Women consider me a fantasy, am I cursed?

[Anonymous]

Ever since I got interested in girls/women I have never had to do any effort to get a girlfriend. Not that I think I'm handsome myself, but all my life girls/women have shown quite expressively they like me, are attracted to me. You could say I'm lucky but apart from the women I have had a relationship with, most of them seem to think of me as a fantasy because most of them already have a boyfriend. Some of them go quite far to let me know and feel they are interested. The past few years I have had a couple of female co-workers who have shown quite expressively they like me. This year it is the same old story but now I really like her, but she has a boyfriend already. Another colleague of mine talked with her and to him she said her current boyfriend does not meet all her expectations. The first time she saw me she immediately touched my arm when passing by and looked me straight in the eyes. Sometimes she sees me and goes sit somewhere else to make me notice her. Later she comes and sits close to me. She wants my attention, talks to me, laughs with all my jokes, teases me a lot. Should I wait and let her come to me or try to win her over? On the other hand I really dislike women who are already in a relationship and flirt so overtly and expressively with me. I don't know what to do anymore...

[quaranta]

My first thought is that you shouldn't pursue her. All the intro about how successful you are with women doesn't matter anything about the real issue which is a coworker is in a relationship and is willing to cheat (is already cheating with her mind) on her boyfriend to pursue something with you. And the problem is there already: if you date her, you are dating someone who is already proving by facts to be a cheater. For me this would be a deal breaker already. Why starting anything with someone who is already presenting herself as someone who can't be trusted? Someone who, when attracted to someone else, would indulge with then rather than sorting out the problems she has in her relationship, either trying to fix it or to end it before? That is the picture of someone egocentric who bears no minimum level of responsibility. Don't think that if you meet her requirements she won't cheat: cheating is not about the partner, it's about the cheater and the rational choices she takes, plus her moral level, that also depend in smaller part on how the relationship goes but given all the relationships have problems, especially long term ones where if you don't have relationship/communication skills those problems will just cumulate, then your dear cheater will anyway have, at some point, an occasion to cheat.
I would also advise against having any one-night-stand with her "casually", because I'm pretty sure the fact you are forced to see her every day in office will make her more and more interested in you and girls who can have sex without feelings for real are just an incredible rarity. If you get a hookup with her, you are starting something with her and it would be really hard to not (or to not argue with her when her hopes aren't met).
I would say pursue only single girls, and instead of waiting for them to be interested in you, you still have the option to pursue girls by yourself, so you are not "cursed" about this anyway.

[quaranta]

You may actually test her a bit more to see how far she dares to cheat on her boyfriend and how responsible she is instead if you stop her and require her to sort out her problems with her boyfriend first, if she goes too far. And observe how she manages problems and conflicts, and how much she allows herself to go too far with you. That is the picture of what you'd get in the same situation.

[Asker]

Thanks for your elaborate answer. She is a really nice person and when we talk she frequently mentions her boyfriend. I don't know why she does that. Is it to gauge my reaction or to convince herself she is not doing something wrong? Up to now she has shown interest in me by, teasing me and I tease her back. I don't mind some innocent flirting. But now I have started liking her. I'm not in love, I just like her and love being with her and she likes my company as well. Even some colleagues have noticed it. Even two female co-workers have noticed it, one of which has feelings for me as well. Ever since she has noticed she is upping the ante to be with me. She's letting me know as well she likes me. Yet I only have eyes for that other colleague. I think I will follow up on your advice and try to test her a bit more. I know how attraction and sparks feel and with her the sparks are really there. Yet she won't cheat on her boyfriend and I don't want her to. She must first be single. But I'm not going to wait, I will start pursuing other women cuz I'm ready again for a relationship. It's just that I like her and the sparks are there... so confusing... Again thanks for your reaction, I really appreciate it!

[jennifer_bloom]

I’m sure a doctor could find a hundred cashiers who like him / her. When you run in your league, girls are not so easy to get.

[Asker]

Thanks, but I don't understand what you are trying to say. It's not that I consider myself a hunk or something like that. What do you mean then with 'in your league, girls are not so easy to get'?

[jennifer_bloom]

If your good looking and you date girls equally good looking or rich and date girls equally rich, it’s not so easy anymore.

[Asker]

I don't consider girls/women as less or more attractive or look at their financial status. It's just that girls/women see me as a fantasy and flirt and tease me all the time even when they have a boyfriend and they go far to let me know and feel. Because of this I don't know what to do anymore because I want to find that one woman. And up to now practically all women I was interested in flirted with me heavily, especially with their body, even though they have a boyfriend or are married. How to find that one special lady?

[jennifer_bloom]

My experience with Christian doctors from school is they choose normal woman who were caring and nice, not models or billionaires. Attraction does not win loyalty, you have to be affectionate and loving.

[Asker]

I'm sorry but I do not look at women as either models or billionaires. I think we live in completely different worlds. Do you live in the USA? You seem to attach great value to class and social status? I'm affectionate and loving, I am just disappointed in women who flirt in an extreme way even though they have a partner already. I really appreciate your input though!

[Avicenna]

Most women get it when you show you aren't interested