Is it the man that is "too nice" or is it the man that is "too bad"?
Does a woman have to choose one or the other?
Isn't there such a thing, as a man who is well-balanced?
I believe so.
By the end of this article, you will know what type of man I believe most women would like on their arm.
(1) THE "BAD" GUY
This man is not only appealing in appearance but his personality has got the women wanting to learn him more. He is nothing short of fascinating! He is the type of guy most parents have told their little girls to stay away from.
He may have some bad habits such as smoking and drinking.
He may be the rebellious type (He doesn't care much for the law).
He may even be incapable of keeping a steady job.
He may even disrespect his woman or call her out of her name, when flying off of the handle.
I know most people, are probably thinking with all of that said, "What could possibly be so irresistible about this type of man?"
The "bad guy" is very likeable in the fact that, he possesses character traits that are amazing! Some of which may allow one to be blind sighted (if they are deeply infatuated or in love). The women who choose to pursue a relationship with the "bad guy" tend to ignore his negative qualities, and put their major focus on the positive ones.
This is negative because it can lead to a woman feeling regret in the future with her decision to date him.
"Mr. Bad guy" is usually great in bed. Even though he has a hard cut image, there's this little soft spot inside of him that is hard to resist. He is caring, thoughtful, and a great listener when not pushed to the edge. It's quite hard for "outsiders" to understand why this woman is so caught up.
She can't help herself.
She just is.
Like a fish, this man continues to wheel the ladies in, not leaving much selection for the "nice guys".
(2)
THE "NICE" GUY
This man is safe on the rocks. He doesn't take much risks in life. He would rather do things in a well-thought out, and methodical way.
I am sure, that his parents are very proud.
But, where does that get him when he is trying to pursue a relationship?
This guy's usual role in a woman's life is a "friend" and nothing more.
He doesn't appear exciting enough, for some women to spark a romantic interest in.
Although he may possess character traits that are well worth getting to know,
"Mr. Nice guy" doesn't fail to come across as:
Boring
Dull
Predictable
Usually, the only women he is able to strike an interest in, are those who are very similar to himself.
Of course, the selection of women that want him does not consist of many.
He is completely the polar opposite of the "bad guy" image.
(3)
THE "WELL-BALANCED" GUY
This man is a combination of both "Mr. Nice Guy" and "Mr. Bad guy" except he can keep a stable job, and he abides by the law. He may drink or smoke but not to the point where he is spiraling out of control. He takes risks in life because he seeks enjoyment. He also understands that some things aren't worth doing, because the consequences of those actions hold much greater than the experience itself. He is an intelligent guy, who has a very mature outlook towards life.
The type of man I think most womenwant is the well-balanced guy.
He is a man who is interesting enough to keep most women awake.
And a man, not "too nice" to where one wonders, "What enjoyment could he possibly,
be receiving out of life?"
THE CONCLUSION
Sure, Mr. Bad guy may be a lot of fun, but as a woman matures she will realize how much time she has wasted on this road that leads to no where. (If this was her original selection)
Yes, Mr. Nice guy is fantastic but he is often overlooked, usually a woman may take interest in him when she matures or grows tired of the "bad guys". (Mr. Nice guy has a lot of work to do, he has a sea of broken hearts!)
Mr. Well-balanced guy, is a great option because he has the edge that's appealing, and he maintains his composture which is sexy.
This the type of guy I prefer.
Ladies, how about you?
Men, what kind of a guy would you describe yourself as?
I'd describe myself as the nice guy. It makes more sense to me to be nice and friendly to people I care about.
The thing is, I've experienced all of the nice guy problems you mentioned. But, it's what makes sense to me. To me, the "bad boy" lifestyle has never been worth it. In school, it didn't seem worth it to make the teachers' day hell and spend my afternoons in detention. I tried cigarettes and they tasted nasty. I tried weed but it was boring. I've never had much interest in binge drinking, hard drug use such as cocaine and heroin, tattoos, stealing, and destroying property. None of that sounds like that much fun that it's worth the risk. It seems like a short walk off a tall cliff. What good is being "cool" going to do me if I've been shot, overdosed on drugs, or rotting in jail?
