Why do guys check a girl out without following through?

[serendipitous]

Okay, so a guy will be checking me out, and then... nothing! Why is it that guys will check a girl out, sometimes repeatedly, and then not approach her? Why do some (most) guys not follow through?

Updates

+1 y

Okay, I think I should expound. If I see a guy checking me out and if I'm interested in him, I'll always give him me sweetest, forthcoming smile (or at least I try, haha) That's why I can't understand why he then doesn't bother to approach me. Isn't a smile the so called "green light?"

Updates

+1 y

Thanks for all the answers, definitely some great points made!

[jdcpa]

Where I grew up, our family was surrounded by mostly doctors and other lawyers. It was a pretty pricey area, so most of the people were older. Do you know what cars they all drove?

Ferrari? Lamborghini? Porsche? Maserati? Bentley? Austin Martin? Jaguar? Mercedez? BMW? Lexus?

None of the above.

Everyone owned and drove either a Toyota, Ford, or a Honda.

Mind you, these were doctors and lawyers making over $300,000 in paper each year, in 1986-1995. If they wanted a Ferrari, they could buy a new one every year.

They "could" buy one, but they "didn't" buy one? Why?

Because unlike younger doctors or lawyers, they weren't interested in the "flash" of a flashy car. They were interested in value. How many miles to the gallon? How long would the car last? How much do parts and repairs cost? How much maintenance is required? What is the annual depreciation? What will the car be worth in 10 years?

After all those questions, they determined that the most bang for their buck would come from the cars they chose to drive, rather than the cars they chose not to buy, even though they could.

So, just like emptypackofsmokes said, men engage in a cost-benefit analysis with women, way before they made the choice of approaching her or not. They don't even need to talk to her. Her appearance, style, dressing, and body language have told the guy all the essentials of what he needs to know. She's a woman, her psychology is pretty much pre-programmed by the media and society. (she wants to get married, she's not easy, she's not that kind of girl, she doesn't put out right away, she wants to be treated well "like a princess," etc.)

Is that something that's worth my time, effort, and money? Most of the time, especially as you get older (and wiser), the answer is "no." So, you look at her, admire whatever parts of her look nice, bless the guy who's putting up with her and f***ing her, and just be happy that guy isn't you.

As far as smiling goes, women need to stop reading Cosmo. When a girl smiles, all that means to me is that she's smiling. When a girl smiles and thinks that I think she's giving me the "green light," all that means to me is that she's retarded. Women are people, in society, and people can just be polite and nice. That's how a healthy society runs. Unless of course, women seriously believe that a man should take smiling to mean sexual/romantic interest, in which case, in my typical day in NYC, I would say about 80,000 are sexually/romantically interested in me per day. o.O

[emptypackofsmokes]

*Most men will check out ANY woman that is even mildly attractive. We're constantly scanning the environment. It's built into us. We don't act on it, because we've either been trained not to or we've found that approaching women after checking them out doesn't yield positive results.

For instance, a married guy might check you out, but he won't approach you because it could destroy his marriage. The ultimate negative result!

Please don't think that we don't approach you just because we're shy. Much more goes into this decision. Most likely, we don't approach you because this would lead to a series of social pro's & con's that we might not feel like dealing with @ the moment. So we LOOK but don't touch. We stop and wonder what it'd be like to spend time in your presence. We fast forward a scenario in our minds & decide whether or not approaching you is worth the time & effort. Basically, we count the cost of approaching you. Most likely we don't have time to even talk to you, so we notice & move on. The world is a busy place!

Imagine a poor guy & a Ferrari. The poor guy might like looking at Ferrari's. He might even know a lot about Ferrari's. That doesn't change the fact that he can't afford one. The cost is too great, so he doesn't even arrive at the dealership. He'll walk by. Say "damn that's a nice Ferrari" & move on. Most guys will stick to what they can get & are very good at determining what they can handle.

My advice. Just be real. Challenge men to figure out what you like. Looks fade!

[MakeLoveNotWar]

This is so true! T^T

[edwardio]

Ewww nooo that sounds so yucky. I can afford the Ferrari! You make it sound so sad :P

Like, I get the cost thing but I usually play it out wondering if you'd have the kind of charisma or sweet influence that I want in my life. If I don't know then I'm really not into guessing.

Being hot alone is never enough.

[themastaplan]

im surprised you got 3 thumbs down...what a punch of idiots...

i like this answer, so true...most of the time we get rejected anyways...the only time I approach is if I can feel or see that she wants me to come over...if she's looking at me at the same time for the same amount of time, I'll usually head over...i just see that as a sign, but not everyone does.!

