Why do men take rejection so seriously?

[Belleza]

This is just out of curiosity - but why is it if a girl isn't interested, you come up and ask her out - she rejects you and you take it to the highest personal level there is? Thank you!

Updates

+1 y

I would just like to say thank you to everybody who said something I just wanted to know that cause I rejected a guy once but I did it in a nice way - I never acted like a bitch all I said was "I'm sorry I'm not interested but thank you for asking!"

[GoodManDave]

"I'd never want to even be seen in the same room as you."

"What in the hell makes you think I'd ever want to be seen with you?!"

"What makes you think I'd ever go out with you?"

"ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. NO. Ha ha ha ha ha ha."

"I can't believe someone like you would ever ask me someone like me out."

Nope. Those aren't personal. Not at all.

______________

It depends.

I'm still really hurt from a rejection in February. But it was a really bad point in my life, and she lied to me about everything, and I believed it, so I feel more frustrated in that in spite of the fact that I should have known better, I was tricked into thinking she would be a friend. She's now dating someone I used to be friends with, so seeing them flopping all over each other still makes me sick to my stomach. It wasn't the rejection in the "date" idea as the cruel rejection afterward (and all the lying).

I get a lot of cruelty from women, when I don't deserve it. I've never pestered a girl to go out with me. I ask them out in what are supposed to be "the right ways." And I get nasty responses. and I'm respectful, even when the woman isn't.

Each time, it gets a little trickier to ask them out.

Now, for those who have actually rejected me with class and good taste, (maybe 5 girls in total) I respect them. and it isn't a big deal. But if it's an especially nasty response, I'm probably going to remember it.

[Belleza]

Well...you have to know women are all bitches no matter what, we will do anything and we won't even think of the consequences so you got bitches most of the time but I do hope everything goes well for you in the near future!!!

[GoodManDave]

I never said or thought that.

Sometimes everyone handles it differently; some guys get hurt differently in certain situations. That pain doesn't mean that they're childish or weak. It's the REACTION that makes the difference in the level of character.

[ALWAYSclassy]

Maybe you just like bitchy girls? I know I have never been rude to a guy who asked me out in a nice way. But if you come on too strong or act like an ass, I would be mean.

[GoodManDave]

Naw. Bitchy girls are a turn off. I've probably made the mistake of asking a few nasty girls out, but these are the supposed "good christian women." And I don't come on too strong. I ask them as respectfully as a guy can.

[Superstrength79]

Guys don't get too much loving in the world. Once they are no longer children, society takes a 180 on them, and essentially, the only loving they get, they really have to work hard for. Just think of the stereotypical guy: Watches sports, drinks beer, talks to guys but never about feelings. Not all guys are like that, but I'd say still not a lot of guys will talk to each other about feelings. That pretty much leaves their mothers :)

When the guy approaches a woman with the intention of wanting a relationship and they get shot down, it's more than just a woman shooting them down, it's all of society. If I am not explaining that well enough I can think of one other way. Just observe the way they report murders on the news. Missing children and women, especially murder victims get reported on for days to months. Guys. Well they only get a lot of coverage if they are famous or rich or both.

I think society is a little biased (probably unknowingly) to protected women and children because they are the future of the species. As far as the guys go, there are plenty to spare. Pretty much the only assigned role we have in society that we - want - to perform is procreation. So when we can't make it happen, it is very discouraging.

I imagine the female version of this situation is when they get upset because they are ready to start a family, but they only encounter the jerks or non-commital guys.

[singlegirl06]

I think the only reason some men take it so damn seriously is because they really thought you were going to say yes, or they really like you a whole bunch. and most the time the guy is the one who approaches the girl and you know how hard it is to get up enough courage to actually start a conversation with a girl or guy you like and then to be rejected just doesn't feel all that great. PLUS, guys aren't as strong as girls.. come on, we give birth...haha!

[Aristotles]

Do you hate being liked by a guy?

[singlegirl06]

Why would you ask that question?

[ALWAYSclassy]

Cause they are childish. Yeah, he'll get disappointed & maybe his feelings will be hurt a little but he can get over it. there's no reason to take it out on the girl. we don't HAVE to date you!

[GoodStuff]

Easy for you to JUDGE, you've never had to put yourself on the line and be brutally humiliated the way guys are.

[dimeofdozen]

Just because he is a male, he has no right to feel hurt? If he feels hurt, he is childish? You make no sense what so ever because you bought into that patriarchal idea what a man supposed to act. If you get rejected, I am sure you would feel hurt too. It would not make you childish, but it would make you a living being who has feelings. Animals feel pain when they get rejected too. Rejection hurts everyone!

