Did I cheat? Do you think that I am horrible?

Question

I've been dating a guy for almost two years, and while there are some drawbacks, we get along well. Before we started dating, a guy used to write to me on Facebook. Oddly, despite the fact that I had never met him in person, I found it interesting to communicate with him. I blocked him because of his excessive stress and obsession with me, but after I started dating my current partner, I began to miss him, so I unblocked him. I want to point out that this guy, who is eight years older than me and came to study medicine, always wrote to me asking for study advice. He used to text me, and when he did, I always responded and loved our lengthy conversations. Although my boyfriend didn't make me feel as wonderful during that time, I still feel guilty. and getting along with this man made me feel extremely grateful and good. On the phone, particularly late at night, we spoke frequently. My conversation with this guy was completely unknown to my boyfriend. The fact that both of his (my boyfriend's) ex-girlfriends had an affair with him is odd. The issue is that I feel bad about cheating on my partner because I feel guilty about it. Although my heart aches, I want to stay together. I know he couldn't have known what I did, but I often have intrusive ideas that lead me to believe he might have known and I wouldn't have. I don't want to acknowledge to myself that I talked to this man from the summer to the spring because then I would have to confess to cheating on my boyfriend. Despite the fact that my current boyfriend occasionally acts very childishly and makes me feel strange, I wouldn't want to terminate our relationship...

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

You definitely cheated. There's no question about that. I think you already know that you cheated. The simple way to know that you cheated, is that you are deceiving your boyfriend about this. You are keeping it from him. You did so at the time, and you're continuing to do so.

You are only not horrible, because of the conflict and guilt you feel. You should feel guilty. You are guilty.

This guy has been cheated on in two of his past relationships? You're especially guilty. But you're also probably fucked. He is not going to take this well.

Nevertheless, if you don't tell him. You are horrible. You are the very worst kind of partner, and your relationship is a lie. He only would be staying with you, because he was ignorant how how horrible you are. That, to me is inexcusable and unforgiveable.

There is only one right thing to do here. It does not matter what you want. You do not get to consider your wants right now. You already did that enough, and now it's actually time to think about the guy you look at and say "I love you" to. If you care about him at all, you won't continue to hide this from him.

You talked to him from the summer to the spring.

You mean you cheated on your boyfriend for a year. That's how you pronounce that. Cheated for a year.

You do not feel bad unless you confess and let him decide whether HE wants to continue in the relationship. Anything else, and you're literally a nightmare.

Tell him, or you are lying about feeling guilty. You need to confess. No excuses. No lies. Just confess.

Think about somebody else's feelings... like you should have while you were cheating for a year. Stop worrying about what YOU want to do about this relationship.

This is bad. I have nightmares about falling in love with a girl like you.

Do the goddamn right thing.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

The word "cheating" often implies sexual infidelity and leads to people making arguments that receiving oral sex from someone else "really" isn't cheating. The better question is whether you have don something that violated the trust of your boyfriend. You didn't mention whether you had ever agreed to date each other exclusively. If there was no such agreement, then you need to ask wheher you knew that your boyfriend expected an exclusve commitment even though you didn't specifically discuss it.

The fact that you hid this from your boyfriend is th strongest bit of evidence. If t was not wrong, you wouldn't need to hide it, would you. Some people may wan to minimze your behavior by saying that you never had sex with the other guy, but your behavior show that you are willing to do things that you know are wrong and to hide them so that you can mislead your boyfriend.

This attitude can lead you to doing things that are even worse than what you have done. If I was your boyfriend and I learned about this, I would probably end the relationship with you. A relationship requires trust, and once it has been violated, you can never again be trusted wthout question.

PrettyPriya · Accepted Answer

Yeah, you are cheating. It is called emotional cheating. The fact that you are hiding it says everything. If you were open and honest about talking to another person, there should be no problem. I have quite a few guy friends. Doesn't bother my husband at all. Just like it doesn't bother me that his best friend in the world is a girl.

We have trust and respect. He will talk to her on the phone once a week. I couldn't care less because I know he loves me and not her. She is a sweetheart anyhow. What you are doing is not open to your partner. You are sneaking around from what I gather.

That is what emotional cheating is. I also don't get how you want to stay together but then say your boyfriend is childish and makes you feel strange. While you do not elaborate on why that is, sounds like a red flag to me. This is likely the reason you seek out another guy to talk to. Doesn't make it better and there is no excuse.

definitelyNotHer · Accepted Answer

"Cheating" is such a broad term especially depending on the relationship, the people involved, past experiences, etc. Personally I would classify that as cheating or "emotional cheating". You're using the other man as your emotional boyfriend. He's there for you, he compliments you, you talk for long periods of time at night. Cheating isn't always physical and it isn't always sexual. If you wouldn't tell your partner about it, or your partner would get mad if they knew, or you wouldn't like them doing that if the roles were reversed, you might consider what you're doing is cheating. I don't think anyone can say that you're horrible from an online perspective however cheating is an awful thing. There is no excuse for it, it's just a coward move. If you need validation from more than one person be open with your partners about them and tell them you want an open relationship.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

In my opinion, it depends on what you talked about
If your conversations were platonic in nature, I don't think that's cheating. Whether you hid it or not.
If they were sexual or romantic on nature, that would be cheating in my book

Anonymous · Answer

That is not cheating.. you are allowed to have friends.. cheating is when you have sex with someone else.

Marked_Man · Answer

Emotional cheating.

Kyr0s · Answer

You just talked to that guy right? Nothing else?

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

This Is considered emotional cheating.

In_Trance · Answer

I think you did

Anonymous · Answer

You're cheater 😃

Did I cheat? Do you think that I am horrible?

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