Even if I manage not to get killed, paralyzed, or jailed, being a "bad boy" seems really immature and low-brow. I don't want to be a simpleton, I was taught to aim higher. I don't want to be like those I look down on because they think it's cool to be an asshole or cool to fail. I didn't want to give my parents heart attacks because I came from a good home, and it just seems really dumb to live your life for nothing but picking fights and destroying things others have built or worked for, or breaking the rules just to be seen breaking them. And I hate cocky people.
But, I keep running into those nice guy problems. How do you suppose I could be more interesting, while still being a nice guy?
Nice guys are fantastic but the well balanced guy is him just with more edge.
Just take risks in life so to speak and that will be considered edgy enough.
Try things you wouldn't usually example -
If you've never gone rock climbing and your girl wants to do it , try it etc (just try things out of your normal practice that pretty much won't kill you). That's interesting to pretty much any one.
I agree bad boys are unappealing. I knew a woman that dated one. He would cheat and beat her , but she kept going back. When I asked why she said it's because he's great in bed. I just did not understand the logic.
@Stacyzee , so the point is to be nice AND interesting. I think I can do it this way by going for what I want in life more, instead of saying everything's too hard.
I'm glad I don't have to be some kind of douchebag or criminal. Even when I was a kid, I never liked people who knowingly enjoyed making life unpleasant for others.
Yes, I agree with this. There's so much controversy surrounding the ideas of the "bad boy" and the "nice guy." However, I don't want either one of those "types." I prefer the man who is well-balanced, like you said.
I want someone who is fun to be around, makes me laugh, is not afraid to take risks, is somewhat unpredictable, but also stable in his job/career, is kind hearted, sweet, and caring towards me. A guy like that is the whole package. He can give me a thrill when I need it but also a stable foundation when I need it as well. This guy is intelligent and mature as well as completely honest about his feelings, thoughts, and opinions. That's the type of guy I want :)
@alfonsosloan45 To me, simply being a balanced person is not the same thing as being "perfect." But that's okay, you clearly have a very different idea of balanced than I do.
Balance suggests a perfect equilibrium meaning that theoretically your life could be 50/50 at some point in time. Even in theoretical physics that is impossible.
@alfonsosloan45 Did you actually read this myTake? Speaking in terms of personality and men, not everything is one or the other. Not all men are "bad boys" or "nice guys." It's 100% reasonable to desire a man somewhere in between those two labels.
And no, that doesn't mean a woman expects to find a "perfect" man but using the word "balanced" here is not what you are describing in your definition.
@alfonsosloan45 the balanced guy is a nice guy mostly but he isn't afraid to take a few risks in life, is adventurous, and confident. pretty much a nice guy that is fun. i identify as the balanced guy. i use to be the nice guy but I've learned to let loose and have fun and it does help out ill tell you that
I'm absolutely 100% a well-balanced guy. I use to be an extremely overabundant nice guy, but made sure to get outside of that realm after college. Seeing that I was the guy who was "too nice" to girls, but also not getting the girls. Which made me realize that I was missing something.
After college I made a few big risks by moving to different major cities around the US, and taking big leaps in my career. Most of which were extremely dangerous as I was taking roles I wasn't ready for, but made sure to put in the hours to make it work. From there, I began to enjoy socializing, and taking on new adventures such as traveling around the world.
Once I settled down a tad at the job I'm at now, and making a pretty decent income with a stable life, but yet still adventurous. My now wife came along, and jumped on the train with me at full speed, and we're very much in love, and enjoying every part of one another.
My advice to other nice guys or bad guys. Look at your polar opposite, and learn from them. Make a T chart, take the pros from both sides, mix them, and become that as best as you can, but be authentic about it. Don't force it, but strive for it with the desire to better yourself. You cannot change over night, and you definitely cannot better yourself without the desire to do so.
Side Note: Go to the gym either way. It's a great way to boosts ones confidence, and no girl is going to complain about a guy with abs. Just saying...
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Why do you women have to always "categorize" guys all the fucking time. Why are you so quick to judge and label? Women are supposed to be "nice" and open minded and PC but they tend stereotype much quicker than men.
