My crush is a devout Christian and I'm not?

[Anonymous]

I recently found out this guy, who I have a mega crush on, is Christian. He goes to youth group and Sunday services every week and is in a Christian band.

I'm not atheist, I believe there is a God, but there's a lot of stuff I don't agree with in the bible. I'm willing to date him, religion isn't important to me. But by knowing this, it's obvious religion is a huge part of his life.

And I'm also not a virgin and I think he is since he's devout and wears what I believe is a purity ring. Should I even bother? I had a fear of rejection in the first place, but now I'm sure he wouldn't even consider dating me. Any advice?

[BCRanger10]

Here's how I look at it. His faith is very important to him, so you should do one of two things. 1) Prepare for a possible rejection or 2) be open to exploring more about what he believes, as he could accept and want to fully share his life with you.

I can tell you that being a Christian myself, I would be open to dating a girl who doesn't share my beliefs. However, she would have to understand that I want to wait until marriage for sex, have children, and raise them in my faith and with its respective values.

I hope that makes sense...

[Asker]

Thanks for the help! I'm not atheist, I do believe in God, I'm just confused about some things. I'm willing to explore more, but I don't want to conform to something to something just for him to like me either. I don't want to lie to him or myself, you know?

And I'm totally okay with waiting for sex until marriage, but as I said I'm not a virgin which I really regret and am ashamed of. So do you think he'd immediately turn me down, even though I wish I could go back and never do it?

[BCRanger10]

Right, but what I mean by that is don't do it for him, but do it for YOU (as in the both of you). I have a friend (he and I are both Catholic) who got engaged to a girl who had no religious upbringing at all. While they were engaged, she decided to become Catholic for the exact reason I mentioned above.

As far as him turning you down because you're not a virgin? I can't speak for him, but I can say that I think it would be wrong for him to turn you down just for that (see next comment).

[BCRanger10]

It's not a deal-breaker for me if a girl isn't a virgin. If she'd slept with a guy or two before, but had a change of heart, I would accept her. By "change of heart", I mean teaching the children that sex should be saved for marriage or otherwise what you said.

[Anonymous]

Well, it depends on what kind of relationship you want. I don't think people with two fundamentally different beliefs can truly respect each other. A serious relationship wouldn't work. For example, what if he needed you to help him organize a Christian event? How could you in good conscience help a religion in which you don't believe? But at the same time a serious relationship is about devotion. So you'd feel guilty for not helping him.

If it's something casual, then sure you can date.

[jamieliu386]

I'm in a similar situation, and what I think is that you shouldn't change yourself for anyone if you don't feel comfortable, but if you're open to it, try looking into his religion and see if it's something you could consider. Also, if you end up being in a relationship, you may want to discuss your future (as with any partner) to make sure you're both clear about what you want and make sure you're both willing to compromise, as this will help smoothen out any bumps in the future.

[Anonymous]

As a Christian myself, it is taught within the church that Christian's are not supposed to date/marry non-Christians. If religion is extremely important to him, he will choose his God over dating you.

I have dated non-Christians. and it does not work out.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to date such a freak anyway? Don't you find it very weird and creepy the way he is?

[Anonymous]

Difference in beliefs is detrimental in relationships. You should not pursue this.

[Anonymous]

Find a new crush.