Not my boyfriend's muse anymore...

[Primulawhisper]

My boyfriend of over a year is a musician/writer and aspiring film maker. He used to say that I was his muse, and that made me very happy and proud. I've always supported him, I'm always telling him how proud I am of him, how talented he is...but we had a conversation once about if he were to eventually film a movie and be gone for months at a time. Obviously it was a hypothetical question, and I'd support him no matter what but I did mention I would have a hard time being happy alone for months at a time, as he already is bad about not ever spending time with me (he is always busy and never asks me to spend time with him and when I ask, he usually has some reason why he can't. For example, I went out for a few hours to let him have alone time to catch up in his TV shows, and when I got back I asked him to spend time with me for a few minutes before bed, and he got mad that I interrupted his show). Well I don't see why it's wrong of me to not like the idea of never getting to see him, and I didn't say I wouldn't support him. But ever since then he wants to spend even less time together (so basically never), now he doesn't even want to sleep together, and he said I'm not his muse (or his dream girl) anymore...I've been miserable ever since this started happening. Did I do something wrong?

[Winteredrose5162]

No you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry he is treating you this way, it isn't fair of him. Being a muse is a very delicate thing. Its a person that inspires artists and they are inspired in the honeymoon phase of the muse-artist relationship. A muse is in a way a perfect being of inspiration. As a muse you're placed on a pedestal. It is very difficult to be the muse once they see you're not perfect. It is especially difficult to be a muse while being in a relationship because you are placed on a pedestal so once the muse-ness ends, often the relationship crumbles. There is no way to retain the muse-status. The muse is originally a goddess. We are human and therefor flawed.

Since he thought of you as a muse, he also subconsciously assumed that you'd be his muse forever, aka be in the honey moon phase forever. I'm sorry to say this but your relationship sounds like it is dying and there is little to be done about it. You're being hurt in the process. Save yourself some pain and break up with him. I suggest breaking up with him and giving him a letter to explain, perhaps that will give him something to ponder over. Always leave a relationship with them thinking well of you. You never want to be remembered as the emotional psycho ex. If a guy treats a girlfriend like this then she will eventually become over emotional and he'll feel justified in breaking up with her because she was "crazy." Keep calm and break it off kindly.

I've dated an artist and your story sounds similar. He was dating his next "muse" within the week after we broke up. Then he broke up with her once she stopped being his "muse."

If you want him to regain interest then there are 3 things you can do. 1. Distance 2. Jealousy 3. Life a life

1. Distance. Since he already is the one wanting more and more time apart then this probably won't work but don't be too overeager to be near him.

2. Jealousy. Receive a call from a guy friend and chat and laugh so that your boy can hear. When a guy sees that another guy is interested in their girl then they pay more attention. Tell a trusted guy friend to send you flowers and scribble an anonymous love note. Have him place it in front of the door and make sure your boyfriend finds them first.

3. Do amazing things. Don't sit around for him. Go rock climbing, sky diving, etc. Go to an amazing concert and have loads of fun! Show him you have a life and he would be lucky to be a part of it.

But in all honestly, there are quite a few guys who slowly distance themselves and believe it shows the girl that they want to end things. Some guys even end it that way! They might not even say anything! So be prepared to guard your heart. I'm sorry and I hope things to get better. :)

[Racez]

It must be that he's having a bad time at work, and he wants to have some time for himself at the moment. You definitely didn't do something wrong.