If one expects a fast reply or a chance to have a back-and-forth conversation, of course it's a turn-off. But we do all have different texting habits and real life occupations, so I wouldn't automatically assume it is a turn-off for someone
I see I see. Well I guess in my situation, he was replying ASAP... but one day I took a weekish to not reply because I was going through stuff. I never apologized why I took a while but he knows a little what happened. So now he just takes 1-2 days to reply. His energy and demeanor in message is now kinda dry at times too. And I do the same to match his energy... but I think I should just be myself instead. what would you say about this?
I think you should be yourself.
If you're "matching his energy" to avoid being seen as too invested or not interested, I'd suggest being yourself even at the cost of being seen as too invested (IF that were to happen) rather then risking to lose him because he thinks you're not interested in him anymore or even toying with him
If he's good at reading people, he might even realize you're trying to put up an act somehow and start being cautious
Great advice! 😭 I just don’t know if that one week was a turn off for him or the fact I’m tryna match his energy by taking 1-2 days to reply😭😅 should I ask him why he’s being distant or just be myself and flow? For sure he does seem more closed up.. and kinda dry than normal... but he still replied within 1-2 days. I don't know if he lost interest... not gonna lie, I wasn’t interested when he was replying ASAP cuz of our history, but now I don't know I’m starting to be curious again.
Be yourself and ask him what's wrong and if there's a reason for the way he's acting now compared to before, is my suggestion.
No offense meant, but reading the last part of your answer just now makes me question Wether you're getting new motivation for sincere reasons or because of the "attention game"
Well his last reply didn’t seem dry... so I wasn’t sure if I should still ask 😂😂😂 but I am curious lol. Do you think I did turned him off? Honestly, I thought he was like husband material resumeeee LOL. But stuff happened where ya know things didn’t work out... and it was mostly him who didn’t. So I’m like okay time to move on. I guess reconnecting threw me off and I was tryna focus on myself with stuff that’s going on. I think I just didn’t wanna get disappointed again cuz there’s a slight chance for any possibilities on a real note. It’s for sincere reasons because I do care and admire him as a person even if not as a curiosity where I might like him again... and of course his attention is always nice lol.
I don't know it’s hella confusing... I thought we were supposed to be friends... he did low key flirt with me when we reconnected (which I figure he might still be interested) but I didn’t try to flirt back. I was just myself like a buddy or to anyone since I thought that’s what we were “just friends” now Lol. So that’s why I didn’t apologize for the one week reply... I should of though. I don't know if our relationship is good... I just can’t tell what he’s thinking... or if he’s even interested anymore 🥺😫 but it’s making me wonder about him again and I don't know what he means to me. I’m starting to remember why I liked him, kind of triggers old feelings to be curious. Sorry I’m off topic, yeah I guess I’ll try to ask him... kind of nervous... he might play it off or ignore my question 🥺 I can tell he’s abit closed up with me nowadays... so I don't know if he even cares... I honestly don’t even know why he still replies even tho he takes 1-2 days lol
I think you're trying to act too much. Just behave how you feel like, without considering "since we're just friends we can do this and not that, so I can only tell you this/that in this/that way". Unless you want to direct the relationship somwhere, the best way to know if you're interested in him or not is by going with the flow. It's not like you have to force your interaction with him in a certain way based on what you think your relationship is
Sorry if this might sound confusing, but it's starting to go into a topic "dating" that I'm not confident in, so my choice of words may be lacking in this regard
It’s cool you’re very good at giving me new insights! Maybe you don’t feel confident in it, but you have been helpful. It’s also a challenge for me since I normally like to divide guys in categories of friendships vs interests vs dating lol. It’s how I keep my boundaries and I know what I’m doing. I guess I’m just a little scare cuz ya things didn’t work out before and it’s a slim chance if things do progress. Well, be honest, do you think he lost interest or just trying to not be close to me?
I'm glad you find my advice helpful, I just hope you take it with an... adequate amount of salt.
My personal opinion is that he didn't see a chance to have a good conversation (a back and forth one) with you after that week, thus his interest in chatting lowered. Notice how I'm not assuming anything about his interest over YOU, romantically, as I really have no idea about what could be going on in his mind in that regard
Hahahaha oh yes, I’m taking in all that salt in nomnom.