I was raised to be a "nice guy" but I had a few rough edges (I was a cage fighter). Women who met me in public quickly assumed I was just a plain old non fuckable "nice guy". Fortunately I learned in my late 20s to ignore those women who friendzoned me like the plague (just Girls who saw me in the gym or fighting in the cage AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED THE OPPOSITE. They assumed I was the bad boy.
Men are complex creatures just like women. Stop labeling. The bad boy wants somebody to think he's a decent guy at times... somebody who has some potential. The nice guy WANTS TO GET LAID JUST AS BAD as the bad boy! Mr. perfect well balanced is often shoved into one of the two categories depending on the women's first impression of him.
The whole world is full of labels. It is the human language. If there were no labels , there would be no form of communication. I can see you are coming to this tend with your pent up anger , contain yourself before you make yourself look like an ass
you are oversimplifying things. When I meet women I try to talk, ask them questions about dating and figure out there personality. My ex girlfriend was slightly nerdy, introverted, shy techy person (very cute though). However in the behind closed doors she turned into a crazy, kinky whore. Most guys would never guess she could be like that. However I took some time to get to know her before I placed judgement for the better or the worse. That nice guy who you friendzoned could potentially be one of the best lovers and bfs you ever had. That bad boy is going to break your heart... and you know it but you will fuck him anyway. Mr. in between really doesn't exist. However so many women cannot get past their emotional impulses and they make quick decisions. So yes, I'm going to make an "ass" out myself and yell at you. But I might as well yell at the wall.
What kind of guy I am? well i will try to make it simple , Iam quite good looking and talking to girls seems easy ( when iam in the mood ) and they dont seem to be able to keep their eyes off me , and yes i've been told iam good looking , I usually have no reason to desrespect anyone so i dont i just act nice with new people , if someone starts desrespecting me and i feel a bit shitty that day i would insult that person with no regards to his/her feelings , I dont let people lay a finger on me , I dont care much about other people or what they think of me if i want to say something i will say it ( of course not everything can be said ), and while i joke a lot and smile often I dont like being taken advantage of and especially by girls , if i feel the girl is slightly ignoring me or attempting to play games I am gone , i am nice as long as you're nice , once you start acting a bit different i change the way i treat you. most of the times i dont care about things other people care about and i just keep my cool like " fk it its not important " I can tell that i piss off many people because the think i sound emotionless and nothing can affect me , like their efforts to piss me, upset me or make me jealous are really uselss. I don't know what kind of guy you consider , but i will tell you something , A good looking guy will always have an edge compared to a less attractive guy , i know i did compared to another badboy who happens to be good looking as well , the girl chose me not him , i guess it happens sometimes.
1. I want a guy with a job, that doesn't get in trouble with the law and doesn't smoke. That's not a "bad" boy, that's a wasteman. A proper "bad boy" is more of an alpha male - confident, intimidates other men without even trying, knows how to handle a woman etc.
2. We've all come to the conclusion that self proclaimed "nice guys" aren't at all. They have no qualms in calling their crush a bitch for not liking them, like they're totally irresistible and are surprised women aren't falling at their feet because they're so "nice". Being nice and especially faking it, won't do much.
3. That's exactly the guy we're looking for. He isn't afraid to take risks but knows when he needs to stop. That's a man who can take responsibility. A mature grown man!
@Bysshe I've dated flawed men that hold a job and don't get in trouble with the law. I don't expect "heroes" and I don't think what I said is "bad" but that's just the stereotype I was referencing to.
Have you ever heard the expression "men want a good girl who is bad just for them, and women want a bad boy who is good just for her"? I think that mostly applies when you're young.
Sure, an adventurous partner is important because why would I ever want to be with someone who doesn't want to experience anything new? At the same time, adventure can't be the only goal - having fun isn't going to pay the rent.
We all need balance, whether it be in our lives as a person or as a romantic partner.
I want a woman who is so unconcerned about 'paying the rent' that she'd be willing to live on a bus.
It's quite telling that only one woman on this thread can separate a man's worth from his success in an unsustainable economic system headed for collapse.
