Should ugly men even approach attractive women?

[Bornnardmt]

Personally, I am an unattractive male. I'm very shy and don't talk to women, especially attractive women. I've seen first hand what happens to unattractive men who approach good-looking women.

There is a stalker, creepy, or a sexual harrassment label just waiting. So I don't even try. Being nice to women gets you nowhere. I also find attractive women intimidating.

Overall, I will never pursue an attractive woman (even if she likes me) because I'm not an attractive man. Attractive women want attractive men and it ain't me.

I know most of you don't care. But am I right by staying away from them?

[jenni_ms]

You're wrong. Whether you believe it or not, women are interested in men for more than strictly looks. You say you're not funny? Do not have any male friends? I'm assuming you do, and if they find a reason to enjoy your company enough to call you their friend, you obviously have SOME redeeming qualities. It could be you're funny around them, you're intellectual (the brain of the group), you could be the plan maker, you could be the ass hole, you could be the optimist. Whatever it is, you play a role to them and there is a reason they keep you around, so there are reasons a woman would too. Your problem is most likely that you're intimidated by attractive women, so you are never able to be yourself or show your personality. You say that you could never be with a woman you find unattractive because it would be unfair to her, but you're also saying you'll never be with an attractive woman. So are you intending to give on on women altogether?

Think of it from a different point of view: The women you personally find attractive, are they conventionally attractive? As in, does EVERYONE want them? I doubt it. Because every guy is different, so you may see a supermodel and feel she is too skinny, too tall, too much makeup, you don't like her haircut, you don't think the clothes she wears are flattering, you think her outlook on life is ridiculous, she's not smart so you can't hold a conversation with her. There are a million possibilities why one man may look at a female who is supposedly "beautiful" and not be attracted to her. It's the same for females. While you may be "ugly" to one girl, you may be just what another girl is looking for. The problem is that you honestly believe you're QuasiModo, the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. So you walk around acting like an outcast, and that is what is making you unattractive. No one wants to constantly reassure a guy that he's normal looking, it becomes tiring to be trying to build someone's self-esteem who is intent on keeping it low. Even Quasimodo got a girl in the end so seriously, if you think you look THAT bad, it's still possible.

You are right to stay away from attractive women, and ALL women, until you get yourself together. Stop looking at yourself as some creature who lives under the sea lol

Work on yourself, and enjoying your own company. Only when you realize what your redeeming qualities and your worth as a human being, will you take pride in the women you choose. You have to have pride in yourself if you want anyone else to treat you right. If you don't even like you, why would anyone else (a woman) like you?

You seem a bit young to be so jaded. I don't see the point in asking this question if you're going to point out why every optimistic (and true) fact, is null and void in your situation. If you didn't want to understand, I don't think you would've wasted your time writing this question. Stop letting these other bitter guys who are joining in on the topic make you feel like being bitter is cool.

[Bornnardmt]

I liked your advice until you called be bitter and jaded. Now your opinion means nothing to me. Have a nice life.

[helppppp]

don't ever say that about yourself! I know it's cliche, but most women only care about personality! I don't find looks to mean anything! I have the biggest crush on a kid on my class who isn't exactly physically attractive, but he makes me laugh at everything he says and he's so nice to m! I don't care about look, but I do care about personality! some girls are very judgemental, but you shouldn't ignore attractive people cause even if your intimidated it makes you have a bad pesonality as well! so make the best of it and keep yourself clean shaved and healthy body and make people laugh cause that's a HUGE turn on. it's OK if your features aren't perfect, so many other characteristics are way more attractive! don't be intimidated just make girls laugh and maybe help them with school I your smart? being intelligent is such a huge turn on as well! best of luck! give yourself some credit and don't be hard on yourself! what even is the definition of attractive? everyone is attractive in their own way!

[Bornnardmt]

I don't know how to make a girl laugh.

[helppppp]

just be sarcastic and funny and accept who you are! I you do something embarrassing own up to it! if your bad at something make it into a joke! one of the funniest things is when people joke around with themselves!

[Bornnardmt]

I don't like joking about myself. I get mad when people do that whether they're playing or not.

[Kelly34]

'most women only care about personality'

'everyone is attractive in their own way'

Delusion, pure delusion.

[Bornnardmt]

I don't like men for their looks, personality counts. Believed by no man ever.

[mantobee]

women value looks over everything but money

[GoGoDancer]

but most women only care about personality! I don't find looks to mean anything LOL oh come on you now that's a big fat lie women care more about looks then anything. I can come off as the nicest, sweetest man on earth and I'm always getting turned down and laughed at. Women just want the Channing Tatum and Justin Bieber types of course their gonna deny it.

[jenni_ms]

Aww, you guys are very bitter. I feel sorry for you all :-(

[magnoliacrush]

With that attitude, probably won't have a chance.

If you're approaching a girl in a bar, yes, you will be shot down. If you are using a dating site, you will also probably be shot down. Why? Because you're put in a situation where you are directly compared to other competition.

