Why do people feel the need to distance from an opposite sex friend who likes them who they don't like back?

Question

I mean, why can't they just continue to be friends in the same way as they did before they figured out that their friend likes them in that way? Isn't it up to the friend to decide whether they are fine hanging out with someone that doesn't like them back? Or is it because it's awkward hanging out with someone who is constantly looking at you with extra sparkly eyes that you feel the need to distance yourself from them?

Flatmanlewis · Accepted Answer

Sometimes this is how people try to either:
A- Redefine the boundaries that they want. Particularly for women I think there is a change in chemistry if they think the person they were being friends with suddenly mistook them for a romantic interest.
B- They want to slow the other persons interest in them so they try and throttle things back and maybe even change the type of time they share together.
C- They no longer feel comfortable with the dynamic and don’t know how to handle the change.

ProbablyClueless · Accepted Answer

Because they know that the expectations of the connection are uneven, and that makes them uncomfortable.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because they really weren’t your friend to begin with , they pretended to be your friend , hoping to get you to fall for them and like them the same way they like you , once they realized they don’t have a chance with you, they distance themselves and move on to someone else. Why guys and girls’ really can’t be just friends unless there is no attraction from either side. The truth is no guy or girl is going to invest a lot of their time into the opposite sex , just to be friends , they want more than friendship , so if you have a guy friend calling you every day or keeping in contact with you on a regular basis , he more than likely wants more than friendship with you. Mark my words , Girls’ do this shit as well to so called guy friends’

RingOfFire · Answer

There is a woman who I dated in High School who got married at 18 and is still married to the same guy. I went to their wedding.

We have loosely kept in touch all these years. She had kids who are grown now and is still with her husband.

In the past few years I felt that her feelings for me were going above the friend zone... actually I kind of suspected she still had a crush on me all these years and was careful to keep it casual. But in the past year or two she has really been stalking me (I mean almost literally) and I have made a number of attempts to cut it off. I really do like her as a friend but told her many times that I would not be happy about it if my wife was secretly talking to an ex boyfriend and I don't want to do that to her husband or her family even if it is just friendship. She actually agreed with me at lease a dozen times over the past couple of years and we said goodbye and wished each other well. Then she shows up again. This has been going on over and over again. She lives in another state and told me that she had been back to where I live a couple of times to visit old friends from this area. She asked if I could meet her and I said no. I'm pretty sure that she showed up at my house when she was here like a stalker... I mean at that stage it's almost scary.

So to address your question, there is no way I can be friends with her because I don't think it is right that she is interested in me in that way and I don't think that it would be fair to her husband or her family. I do like her, but with the uneven feelings it is just not right. Also I don't even think it is right for her either since if I continue the friendship part it gives her the idea that there could be more. And that isn't going to happen. It's just too uncomfortable to continue this way.

I've been in this situation before in my life and even when it isn't someone I once dated it's really uncomfortable to be around a girl who likes you in a way you don't feel about them. You feel that you are leading them on with nowhere to go and I don't like to do that to someone.

SeaGrey · Answer

I withdrew from a girl I started liking. I had no intentions when I met her but as I grew to know her as a person so did my feelings. It became unbearable having to keep my cool and be casual while she kept on showing all that I liked. Believe me there was NO CHANCE THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN AND HELL that she would date me. I learned that from getting to know her. So, I silently withdrew and disappeared from her life (quite skillfully I might add) so that she would not have to deal with me. But 3 weeks later she contacted me and asked where i was and, having nothing left to lose, I told her exactly how I felt. She left me on read and, to this day, has never replied to my message. And I have never seen her again.
If there was a woman I would marry, it would have been her.

We guys withdraw because:
- It's awful feeling the weight of the knowledge that we have no chance.

- We don't want you to feel awkward having to deal with our feelings that you don't share

- We believe it's easier to deal with our absence rather than our attraction and feelings.

Yes, we have made the decision for you. Which you may think is unfair. But think about it. Really, think about it. You don't want someone who you rejected floating in your orbit and now that you KNOW, everything changes whether you like it or not. So this is why guys (most of the time) leave.

ZiaCowel2000 · Answer

Definitely awkward. Also they might not want you to miss read platonic actions as something else if your hoping for more. (reading between the lines etc. becoming maybe delusional and over stepping boundaries) They also might be disgusted or feel maybe some sort of betrayal because some people just want a friend to lean on and not someone to get with.

red324 · Answer

Beats me. Immaturity is what it is I guess and in my opinion this is mostly a female thing. You say you like her and that will be the last time you see or hear from her if she doesn't like you back. Interesting question here for sure that I never really gave a lot of thought of until now. Women are a lot more sensitive to feeling awkward and they don't like it at all. It's just standard procedure for them to block you and never turn back. Kind of shame in my opinion because I think given enough time she could come around. There's a good chance she never even gave being more than a friend a thought.

IslaTheWitch · Answer

Because they don't feel comfortable anymore. Friendship is friendship. If the other person feels more it's starting to be awkward. It also means they could hurt this person by some innocent for friends joke...

Feelings change a lot.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

Because to sit around and care for someone who cannot return those feelings is complete and total torture. It is not even expressing love for one's self. And no matter what happens, no matter how nice that person is to their crush, their crush will never return their feelings. I submit that even if their crush figured it out later, they are not worth the effort.

Dinklex3 · Answer

It can get uncomfortable especially when you tell them you aren’t into them like that and they keep making passes at you or making sexual jokes. For some reason some guys misunderstand and think they have a “turn” or some sort and think you’re obligated to get into a relationship with them because they are your friend.

I had a “friend” who kept grabbing me even after telling him to stop. Had to cut him off.

jshm2 · Answer

That's like asking kids to "still be cool" with the uncle who is just out of jail for paedophilia.

You need your head examined. If you're perving or been found to be lusting after a friend/other that didn't know it, then of course it's creepy as fuck.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

They're probably afraid to let it get to far and feel that being around them will make it worse. I once asked a girl to marry me and we still stayed the best of friends afterwards. She even came to my house and went skinny dipping with me a couple months later.

Pudsmucker · Answer

A lot of times the distance is caused by the companion. A lot of times they don't want to have the feeling that somebody's cheating on them. Sometimes good friends can talk about things or consult when feelings are hurt. But friends are friends and they know where their boundaries are. Or they should know where they're boundaries are

Nikki1989 · Answer

Some men are incapable of lasting friendships unless sex is involved. It is truly pathetic. Find quality men and you won't have that problem.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

It's sad, but it happens. I guess it's best to move on.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I think the issue is that the interested friend is always hoping that the disinterested one will change his or her mind.

worldscolide · Answer

I'd do the same, I'd not want her getting the impression thst something has somehow changed.

Booklover_90 · Answer

They (the friend who doesn’t have feelings) want to avoid awkward situations.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Why can't you understand they don't want to be your friend nor with you?

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

THAT BE EASY FOR ME CUZ there's NO WAY IN HELL I BE FRIENDS WITH A GIRL TO BEGIN WITH

Anonymous · Answer

Out of sight out of mind... and hopefully out of bullet range.😵

strateguy632 · Answer

because they don't like back

Why do people feel the need to distance from an opposite sex friend who likes them who they don't like back?

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What Girls & Guys Said

It's sad, but it happens. I guess it's best to move on.

Why do people feel the need to distance from an opposite sex friend who likes them who they don't like back?

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What Girls & Guys Said

It's sad, but it happens. I guess it's best to move on.

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