I think you are right! A well balanced guy would be the best way to go! I would much rather date a guy who is open to trying new things and having fun but knows the limit and doesn't go over the top! A guy with a witty sense of humor that never fails to make me smile! Someone I can adventure with and experience new things but also someone I can relax with and just simply cuddle. But for me the main thing is I want a guy who believes in me and encourages me to better myself and to go for my dreams!
I totally disagree with this article.. Half way through I stopped reading. This is putting men in black and white categories which is totally not the case. I don't know where you live but where I live, nice guys also have a touch of cool.
I've never been attracted to bad boys... I see nothing appealing about someone who is a total douche and has no respect for anything or anyone. The only persons going after this person are the emotionally broken. Like attracts like.
Nice guys are also adventurous, so I don't really agree with this article. There are all kinds of people, boring nice guys, exciting and fun nice guys, charming guys, dull guys, rude guys, bad guys, etc. putting them to 2 labels is like telling us the only two colors on the color spectrum are b&w.
Society is a label. Literally everything is. Does every one fit only into a box? There are exceptions. I know nice guys can be adventurous, but my article is purely stating how most of them are perceived. Take it from a woman who has herself a nice guy, who has been rejected his entire life. Also, there's a lot of men on this site, that confirmed what I was saying (as a fellow nice guy themselves). Dating is harder for them because they are often over looked.
I don't agree that this is how most of them are perceived. As I said, I assume that depends on where you live. I don't mean to bash your article but I just think it is too black and white. Yes, society is filled with labels in some places more than others, but contributing to this is not helping anyone, especially not the nice nor the bad guys. Anyway, I do agree that nice guys are often overlooked... but that is a whole other topic.
"Nice guys being overlooked" Is the main focus of my article. Why do you think so much women have love mishaps? That's because they've been chasing the wrong men all along. Every body wants a person that is well-balanced in life, that's an appealing trait. When these women change their perspective of "nice men" and actually give them attention, then these posters won't validate what I say.
Thanks for reading! I encourage opinions outside of my own, so no offense taken.
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a25156-why-arrogant-a-holes-are-kinda-hot Take a look at this article posted by another user. By acknowledging TRUTH, only then can change happen. I'd be lying to myself if I said Nice guys always got the girl. There's a reason why "Nice guys finish last" is a saying that is often spread around. People dont make these things up off of their head.
I'd say I'm a nice guy. I'm pretty boring and don't do much exciting though the female friends I have say I'm cute and most of the people I know say that I'm fun to talk to and can make people laugh. So I'm nice in a funny adn nerdy kind of way which is probably ok. I do need to work on my confidence though. Not just for dating.
By the way, I can see why women would be attracted to unpredicatbility, we all are. That said, some guys get bitter because the idea that the women "matures or grows tired of the "bad guys"" and then turns to the Nice Guys sounds like she choose one because of attraction and then the second when she wants help paying the mortgage or having kids.
I like a nice guy actually. I was best friends with my boyfriend before we started going out. When he finally admitted he liked me and I confessed I liked him back he was so shocked he actually asked me 2 or 3 times if I was joking, it was really cute.
When I was in my younger teen years I was more into bad boys but my ideas there were unrealistic - I wanted a bad boy because I thought they were cool and would be able to protect me and I also wanted a boyfriend who was loyal.
The reason this was unrealistic is that if he is a bad boy then he probably wouldn't protect me, he would be the one hurting me. It is also silly I wanted a bad boy boyfriend who was loyal, the clue is in the name "Bad boy" that they are not loyal.
Now I say give me a nice loyal caring guy over a mean cheating scumbag any day.
Ladies, how about you? I prefer Mr. Bad Boy as he is the most attractive to me.
In my opinion males are generally the same it is like having a bunch of the same exact presents just in different wrapping paper. In my perception: The Bad Guy, The Nice Guy, and The Well Balanced Guy likely only even considered me due to my looks and would probably bail asap if sex wasn't viable (the nice guy may remain in hopes of getting it while he whines/bitches about me and resents me).