[Xia90]

your full of it. I have a girlfriend and have no need to check out other girls. the ferrari comparison is weak as well.

[moneyman1029]

i think that it is mostly the fact that it is a bad time... Like when I see a beautiful girl on the beach, I don't approach her because the rest of my family is there, and what am I going to do after that?

Unless I am just looking for a good conversation of course.

[MrMysteryMan]

Couldn't have said it better myself. Or if I tried, my write-up would probably be better as a best seller then just a comment. :)

[arashmenalagha]

The power of a good answer :')

[cavmanier]

well said

[Slugworth99]

I love this answer. One thing though - a guy differs from a Ferrari in one way. You may seem a Ferrari guy (nice abs, big arms, georgous face), but he may act like a broke down Yugo. I usually find that more average looking guys are the ones who will treat a girl better. They have to rely on something other than looks to keep a girl's interest. Not all good looking guys are jerks, but you have to check them out just like any guy.

[aikidy]

Epic ! you're Level 4 Only Good Luck getting to Higher Levels =D , keep up !

[aliciaxx]

just because a guy thinks a girl is attractive doesn't mean he wants to talk to her or be with her. all guys check out girls and a lot of them even have girlfriends and wives.

do you want to eat every meal that looks good when you know you have a better meal waiting for you at home?

idk if that's a good analogy but I'm sure you get what I'm saying

[skybird]

Give them some time...their thinking... or just shy

[scar1]

there are other possibilities

[skybird]

yup

[Slugworth99]

I know it has been a while since you asked this, but I have seen this type of question numerous times.

First off, you are a very pretty girl with very pretty eyes. This has a lot to do with my answer.

When I was younger, I would see a girl like you and usually have the same thought - "A girl that good looking has a boyfriend already" "Girls like that are not single. They always have a boyfriend". Yes, guys can be clueless like this.

The smile you send their way is a nice touch, but it is not going to be enough. Guys are brought up these days to not be men. They are taught that, if they look at or approach a girl, it is considered harassment. They are no longer allowed to pursue a woman who interests them. So, unfortunately, it is up to you ladies to let him know that it is okay for him to talk to you, pursue you, try to win your favor, etc.

Yes, it stinks, but it is the world that we live in these days. I am raising my 14 year old son to be a gentleman and respectful of young ladies. However, I am also teaching him that it is okay to pursue a young lady he likes. If she turns him down, he is to respect that and hunt elsewhere.

[serendipitous]

Well, I'd say it's trial and error in any case! I never want to be too forward with guys because it can sometimes send the wrong message, if you know what I mean. Also, I think it has a lot to do with saving face, for both men and women. Like if I were to see a cute guy, I would never approach him unless I was certain that he was interested in me.

[Slugworth99]

So, you are at an impasse. You see a guy that you find attractive but don't want to approach him because you are not sure if he is interested. On the flip side, he may see those pretty eyes of yours and figure "She's too cute not to have a boyfriend already", so he may not approach you. So, the grand question that faces males and females, who is going to break the stalemate?

[serendipitous]

Haha, that's a good question. I guess when I find a guy who's worth the effort, I'll know it (hopefully).

[Slugworth99]

I can tell you this much, if you did a approach a guy, you might just blow his mind. Most guys would not be expecting that. Unless he is stuck on himself as God's gift to women, he may have a hard time believing that a pretty girl like you is approaching him. I can tell you this much, the old 'you snooze, you lose' can definitely apply here. If you don't approach him, some other girl just might. It does not make you sleezy to make your interest known.

[PHILR]

LOL ,i'm going to love answering this one .

1st I can tell by your pic your very pretty (this can be intemidating to some guys)

2nd your pretty and probably popular as well (if both some may think your already taken)

3rd some of them may believe your way out of their reach on a social ladder (school social stucture)

4th its possibble that many of these guys could be varying degress of shyness and if shy may check a girl out and will not approach even with the green light smile so to speak.

they may see the smile but interpret it as you just being nice and not wanting to be rude to anyone.(shy guys think strangly at times LOL I should know.)

if most of these guys arem not approaching you even after the so called green light smile ,i would almost bet there shy. because if they were confident about themselves they would approach you no questions asked.

want to find out if I'm right or wrong ? do a google on shy guys body language and signals/signs

read as many as possibble (yes there will be some repeat info but enough different in each to add to your knowledge of how these guys tend to flirt or act around girls they may like.

after reading this you WILL see why many of these guys do what they do. and these artilce even

make suggestions on how to approch these type guys (because as said they most likely won't approach you)

hopefullyyou'll read those articles and I hope that they help ypou understand the guys that do that.

