Guys, What would make you pull your hand away abruptly?

[DishLady]

Was walking with a fellow who always insists on being the last one at my events so he can walk me to the cab/bus I'm taking. He'll even wait with me till it comes. We were walking and he started doing the whole bumping shoulders or nudging a little to get me to look at something along the road. It was nice. I didn't think much of if bc we'd had a chat earlier over the summer about being "just friends" but he's always been like this... putting out signals then saying he just wants to be friends. SO as we walked I ignored the flirty vibes and the shoulder bumping. However we got to a busy corner and he was about to step out onto the road when I saw a car coming. I instinctively grabbed his hand/wrist to pull him back.

As if I had just grabbed him with a pile of hot coals he snatched his hand away, made a fist and shoved his hands in his pockets for the rest of the walk. It was very odd in my opinion. No idea why he did that. I wasn't trying to hold his hand or anything, just trying to be safe.

We get to the stop and he says he's in a rush to go home. I say bye but he stands with me till the bus comes anyway and waits like an overgrown kid for his goodbye hug. I gave him a look, wondering if he was being sarcastic or messing with me, but he just stood there with the big eyes till I sighed and gave him a hug. And he asked me to call or text him when I got home to let me know I got back safe and sound... which he just never says.

The whole thing was odd and didn't feel like a "just friends" vibe at all. I don't know what's going on with him, but I'm taking a few steps back till he figures himself out.

[Rangers]

He's super shy with you cause he likes you so much. Probably had his heart broken a lot and when he felt your hand, his chest almost certainly felt fuzzy.

That feeling is scary for men cause we know we can lose it, but I'd definitely not pull my hand away. I'd have interlocked my fingers with the girl if I liked her

He strikes me as a guy who went through a really nasty divorce. If you really like him, you may need to push a little to show him you like him, too. If you don't, it's best to just lay it out and say you're not interested in dating him

[DishLady]

He's done it before, and though I pointed out that I liked that moment, he said he just wanted to be friends. So either he's lying or he's confused about what he wants. But if he wants to be just friends then that's what he'll get. I don't hold hands with guy friends.

[DishLady]

(I mean that he's held my hand as you've described before, but then we had our chat about being just friends.)

[Rangers]

He's in denial, it's pretty plain that he likes you but he's afraid to be hurt. You may have to get bold with him and maybe kiss him.

Even the most shy guy ever will kiss back at that point

[DishLady]

Unfortunately, I'm old fashioned and, since he said he wanted "just friends" then he would have to get the cojones to initiate the shift.

[Rangers]

Don't wait any longer than you feel is worth it, in your situation, I'd spend some more 1 on 1 time.

Being a shy guy myself, there's no better way to make us open up than to show a desire to know us on a deeper level without others listening in.

All in, I wouldn't take any of this personally, as I said before, he really does give off the vibe that he really got his heart torn to shreds in a marriage.

Or maybe even worse than that, he's a widow, and losing the woman we love breaks a shy man pretty fast. It broke me pretty hard, only through the comfort of who'd later fall in love with me, did I not deteriorate into an inconsolable, silent, sightlessly staring mess that looked more dead than alive.

I agree that he needs to make the decision to proceed and he's tip toeing too much. I'm the most shy guy ever and even I'd have already made my feelings clear at this point, so he needs to just brush off his pain and step to you

[DishLady]

I think you’re giving him too much credit. He doesn’t have trouble talking to women most of the time. Never married or any of that. One major engagement, but it fell apart and I don’t think it’s for the reason he’s telling people.

[DishLady]

You sound like a sweetie pie, though. Hope you find a nice gal who will bring you out of your shell. For shy guys, the right woman knows how to make you feel comfortable talking to her. It will feel natural. Your inner “hero” will want to step up for her.

[Rangers]

It doesn't take much to bring out the hero as you said in me to take initiative.

I'd have interlocked my fingers with the girl if she took my hand, regardless of the context. I've done this at dinners during prayers, everyone holds sideways but when she held her hand out, I laced my fingers with hers.

There's no excuse why he couldn't have at least brought himself to do that and squeeze to see if you squeezed back.

If you deem it worth it to take initiative, go for it but you're right, the worst a man can do about a crush is nothing

[OlderAndWiser]

He wants more, he knows you don't, and he's acting all hibbity-jibbity because - for a second - he thought maybe there was something more. Then reality reasserted itself and he got angry.