You’re the realest, thank you! But why do you think you’re lacking in the dating context? by the way do you he might have been interested before when he tried to reconnect and was really responsive?
Do you think*
It could have been just him randomly chatting with people and getting hooked on chatting with you, but if he was that responsive he surely was invested... So yeah, I think in that moment he was into you, at least in some ways
I say I'm lacking in this subject as I have little knowledge on it, haven't discussed the subject often and severely lack the actual personal experience.
@vencam well for someone who thinks that way of himself, you have been very helpful. I appreciate all of it. I took your advice, so I'll see how it goes. I get the feeling I should just forget all of this... seeing that the routine has not stopped.
@go4itall I understand it now... I guess it’s too late... I don’t think he’s very much interested anymore
If you play that game, you'll both lose.
I read all your awesome comments, I'm not sure what to do now though
Thanks for the compliment. :)
What should you do? Message him, silly!
Your welcome! Lol I know, but what do I do... write more timely manner despite he may not be? And what’s the right way to get clarification...
Yes, write in a timely manner. Always. You are only responsible for your own actions, not those of others.
What exactly do you want clarification on?
Very good point.
clarification why things seemed different now...
kind of feels like now he is friendzoning me or just being cautious
Ask him: "How do you feel about me currently? And what are your thoughts about me?"
Lol oh man, I don’t think I’m ready for that type talk... we just started talking again and I don't know how I feel about him yet since I’m confuse. Plus, I don’t think I’m ready for a rejection as I’m also dealing with something else that ended.
Why don't you know how you feel about him?
It is recent, and I liked him before... I just dont know if its a good idea to reopen that gateway lol
You didn't answer my question.
And what is recent?
Thanks for the MHO.
Opinion
22Opinion
It depends. Are you into playing games to have the control or into having a healthy relationship based on honesty?
It's pretty underwhelming honestly... if I started matching that level of energy, I would probably assume that we probably weren't about to start a romantic relationship (but not writing it off entirely). There are very few people who have so much going on in life that they are consistently unable to write out a fucking text message for days at a time. What people seem to forget is that you don't need to have an answer for every question all the time. It's a text, just tell the person that you are busy but that you would like them to contact you in a few days, or that you want to plan another date.
I hear you... um... the thing is we both are active on social media and I’m sure we both are probably aware if we have access to each other yet we still take 1-2 days to reply to each other.. I agree its kind of overwhelming and gives me a bit of anxiety since I’m becoming confuse.. well he actually was good at responding until I took a weekish to not reply and things changed after... So I wasn’t sure if that turned him off... and I thought we were just being “friends” but I don’t think we were 100%
Adding on to your suggestion... I agree with you yet I’m not sure... because someone once told me if we are just in the getting to know each other phase, no one needs to know what you’re really up to and no need to apologize for delay messages... I just took it as guys don’t really care for delay messages and what’s going on if we aren’t that invested in each other yet.. especially if he’s doing it. While some will express impatience and anger for my delay messages lol. It does push me away too.
The delay isn't the problem, it's the length of the delay. An understandable delay is a few hours. If I ask you out on a date on 3pm Wednesday and don't hear anything back until late Thursday, I'm going to assume that I'm either a low priority or you were waiting to see if something better was going to fall through.
Oh damn, I didn’t think guys also think like girls about that type of delay😅 I’ve been guilty of this since sometime I don’t know what I want/feel... it’s not always necessarily due to the guy but my own concerns...
Well I took a week to not respond to him and um yeah things changed after...
Of course things changed! 😂 🤷🏻♂️The poor guy thinks you don't place much value in being in contact with him.
I seeee 🙄 so now that things changed yet he still respond... what does that even mean? Should I just forget it? Or still try? Did he lost interest cuz he changed his style to reply or he’s just trying to not be into me cuz he’s cautious etc? Replying cuz he’s polite? I’m so lost
It's really not a confusing situation at all, you just have to take a step back and take another look. Your actions showed him that you don't place a very high value on communicating with him. If you enjoyed talking to someone and you didn't get to talk with them very often, what would you want to change?