I've dated many guys who aren't conventionally attractive. And I've seen plenty of unattractive guys with a very beautiful girls and I'm sure you've seen it too or else you wouldn't be asking this question. So I'm assuming you want to know how to 'get' that girl. The best situation is where you get a chance to talk to them one on one and show what you have to offer (it can be as little as an enlightening conversation). If you hold their interest, you have a shot. Girls do like funny guys. If you're not a funny person (I saw that you commented on that), see what else you have to offer and use that to your advantage.

[Bornnardmt]

If I can't make a woman laugh, what else is left?

[mantobee]

hope she has low self esteem becuase all women want top model guys

[GoGoDancer]

What a double standard its OK for a female to have a shitty attitude but its not for a guy? I'm so sick of hearing and reading advice from women acting like they know what it feels like to be a guy and what some of us go through.

[Katie22222]

I think this is really good advide. LOL so you're sick of reading advice from women, yet you're on a site called girlsaskguys? I'm genuinely surprised about how bitter guys seem to be about this subject.

[jenni_ms]

How does a woman have a "shitty attitude" just because she isn't interested in a certain guy? If a woman just accepted EVERY male, strictly to spare his feelings, I think she would have a much bigger problem (whore). This woman said nothing about "knowing how it feels to be a guy". And also, it's equally as unacceptable for women AND men to have shitty attitudes. Yours, for example, is quite acceptable too lol

[1337DirtAlliance]

I find girls online all the time that have all these rules and bitching. But If I describe a thing or two that is unattractive to me or wish my future girlfriend doesn't do. I'm a piece of shit shallow douche and get loads of evil messages. So I think the online scene for guys unless you are some ken doll, you're screwed.

[Bornnardmt]

The women on this site troll just to piss men off and cry misogyny when men retaliate. I just block them.

[stevenjohnson]

Sexist, feminazi alert trying to compare us to birds and saying t is natural selection. Worse then Hitler, just trying to defend her behaviour.

[makesumwake]

you are looking at this one dimensionally.

the only question is - what are you offering the girl?

by ugly, you mean you aren't offering anything to her in terms of physical attraction

and this is only your face, because anyone can have an attractive body by eating right, working out, and living a healthy lifestyle. being physically attractive and having a sense of style can easily make up for the lack of an attractive face.

there are many other ways to offer girls something they would be interested in.

some guys offer money, or physical things they buy the girls.

some guys offer a cool lifestyle, the millionaire jet-setter with a yacht.

or maybe you are really cool and fun to hang with.

maybe you fit her romantic fantasy of beauty and the beast

most girls just care about how a guy makes her feel. make her feel great, she will be with you.

most girls are very turned on by dominant alpha male types, who don't have to be attractive at all.

there are many ways to offer a girl something she would want. find out what your strengths are, enhance those strengths, and utilize them. once you feel inside like you have something to offer a girl, you will act like it and women will turn and take notice.

good luck

[Bornnardmt]

People have said that I'm nice to be around. Or chill as they call it.

[makesumwake]

that gets you friends. if you want to get laid, you need to offer a girl something that turns her on, makes her interested in you sexually. in terms of personality, I've noticed that girls go for the alpha male types, or the sexy azzholes.

[GoGoDancer]

I feel the same way and never approach women not even the ugly ones, why should I? I already can see the look on their faces that their gonna say no even before they say it. I know I'm ugly as sin when I'm getting ugly stares from the unattractive women. There is a double standard between the good looking guys and the ugly guys. I've seen good looking guys approach women and girls in a rude manner and these females are like oh lol your so cute etc, but when an unattractive guy approaches a woman or a girl nicely their like why is this creep talking to me? I know I've been there/ The only thing I can say is become a jerk and find a way to make lots of money. Good luck.

[Bornnardmt]

I could never become a jerk, I couldn't mistreat a woman. Even if they mistreat me.

[GoGoDancer]

I agree and I can never either I've tried ones and it didn't last long only for a couple of hours lol. If only I had the balls to commit suicide but I don't.

[ColdFeet]

You mean it's like this?

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=hbeEuYAZFL4

You should be attracted to whoever you pursue or else it probably won't last. Before you rate yourself make sure you're not being pessimistic. If you're average looking there's no reason not to try with whatever girl you want. Looks aren't the most important thing. If a hot girl gives you a chance then she may well end up falling more for the real you rather than how you look.

On the flip side I think most girls would be devastated to find out their boyfriend chose them because he didn't think they were attractive.

[Bornnardmt]

I have to be attracted to the woman I go out with. Going out with a woman who I don't find attractive isn't fair to that woman.

[GoGoDancer]

WTH Looks aren't the most important thing? LOL no it is the most important thing. I doubt the Elephant man ever had a GF. Hot girls only as out hot guys.

[ColdFeet]

I did say if you're average looking. A reasonably intelligent hot girl isn't limited to hot guys. The world isn't that superficial.

[Bornnardmt]

That's where you're wrong ColdFeet. The world IS that superficial.

[ColdFeet]

Possibly but I don't want to believe it :-D There's got to be more women out there like me. Maybe the superficial ones just make the most noise.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm kind of attractive, and I hardly ever get approached by guys, but if I do it's by these overly confident that think no woman can say no to them. I wish normal guys would approach me :( because actually I'm really shy and not arrogant at all, and I like nerds.