[DishLady]

"Hibbity-jibbity" huh, OW? I was just sticking to what he said he wanted... just friends.

[OlderAndWiser]

Some guys don't know what they want, and some are just afraid to reach for the brass ring.

[DishLady]

I suppose it's too late to change things up now. I'll be honest, he was confusing.

[Hunter-40m]

Yeah you are right about what you feel about his intentions when considering what you wrote above I can say that he Tried hard to get but messed up he says he wants to be friends but deep within he wants to be more than friends considering all the physcal contacts and nudges seeming innocent

[DishLady]

He’s continued acting oddly and I honestly have no idea of his intentions.

[Hunter-40m]

Your doubts about his intentions are correct

[Cyfris]

Simple answer is he has boundaries in which you holding his hand violates. I'm guessing the just friends convo drew a clear line in the sand.. Men aren't like women.. there is in or out.. we are either in to put in the effort or not.. my guess is you are not in the worth it group. The walking you to the bus and waiting around nothing. Any decent man would do this for a woman he doesn't like in the right circumstances.

[DishLady]

You’re funny. If anything, he violated the just friends line. I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to hold his hand, just to pull him out of traffic. Next time let the car get him I guess.

[Cyfris]

Of course he violates the line.. He never wanted the line. Men do not want to be friends with women. It's not how we are wired. But yes next time let the car hit him. Which I doubt it will.

[DishLady]

For the record, I'm the one who walked away from him bc he kept crossing the line. The only reason I reached was out of reflex for another person's safety. The day I'm mentioning here, he was actually very flirtatious and "bumping" into me and ginning and being stupid like a kid with a crush.

[worldscolide]

If I did something that I felt was too much and insulted or otherwise offended her. Or if she said something hateful to me while I was touching her. Or if my hand is in pain lol.

[DishLady]

Nah, this was out of the blue. We were both being very sweet to one another and the car was coming. I was instinctively protective and took his hand just to pull him back to the curb. He snapped his hand away and shoved it in his pocket.

[BadApple69]

How old is this guy?
He acts like he is interested but pulls away from your touch. Sounds like he had some kind of serious trauma in his life. It is Mixed messages for sure.
Two things I would suggest.
Question him about it. Why did you pull away when I tried to stop you from stepping out in front of a car? See what he says.
If you don’t want to question him put some distance between you two and see if he stays away or comes to you. Then I would still question him.

[exitseven]

It sounds like he is confused bout how he feels about you.

[DishLady]

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

[keithhurst]

There are multiple aspects to this but let me touch on the one I feel most people are not. When you grabbed him by the wrist it's not the same as holding hands it immediately made him feel like you were asserting dominance even though you were looking out for his safety there is something about being held around the wrist that immediately makes a person feel weak so he broke free and than put his hand in his pocket to keep it from happening again

[DishLady]

That’s a bit weird. We know eo well enough that he’s aware I just snapped into protective “mom mode” to keep him safe. It wasn’t a hard grab or aggressive, just defensive like when you’re driving and put an arm out to stop the person from going forward when there’s a sharp break.

[keithhurst]

Just my opinion and it probably wasn't like he really thought about all that while it happened just that it was his natural reaction due to the circumstances

[whosnumber_1]

He's weird. It's he like a toddler or something? I can't think of why I would do that unless you had dog shit on your hand.

My advice is to not put any energy into this guy and look for a dude who is interested and knows what he wants

[Greatful]

Was he embarrassed he didn't see the car, your right that is odd, maybe it triggered something, just ask straight out polite and id say if there's no reasonable answer he can articulate then go with your intuition. How did you feel at the moment until he left did your insticts tell you anything at all?

[TediumIsTheWorstPain]

Kinda sounds like he's conflicted.

The "We're just friends" part of him and the "Let's be more" part of him are fighting a battle, internally.

So he simultaneously wants and fears physical contact with you.

[MidnightRivers]

It sounds like he has feelings for you but some reason is supressing them? maybe there's another girl in the picture, or perosnal reasons? and thus the yanking of the hand was to keep a boundary?

[spartan55]

And another...😂 😂

[DishLady]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_egROnuNVk