All of them likely have the same mindset towards gals that gals judgment isn't to be trusted and that males know better for gals than gals themselves. For me the only difference is their wrapping aka how they present themselves.
@schnipdip In your opinion I know nothing about men. In mine it is not suited to take male advice about males. No different than I find most males don't take gal advice about gals.
Oh, those things in italics, were supposed to be BAD things. Like, bad bad things, not just bad boy things. Oh, okay.
I mean, the last italic thing could be a somewhat-kind-of-bad thing, but that kind of loss-of-control isn't characteristic of real badboys. That shit's poser shit. Plus, rubber, glue, etc. Bounces off me, sticks to you? <3 I mean, if name-calling and intermittent unemployment's as bad as it gets, hon, then, yeah, I stick by my statement. 0 downsides listed.
I'm bout dat #freelancelife, I make plenty of fetty. Boy could totally stop working tmrw and I would not mind one damn bit. And he is one fucking astonishingly invested, loving and attentive father. He even blew ME away, there. That boy loves his kids, yes, he does.
not just "does it pay rent" you didn't mention that the bad boy would be most likely to cheat on you, abuse you, treat you like crap. That's what the opinion owner was talking about
I think I always been at war with myself really, between the darker sides and the lighter ones, which dosent seem to get easier with age, bah!. But in either case I guess im more balanced, but its funny how people have seen me anyway. Like people seen me so human when im inhuman and inhuman when im human. But guess its not so weird in many ways. Although I dunno if I always follow the law or are able to keep a steady job, lol. but I never been drunk and certainly always been pretty mature, at pretty early age too. While I dont think highly of myself in many ways, no doubt i think its more alluring for most to have someone who can be a tempation of both sides. Cause yes, you dont need one or the other, you can have both.
I think the full-on bad boy/guy is something that women only want because they know they can never truly have.
I guess I am somewhat between balanced and a nice guy... I get a little crazy sometimes when I have had a couple of drinks like climb palm trees and jump onto first floor balconies and yell "here's your coconut you asked for" and throw it into the living room of the suite. But that is just fun... even when the island police and the people who are staying at the club don't think so hahaha... oops! The good thing is I can mainly talk myself out of anything :) even a night in jail lol
Mostly, I am a stand-up kind of nice guy that treats people with respect and not being a dumbass all the time!
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Absolute nonsense. Nice guys are disliked because they can't lead a woman in a relationship. They are doormats and boring. Bad boys are disliked because, even if they attract by exerting control, they aren't good leaders, but selfish idiots.
With nice guys the relationship disintegrates, with the bad boy it implodes.
Women want someone with a spine to control them, but to do so in BOTH his and her interest combined:
You do realize you actually agreed with more than half of the things I said, right?
The well balanced guy exerts the control you are speaking about.
The only thing I disagree with is that , women do want bad boys. If that weren't the case you wouldn't hear women having all of this un necessary male drama in their lives or bailing their guy out of jail stories
You write: "It's hard to explain/understand why the woman is caught up in the bad guy." I just told you exactly why. You talk about drama and excitement, which is absolute nonsense. Women want men who can control them, thus men they themselves can't control. This gives you illusion women like drama, but really that's not the bottom line. I just clarified it for you. I'm pretty sure we're not saying the same thing here at all.
Of course , women don't like drama. I wrote that usually his negativity qualities are overlooked. Besides the control factor , a lot of women like the excitement he has to over. I've had plenty of women friends with bad guys and one of the top reasons I've heard for them not wanting to leave his that factor and that he is great in bed. Of course since the bad guy is willing to do whatever he wants , it shows that he exerts control.
*is that factor. I don't think you should paint your picture and call everything else non sense. Open up your mind. There's more than one reason people may like a certain type of man
A bad boy attracts more than nice and well rounded. once you attracted you can't fight it. It is. What attracts women is contradictory to what she wants long term, that's the problem. It's basically the bad boy can get triple digits, the well rounded has a few to some, and the nice guy struggles or settles.
Me, i don't know what I am. In short, I was a very nice guy, but I have done my best to kill that guy for the past 3 years and but I'm starting to be a really big asshole. Now I'm trying to find peace again because although asshole has got me way more women and business success, I'm not enjoying it. Why bother.
