How do you know if girl is using you to boost her ego only?

[Felix012]

I've been flirting with this woman. We both flirt, but obviously I do most of the flirting. However sometimes, she can give me mix signals. She often give me silent treatments. And whenever I'm busy for a few days, she'd text me why I'm not talking to her. And when we talk, she become oblivious and sometimes walks away. And often she wouldn't tell me what's wrong with her. She also plays mind games with me alot, like flirting other guys to make me jealous (which I don't pay attention) and whenever I try to initiate conversation with her, she doesn't talk back.

I also asked her to hang out with me few times but she declines and sometime's she isn't sure. Lol I'm confused really. Is she just using me for her ego boost or something?

[rachael19]

wow I acted this way exactly with a guy I really liked, he did keep saying I was playing games and attention seeking but I didn't see it at the time, I acted this way purely cos I assumed he's way too good for me so I was hot and cold cos I liked him but ddidnt want to like him cos he's too amazing for me. Now he has a girlfriend and I feel heartbroken and like I meant nothing to him but now reading this maybe he felt exactly like you do and assumed I didn't really care when I sooooooooo did but couldn't show it, maybe he assumed I was getting an ego boost from others guys like you assume but that's far fromt he truth, he was the only guy I liked and still do, I don't enjoy attention off anyone but him but now its too late. if you get rid of this girl then she will probably realize what she had now its gone too like I have :(

[Felix012]

Wow. Lol. You sound exactly like this woman I'm with. Hot and cold. Playing mind games, which is waning out my interest in her even further. Tell me if I'm being too personal, but do you have low self-esteem and depression as well?

[rachael19]

yeah I'm very low in confidence and I'm bipolar, this guy has gone past caring now and I'm gutted I acted that way for all that time

[Felix012]

Oh! Damn, yeah. Like her alright. Small world. Thanks lady.

So, what's your advice, in your perspective, since you're almost similar to this woman I'm with?

[rachael19]

well this guy tried for 14 months with me, how long have you been trying with her? obviously I can't say she's thinking exactly the same way as me as some women do act like that purely for attention. I would advise you to just ask her straight if she is going to give you a chance or not though with me I find it hard to open up also so whenever he asked me what my issue is with him and about giving him a chance I would change the subject. But try that and see what happens though and let me know

[Felix012]

Believe me lady. I've asked that twice within 5 months. She just replies "No" and "I dunno". In my mind I was "Wtf's up with this woman?". Since then I have no intention to ask again because she's so inconsistent. Thing is she give me mixed signals, hot & cold. But due to my calm nature, I just ignore and stare at her with a suspicious face. Lol. But seriously I'm thinking of dropping this lady.

[rachael19]

Do you care about her or is it just lust?...if I'm honest I think you should move on for both of you, as much as I loved him being there for so long, the fact it went on for around 14 months has made it harder for me and him, I wanted to be friends still and tried to get closure from him but he's replied with really nasty stuff which I'm thinking is cos he is bitter cos of how I treated him. you don't want to be bitter in the end do you? with my low confidence I feel as though he thinks I'm worthless

[rachael19]

and I only feel this bad about it now (even though it ended 3 months ago) and I still can't get over it cos of how long it went on for, so if she cannot tell you straight now if she likes you or not, then in afew months time she probably still cant. if he had only chased me for a few months I would be over it by now and he wouldn't have this bitter side to him, if she is the same as me then chances are it will end up the same way and its not healthy for either of you, I am a mess tbh

[Felix012]

Oh I care alright. But seriously I don't care anymore. Lol And I don't know if I can control my jerk drive, so who knows? Ill try not to. Heh. She's been messing my head for long, and this isn't worth it. Thanks again lady.

[Felix012]

Oh yeah, she's a mess too. She told me that from the beginning. I suspect it has something to do with her depression. But seriously I'm no therapist, so I couldn't help her. I tried to be friendly and supportive and in the end she tries to push me away. Oooh damn, some women.

[rachael19]

so even though you care you may just give up cos you don't want to be headf***ed? is this what you're saying? do you think if it got to the point were you both started being nasty to one another cos your heads are a wreck that then you would only be saying those things because you genuinely did care at one point? do you think a guy will be bitter to the girl he once liked if she genuinely hurt him?

[Felix012]

Wow, I don't want this turn into something drama, lady. Hehe. No, I give up not because I don't want to be mindf***ed, but I just don't know where this "relationship" goes. I see no end to this. I can still be friends with her, but it will be different of course - no more flirting and those stuff. Though in my opinion, guys get bitter because of frustration and not getting what they have expected.

[rachael19]

it feels like I'm actually talking to this guy from what you are saying! I told him my issues fromt he start and he tried to help but he said I pushed him away!

