Why are girls so extremely attracted to guys that take charge, take control of the situation, or other things

[Anonymous]

Why are girls hard-wired, instinctively programmed, to be attracted to guys that know what they want and go after it, take-charge, take-control, make-things happen, is it wrong that I see, view this as a chore, burden? as work to do?

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+1 y

why is it part of being a Man? why is it a Masculine thing? why is it that guys who do not take-charge, are deemed weak, sissies? logically how does it make a guy weak? a guy is still physically stronger than a girl, he can still protect her with that

Updates

+1 y

Also, women, girls, always argue that guys, men are natural born hunters, that we are hunters, that we like to chase down our prey, why do girls believe that we guys are hunters? and don't say that we just are, prove it that we are hunters

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+1 y

Why is being a go-getter a masculine thing?

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+1 y

makes me want to violently explode at times!

Updates

+1 y

yeah, men and women are not the same and do not find the same traits attractive, but women can easily gain those attractive traits men like, not so much the other way around

[canuckfarmgirl]

Might be hard-wired but I'm in general bothered by people who are indecisive. I can take charge but I'd rather someone else did. It's perceived as "weak" because you'd then allow yourself to be persuade by someone else. It's also part of how I was raised. Around this house, you make up your mind and don't do wish-washy.

It's a form of confidence. I know what I want, I'll tell you how I feel and if I want something done, it will get done. I'm attracted to the same in a guy. It's like a dance, if a man lets me lead, he's out automatically. I don't care how amazing he is but if I can move him and he doesn't resist, I'm walking away.

[Asker]

why is being a pushover so much worse being a guy?

[canuckfarmgirl]

Because stereotypically, guys are the stronger ones. I can't stand a pushover in either gender, that's just how I am.

[Asker]

well shouldn't his physical strength make up for that?

[canuckfarmgirl]

No, not really. I know several guys who I have beat in that department, physical strength isn't the main thing. It's brawn and brains. Knowing what you want and going for it is confident and attractive.

[Asker]

when people refer to the guy being the "Man" in the relationship, being the one to lead the relationship, being the leader, the dominant one, give me specific detailed examples of what it means for whoever is the dominant one, the leader in the relationship, wears the pants, I don't know since I've never been in a relationship before

[canuckfarmgirl]

Being the 'man' in the relationship means that if I suggest we do something and he doesn't like it he tells me, he doesn't go along and then moan and groan later. It's a give and take and if you allow yourself to be a pushover, it won't end well. I can be dominant if I feel I have to be so when I'm dating someone, I want him to stand up to me, to be equal and for that he can't be a pushover.

[Asker]

a lot of guys will tolerate, accept an insecure, push-over girl while dating, in a relationship but almost never the other way around

[canuckfarmgirl]

Because they can shape the girl into what they want. I know some guys who really like that and when you stand your ground near them, they turn into cowards and run. I could date a push-over kind of guy, and I have, but let's just say I wasn't happy and neither was he. There has to be a form of balance and when one person is a pushover, the other person holds a lot more power. The guys that date insecure girls are not very secure themselves but they are more secure than she is.

[Prof_Don]

Women with personalities like you are irresistibly attractive to me. :)

[canuckfarmgirl]

Aw, thanks. A lot of guys are scared off by it.

[Asker]

insecurity screws guys more than girls

[canuckfarmgirl]

Yes, to some extent. Girls are also much better at faking it because of social dynamics.

[Asker]

it's more so that guys are more likely to forgive a girl for being insecure, but not the other way around

[canuckfarmgirl]

Yes, basically that's it.

[Asker]

thats what pisses me off

[canuckfarmgirl]

Might be a cultural thing, everyone assumes a girl is insecure, it's sort of a given but at the same time, insecure guys are less welcome. Guys are also more likely to not admit they are insecure, probably for that reason. Insecurity doesn't do anyone favours.

[Asker]

thats why I like to think dating is easier for girls, guys have to work on themselves more than girls do

[Asker]

why do you girls think we guys have it easier?

[canuckfarmgirl]

Because if I ask a guy out, he'll say yes but he'll also loose interest fast (the masculine and feminine energy imbalance). Finding a date is easier for a girl but finding a serious relationship is lot harder.

[Asker]

what is the psychology behind that?

[canuckfarmgirl]

Masculine is like you've already found out, the chaser, the one leading, the more dominant. Feminine is the one being chased, more emotional, the receiver, the more submissive. It has little to do with gender, and from what you are writing, you fall into the latter role. That means you want to be chased and you would not lose interest in a girl that asked you out. As long as one partner has masculine energy and the other feminine, the relationship will work due to balance.

[canuckfarmgirl]

It's the yin and yang of relationships. It has nothing to do with gender, just that most men are masculine and most women feminine but sometimes its the other way around. I know I'm feminine, the kind of guys I go for are really alpha. I can be dominant and the leader but it's a turn-off for me. Same as for the guys I date, a girl leading is hot for a few minutes but ultimately a turn-off because it becomes a challenge and someone will feel threatened.

[Asker]

sounds like a social-construct to me, that life made up those rules

[canuckfarmgirl]

It works for me. Agree to disagree?