Me? I'm still a boy. I've much to learn. Truthfully, I don't wanna be any of the three. Because I feel like I'll be playing all three roles depending the instances of my life. Thanks for keeping it simple though. Nice MyTake.
Generally so to speak , no one wants to be a role. But we can't act like there isn't a separation between men that are bad (terrible on character ) and those who are not <3
So girls want the bad boys, ok we get it. And if they aren't able to catch them then they will settle with the nice guy or if they're lucky, the balanced guy.
You seem to go with a lot for looks too, since you made sure to put good looking men on the pictures lol
It doesn't mean it isn't misrepresenting. Honestly, if a nice guy looked like the picture you picked it wouldn't mind if he had an IQ of 50, girls would still chase him. I'm just saying, in this particular case it put me off of the things you were trying to say. Just an honest opinion.
But some nice guys do look like that , they aren't all unattractive men. Was I supposed to put the stereotypical image of someone below average looking while the bad boy is hot? Then everyone would conclude I am saying all nice guys are ugly. I wanted to be fair in representation.
In all fairness , looks only get you laid but it's not enough to allow someone to stay. Most women seen substance. What you are referring to is something that will lead someone down a dead end road.
You probably should have go for the average guy, or maybe a pic of a decent looking guy?
Hmm, I don't know about that. I've seen very attractive guys getting away with stuff in relationships that someone unattractive would never get away with. Most girls are actually very interested in success/money (which doesn't mean high intellect), and looks. I agree it lead them to dead ends, that's why some change in the long run for making this mistake too many times.
Very few girls, the worthy ones, are the ones who take interest in abilities and hobbies, and desire to share their own stuff too. I'm not saying looks and money shouldn't be priority but it does overshadow personality traits easily for many clueless girls.
Even if I made him average , just the fact that the bad boy is hot , that would still be enough for one to conclude that I am saying all nice guys are ugly. Trust me , there are a lot of crap starters on this site that seem to create arguments out of nothing. I wanted to be on the safe side , so I made them both equally attractive instead of putting their stereotypical looks.
Well, you are right some women are superficial , but one gets to a point in life where material things no longer fill the void they are looking for. They eventually realize someone you are compatible with personality wise is far more important than any goods one has to offer. Some women know this early on others find this out later in life , and sometimes it's just too late.
It's funny one thing I've noticed is that #3 is what all girls and up with after all the time they spend trying to chase down the bad boy, they realize that what they were looking for was exactly opposite Just give it time fellas if yiure in this stage in your life, watch and wait you'll see
the greatest women i've met never chased the bad boy not even in their teens. not that a "bad boy" category of a person exists anyway. i've seen "bad boys" sewing with their grandma in the weekends and "nice guys" selling drugs to kids. nothing is as simple as it seems.
So a guy who is both has no category? Women be judgin him - good girls are afraid to get to know him... so bad girls is all he's had and he's basically done with women now - after havin his kids taken he's been driven to insanity and he messed up horrifically.
These labels stereotypes and expectations are completely detrimental to society.
Stereotypes have truth behind them. Of course , they aren't true for "all" but they usually hold a fair amount of accuracy pertaining to the group that is being spoken about. I think people get angry over stereotypes because usually people use then to generalize when in fact there are exceptions to the rule in all cases.
I understand, believe me, but these labels I don't like, there are too many stigmas attached to each - narrowing potential mates of mine's perceptions on men out there.
So I just want to give up. I already have kids so I'll just wait till my testosterone and desire starts to fade, eventually I won't care because if I'm lonely I'll have my kids and hopefully some friends. My best years for that young fiery passionate love making are disappearing into the void.
I think I'm the good guy. I don't take risks and I always plan everything out in detail. I'm the guy women realize they want to settle down with someday but doesn't want to have fun with when they're young. I'm biding my time but it will come 👍🏼😅
They'll come around to the safe, responsible, respectful option eventually ✌🏻️💩
You might be balanced without realizing it - never forget that it's a subjective thing. Unless of course, your idea of fun is filing your tax return. Yikes.
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