It’s kind of long.

“This sort of behavior makes me believe he does like you.” I WISH I COULD JUST KNOW.
He always makes me bend. I can’t help it. He gets me. 1. Never had a guy jealous with me. Don’t know how to handle that. 2. I felt the same thing on the hot and cold expectations. But there’s only so much I can do and say at the gym. 3. My going of great lengths to avoid him come from not wanting to bother him and not making him jealous. I really am just so careful when it comes to making him jealous.

[Asker]

HEY. Also wanted to say nothing you’ve ever said has been taken offensively. SO ALL NONE TAKEN. You are just so right. “I think you’re gravitating towards this idea that he isn’t into you or can’t be into you because of his inaction, and anything that reinforces that idea resonates with you.” YES YES YES SO RIGHT. I just do not want to believe a lie that he does like me and just be hurt so bad in the end from believing a lie. I just want the truth to hold on to. I want to stay blinders off, in reality, out of cloud 9. Ya know what I mean? Stuff like this gets me in trouble when I get truth and feelings mixed up. Trying to stay grounded. This is the first time I have wanted things to be different. I just don’t want to expect something to happen with us and then nothing ever happens.. YA FEEL?

I thought we have had couple qualities more than we think toooooo!!! I can’t stop laughing at that comment. I feel like I’ve known him forever. WOW. I could go on and on with alist of how I feel we have couple qualities. It’s kind of scary. At minimum, I feel we’re both learning how to communicate with each other without having to pour our feelings out. I will talk to him. When the timing is right. It doesn’t feel the right timing. I almost want something to happen to move me in courage to talk to him. I’m fixing to leave again for a week or so. So now’s not the right time. But yeah I’ve decided, gonna do it.

Okay, then don’t do things like that anymore. Do what’s best for you.
Need any advice or just pour out to vent? HERE FOR YA.

[Opinion Owner]

No need to apologize. I didn't mean you were confusing to me haha, I just meant the situation as a whole and maybe gym guy would see your actions as confusing. You're always very detailed, specific and clear in your post... so no need to apologize. we all can attest to having "brain dead" weeks haha, where you're just going through the motions and trying to process information is slooooow.

And yes, people do suck. I'm surrounded by people who don't sympathize, or seem to care about what others go through outside themselves. They may offer up very generic or default answers for a situation or someone going through a tough time to keep up appearances, but ultimately they don't care lol. But yeah I can tell you're not like that and would make a great friend to those around you.

Haha yeah Arkansas, I looked it up it looks like a cool place minus no beaches I suppose.

Hm, I don't really even know if confusing is the right word here for your sitch. I don't think your actions are confusing, but just misunderstood, but I guess thats in line with confusing haha, so I don't know. Haha I get why you didn't help with the back still, but I do recommend taking advantage of opportunities to break the physical barrier whenever given though, it helps tremendously with getting the other to feel comfortable around you and let down those guarded walls. Now again everything taken with a grain of salt here of course but touching a forearm muscle, and a hug are pretty large cues for a guy trying to break the physical barrier and usually indicates interest. Which is right in line with him asking you to pop his back lol. So many times a guy is trying to touch his crush in any capacity and it usually starts with laughing and slapping the shoulder, or commenting on a girls arms to deflect from the real goal of touching her arm. But then again he is a gym instructor and his actions could be just admiration of your arm so lol.

[Opinion Owner]

But I don't think you have to be hesitant if you're wanting to touch his arm/body he's welcoming it in may opinion, and it's all above waist so it's usually seen as ok. there's usually zones you use to gauge your "threat level" when it comes to physical barriers haha.
green zone= head to shoulder
yellow zone= Arms to lower stomach region
red zones= IF YOU CAN TOUCH HERE, No need to wonder where you stand lol. (but waist and anywhere below is this area lol)

Well good on you for saying hi when he wouldn't, I'm super proud of you mate. Shy and intimidated, well this is possible. His behavior is very erratic and hard to specify. But whatever is the case I don't think he wants you gone and that's why he's being weird. I think you would be getting a serious case of what I got December 11, if he wanted to shut you out completely lol. HM, so you're saying that if it was another girl he would've gave her complete undivided eye contact?

Oh WHAAA, so you say you've witnessed married gym mate sabotaging you? Do tell? Something he's doing or saying about you? And that's perfect, that you have a clear conscience now on him NOT having a lady friend. So you're in even better position than you realize now 🤔😏.

Haha Why do you say there is only so much you can do and say at the gym? Wow, yeah I can feel yah on the avoiding behavior coming from not wanting to bothering him, that makes total sense and I definitely get that. It's where my never initiating behavior comes from.

