My friend never asks me to hang out, and I'm the one who's always having to initiate everything.

[Anonymous]

The reason why I'm asking is because I have a friend whom I have known for almost 4 years now and for the longest I have always been the one that has to ask her to hangout. Of course she always says yes, but if I don't ask her again, I may not hear from her from months on end. I have to initiate everything, I don't even get so much as a text message unless I text her first. It's just really frustrating because it makes me feel like that I don't mean squat to her. I Just want to hear some of the opinions from you guys and girls.

[Mrstraightanswer]

Man, I have the same freaking problem with almost all of my friends.

I've found that I am quite a bore though, if you suspect this to be an issue, do something interesting, what do you both like to do that you can both do? Play video games, play a sport (Throw a ball back and forth while conversing, I don't do sports so I'm at a loss here), do a project together.

Now I'm comfortable with my being boring (mostly because all of my friends aren't interested in how many volts and amps it takes to power a coilgun, or how many isotopes Helium has), and I'm fine with that, I can curb and adapt myself to fit in their little circles for as long as it takes, it's mostly about compatibility. I've got several friends that I only keep around because they would think badly of me if I didn't visit and I can't have people thinking that, but they almost never just ask me to come up, so I have to invite myself, I've read and heard from people (going full nerd here) that spontaneity, just to shake things up, can make you more interesting, if you're an interesting person, people will want to hang out with you more, why do you want to hang out with this girl? Is she pretty, is she smart, is she good at Halo? What qualities does she possess that makes you want to hang out with her?

[Asker]

That's the thing, we have almost everything in common. We both love anime, love to cosplay and go to conventions, love to play video games, and our politics are about the same. I can ask her to go do something right now and she will say yes. But if I don't, I'm afraid that I might not hear from her again. It's so odd.

[Mrstraightanswer]

Have you tried talk to her about it? I mean you obviously must like her, otherwise it wouldn't phase you, the prospect of never hearing from her again, but it could also be that you don't want to lose what you have with her by proposing the idea of a relationship, but either way, stagnation is no way to go about it.

[superguy1]

She is blowing you off , nicely , respect what she wants and don't waste your time .

[Asker]

But why drag it on for almost 4 years though? If she were blowing me off, I would have expected her to say something by now.

[superguy1]

Ah , its not what she says , it what she does . If you have the hots for her , forget it . She is being nice but she is gone .

[Asker]

She did the same thing to my friend, and they dated for almost a year (recently broke up) so I'm still a tad skeptical.

[superguy1]

Still hoping ? , Your friend had more ' power ' than you have with her ,' friend zone ' guys are expendable and not worth a whole lot and the more you text her , the more you will push her away as clingy and needy . No shit you are wasting your time on that one so chase another one instead .

[Jade4]

I had (had not have) friends like this and it's exhausting. Felt like I could disappear and they'd never notice.so I tried not contacting them for a month. Some people got in touch some didn't. I don't miss the ones that didn't and I don't miss feeling unwanted. Friends are a two way street, if you're not getting a decent friendship it's not worth chasing them around endlessly, too tiring and hurtful. I heard the other side from a woman who says she gets busy and forgets about people, she's so busy doing what she wants she forgets about the other people...but she doesn't forget some people, this says she's got the people she actually cares about and everyone else just tolerates. I don't want to be tolerated by friends. If you don't like me enough to say hi once in a while I'd rather spend time with someone who does. If she's quite young you could say something in a light way, like how come I never hear from you? (Smile) but then I'd let it go

[fuentesdeamor]

Ask her. If this bothers you so much it probably takes away from having a great time when you are together, maybe you are afraid of saying and doing things that you would do if you felt more secure about your friendship. There is nothing wrong with wanting to clarify somethings you consider important. Maybe you'll discover something about her that you don't know.

[Anonymous]

After you hang out, say next time you want to hang out just give me a call! If she doesn't call or text you, don't waste your time anymore. She isn't being a good friend.