[DrownedInBananaMilk]

"If I see a guy checking me out and if I'm interested in him, I'll always give him me sweetest, forthcoming smile (or at least I try, haha) That's why I can't understand why he then doesn't bother to approach me. Isn't a smile the so called "green light?""

No. Girls tend to be sweet and sensitive. They don't want to hurt feelings/they tend to be friendly to most guys. A smile doesn't mean much and that's why many guys don't think it's a "green light". Girls smile at guys all the time, but that doesn't necessarily mean they want them to approach them. There are some macho guys who are convinced they can get any girl they want. If you smile at them, they feel vindicated and lose interest in you. If he's a total macho, you need to play hard to get. nothing pisses them off more/nothing makes them more attracted to you.

If you're really attracted to a guy (not macho), why don't you approach him? Ask him for help or something like that... it will boost his ego and he'll keep the conversation going...

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

-We assume you might have a boyfriend.

-We assume you don't want to be bothered.

-We assume you won't be into us and reject us.

Three main reasons why guys check out girls, but don't approach them. The first two are the most common. The last one works in conjunction with the fact that the guy checking you out might be shy, and not know how to approach you.

The best thing girls should do is help the guy make the approach. Sadly, there's nothing you can do to let him know you have a boyfriend, but giving him a look in return when he looks at you, is already a huuuge help for us. If you see a guy checking you out, give him a few looks as well. Maybe even a little smile.

You don't have to go there and say hi yourself, but if you just sit on your ass, do nothing and expect guys to come up to talk to you, you're not gonna be hearing from a lot of us. Unless you're at a bar.

[Luopio27]

Thats well strait to the point.

[johnny_hustle]

Because I made not be interested in the girl herself, and just looking at her for eye candy. Same thing with girls on the beach. How many times will a girl check out a guy, (I'm using the beach because of obvious reasons haha) but not exactly go up and talk to him. Sometimes it's because the girl is shy, sometimes she knows he's not worth the time, sometimes you yourself don't have the time. Maybe he's with friends, maybe you think he might set too high of standards. Maybe you start thinking of the stereotype that comes along with hot guys. (being douche-bags) Same thing with guys with seeing women. Hot women are stereotyped to be stuck up bitches.

[drummerdude25]

It's fear of rejection... Altho, a lot of times, I will check out a lot of girls in public that are fairly attractive, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything at all. Like I could look at a girl from across the room, and afterward, feel kinda "ehhh" about her, not that she isn't pretty or that it's anything personal, it's just that she wouldn't be what I'm ultimately looking for...

I'm assuming most guys are the same. So it's either a fear of rejection, or you just don't appeal to them on all levels... It's all a matter of finding the right person.

[Curmudgeon]

Because a good many guys:

1. Assume you are already attached. I'm not sure how you persuade them otherwise, other than to refrain from too much jewelry (rocks on fingers always a sign the lady is "taken")

2. Are pessimistic and assume that a goddess such as yourself would never even speak to them anyway.

3. Just plain don't know what to say / how to approach. (#3 here feeds upon #2 and vice versa)

[Tigurinn]

I 1000% (yepp, you read correctly) concur

[thisGUYknows]

here are the reasons, look no further despite your approval on our advances...

A) we have a girlfriend but we can't deny your attractiveness

B) we are thinking of ways to approach you in an original way

C) we wanna make sure we are on the same physical level before we approach

D) we are pussies

a smile isn't necessarily a green light. the more we are experienced with ladies, the sooner we can get the hint. the trick on your part is deciphering whether we mean it or not. a player is gonna catch the hint sooner than an honest and wholesome guy

[Undoubtable]

Guys sometimes just look at girls because we like looking at them, there's no insidious purpose to it, we just appreciate your beauty. It's built into us, genetically, which is why we even in relationships check other girls out - it doesn't automatically mean it's interest, just appreciation.

Also, and hopefully you're not fishing for compliments and I'm not walking into the trap now, hahaha, but you're ridiculously cute. Even I'd be a bit intimidated by that, even if I were genuinely interested. Guys can be somewhat prejudiced against the most beautiful girls because they think they're high maintenance, have too high standards, or are overly cruel in rejecting guys.

[liars_paradox]

I didn't know that a smile was a green light to hit on a girl. I always thought that they were being nice, and a smile was more like a "hello" or something.