[Asker]

it makes it feel like the girl does not contribute much to the relationship

[canuckfarmgirl]

How so? I stand beside my man, full support for him and I expect the same from him. But I won't let him walk all over me. You can't have two leaders in a relationship and I'm quite happy to let the men I date lead because I trust them. As said, it works for me.

[Asker]

well the fact that the guy has to lead, it sounds like the girl is just along for the ride

[canuckfarmgirl]

It still takes two. Like I said early on, I can lead, and I can take charge but ultimately, in my relationships, the man has the visible control. Ask any wife, the husband might be the leader but he doesn't do much without consulting her. It's a partnership. He's not going to be happy if I'm "just along for the ride." I have just as much 'power' in the relationship as my man does, mine is just more subtle.

[Asker]

more examples on how the guy leads the relationship, is the dominant one?

[canuckfarmgirl]

He decides where we go with consideration to what I like. He asks for the first dance but lets me take the reins after that.

[Asker]

also, why are girls attracted to guys that are busy, that have their own lives, that have many things going for them in their life? why do they love it when a guy is not too available?

[canuckfarmgirl]

For the same reason guys like girls who have their own lives. It makes us feel more significant if he actually takes time to be with us. It's an attractive thing, the guy is someone worth knowing. Being available all the time can get weird.

[Asker]

true but being available all the time hurts guys more than girls

[canuckfarmgirl]

Are you sure? Because I think it affects both genders equally in that specific context.

[imperatriz]

I don't see taking charge as a masculine quality let alone a necessity in my partner. I find it quite a turn off as I don't like being in the weaker or secondary role in any relationship.

I know exactly what I want and I am perfectly capable of taking charge and making that happen for myself; as for my partner, it is his life and he can live it as he pleases but if he wants to be with me then he will have to learn to let me be the one in charge.

I don't think it is a question of women being "hard wired" to seek a dominant male, more like gender roles that some women are comfortable with and some are not.

[Asker]

yeah because I don't want the entire weight of the relationship to rest upon one person's shoulders

[justaskin8888]

Blame men for this problem. Women have been cut out of so many decision making , take charge roles and confined to bump their head on the glass ceiling--that many women simply expect a man to take charge. I don't know really know if women are "hard-wired" to follow or want a take charge man, so much as she is shaped into a mold where men control and take charge of the world in which she lives.

My advice: Provoke a fight with as many take charge men as you can. Fight tirelessly for women's rights. Marry a feminist and become a stay at home dad.

[Asker]

yeah I have felt like instigating violence to show society how pissed I am that this rule exists

[justaskin8888]

@QA no, its not society. its men. go show men that you are pissed at this rule they made. good luck with that.

[Asker]

i'll do it in the right situation

[Asker]

makes me wish I could beat up a girl's boyfriend out of anger and jealousy sometimes, mainly if he is a dominant, leader, take-charge, take-control type guy

[TheUglyOne]

Indicates dominance which equates to status. Status is highly preferable among the animal kingdom and may be the only trait that can trump physical attraction. A woman sees such a man you describe, her instincts think that her babies with him will grow up to be dominating, rather than dominated. And no woman wants babies that are dominated.

[Asker]

the part about babies, that I'm not so against, because I would like to have the babies be safe and protected

[ihatetakingcharge]

i guess it's an Alpha Male thing

[sukidesu]

it's a biological thing so that she will be sure that she and her children won't starve or be left wanting for anything because the male gets it for them. it's how the animal kingdom is, the woman bears and rears the children as well as some other work and the man provides for him and his family. the man does this so that he will attract a strong female and have healthy offspring i.e. his genes will be carried on after he dies. it's hardwired.

[sukidesu]

just looking physically fit is only half the battle, you have to show you care enough to put it into action. that's not saying you have to go out and be a dominating ass, just stick up for yourself and for the person you like if they're ever in trouble. I know it might sound silly with the animal kingdom / human biology/psychology thing but it's the truth.

[Asker]

yeah makes sense, I often feel we guys have to work on ourselves more than girls do

[Asker]

but is it wrong that I see it as a chore?

[lucky24]

if you seem weak she won't think you can protect her

everyone likes to follow someone who can take charge and some people want to be that one who takes charge. If you were going to war, would you rather be led by someone who is confident or someone who is so demoralized and thinks they are going to lose before the battle even begins?

[lucky24]

it shows you know what you want and that you will try to get it

[Asker]

but where is the logic in that guys have to know what they want and go after it? why is it part of being a Man?

[lucky24]

a man is a man because he has things between his legs

being able to take a challenge head on is what makes you a "better" man because you aren't afraid to take risks, you are willing to face rejection, etc..

not showing fear shows a girl that you will protect her regardless of what comes up she knows you will stand up for her without backing down etc... how would that not be a quality girls wouldn't want in a guy?

[Asker]

i just never understand how that specifically shows a girl that a guy can protect her

[h1456]

You don't have to "take charge". Well, not all the time. Sometimes its nice if the girl is in charge too. But for other things, its better for the guy to be "in charge". Its not a " turn on" but it is attractive. For me it shows masculinity.

