Should I keep trying or give up (want to make a decision today, help!)

Question

So there's this girl I've been trying to get to for a while now. First of all, she is a couple of years younger than me and has never had a boyfriend or been in a relationship so I'm guessing maybe that's some kind of obstacle. The important thing here is how she acts around me compared to how she acts with others. She is the kinda shy/quiet/sweet kind of girl. With her friends (male or female) she is very talkative and funny, she is always smiling and laughing and asking questions and commenting on whatever they are saying and tries to keep the conversation going. With me is the opposite, we do talk and we do have a good time doing it, but our conversations go on a different vein, its like we are always teasing and making fun of each other, throwing sarcastic comments, telling each other that our jokes are unfunny, calling each other names, arguing about things that are not really worth arguing about but we get a kick out of it anyway. Although the arguing and teasing is OUR thing, since we don't really do it (at least not constantly) with anybody else, sometimes I feel "less" because she never says anything nice about me. We both know that we are smart and funny and have a quick wit, that's why we get along so well, but she actually tells others when they are smart or funny and I get the "what, what about me?"feeling. If I ask her about it she would either say things like "you are smart...a smartass" or one time I said "I know you think I'm a dumbo" and she said "hey, don't offend Dumbo!" I know its funny and all, but I just can't get her to say anything resembling a compliment (I don't really need one, I'm secure of myself, but it would be nice). When we are on a group, she changes a bit, she goes along with things I say, laughs at my jokes and we just tend to gravitate towards each other and end up talking like if us two were our own little group. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that she treats me differently? I get the vibe that she likes me and likes being with me, but sometimes I get kinda ticked off when she is nice to other guys and all I get is smartass-ness, should I just forget about her or be patient?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

yes she probably likes you. and it's really good that you two gravitate towards each other in a group setting etc - means there's a bond and you identify with each other. that's esp good since she's shy.

But the problem about talking in sarcasm and jokes -all the time- is that you never get to talk in a plain and simple fashion where you're communicating real sentiments. sarcasm and joking around creates this layer that keeps things away from the true feelings behind...

it's not for me, but I know a lot of people love it- but it's mostly better for light hearted comments...in a relationship, if you're trying to communicate anything real, it's better not to use those tactics.

so my point is- if this is how you relate- that's okay because it's something both of you 'get'...BUT you will need to step away from this kind of conversing for a little while to actually talk straight to each other. genuine compliments don't get said when there's a bunch of sarcasm going on.

actually her calling you a "smart ass" can be seen as a compliment or her way of flattering you- but you know- it's just not as real or heartfelt as the words "smart and funny" . So here you are, still desiring for her to express herself to you in another way. Girls are generally responsive, so you take the initiative and compliment HER. tell her that you love how she's so witty and sweet with all her friends etc and see what she says. if she comes back to you with some smart response, be real again and say, 'no I really mean that". she might feel shy with you if she likes you and doesn't know how to respond. ...that may also be why it's easier for her to compliment others and not you- because she likes you. so all the sarcasm and jokes allows her to flirt with you but not feel embarassed by her feelings.

you probably should just tell her you like her.

spanishgirl · Accepted Answer

Sounds to me like an unhealthy relationship. It sounds to me as though you can't seem to get away from her all though she isn't exactly 'all you've ever wanted'. If she can't even compliment you every once in a while, there is something seriously wrong with her or your relationship. It's definitely a bad thing that she treats you differently. It means that she isn't exactly herself around you, doesn't feel you get her completely and can therefore only offer you one side of her. Either that, or she's manipulative and puts on an act around everyone she's with according to their likes and dislikes. I've known girls like that, it's more common than you'd think. Especially since you mentioned she's younger than you and may not be completely mature, although she might think she is. Also, she hasn't been in a relationship before you so I seriously don't think you guys are on the same page. In my opinion, you need to move on. Don't waste more time on someone who isn't perfect or close to it.

You are obviously struggling with this relationship and are on the brink of letting it go. I believe that when people have come to this point, it's already too late. So, I think you need to forget about her and move on. Patience will only exhaust you at this point.

Good luck ;)

oneforthetruth · Accepted Answer

Ha she blatanly likes you, and I know this, cause I am the same, even now that I am in a relationship, with my partner, I show my affection by cheekily having digs, like I might call him a nitwit, and  have stupid arguments, like you and her have. The fact that she treats you different to others is a sure fine way to see she likes you more. I find with people I have no interest in, the conversation sounds a lot more constructed and easily done, but with people I fancy, I tend to just take the mick, and have a laugh and giggle, but our conversations would probably look like friendly banter to everyone else.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Q: do you really like and if she worth trying to be with? You should give her multiple compliments in a day especially if she looking rough tell her she looks nice and smile. If she smiles back then that should tell she takes your compliment or in her head she saying " I'm looking rough and he still tell me I'm beautiful, pretty, etc. He must really think I'm beautiful!" so I encourage you to keep going with this woman and have fun with the sarcasm just let her that someyimes its nice just to have a nice conversation without her friends ( male or female ) then yall would be great.

P.s. Tell her you love her.

joeyblach · Accepted Answer

mate, best advice I can give you is take the first opportunity you can get to get it off your chest, it obvious she likes you but be prepared for the "just friends" chat if you go into it with that mindset you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. best of luck

Elizabeth_20 · Answer

Well, I think she likes you.

The way she's always teasing you, I mean, that's something I do when I like someone.

Maybe she doesn't compliment you because she doesn't want to you to think that she's interested because she's afraid that maybe you're not interested. you know what I mean?

If she's never had a boyfriend before, maybe she's been rejected in the past or something, and she doesn't want to mess up whatever-you-two-have.

I think you should let her know that you like her. If she's shy about things like that she won't tell you first, you should do it :)

Good luck!

bubblygirl0811 · Answer

If she does that to you only, maybe its her way of showing affection? Also, maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her "smart ass-ness" because you never told her it hurts...

Try talking to her seriously. Maybe she's just used to the jokes and thought you like her that way

bbygirl5 · Answer

you need to tell her how you feel? if she acts differently around you that's a compliment take it in a good way! your the only one she speaks to like that that's nice your own little inside joke! don't get worrie or jelous she likes you just make sure you ask her out and make her yours :)

BrighteyedAsh · Answer

Let it go. Quit trying. You're already great. It will be when and if it's supposed to be. Quit trying to figure out the answer you already know.

Temporary3 · Answer

Go for her buddy. Souds like the girl I'm going for. I asked her out, date went well, we made out on her couch, but then 2 days later she friendzone me. I'm trying to win her back.

katiebabiii · Answer

keep going after her she likes you and if  you stop she will think you do not like her

accel187 · Answer

bro just be patient and if she does like you then go for it

kittyer · Answer

be patient,as time goes by,you will konw her feeling,then you can make a choice again

SapoTony · Answer

keep going

Should I keep trying or give up (want to make a decision today, help!)

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