Should ugly men even approach attractive women?

Question

Personally, I am an unattractive male. I'm very shy and don't talk to women, especially attractive women. I've seen first hand what happens to unattractive men who approach good-looking women.

There is a stalker, creepy, or a sexual harrassment label just waiting. So I don't even try. Being nice to women gets you nowhere. I also find attractive women intimidating.

Overall, I will never pursue an attractive woman (even if she likes me) because I'm not an attractive man. Attractive women want attractive men and it ain't me.

I know most of you don't care. But am I right by staying away from them?

jenni_ms · Accepted Answer

You're wrong. Whether you believe it or not, women are interested in men for more than strictly looks. You say you're not funny? Do not have any male friends? I'm assuming you do, and if they find a reason to enjoy your company enough to call you their friend, you obviously have SOME redeeming qualities. It could be you're funny around them, you're intellectual (the brain of the group), you could be the plan maker, you could be the ass hole, you could be the optimist. Whatever it is, you play a role to them and there is a reason they keep you around, so there are reasons a woman would too. Your problem is most likely that you're intimidated by attractive women, so you are never able to be yourself or show your personality. You say that you could never be with a woman you find unattractive because it would be unfair to her, but you're also saying you'll never be with an attractive woman. So are you intending to give on on women altogether?

Think of it from a different point of view: The women you personally find attractive, are they conventionally attractive? As in, does EVERYONE want them? I doubt it. Because every guy is different, so you may see a supermodel and feel she is too skinny, too tall, too much makeup, you don't like her haircut, you don't think the clothes she wears are flattering, you think her outlook on life is ridiculous, she's not smart so you can't hold a conversation with her. There are a million possibilities why one man may look at a female who is supposedly "beautiful" and not be attracted to her. It's the same for females. While you may be "ugly" to one girl, you may be just what another girl is looking for. The problem is that you honestly believe you're QuasiModo, the Hunchback of Notre-Dame. So you walk around acting like an outcast, and that is what is making you unattractive. No one wants to constantly reassure a guy that he's normal looking, it becomes tiring to be trying to build someone's self-esteem who is intent on keeping it low. Even Quasimodo got a girl in the end so seriously, if you think you look THAT bad, it's still possible.

You are right to stay away from attractive women, and ALL women, until you get yourself together. Stop looking at yourself as some creature who lives under the sea lol

Work on yourself, and enjoying your own company. Only when you realize what your redeeming qualities and your worth as a human being, will you take pride in the women you choose. You have to have pride in yourself if you want anyone else to treat you right. If you don't even like you, why would anyone else (a woman) like you?

You seem a bit young to be so jaded. I don't see the point in asking this question if you're going to point out why every optimistic (and true) fact, is null and void in your situation. If you didn't want to understand, I don't think you would've wasted your time writing this question. Stop letting these other bitter guys who are joining in on the topic make you feel like being bitter is cool.

helppppp · Accepted Answer

don't ever say that about yourself! I know it's cliche, but most women only care about personality! I don't find looks to mean anything! I have the biggest crush on a kid on my class who isn't exactly physically attractive, but he makes me laugh at everything he says and he's so nice to m! I don't care about look, but I do care about personality! some girls are very judgemental, but you shouldn't ignore attractive people cause even if your intimidated it makes you have a bad pesonality as well! so make the best of it and keep yourself clean shaved and healthy body and make people laugh cause that's a HUGE turn on. it's OK if your features aren't perfect, so many other characteristics are way more attractive! don't be intimidated just make girls laugh and maybe help them with school I your smart? being intelligent is such a huge turn on as well! best of luck! give yourself some credit and don't be hard on yourself! what even is the definition of attractive? everyone is attractive in their own way!

magnoliacrush · Accepted Answer

With that attitude, probably won't have a chance.

If you're approaching a girl in a bar, yes, you will be shot down. If you are using a dating site, you will also probably be shot down. Why? Because you're put in a situation where you are directly compared to other competition.

I've dated many guys who aren't conventionally attractive. And I've seen plenty of unattractive guys with a very beautiful girls and I'm sure you've seen it too or else you wouldn't be asking this question. So I'm assuming you want to know how to 'get' that girl. The best situation is where you get a chance to talk to them one on one and show what you have to offer (it can be as little as an enlightening conversation). If you hold their interest, you have a shot. Girls do like funny guys. If you're not a funny person (I saw that you commented on that), see what else you have to offer and use that to your advantage.

makesumwake · Accepted Answer

you are looking at this one dimensionally.

the only question is - what are you offering the girl?