"I just don’t want to expect something to happen with us and then nothing ever happens.. YA FEEL? " Believe me I feel yah here. It's only human to have doubt and worry haha. As much as I'm confident I'll eventually get the girl I want I have doubt and concern as my partners riding along side me telling me it will never happen and you're reading into nothing lol.

Hahaha yeah you two are definitely like a couple, easy. You're right lol, it is kind of scary how much you guys are couple like 😂.

[Opinion Owner]

It's great you've finally decided to talk to him though. Be careful with "right timing" though, a lot of people use that as a crush to delay the moment of truth and miss out haha, not saying that's your case AT ALL though. Because there are things that do require timing to make sure you get it right you know? But yeah Hopefully you have another fun vacation coming up like last time, somewhere exotic like South Africa and you'll have a nice relaxing week of not having to worry about gym guy and talking to him and all that stuff :).

Yeah, believe me I'm not making any moves on my end. Appreciate you being there IF I need to vent haha. Trying to hold off on venting though, it just brings up feelings and It'll be like 20 posts 😆 with the way I feel lol. But Thanks for the invite to share :)

[Asker]

Yeah that’s me this week. Someone came up to me and said, “Whats wrong? You’re not smiling. I like it when you smile.” So It’s been a hard week and I can't hide it.

I think you’re so right. My actions are misunderstood. I even realize how confusing I can be towards him. Especially, when I do show him I like him he’s probably confused since I friendzoned him. HAHAHHA TAKING ADVANTAGE of breaking the physical barrier. AHHHHH. CRINGE. Actually one time, I was laughing at gym guy and put my hand on his arm. He DID NOT even look at me when I touched him. It was like either he didn’t care or want to care or I guess I barely touched him he didn’t even notice. You know who he stared at? That married gym guy. I swear, I’m the third wheel when it comes to them. THANKS so much for those tips and knowledge on that because yeah not sure how to do that.
I agree his behavior is all over the place. What makes you think he doesn’t want me gone and that’s why he’s acting weird? I guess my thinking would be to be flirty and consistent with my behavior when I don’t want someone gone. With him turning his back on me, that makes me think he wants nothing to do with me. You’ve come soooo far since December 11!!! Look at you!!
Yeah, if it was any other girl he wouldn’t have looked away or diverted his attention. Or thats what I think. I observe him a lot and he doesn't look at someone and then look away the way he does with me. He holds looooooonnnnnnngggg eye contact far away but then when he gets close to me, I become this "object" he MUST NOT LOOK AT. It actually sounds so badddd and that he doesn't like me. But I guess I'm more of a distraction for him.
"Why do you say there is only so much you can do and say at the gym?" Because through out the day he has back to back clients so a lot of the times when he's doing his job, I can't just walk up and talk to him. I can't disrupt a class because I need to say something. Or I can't just go hang out in his office because he's preparing

[Asker]

for his next class. Ya know? I only can catch him when he isn't doing anything and just running around.
Story book time!! To not be confusing, my crush is “gym guy,” and his married friend who I’m about to talk about is “douche gym guy.” Okay so, the other day I start to head inside the gym. That’s when gym guy turned his back to me and was in a conversation with someone else. But then douche gym guy was like “heeeeeeeyyyyyy.” I walk in and douche gym guy scans my card. He compliments me on how I am dress and the bandana that I’m wearing. I go put my keys up and gym guy isn’t staring at me and I knew if I walked away. He wouldn’t have said a thing. So I said “HEY *his name* how are you?” He said, “Hey I’m good, ……….. blue……. Oh right I’m not supposed to talk to her.” The first “…….” Means I didn’t hear what he said. The second “…….” Means that was the time douche gym guy leaned over to him and whispered something and basically told him not to talk to me. So I flipped my hand and said, “whatever.” I walked off. Later on my workout, douche gym guy motioned me over and just started side talking to me. I had no idea what he was saying. He says a bunch of crap that I just go along with. So to change subjects, I was commenting on how it was too crowded at the gym and how I couldn’t get my work out in. Then he interrupted me and called me an asshole. I said, you're the asshole. Why am I the asshole? Douche gym guy said, no first tell me why Im the asshole? I said because the one time in a very long time my crush says something to me, you tell him not to talk to me and y'all both talk about me and ignore me. He said this is the problem with women. They are always jumping to conclusions. (I know what I saw, and I saw what I know) Then he said, first off, that’s not what happened and we weren’t talking about you because I’m not allowed to talk about you to him. So I said, “Okay so tell me exactly what happened and what he said after I said hi and then what you whispered to hi