I'd say don't approach total strangers, especially not in a bar or in the street. Maybe try to get to know friends of friends or something like that? Maybe you'll be surprised that just because a woman is attractive it doesn't mean she'd only date a man who's also attractive in terms of looks.

[Bornnardmt]

I'm actually a normal guy. But shyness is very difficult to get over if you're born as a shy person.

[mantobee]

she meant normal good looking guy

[Bornnardmt]

Oh ok

[GoGoDancer]

Women don't want unattractive or ugly guys approach them that's why their single. If these women wanted those guys to approach them they would be the ones, in Movies, magazines etc. And its easier being a girl and getting approached because all they have to do is sit or stand there and guys will come to them. The only way guys get approach is if he was tall, good looking, and had money.

[Opinion Owner]

Maybe not by total strangers, but if I got to know a guy first, like through a friend, and he's not good looking but has a great personality, that would make him attractive to me too. unaf

I know it's unfair that men have to do the approaching, I realize women have it easier in that respect. But as I said, if I just sit and stand there, only the wrong type of guys seem to approach me, which is frustrating too. And I'd be way too shy to approach a guy, so it's a dilemma.

[Opinion Owner]

sorry for the typo, don't know where that came from lol.

[1337DirtAlliance]

LoL... With the rejection rate for me being a solid 100% out here in vegas since I moved here I stopped approaching because I'm sick of being rejected. I think girls are a tad if nor worst when it comes to being superficial.

[Benvenutta]

It´s not true that attractive women want attractive men only. I´m an attractive woman and I love man for being a man, for personality and for how man makes me feel. Looks matters to certain extent, but if man´s personality is great and if he shows he is adding a value to my life, then yes, I would definitely date such man.

This means: go ahead and approach woman you like (but not only because she is attractive).

[Bornnardmt]

There isn't a woman in this world who will go out with me. Thanks for the advice though.

[Benvenutta]

Don?t be so hard on yourself. You probably just lack selfesteem. Try to flirt with some nice girls and see how it works. Be bold, be yourself and have fun. :) If you believe in love, you will find it :)

[Bornnardmt]

I believed in love once. But now, not so much.

[GoGoDancer]

LMAO Looks matters to certain extent? No looks matter a lot, do you really believe/think guys like Bieber, Pitt, Tatum etc would be on magazine covers, in movies and have tones of female fans? I doubt guys like Chris Farley and John Candy had a poster of themselves in some girls room.

[Katie22222]

Of course women think these celebs are hot, but that doesn't mean we insist on dating only someone who looks like that. I'm sorry you find it so hard to believe that many (if not nost) women really do find personality more important than looks.

[Anonymous]

No. Society has coddled them and put them on pedestals all of their lives and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread and therefore feel extremely entitled . They are living shrines that society bows to .Stay away from them and let some other sucker boost their pathetic sagging egos and focus on money and a career.

[tomfeltonforever]

Some girls have a "weird" taste in guys, like me, (according to my friends). Meaning we don't immediately go for conventionally attractive men. I like tall, lanky, musician-type guys with a nice hairstyle. I really don't care as much about muscular athletic looking ones with scruff like the ever so famous Channing Tatum. Also, do other things to make up for it. Get a stable and interesting career, be intelligent, try being into art/music/a sport a woman might like. Stand out from the crowd.

[Kelly34]

No.

You can meet women but it has to be through friends/work/school/hobbies.

If you go up to a stranger the only think she has to judge on is your looks, so you are fucked.

[Lommelun]

No of course not. Ugly men should have unappealing jobs, marry fat ugly and stupid women and generally hide out of sight when attractive, beautiful people come his way. We can't have these ugly men cluttering up the gutters all the time.

[yopyopyop]

No, you are wrong.

Mainly because intelligence or humour can do the difference with some women.

Just talk to them, don't show them you see it as a way to get sex, and be confident.

[Mgalyn]

Handsome and attractive are NOT the same. There are MANY unattractive, yet handsome men, and vice versa. I've personally found many guys my friends said were not very hot nor attractive attractive for ME. So there you have it. We don't (all) focus exclusively on the exterior. Just being shy makes you attractive to some girls. Mysterious, you know? ;) so yeah, be yourself. Make a little effort to show people what you have inside and you'll probably be surprised.

[GreatnessPersonified]

He should, but he better have a great pair of shoes! LOL.

[tiredofwaiting]

It doesn't hurt to try the results might surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Give it a shot...

[larry69]

No..I have tried and failed

[moviedude714]

doesn't hurt to try

[Traxxus]

Uh yes it can hurt to try...

[Anonymous]

go for it the worst anyone can say is no

[mantobee]

ya I like to see you try get rejected more than a 100 times and not one yes

[whatyousaid]

I hope you don't go from girl to girl like that, no offence intended mate but girls can smell desperation.

[Bornnardmt]

I wait inbetween approaches. I'm not desperate at all.

[GoGoDancer]

mantobee is right. I've never seen any girl approach men unless he was some good looking jerk, with money.

[Anonymous]

Probably not