[Felix012]

Lol, Now you remind me of her. Get away from me! Haha just kidding woman. Yeah, people are just uniquely complex

[rachael19]

Well yea that's what happened in the end with me and him, it turned into a big drama were we both tried to score points, hence why I am advising you to try and move on. me and him would always still flirt though after we decided to be just friends, that was the problem, its hard not to when you have liked someone so bad. then it all got a mess again and now I feel as though he's being mean to me cos he thinks I'm crazy and worthless but I guess I f***ed him over more than he did me didn't i?

[Felix012]

Oh, who knows what's in his head lady. Do you even still communicate with him, like even now/recently?

[Felix012]

I got a question though.. Do you play mind games too when you were still with this guy?

[rachael19]

hadnt messaged him since August, she's now his girlfriend, he's on my FB but I couldn't get over how it ended so I text him asking how did I come across, did I come across as an attetion seeker/user for an ego boost so I don't do it again. he put that he thought I was a d*** eventually and that asking this question means iv got serious attention seeking issues! upset me and made me cry cos I only asked so I don't act that way again so I sent him a text back explaining, no reply, so I text him nasty today

[Felix012]

Geez, lol. Damn, you know that sending him something nasty will just make it worse right?

[rachael19]

i was never with this guy, we would chat everynight on th phone and he would call afew times a day, after afew months I had spoke to his family and friends and he would call it an 'internet relationship' but whenever he did I would go offish with him and change the subject. I refused to date him time and time again cos I thought he wouldn't fancy me in person. if by mind games you mean hot and cold, changin the subject when he asked to meet/were we stood, ignoring a lot of calls and texts then ye

[Felix012]

HOLY SHIT! Are you sure you're not that woman I'm talking to right now? Lol. Maybe that's why refused to date with me too - worrying about not fancying her in person. Because she told me once that she's no fun.

[rachael19]

i remmeber chris last year, he sent me loads of chat messages on fb when I was at my parents, when I got home I had 3 texts off him, I didn't reply, he tried ringing, I put it down and sat there crying while he was ringing and texting! I was a mess but I really liked him! I text him one back saying leave me alone, he still tried...he tried up until July this year and its only now I realize how much he liked me and what I lost! I do things without thinking , yes I now realize that sending that was bad

[Felix012]

I'm wondering lady. What's holding you back from replying to him?

[rachael19]

you can't be him as you don't have a girlfriend. do you mean what was holding me back from replying last Christmas?

[Felix012]

Not, Not just Christmas, any occasions.

[rachael19]

the times I didn't reply was after afew months,think it was cos it got to the point were I wanted to meet him cos he was amazing but I couldn't cos of how low I felt at that time, felt like he wouldn't fancy me in person and that I'm not good company in person cos iv no confidence so I purposely pushed him away but then when I didn't hear from him a day later I would miss him and text him which he then said were games cos I said to leave me but it was only cos I liked him but didn't feel good enough

[Felix012]

Interesting. Lol, it's like your dragging him like a yoyo. haha. Will you go out with him anyway eventually? Did you have that kind of intention to hang out with him?

[rachael19]

youve clearly not been listening dude! he has a girlfriend now and he chased me for 14 months til he met her so there's no chance now as he is moving away near were she is, I'm heartbroken

[Felix012]

Oops I wasn't specific. I mean when he was still flirting with you, do you have that intention to date him anyway, despite that you rejected him a few times? (cause this is what's happening in my situation too)

[rachael19]

erm it was weird, some days I was like right I will definitely meet him and take the risk as I like him and lifes too short, so what if he rejects me?...then other days I would be like I'm never going to meet him as he will just think I'm gross and no fun and I'm a mess and not good enough, but I am bipolar which means I'm either high or depressed. if she has depression only and low self esteem I am guessing she will be thinking the second. that she wants too but can't as she feels she's no fun

[Felix012]

Oh man, hearing this from you. I think I know why she doesn't want to hang out with me LOL Imagine that! Wow, I don't know If I wanna continue with this woman. Would it be wise to wait for her? What's your opinion?

[rachael19]

What are the things you like about her? its entirely up to you whether you do or not, I'm just telling you my experience but every case is different, me and him were too similar and none would let our guard down so that's how it got such a mess, if you are willing to open up to her and try and get her to open up to you then maybe give yourself a time limit? like say if she has not opened up within a few weeks of you trying (not pestering, give her space too) then move on as it will never happen?

[Felix012]

Ok, ill try that. When I met, her she was the most fun girl I've meet. Gradually she changed and became moody. I missed her cheerful side now. And no lol I don't smother her. Thanks

[rachael19]

He used to say to me 'whats happened to you, why are you always moody now, you used to jus chill and have a laugh with me' I couldn't tell him but the reason being was cos then I jus saw him as a friend, the closer I get to someone the more I think they won't want me so I push them away, daft I know. OK, good

[Felix012]

Wow, no wonder She was like that too. Now I'm beginning to understand. Yeah I did ask the same question similar to what your previous guy had asked to you. But in my case, she would just say "Meh"... LoL, So I assumed she was pushing me away, and that's when my feelings towards her changed...