[Asker]

him?” He said Oh well I forgot by now. UGHHH. Anyways, he lied and tried to cover up what actually happened and made me look like I didn’t see what Is saw. THEN, I saw douche gym guy look behind me and smile real big. THAT’S WHEN gym guy walked passed and saw us talking. Omg. It was a smirk of sneakiness. I don’t misread things like that. Then at the end of my workout, I only saw gym guy. I said “HEY” and began talking. I was in mid conversation. THEN douche gym guy spotted us, walks up, interrupts and makes gym guy talk to him and ignore me. I said to douche gym guy, “I WAS TALKING.” They kept looking at each other. Their friendship is weird. So I said, “you’re an asshole and I freakin hate you.” THEN I walked off. Gym guy just laughed and said “hahahah bye, J.” I know what it must sound like and that’s probably like he was not sabotaging but the vibe feels like he’s doing everything he can not to let me talk to gym guy. ALSO, the other day, he tried to make me think I wasn’t gym guy’s type. But my gut wasn’t believing it. I don’t know if he is just messing with me or he really is trying to get in the way. But either way, he is doing great job at succeeding at both attempts. Please tell me what you think and not what I want to hear because I could be jumping to conclusions even at this situation. So tell me truth ahaha. Be brutal.

Random question: Do you think based on this story the second time I asked gym guy to hang out, time passed and he talked to douche gym guy about it and could’ve talked gym guy out of it? OK, that’s probably jumping to conclusions.

YES. I’ll be careful when it comes to “right timing,” and won't use it as an excuse! Of course another an exotic place.. This time it’s Aruba to go chill with flamingos. Haahahhaha Well I wish while on vaca, I won't worry about gym guy but he always floods my mind!!! That’s one of the reasons why I kind of hate going. But again another break and space and time when it comes to me and gym guy. I wonder what

[Asker]

will happen when I come back. I think this time around I might just not see him at all leading up to my break and see how that goes with my mind. Then I would miss seeing him. But I don't know. What do you think I should do? OMG I really hope he never sees this or IM DEAD.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm sorry this week has been so ruff mate, hopefully this Monday and the following week will be amazing :).

Ok, So let's just look at things like when you have a crush at a young age in elementary. In particular, boys lol. Boys tend to act out when they like a girl and don't know how to express their feelings with WORDS. Like hitting, being mean, being odd, being weird. Actions that almost make it seem like you have a bully that's emotionally violent more over than physical haha.

Those traits carry over into guys when they get older and come across a girl they like and still can't express themselves properly.

1. He gives you attention then diverts it away to water like he's thirsty, or his friend (douche gym guy) when he's present... These are signs to me he's wanting you to WORK harder and further for his attention. A line gets cast to reel you in, then he cuts it, and expects you to work towards getting more.

2. Treating you differently than the other girls he deals with. If he does like you said and doesn't divert attention with others, but does so with you... there's a lot to be said with this different way he treats you. Being singled out, in such a way thats obviously different is cause to me he wants you to know you stand out from the others around.

3. The fact that you're a topic without even being present is another big cue. Who thinks and wastes time on someone they don't want to deal with when that person isn't around y'know lol.

Ok, now as for douche gym guy, His actions are weird. And again fall in line with someone who likes someone and is jealous. The douchebag behavior, goes back to guys being jerks to express feelings they can't say. And him sabotaging you from the guy YOU do like, is just more evidence to support this theory. I could be wrong but it reminds me of once upon a time when my douchebag behavior got the best of me, and I made my friend look like a bad option to the girl he liked so I could step up 😔.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha "be brutal"... trust me I don't think your intuition is leading you to delude yourself. I see a lot of girls do this and in your case I don't see that taking place. This situation is weird and maybe there is a third party reason for that perhaps, in the form of the least likely suspected.. douche gym guy.

More often than not a person picks or doesn't pick someone based on how others view them, and a huge different maker in that decision is a good best guy friend or girl friends. So him telling the gym guy you're not worthy could be happening behind the scenes.

1. why isn't he allowed to talk about you to him (this a rule you guys set)? I think I do remember this being mentioned before though.

2. How often does he try to join the conversation when its just the 2 of you speaking?

3. He tried to make it seem like you're not gym guys type? How detailed did he get into this, and how often does he bring up this topic? Because remember he was the one that discouraged you before... Seems to me he's making it his mission!!

douche gym guy compliments you one second (the bandana and dress), disrespects you the next by whispering to gym guy something potentially offensive. But also gym guy just laughing douche gym guys actions off and saying "Bye J" is a bit douchy to me also, on gym guys part. I think you will only have a harder time going forward by making an enemy out of douche gym guy. "The I hate you bit, and you're an A-hole" won't be forgotten and if he was sabotaging you before, WELL now it's really gonna be bad for you with him against you. Hopefully not, but I can see him being a grudge holder.