[Asker]

thats kinda what I asked in my update, why is it a masculine thing?

[h1456]

For me, its because when I was younger, I wanted my dad to be protector, I like to be protected. Masculinity for me is the guy protecting the girl. And sometimes protecting also means being in charge. Like when I went camping with my friends. The guys took charge and took care of us girls. I like that. I like when men fix cars, and build stuff etc... Its what my dad did for me when he was around. So I have this view of what a "masculine man" is. That's what I would look for in a guy.

[Asker]

as a guy taking care of you, I'm guessing a girl's boyfriend has to be a like a girl's second-daddy?

[h1456]

No. Have you ever heard the saying girls tend to date their fathers? its like that. my dad was a " masculine man". So I look for that in a guy. The guy inst my dad, but he would take care of me. It's also a stereo type of our world... Girls want "manly men". Its just something a lot of girls look for. but not every girl.

[Asker]

so yes, girls want the guy to be like their father, well a lot of girls

[h1456]

yes

[Asker]

and I don't get why girls think we guys have it easier

[h1456]

have what easier?

[Asker]

dating and relationships, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc., I don't get why some girls think we guys have it easier

[h1456]

I personally think guys have it much harder once they are in the relationship since girls, like myself, seem to expect a lot from our men. But I think that guys can get girls a lot easier, but that's just me. But as far as when you are in a relationship, I think guys have it harder.

[Asker]

why do you think guys can get girls a lot easier?

[Asker]

why do you think guys have it easier? social-skills and conversation-skills are not as important for you girls

[Asker]

girls don't need confidence

[h1456]

Everyone needs confidence, and girls tend to make themselves seem desperate, but we also expect the guy to make the move, so it goes both ways. And some things important for guys isn't as important for girls, but some things important for girls aren't as important for guys. it really depends.

[Asker]

yeah well girls expect guys to be responsible for their entertainment

[h1456]

I don't do it for entertainment, I am just attracted to tough guys who control things and take charge. Most girls are, I don't quite know the exact reasons why since it varies from women to women.

[Asker]

to be honest, it really makes me angry and pissed off, have a deep, strong, resentment, hatred towards girls for being "programmed" like that to be attracted to guys like that, although I would never do it, I'd like to see those girls end up becoming victims or rape or domestic violence as punishment for expecting, requiring those traits in a guy

[luzianne555]

Meh. If men are 'supposed' to be the hunters, than women are supposed to cook, clean, and wash my cloths for me.

Any takers?

I thought not.

[Prof_Don]

In a rather a**hole-like way, he makes a strong point.

The gender role for women has morphed...but the gender role for men has to be stuck in prehistoric-age standards?

Unfair IMO (although I have zero problems being that dominant type male)

[luzianne555]

I refuse to consider myself and a**hole because I apply logic. I am not an a**hole. I may come off as an a**hole, but I am not one.

[Anonymous]

" logically how does it make a guy weak?"

Well, there's your problem.

Women are not(usually) logical beings. Attraction is not a logical 'process'.

If you try to think about it logically there is no way you will understand it. However, you can use logic to take advantage of it.

[Prof_Don]

This is absolutely true. Attraction is pure emotions for women (and 80% emotion for men).

Frankly, the biology of attraction CANNOT be ignored, or socially be eliminated.

Those biological rules and facts have been set in stone since the beginning of human existance.

Either follow those biological standards for attraction, or be left alone and complaining about rules that are unchanging.

[Asker]

just pisses me off

[Opinion Owner]

" biological standards for attraction"

>implying humans have been effected by natural selection in the last 50,000 years

[Anonymous]

yeah I know, just because a guy is shy, afraid, timid to approach a girl and ask her out does not mean he will be afraid to protect her, those are 2 different issues

[Prof_Don]

Um...are you sure about that?

How is a guy that is afraid of a woman, a human being >80% of the time more delicate and physically weaker than you...

...

...

...have the bravery to protect ANYONE in danger?

If you think about it...does a more frail and physically weaker MAN scare you? Most likely not.

Then why does a WOMAN scare you? :-X

[Opinion Owner]

thats not what I meant!, I'm obviously not afraid of a woman physically harming me, it's rejection I hate, getting teased, led on that I hate, despise, loathe

[Opinion Owner]

disagree still?

[moviedude714]

Yeah and guys are not supposed to resent being dominant and taking the lead

[sodeliciousx3]

i like it because it makes me feel protected somehow and kind of like a hero I guess

[Asker]

isn't his physical strength supposed to be enough?

[NewClassic]

I heard they're hard wired maybe it has something to due with society's streotypical roles

[A2TheLO]

Making them seem manly.

[Asker]

how? wheres the logic?

[Anonymous]

So we can sit back and do nothing

[Asker]

now if only more girls would admit the cold harsh truth

[TokusatsuComicLover]

i hate the cards I was dealt with for this

[Anonymous]

tell me about it, pisses me off!

[Anonymous]

Well I'm submissive so what can I say

[Prof_Don]

Even the most dominant female will be submissive for her MAN...even if she's a hardass with everyone else.

I've been that man, so I know. :)