Why do guys prefer controlling/bossy girlfriends?

why do guys go for bossy/controlling girls that always tell them what to do or where to go or where not to go? I don't get why guys would want to be the submissive ones? I thought they were suppose to be the leaders. Well I think around here where I'm at there aren't any actually guys that have any balls but that's just me. So can any girls or guys tell me how come they've acted controlling or not in there relationship and what made it become a controlling relationship if it didn't start off as one?


Most Helpful Guy

  • what? when did this happen?

    first of all.. guys don't "prefer" those kinds of girlfriends.. no man wakes up every morning and tells himself.. "man, today I hope I find a woman who will control my life, I want nothing more than to be someone's slave, doing away with my own happiness and wants, and devoting my life to catering exclusively to the happiness and wants of someone else"

    secondly.. it's no always about "choice".. your "sample" you cite as evidence to your hypothesis is subject to a HUGE "selection bias".. the men YOU end up with.. or women around you end up with.. may not be best representative of the "choice" or "preferences" of men.. but simply the "consequence"

    elaboration: not all men are cute, or hot, or attractive.. not all of them know how to dress.. how to talk.. how to be masculine.. how to project a strong sexual energy.. not all of them are socially or emotionally intelligent.. not all of them are successful and financially secure or stable.. basically.. not all men are perfectly content with themselves.. and it causes the majority of men to have natural insecurities.. constantly feeling that they are "not worthy" of even having a girl's attention.. much less a relationship with her.. any time they have either.. they feel "lucky".. as if she's doing him a "favor"

    this lack of confidence and self-esteem.. will result in a higher bullsh*t threashold.. that means.. these guys will simply "tolorate" a lot more.. they're willing to wait longer before being sexually involved.. they're willing to do more things.. jump through more hoops.. chase more.. beg for attention and acceptance.. spend more time and money.. take orders.. be submissive.. tolerate her bad behavior and controlling/bossy nature.. in the hopes that they win her favor.. because their confidence and self-esteem are so low.. that all they want is for her to validate it.. to prove to himself that a girl likes him.. so her favor is valuable to him..

    guys who know they're attractive, are socially/emotionally intelligent, and are successful.. don't have this issue.. when they enter into relationships.. it's by "choice".. not by "consequence".. they see a girl because they want to.. not because it's the only girl who said "yes" to him.. and so.. her favor is meaningless to him.. his bullsh*t tolerance is extremely low.. and if she tests him.. he'll dump/ignore her almost instinctively

    the reason you see this around you area.. could be because women WANT those kinds of submissive guys.. to FEEL in control and powerful.. and because no normal guy that's worth anything wants to deal with such girls.. so MOST of the people in relationships you see.. fit that mold.. these girls also have insecurities and self-esteem issues of their own.. which is why they choose to enter and stay in a relationship with someone they can walk all over.. maybe because it's a nice departure from their abusive ex-bf, etc.. but both are at fault.. and no.. it's not a normal guy preference..

    • I agree with jdcpa.i don't think we can generalise this far.not all men wish to have a dominant partner in the same way as women don't. a desire for this may reflect some insecurity and therefore imbalance in the relationship.but whatever works tho I'm sure most strive for a balance with their partner.jdcpa, your point about men and choice and consequence..do you think this means men may date a woman they don't feel strongly about due to insecurities?out of interest.

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    • Mr. emotional tampon.. these guys are usually very sensitive and sweet.. they're kind and enjoy taking care of those they love.. sounds like the perfect guy.. except.. they're probably not interested in you.. if you're not constantly calling them.. needing s/o to talk to.. s/o to share your feelings & problems with.. they're not interested.. they want someone who is clingy and can make them feel useful.. good about themselves for being there to listen and help.. and that's who they date..

    • Oh screw this.. those are pretty much the bulky groups.. every other instance of male insanity probably represents less than 1% of the population.. so they're not even worth writing about..

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What Guys Said 2

  • Guys who really is just a little boy on the inside go for the bossy girlfriend.

    When there's more than one person involved someone has to lead and the other follow. Often this leadership gets exchanged depending on the situation but sometimes it stays constant and things get out of balance if one of the involved doesn't pull their own weight.

    • Well I've just had a lot of my personal own relationships which ended up ending because they expect me to basically like to remind them of everything to do like where to meet me what time it was what street. you get the idea but honestly why do guys exchange that leadership with the girl does it happen by accident or not knowing it happens or what exactly? what's like a chain reaction that leads up 2 it?

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    • So its not something you just wake up one day with it happens over a course of time and just ends up however the person that is doing the dealing deals it?

    • I think it's a combination of you being a person who likes to be in control of things and the guys you are with a probably just lazy and you become their extra mother who takes care of things. If you want a guy to take charge you have to stop taking charge yourself. Especially young guys can lack the confidence and leadership skills needed.

  • Those men are weak. -j


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