Girl, if a guy hurts you (emotionally) how do you act?

[Anonymous]

I said some hurtful things to this girl out of anger (we know to to push each other buttons). I felt bad after that and tried to apologize but she kept telling me she didn't care if I apologized or not and that she wasn't mad, etc. After a bit of talking I asked her "so, are you gonna accept my apology, even if you don't care and aren't mad? because I do feel bad" and she just told me "why should I? you are just gonna do it again" so is she or isn't she mad then? Is she just trying to act like she isn't hurt?. I feel really bad, should I keep trying? (we are not dating)

Updates

+1 y

I screwed up. I mean, I know how to make her laugh but she wouldn't have it. I tried talking to her (I didn't see her for a few days) and find out how is she been and how her family is and she just gave me one word answers. At first she just said "i don't care" or when I told her I would never do it again she said "your word means nothing to me, I don't believe you" so for those kind of answers, I know she is hurt and does care. I feel awful.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks, you have given me great input and I really am sorry for being so stupid. So you think she is that upset because she does care about what I say? Or would you get that mad with any random guy? I know I don't go around apologizing like that to just anybody, I have to really care about them, she is the world to me.

[safekeeper07]

Okay, well, it's apparent from what you said that she obviously is upset. Have you been apologetic about what you specifically said? Sometimes, it's easier to forgive when the person identifies what they're sorry about...it's more sincere.

It may help if you sincerely apologized, then told her that you will show her through your actions that you won't ever do that again. If I get upset over someone who's done that to me more than once, sometimes I can't help but act that way too, where I don't even bother really forgiving because I know they'll do it again. You can really "wow" a person when you not only apologize and admit that what you did was out of line, but if you take it a step further and tell them that you want to earn their trust back and show them that you won't do that again.

If you do this, and she STILL doesn't forgive you or she still acts funny after a few days, then she may need some more time. If she doesn't ever get over it, and you've done nothing wrong, then it's her problem. I've been around people like that who can't let go of anything, and honestly, it's not worth being in their life. You'll just always feel bad, you'll be treated unfairly, and nothing will ever come of the relationship. If she can't forgive you, then it's her own issue, and you can walk away knowing you did everything you could. I hope this helps!

[greeneyedgirl13]

You obviously hurt her. She doesn't want you to know that though because that gives you the "upper hand" in her mind. You really need to apologize, just be like "look I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just mad. I'm sorry I said those things" or something like that. But make sure its something real, what you really mean. Don't just apologize because you think its what she wants to hear you need to mean it. And try to do something you know she likes so maybe that'll soften her up a little bit. And maybe but just MAYBE she might actually have feelings for you. Usually I don't let stupid things my guy friends say bother me, but if its one I care about as more then a friend then I would defiantly react the way your saying she did. Who knows though, good luck :)

[ariamx]

she's mad and hurt. She's probably frustrated that you keep doing it too- assuming that you do when she said "you're just gonna do it again". You should just sit down with her and tell her that you truly are sorry, that you wouldn't do it again and hug it out. If that doesn't work, give her some time to herself and then try again in a day or so, she'll get over it.

[rockgirl7]

To answer your question best as I can. I'd say she is shutting down. I've done that before when I've really liked a guy and he hurt me emotionally. I just shut off my feelings. So that he couldn't get past my emotional shield, as you could call it, and hurt me again. I'm going by with what I would do, so this may not be what she is doing.

[AdamoAmare]

She's probably really mad at you...but doesn't want to go through the whole 'feelings' thing. Actions speak louuder than words so you should show her how much she means to you and how truly sorry you are. And you should try not to hurt her again like that...second chances aren't that easy to acquire.

[AliceDawn]

My opinion is that, more than mad, she is just hurt, and feeling like why even bother. Bitter, you have already apologized, now just give it time, show her how sorry you are, don't just tell her, actions speak louder than words.

[Asker]

yeah, she did say something along the lines "I'm not gonna forgive you to make you feel better, you are gonna have to show me". I'm gonna do it, I was there trying to talk and make her laugh and not even looking at me when she talked. Although at the end of the day she kind of softened up a little and gave me a little of her sarcasm that I love so much, but that was it.

[AliceDawn]

well progress is progress, the fact that she didn't slam the door in your face, should give you hope, just keep showing her how sorry you are, and that you really do wan't to mend it! Maybe when she is more her normal self with her talk about the things you say "to push her buttons" that bother her, try to talk it out, you both do it to each other, and its obviously gone to far, and hurt her more than you realized it would. Sometimes things that were said brazenly, are the words that cut deepest

[AliceDawn]

I think she is just upset because she actually does care about the things you say, not just getting angry at any random guy, but she would probably feel hurt if other people were saying mean things too.