You would want to talk with them MORE often, right? So, what can you do to show him that you want to talk with him more often?
I guess put more effort to slowly talk to them more? It reminds me one of those days when I returned to reply back, he replied to me within minssss and I still took a day later to reply because I was busy and confuse. Afterwards I tryyyy to reply within one same day and not 1-2 days... but then he took a step back by take 2 days... and his message was kind of dry and short... as if he’s friendzoning me, so I did the same because I felt rejected and maybe he no longer is interested.. he replied back with a nicer, polite message... but I don't know if he’s just being polite.. or he still interested...
Someone advice here to ask him for clarification why he’s acting diff.. and another said to tell him I missed how we talked before... so I don't know what to really do😭
Oh wait just kidding... I didn’t took a day when he replied in mins lol. I took two hours... and he followed it lol. I guess I was working and I didn’t wanna be distracted at that moment.
"because someone once told me if we are just in the getting to know each other phase, no one needs to know what you’re really up to and no need to apologize for delay messages.". That's a lie. Whoever told you that is moron. Text communication is even more important in the opening stages, because it's the ONLY thing you have! You aren't seeing them. You aren't hanging out with them. Texting is the ONLY way you have to connect. So you'd better make it good if you want the relationship to go anywhere (meaning at ANY time in the future. I'm not saying you have to jump into a relationship right away.)
"I’ve been guilty of this since sometime I don’t know what I want/feel.". You have to put your feelings completely outside of the equation. Good manners and how you treat someone should not be based on how you feel at that moment. It should be consistent.
if it looks like you're doing it to play games/play hard to get then it's a massive red flag, but if its because you have a busy and full life (or just low energy levels - i'm personally shit at replying to messages in good time) then that would be perfectly reasonable. It can be frustrating though if you're trying to build a rapport/flirty back and forth with someone and they take ages to reply, as it may stunt that and make you seem uninterested. But in the end be yourself, if your energies are mismatched from the start that may not be the best grounds for a relationship (speaking from experience!) Hope that helps!
completedly agree and caught me on point! The week I didn't reply was because I had low energy going through life stuff ya know... and I wasn't interested in him at that time since we had a past that didn't work out, so I didn't think about it until I noticed his demeanor changedish. Now he kind of showed signs he's intersted but his timeliness is off... it makes me feel like maybe he is losing interest due to whatever reason... or partially why we didn't work previously... no clue... but its kind of making me feel like Im wasting my time to catch feels again... and being confuse... when I can use this time for another guy.
who wouldn't make me confuse and put more effort.
Personally, It's a turn off if a girl takes too long to respond (anything longer than a day). People might say that maybe she's busy, but that is bullshit because everybody is literally on their phones all the time throughout the day whenever they have time here and there. So if she doesn't respond within a reasonable time I'll just assume she doesn't really care or prioritize me or look forward to spending time with me. I want the other person to make me feel special. I want them to be enthusiastic me. So I love it when girls text faster
My girl and I reply to each other almost instantly, but I've also noticed she's been increasingly frustrated (with me) this week and things are suddenly tough for us to see eye-to-eye on, as I'm always giving hard truths while simultaneously trying to be comforting and this aggravates her. I proposed giving her some space for this week and we'll come back to talking to each other in the next one and she agreed that's a great idea.
So tldr; it shouldn't really be unattractive, unless she is blatantly ignoring you for like weeks+. Instant reply can be suffocating and frustration-inducing, apparently.
It can be. I would be careful about playing too many games. Guys have options too, and attractive guys have a ton of options if they're socially skilled at all. If you play it too cool, he could think you're not that into him and move on to girls who seem more interested.
Yes. I would assume you're getting bombarded by other guys or being busy rather than paying attention to me. Doesn't matter what I'm doing, I want you to be enthusiastic and present regardless of my own behaviour.
Wow nice POV! But why be enthusiastic no matter your behavior? Lol.
I think he’s over me... if I come back to be more myself and timely manner, can’t he like me again? Or it’s too late?