[jogurt6789]

Well yeah and you have to also understand that they dont have to be friends with girls who reject them ;)

[Anonymous]

I don't agree all the guys I know get rejected and get over it and find someone else!! And I know a lot of guys!! they only really get offended if they really really really like you.

[GoldGriffin80]

Because some of us might be less experienced with women, possibly have low self-esteem, are more emotionally involved than your average guy (aka., fell REALLY hard for the girl), or feel like our male ego has been afronted. (After all, sometimes it IS a lot of work, just to get noticed.)

Also, unlike women, we are expected to just "suck it up and be a man about it", so unless the guy has learned to just let is slide of his back (like a player), all that pent-up pain and hurt doesn't go away...it just builds and builds, after each rejection. At least women are allowed to cry to their friends for support; for guys, this is considered very uncool and you'll only get teased for it.

Anyway, if the guy has been dumped multiple times, then when you dump him, he's doesn't just feel that he's being rejected by you: instead, he's reliving all the OTHER girls that dumped him, and all the old pain is added to the new. It's a wound that never heals, but gets worse with each experience. This is why most guys try so hard to seem cool and unemotional, too: to protect themselves from further hurt. It's also why girls sometimes have a hard time getting a guy to "open up" to her; he's learned the hard way what happens if he does and is very uncomfortable with the idea of letting anyone else in.

(And yes, I am speaking from experience here.)

[Quackpotty]

I only ever approach a girl that I think might be feeling the same way. I also won't approach her unless she is a friend. Add that to the fact that it takes guts of a massive scale to get up the nerve to tell a friend that you fancy her in any way beyond what normal friends do, and what you have is an emotionally charged situation. The offense can come also in the way that the rejection comes. Be nice!

[Quackpotty]

From update: doesn't sound like a response that should give offense at all. Was he a friend or something like that maybe? Tone of voice can also be important. The first girl I asked out said no in such a way that we were friends for two years afterwards.

[Belleza]

No he wasn't a friend at all he was just a guy that tutored me.

[joecollege]

Depends how mature the guy is. If a girl rejects me with no mixed messages, I am thankful to her for not wasting my time. Everyone, even the best guys or girls gets rejected, it doesn't matter. Just make sure you are clear the first time, and don't give mixed messages. Some people have ego's though, and can't let their pride take the fact they are not everyone's type. They just have to learn and let it go, or stay bothered by it until they decide to evolve.

[Stanley]

I don't agree that it's always an ego thing. Rejection hurts, whether you're an egotist or an enlightened Buddhist.

[joecollege]

Ok, I can agree with that. But she was asking about guys who take it to the highest personal level. Another thing is if the person is rude about doing the rejecting, or tactful.

[dimeofdozen]

It has nothing to do with maturity and egoism. Stop buying into this ideal that all human males don't supposed to have feelings. Rejection hurts everyone including an animal!

[vortexofdoom97]

I honestly don't. You always think you will beforehand (just kind of anxiety, you know) But if everybody turned me down as nicely as I've been turned down every time thus far (actually, the latest one was a bit iffy but whatever,) I'd ask someone out every day until I got accepted (kind of as a figure of speech. Of course actually doing that would be an insult to my dignity and theirs.) I don't take it as seriously when it happens as when I'm anticipating it. Does that make sense?

[GoodStuff]

Why do women pose questions about how men take rejection, when women take it 1000x worse.

In fact, 99.99% of rejection on the planet are had by men. Can you at least give men some freaking credit for freaking taking 99.99% of the rejections in the world. Women refuse to do even 1% of the work, yet they judge and criticize men for how they do their work.

[Belleza]

uhuh what bit you in the butt?

[GoodStuff]

Hipocrisy bit me in the ass.

It's like a rich obese American asking questions about why starving ethiopians feel weak when they starve :d

[Belleza]

ok I give a hoots ass cause? it was a question not a statement - you took it way too seriously

[Stanley]

I don't get why you're offended. If a guy really likes you and you reject him, then it's going to really hurt.

[Anonymous]

You will never know until you have been rejected yourself and actually start showing some compassion and care, and actually try and understand, and not be so judgmental and disillusioned by gender.

[Anonymous]

Because it takes a lot of work and guts to ask you in the first place.

[DJackD]

It's laughable that any women would ask a question like this. Dating is way for women, it's a string of romantic opportunities that just keep coming. Bet you wouldn't be so incredulous if you got rejected 600-700 times romantically like most guys do. Spare me the bs.