by ugly, you mean you aren't offering anything to her in terms of physical attraction

and this is only your face, because anyone can have an attractive body by eating right, working out, and living a healthy lifestyle. being physically attractive and having a sense of style can easily make up for the lack of an attractive face.

there are many other ways to offer girls something they would be interested in.

some guys offer money, or physical things they buy the girls.

some guys offer a cool lifestyle, the millionaire jet-setter with a yacht.

or maybe you are really cool and fun to hang with.

maybe you fit her romantic fantasy of beauty and the beast

most girls just care about how a guy makes her feel. make her feel great, she will be with you.

most girls are very turned on by dominant alpha male types, who don't have to be attractive at all.

there are many ways to offer a girl something she would want. find out what your strengths are, enhance those strengths, and utilize them. once you feel inside like you have something to offer a girl, you will act like it and women will turn and take notice.

good luck

GoGoDancer · Accepted Answer

I feel the same way and never approach women not even the ugly ones, why should I? I already can see the look on their faces that their gonna say no even before they say it. I know I'm ugly as sin when I'm getting ugly stares from the unattractive women.  There is a double standard between the good looking guys and the ugly guys. I've seen good looking guys approach women and girls in a rude manner and these females are like oh lol your so cute etc, but when an unattractive guy approaches a woman or a girl nicely their like why is this creep talking to me? I know I've been there/ The only thing I can say is become a jerk and find a way to make lots of money.  Good luck.

ColdFeet · Answer

You mean it's like this?   You should be attracted to whoever you pursue or else it probably won't last. Before you rate yourself make sure you're not being pessimistic. If you're average looking there's no reason not to try with whatever girl you want. Looks aren't the most important thing. If a hot girl gives you a chance then she may well end up falling more for the real you rather than how you look.  On the flip side I think most girls would be devastated to find out their boyfriend chose them because he didn't think they were attractive.

Anonymous · Answer

I think I'm kind of attractive, and I hardly ever get approached by guys, but if I do it's by these overly confident that think no woman can say no to them. I wish normal guys would approach me :( because actually I'm really shy and not arrogant at all, and I like nerds.

I'd say don't approach total strangers, especially not in a bar or in the street. Maybe try to get to know friends of friends or something like that? Maybe you'll be surprised that just because a woman is attractive it doesn't mean she'd only date a man who's also attractive in terms of looks.

Benvenutta · Answer

It´s not true that attractive women want attractive men only. I´m an attractive woman and I love man for being a man, for personality and for how man makes me feel. Looks matters to certain extent, but if man´s personality is great and if he shows he is adding a value to my life, then yes, I would definitely date such man.

This means: go ahead and approach woman you like (but not only because she is attractive).

Anonymous · Answer

No. Society has coddled them and put them on pedestals  all of their lives and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread and therefore feel extremely entitled .  They are living shrines that society bows to .Stay away from them and let some other sucker boost their pathetic sagging egos and focus on money and a career.

tomfeltonforever · Answer

Some girls have a "weird" taste in guys, like me, (according to my friends). Meaning we don't immediately go for conventionally attractive men. I like tall, lanky, musician-type guys with a nice hairstyle. I really don't care as much about muscular athletic looking ones with scruff like the ever so famous Channing Tatum. Also, do other things to make up for it. Get a stable and interesting career, be intelligent, try being into art/music/a sport a woman might like. Stand out from the crowd.

Kelly34 · Answer

No. You can meet women but it has to be through friends/work/school/hobbies. If you go up to a stranger the only think she has to judge on is your looks, so you are fucked.

Lommelun · Answer

No of course not. Ugly men should have unappealing jobs, marry fat ugly and stupid  women and generally hide out of sight when attractive, beautiful people come his way. We can't have these ugly men cluttering up the gutters all the time.

yopyopyop · Answer

No, you are wrong. Mainly because intelligence or humour can do the difference with some women. Just talk to them, don't show them you see it as a way to get sex, and be confident.

Mgalyn · Answer

Handsome and attractive are NOT the same. There are MANY unattractive, yet handsome men, and vice versa. I've personally found many guys my friends said were not very hot nor attractive attractive for ME. So there you have it. We don't (all) focus exclusively on the exterior. Just being shy makes you attractive to some girls. Mysterious, you know? ;) so yeah, be yourself. Make a little effort to show people what you have inside and you'll probably be surprised.

GreatnessPersonified · Answer

He should, but he better have a great pair of shoes! LOL.

tiredofwaiting · Answer

It doesn't hurt to try the results might surprise you.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Give it a shot...

larry69 · Answer

No..I have tried and failed

moviedude714 · Answer

doesn't hurt to try

Anonymous · Answer

go for it the worst anyone can say is no

Anonymous · Answer

Probably not

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