Because I don't want a girl thinking she needs to "match my energy" and it leads to her just backing away. I'll respond as much as I feel like it, and she should respond as much as she likes, and ideally that's fairly frequently at a pace we enjoy. It's the part where people start overthinking it that it becomes a problem.
My best texting experiences were with a girl who would text on average every couple days, and we would talk for ages. At about 3 days, that's where I think about texting her. So it was her initiating a conversation 80% of the time every 1-3 days and it was great. She didn't try to "match my energy", she just talked to me when she felt like it. It took the pressure off me from feeling like I'm "supposed" to be starting conversations more than I wanted to but she was still getting the level of engagement she wanted.
Um... no.
I try not to think that way now I am 28.
I try not to deal with passive aggressive, manipulative people.
And I try not to play texting games or social acceptance games.
You get an instinct for duplicity and whinginess as you get more experience with people.
This becomes easier with age.
It makes him think you aren’t interested, and that you just want to play games. If someone wants you they will make it known.
So what should I do?
Just have normal conversation and don’t play games, if you want to talk then talk.
What if I still reply, but he continue to take 1-2 days to respond? It makes me feel like I’m doing too much...
He will either put in equal effort or he won’t, if he doesn’t then don’t bother with it
If he doesn’t put equal effort, stop replying to him? He’s still polite but it’s not the same energy as before and he seems more closed up...
Yeah I’d say leave him alone
Um not really going to answer the question as I forgot it lmao. No I'm more in to you feeling his energy to me I would like to know more on that then the question
I move on instantly. I have no time for girls who can't be bothered or likes to play "busy".
So if she comes back to you... then you wouldn’t like her again?
No I wouldn't.
Extremely unattractive to take longer than 30 mins to reply especially if the late person started the convo
Lol if he's really taking a day or two to reply, he isn't that into you and you'll be giving him the same vibes back if you do the same.
Move on, unless you like to play games.
Well why give a lot of time and energy on someone who’s take 1-2 days to reply. Not really a game, but just trying to match him and see if he will pick it up. If he does, I will too. I wanna prioritize him if he will do the same. Actually he used to reply ASAP, but I was kind of bad at replying.. so I’m not sure if that’s what caused it.
Unless the person is busy, it's a turn off if he/she doesn't reply for a day or two. I always reply as soon as I see the message no matter who it is, if I want a conversation with them.
Matching "his energy" is stupid and childish. There aren't rules to a amount of time you wait to reply
Texting is hard. Matching is actually just giving him what he’s giving me.
No.. 🤔 it just probably means they’re busy and have a life or that nothing romantic is going on between the two.. 🤔
Tbh i dont like it i consider it she is not interested !!
I hate when people are over-apologetic for responding late
Oh okay well I never apologize...
Sighs now I’m wondering and having anxiety is he just responding out of being politeness 🙄😭 after I didn’t respond for a weekish, his msgs became different with being abit dry, low energy, and slightly shorter than normal. That’s when he takes 1-2 days to respond and I did the same.
So I shouldn’t ask for clarification why he’s acting different? And just ignore him? His last response to me was nice, but I don't know now I have anxiety lol.
Oh what if he ignore that statement... 🥺 I feel abit vunerable and out there to say that lmao 😭😭😭 esp when I don't know what he means to me yet. Hmmm I’m getting diff advices to ask him.. or yours... both are good🤔 what would you think a guy would like better from the girl to check up on him noticing the difference or telling him she missed it?👀
"slightly shorter than normal.". Messages are always going to be shorter after a break. It takes a while for people to warm up after a cold spell.
He's probably not that into you.
Yeah, I started thinking that too. I wasn’t interested anymore either until now I’m starting to be curious again. Funny thing was I thought he was interested because he was pretty good at replying until I took a weekish to not reply and everything slowly changed after... but why would he still reply even if he may not be that into me?
@KrakenAttackin is right that that could be a possibility. However, I wouldn't necessarily jump to that conclusion.
I don't think so
I hope so😭
Unacceptable unattractive unnerving
No, and it's a stupid thing to worry about.
yeah reply ASAP don't make us wait
Instant replies are always the best
No may she could have some work busy in some stuff
Huge turn off
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