I guess that explains why some girls don't smile back or even respond to a simple hello. Of course if I knew this, then I would have probably said, "Bitch, I'm not trying to hit on you. I'm just trying to show some courtesy. Sorry that I'm too under your league for you to even say hello back."

But, to answer your question, not all guys were aware that a smile was a green light to hit on you, since I myself never knew of this until now.

[Brando]

It's easier to check out a girl than it is to actually approach her. Guys not approaching even after they check you out is the same reasons for many other girls and why they don't get approach. A guy might not know how, might not know what to say to you, might not feel confident enough to talk to you, might feel too shy, might feel like you probably already have a boyfriend, he might feel like he doesn't have a chance or won't fit into your standards, he might feel like you don't want to be approached or are unapproachable, he might feel like it's inappropriate to approach you wherever you are, or any other issue he might have. Just all the "standard" reasons why a guy won't approach a girl.

[Brando]

@your update, even with a smile a lot of guys will STILL second guess themselves and consider whether or not you are interested in talking to them, and everything they were thinking about before you smiled at them. Besides talking to them, there's not much you can do about those guys. It's up to them to take a little initiative too, but in reality I wouldn't expect this stuff to change. There is so much of a social pressure towards pretty girls that a guy would like to approach.

[tp2800]

you answered my last question. it's because we're "too cool" ;)

really though, I guess it's just nervousness. personally I don't feel nervous when actually talking to a beautiful girl like you, but I feel nervous about the fact that I'll probably have nothing interesting and worthwhile to say. so basically I'd rather not look stupid. also in some situations, especially in places where you probably get hit on a lot, I don't want you to see me as just another douchebag trying to hit on you/get in your pants.

but of course we keep looking because we still want to let you know how we feel!

[Asailum]

As I already said, they are scared. All the other bullsh*t guys are writing like "oh you should approach them!" is all excuses to cover that up. If they weren't afraid they wouldn't even hesitate but obviously they are too shy and nervous to even say hello. Your living in a pussified nation of men, so ull just have to get used to it until someone with some guts comes along.

[Anonymous]

If a guy checks you out just once, it probably doesn't mean much.

Twice, and it means he's at least curious about you.

And if he checks you out a lot more than that, then I think it's safe to say he's kind of interested in you.

Green light should mean "go", but sometimes the car won't go. That's my problem. Often times I'll want to approach a girl, but I won't do it or I'll back out at the last minute. Not even for a rational reason. It's more like a reflex that stops my feet from moving when I try to go talk to girls.

[alexsc]

The three main reasons as I would guess.

1. He's a coward that don't want his ego to get hurt. Judging by your avatar you seem pretty intimidating, like someone who would say 'get lost you f-ing loser'. However, if you gave me a warm smile I'd probably approach you.

2. He have other things to do instead of flirting with you. But that don't mean he don't have time for a glance at some eye-candy.

3. He is already seeing someone.

[WeaponZero]

Because we like the look from an aesthetic standpoint (it's visually appealing) but we don't necessarily like what it may say about her personality. So we'll appreciate the visual as if it were a fine piece of artwork and then move on.

The hot girl in a miniskirt and heels with mile long legs gets oggled, but the "cute" (and I do hate that word) girl in jeans and a t-shirt with the awkward smile and funny personality with mismatched sneakers is the one who makes our heart melt.

[Dhruva]

You're Beautiful and beautiful women are harder to approach. You must have a lot of guys

checking you out without any follow through. Most Guys will assume you will shoot them down, Or be dating a line backer who could do the shooting for you. A simple smile can go a long way. It will break the ice and give the interested person an opening to approach you.

(: hope this helps

[sam13952]

because some guys just like to look at nice looking girls. we do it alot. sometimes it might not even be because we like you but because we like what you have. we do it to a lot of girls. my advice is if you notice and you like him too, then you will have to keep getting his attention. make sure he knows that you saw, but make sure he knows that you like it. girls have a part in it too..guys don't and shouldn't have to do everything

[jhpua954]

I'm glad you asked this question! Most men are terrified about the cold approach. It doesn't make him a coward. It took a long time to get over my approach anxiety. Most guys aren't willing to put forth this kind of persistence. Also, we like in a anti-male society. If you lived in Italy, you wouldn't have this problem. Do most girls secretly wish guys would approach them after checking them out?

[Gustx]

Like for me, I have a hard time if girls are just being nice to me or they actually like me. Most of the time my friends, who are girls see me and say, she likes you but I ask them how they know? Because she smiles a lot. So Again its not too obvious when you smile that you like a guy.