[rachael19]

ah so when she replied coldly did you assume that meant she wasn't into you? did that make you less into her? when you think she wants your attention do you think that means she wants that ONLY and isn't interested in you really?

[Felix012]

Lol, quite the opposite at first. You know how we ask "why you get so moody suddenly?" Of course that means we get curious. We want to know the reason why and there's that feeling we "wanted to help". It's like injecting ourself with something to raise our interest. But overtime, it gets tiring and uninspiring, and that's when the interest is beginning to fade as you said - we assume the girl isn't interested anymore.

[Felix012]

In addition, because of the the vagueness, that's when we think 'what is the intention of this woman?'. Then we get this one of the reason, like she wants the attention only and other things. If only people are not so complex and just express themselves clearly, you know? lol. Then there shouldn't be any such assumptions.

[rachael19]

yes I see where you're coming from, I would think the same, he told me I had headf***ed him and that I owe hi an explanation as to what my issue is with him but I couldn't say. now its too late as he seemingly loves her. I text him 2 nights ago asking a genuine question, how did I come across and I opened up but he replied in a mean way so I think that means its too little too late? I then replied nasty back which I regret

[Felix012]

Lol. Well the guy is irritated already, so it's better that you back off. Believe me lady, the more you contact him, the more he pulls away from you. Lol and sorry to hear that by the way.

[rachael19]

why do you think he's irritated already? cos he assumes I strung him along? if so why is he making out as though he never wanted me now? mean are weird

[Felix012]

Lol. Who knows, woman? Well, he said to you that he feels he's mindf*cked, and you know how that is irritating to many people. That could be it. And the stringing him along thing may be a part of it. And what do you mean by making out?

[rachael19]

making out? aren't you in the uk? lol...it means he is saying something that didn't happen, as in he is trying to say now that he wasn't chasing me til he met the new girl when he clearly was? I have the proof! that is why I am frustrated

[Felix012]

Sounds like he's rejecting you already - though I'm not entirely sure. Just cut all communications to him 'cause it looks like you get more frustrated when you talk to him. lol Seriously, there are plenty of bachelors left in this world

[rachael19]

rejecting me for what? I dindnt try it on with him as he has a new girl now, I simply wanted to end it on good terms but he is still bitter with me for some reason. there are yes, I just live in a bad area plus I am fussy

[Felix012]

Good terms? Lol. Lady you're just making it worse by contacting him. And I told you before that he's bitter with you 'cause you were "headf*cking" him. I can tell you're fussy 'cause she is fussy too. Lol

[rachael19]

I realize that iv made it worse now, I'm did assume he would reply nicely as m why mssage was nice and its been months. I would usually assume he's bitter cos he thinks I headf***ed him but he keeps trying to say that he got rid of me when really how has he when I wouldn't meet up? men are silly

[Felix012]

Lol. Yeah, women are silly too. Well this has been the longest series of comments I've done in this site. Lol. Well, good luck lady. Let's chat again when we have the chance. Don't get stuck on that guy. And sheesh, Take care of yourself.

[rachael19]

haha OK, hope you manage to get her to open up...you take care too

[Felix012]

Yeah, in fact we're dating again. I'm just bloody confused. But oh well. Go with the flow. I don't really care whatever happens. Lolol. Cyas

[Anonymous]

Too needy and manipulating, no offense. I really wouldn't waste time because the truth is I have friends like that and will they ever change? 2% they will. Habit die hard. Stop wasting time and move on to someone that WANT to be with you, not because they need(y) to be with you.

[liltabbixxo]

Yeah, sounds like an ego boost/ she likes attention. By the sounds of it, nothing will ever really come out of this except maybe friends/acquaintances.

[kisaragi5TH]

Yeah, she's just using you as an ego boost and for attention. It's quite sad too because it seems that she knows you are attracted to her, and she is using that notion to make her feel better about herself without actually putting in any kind of investment to take things to the next level.

what I would do is to just ignore the hell out of her and move on. if she texts you asking what's wrong, ignore her. she's being rude.

[TheDigitalSaint]

She's an attention whore. You stated that she flirts with tons of guys, but then don't give you a straight answer. She is feeding off the emotional high that you and other men give her. Don't play into those games. Move on and find a girl who will actually accept your advances with having to be the center stage attraction with men drooling on all sides.

[Prof_Don]

she enoys the drama, "chase", and attention from guys, than the actual companionship of a guy.

She 95% sounds like an attention whore; at least now after you posted this you know for sure.

[rachael19]

so if you assume a girl is 'playing games' has attention seeking issues' then does that mean you don't think she's really interested in actually having you to date/as a boyfriend?

[Prof_Don]

i would feel that I was easily replacable in her eyes if she acted the way the girl in the QA's ? was behaving.

[Lentilsbrah]

u know she is using you as an ego boost when she doesn't root you.

please be aware OP.

Bishes can mindf#$k us brahs.

[Anonymous]

If she actually puts something into the relationship instead of stringing you along all the time.