Aruba, AWEEESOME!!! Man you're really doing it up with the awesome vacay spots. Don't worry the flamingos will be more than entertaining enough to keep your mind occupied, with there pink bodies and one leg balance tricks haha. And try not to stoop to his level of immaturity with ignoring lol. I say just see him still after your trip to see how he acts.

[Opinion Owner]

It worked well before when you returned, maybe lighting will strike twice :). Plus you'll just be torturing yourself, like me trying deny seeing gym guy when you really want to lol.

Trust me, your "I hope he never sees this"comment is too funny because I feel the same way. Hence the staying ANON part lol. otherwise I wouldn't care but, I look at it like if I could find this site, then so could she lol. and it wouldn't be impossible to find this thread and put two and two together.

I was gonna ask to do you have like WhatsApp or something anyway lol. I only talk to one other person from gag on there lol, otherwise I never use it. But I can't lie this thread is insanely long haha, I almost get mixed up sometimes 😂.

[Asker]

I don’t have that. But I’m assuming it’s a messaging app? You’re right it is getting super long. After I reply to this, we can get on there if you want. Just gotta get the app. Also need to find my phone.

Okay so I knew how boys acted when they like a girl at a young age. So those traits carry over? I actually didn’t realize that. I’ve always been that girl that gets messed with by guys because I can take it and I can dish it out. I truly didn’t know the difference between guys acting like this because they like girl. I still am so oblivious when they do act out like the ways you mentioned.

1. “He gives you attention and then diverts it away.” Lately, he gives attention because he has to. I make him give me attention. His ignoring me, doesn’t feel a vibe as if he wants me to try harder. He doesn’t seem like he wants me to give him attention anymore. I just always look back on how things used to be and it doesn’t feel the same.
2. I saw him today and he was just standing perfectly still with a girl who was talking away. He was 100% focused on her. Smiling. Laughing and conversing with her. That’s where I get jealous because he used to talk to me with undivided attention on the side. When I walked out, he didn’t even look up to look at me. Again, if I wouldn’t have said anything he would’ve never said anything to me. It’s different again being singled out in this way. It sucks so bad.
3. Hahahahhaha being a topic without even being present? Story of my life. But yeah you’re right who wastes time on someone they don’t want to deal with.

For douche gym guy, I think you’re so right it is jealous behavior. However, I don’t think he likes me. I think its like I don’t want her but I don’t want anyone else to have her. Ya know? He always talks about this girl he’s talking to and refers to situations that I have never been in with him. He never talks about his wife though. Apparently, they have an understanding. So I know he’s got some stuff on the side with another

[Asker]

one. Which I DO NOT ASK about. I can’t go there with him. It makes me so uncomfortable especially knowing he’s married.

WOW, mate you made a friend look like a bad option so you could step up? That is terrible and literally had no idea people do that!!

Tell me this, my intuition makes my physically sick when I think about him not liking me. What does that mean?

1. I never set a rule about douche gym guy talking about me to gym guy. I told him a story and told him to never tell him about it so I guess he took that as couldn’t talk about me. Which I’m okay with at this point if he is manipulating and persuading gym guy to go against me behind the scenes.

2. “How often does he try to join the conversation when it’s the two of you speaking?” ALL THE TIME. Like the only time I get to speak to gym guy is when douche gym guy isn’t working. Again, if they’re together, it’s like I don’t exist in the conversation when I’m standing right next to them. Or if I’m talking to douche gym guy, gym guy never joins in and if he is, he backs off, ALL THE TIME. Then you know when gym guy and I are talking, douche gym guy interrupts.

3. “He tried to make it seem like you’re not gym guys type?” Yeah, not very detailed. Only once brought it up. He was very, very, vague. One day douche gym guy asked me what was wrong and I told him, “out of the eight guys that have shown interest in me, gym guy is the only one that hasn’t” He said, “Well you know some people have types…” He was VERY, VERY, EVASIVE on it all. No details at all. So I was trying to specifically ask why he said that and asked, “So you think I’m not his type? What is his type?” and then kept beating around the bush. Like one comment was, “I didn’t say that you weren’t his type.” And another one was, “I don’t know his type, guys don’t talk about that kind of stuff.” Any question I asked or made a statement trying to get confirmation that gym guy wasn’t attracted to me I never got a straight answer. I was always confused

[Asker]

when he gave an answer back because he didn’t really say what he meant. You said, “Remember he was the one that discouraged you before..” I don’t remember LOL REMIND ME hahah what did he discourage me on?

