Here's some reality for you nice guys...
A guy is not entitled to a wonderful woman simply for being nice. Nice guys need to recognize that and step up their game when it comes to dating potential. I'm tired of hearing nice guys say "Girls don't want nice guys. Girls use nice guys" Simply just being a nice guy is not going to make a girl fall head over heels for you and want to give you her all. If you're nice and boring, that niceness loses it's worth. If you're nice, but you lack charm and intelligence, that niceness decreases in value. If you're nice but your physical appearance looks a hot mess, it's going to be difficult for a girl to even be attracted to you in a romantic or sexual way. Face it. It’s true. So dig deep and be honest with yourself: what’s the real reason you can’t seem to get a girl because I can assure you it’s not solely based on you being a nice person.
After coming to GAG and seeing how "nice guys" (who get really mean and whiny when things don't go their way) express themselves, I'm starting to believe they work so hard to be nice because deep down they are very aware that they're lacking in other areas of self. So they try to compensate that by being nice and when their "nice guy crutch" fails them, they want to get upset and run to GAG, complaining about how girls don't want nice guys.
Your thoughts? Are "nice guys" really just using that played out line to excuse the true reason as to why they struggle with women? What is your opinion on this topic?
Most Helpful Opinions
To a point, yes, some men do feel entitled to a pretty women, but not necessarily just for being nice. Men have been fed lots of BS from the media, movies, tv, girls, their parents, etc. about what girls like and want, one of which being a "nice guy". When a man dresses nice, has a good job, ambitions, is outgoing, and treats a women with respect, it only seems logical that girls should want to date him cus that's what we're told. However for females, attraction is not measured by things on paper. When people refer to nice/bad boys, it encompasses an entire personality, not just they things he says directly to a girl. So in other words yes, when we are taught to be a girls prince charming, yet she falls for the servant, you get rather frustrated and confused.
I agree that some portion of the nice guys, are just not attractive. They don't know how to talk to a girl, they have no sense of fashion, they are boring, etc. But not all nice guys are like this. Not to sound self centered but I'll use myself as an example. I have very comfortable around women. I know how to flirt, I'm outgoing, have lots of friends and know how to have a good time, I dress well (girls tell their bf's to dress like me), I'm told I'm attractive by girls, I work out, I have a very well paying job, I'm funny, I'm an accomplished musician, I'm kind, I always go out of my way to help my friends. I have a lot going for me but I will admit I'm a nice guy and not a bad boy. I'm the guy who drives the drunk girl home from the party, gives her advice about her problems, tells her she's pretty when she is feeling down, yet as soon as she pick their head up, the girls go back to their sloppy, lazy, a**hole boyfriends. To put it simply, on paper, I'm the perfect boyfriend (which must be why people always ask me in disbelief "how are you still single").
It comes down to one thing. Women unlike men are more emotional. They make emotional decisions and that includes dating. Men oddly enough reason out who they date. We will go through the pros and cons of dating a girl. Not to say we are emotionless, but just because we feel a spark doesn't mean we want or will date her and vice verse. A women doesn't know why she likes a guy, she just does. Certain things, get a women's blood pumping. Its basically alpha male like qualities. However in today's society, most alpha male traits are either confused for or are inherent in guys who are also jerks/losers (i.e.The guy who is an a**hole also appears dominant). While women do say things like money, respecting them, dressing nice, etc. are important, in reality those things have no effect on a women's emotions and therefore attraction level. Its the guy's personality that attracts females, and that type of personality is usually found in guys who "also" exhibit negative or "jerk" like traits. In other words women are not attracted to jerks explicitly, they are attracted to qualities inherent in jerks and absent in nice guys.
I do realize my description of myself makes me sound conceited, but the point I was trying to make is that not all nice guys are also completely inept with women and dating. Some guys just have kind personalities and are punished as a result, because such a personality is not sexually/romantically attractive to females.
Last paragraph is spot-on.
I can definitely see your point. Perhaps you don't give the girls who are interested in you a chance? I am in a similar situation as a girl, and one of my problems with dating are that I get too wrapped up in the idea of a person that the actual person falls short and I then run. I am an all around "nice girl" though.
Women are fed with lots of BS from the media, movies, tv, men, and society as well.
I think guys who truly believe that women don't want nice guys are self absorbed and they're reflecting their own personal experiences of being overlooked and rejected upon a select group of women and their choices. Although, they don't know that woman, they don't know what was going on in her psyche to make that situation, and they don't know the whole situation with the guy.
Instead of considering that the girl has daddy issues and the jerk reminds her of her father so subconciously, she's attracted to him. Psychologically, a lot of girls gravitate towards men who treat women the way their father treated women. Or considering that the "jerk" didn't show his true colors in the beginning. Or considering that maybe the "jerk" wasn't always a jerk and he became that way and she thinks she can change him, guys automatically go into their long rants about how girls
just don't want them because they're nice. That's self centered and unknowledgable.
I have rejected my fair share of girls, but I do have standards which are realistic, and let's just say these girls fell extremely far from them. Sorry, I'm just not interested in dating a chick who is suicidal and or weighs 300lbs.
Admittedly though, one of the other problems is there are running out of good people to date, men and women. It seems every person you come across has got major issues and large amounts of baggage and is completely messed up (cheater, alcoholic, abusive, etc.).
Yeah, it's really frustrating to deal with. I know for myself, I've worked hard to clear out those baggage so that they don't reduce the livliness of my future relationships. I mean it's nice to be supportive, but some people can make it feel like a chore when they bring all their baggage into a relationship for you to deal with
Yep, not to put myself on a high horse, but I'm come from a good family. I had a good childhood and don't really have any drug problems, psych issues, family problems, ex Girlfriend problems, I have a solid job, and I'm a pretty normal guy. Problem is 90% of girls I meet either have pysch problems, divorced parents, an abusive father, are alcoholics, raging sluts, ex boyfriends problems, or some other bullsh*t that really turns me off from dating them.