Sorry for cussing, I normally don’t cuss. I promise but douche gym guy brings it out of me. I might have my blinders on with gym guy. I think what it looked like was he wasn’t trying to be douchey by laughing. He was just clueless on it all and didn’t realize douche gym guy’s intentions for interrupting. I think gym guy just thought they were messing with me like they always do. Maybe? lol He did say my real name which he hasn’t done in a very long time. I kind of was flattered by that. That’s all because I have a crush on him.

I hope you don’t think I’m really going to Aruba! Hahah I WISH. I’m just going back to Texas. I know you said I shouldn’t stoop to his level of immaturity with ignoring but I can’t help it. I have to especially when douche gym guy and gym guy are together.. I have to keep my boundaries. ESPECIALLY with me leaving for another week or so. I gotta keep the peace in mind. I’m going to get that app and leet you know I guess my username? And then you can reply if you want on there.

[Asker]

Okay got the app. I don’t know how it works.. you just add by username?

[Opinion Owner]

lol I'm no expert either trust me... we can try the username and see if that works? If not we may not be able to use this app.

[Asker]

Yikes I think it has to be used by phone number... I don’t think I can give my number out on this site 🙈

[Opinion Owner]

Haha thats what I was getting at (with potentially not being able to use the app).
I was trying to see if username would work because other wise everything was suggesting the only way to add was phone number it seemed lol.

haha we won't worry about it then 🐵 and I'll just reply on here momentarily lol.

[Opinion Owner]

or also.. would you be ok messaging on here, I could reveal who's behind the bat suit for a sec so then you can send a message and not reveal yourself on this post?

If that's ok lol. I know neither one of us want to technically be tied to this post 😂.

[Asker]

Hahaha I could do that. My username has nothing to do with my real name. Just so you know.

[Opinion Owner]

Haha I'm not surprised by that, same here lol. alrighty well here goes...🙈

[stormbreaker06]

i'm in the same position as him and i feel bad. Reason being its just me over thinking things. and a few other things have occurred in my life and I rather date when I'm 100% ready.

I know the guy has to make the move and that's what I'll do when I'm ready.

I suggest you wait till he is ready.

[Asker]

Oh my gosh! You are? Let’s talk more about this. What kind of things you over think?

[stormbreaker06]

I asked her out late August. When i asked her out. she said yes. but her body language was saying something totally different (me over thinking). I gave her a time when we I'd make a date but didn't follow through because I was unsure if she liked me or not.
Then when i saw her the next day she didn't even look at me.

People say its because she is a real shy girl but I over thought it as rejection.

Everytime I see her I would freeze up and not say anything or try not to look at her. I feel bad about it.

Till now I still liker her a lot but i am unsure if I ruined my chance that's why I'm at a stand still.

However 2 days ago she called me over because she was preparing my food after a party I was 5 feet from her and still couldn't say a word.

[Asker]

Okay I can tell you from experience. She didn’t look at you because to her it was rejection despite your reasoning!! To her, she believed you actually didn’t want to go out with her. She said yes. She likes you. Take it as it is and pick a quicker day so you don’t overthink. Girls aren’t shy when it comes to knowing guys like them. As far as freezing up, do what scares you. You are more courageous than you believe. Remember only takes 20 seconds to be courageous.

[Asker]

At least you asked her out kudos to you! My crush won’t even ask me or even look st me. His new thing is rubbing his eyes to avoid looking at me. Question; would you ever tell her how you feel and how she makes you so nervous? Why does she make you nervous? And what can she do not to make you nervous?

[stormbreaker06]

would you ever tell her how you feel and how she makes you so nervous?
I'm thinking about doing so, and sort of apologizing. But I don't want to come on to strong and set myself up for possible rejection.

Why does she make you nervous? And what can she do not to make you nervous?
She's just beautiful and the things she does is 100. She's a hard working lady and everyone loves her. So there is a lot of pressure. I know her family and her father is like your guard dog father.

[little_bird1]

Yes. move on. He declined your offer to hangout. Now act as if he doesn't exist, don't humiliate yourself anymore.

[AngerSquares]

Yah know, he could be a little nervous taking the next step. Also you can make moves on him, it's not the 1950's you can do what you want girl 👍😉.

[Asker]

I have made moves! Lol & yeah but even nervous to start just a friendship?

[ChocolateCheesecake]

If it were me I wouldn't talk to him at all see if he starts a conversation first

[Asker]

He normally starts conservations first!!

[ChocolateCheesecake]

Ohh. Hmm maybe shy