A recent night out took a turn for the serious when Raquel brought up her most recent relationship with an emotional vampire. And after reminiscing about a rather horrifying encounter with him, she asked us one of the most prevalent, yet elusive questions about human nature:
Why do we always like the boys who continue to terrorize us?
It made me think about this question on several different levels. Is it animal instincts or a common example of nature vs. nurture? Do we really choose to torture ourselves just for the thrill of the chase or are we all just a bunch of masochists? Or maybe it’s just passion driving us to doing crazy things? Whatever the reason may be, we all knew that this type of behavior was not normal, but were all equally guilty of it.
It's been suggested that this insane behavior was due to a fear of being hurt and disappointed, and by somehow involving myself with boys who were emotionally unavailable, I wasn’t making myself available to a real relationship or even love. If that was the explanation, then I could only imagine the pain that comes from being with someone who was actually available.
It boggled my mind to think that there were so many women in the world like Raquel and myself who were sabotaging their own lives only to eventually, and not-surprisingly still be heart broken in the end. I can only conclude the following obvious, yet apparently not obvious, ideas about this phenomena:
1. We are altruistic.
As women, we all possess a nurturing, maternal instinct. It’s our biological role in life and, although the trait may be more prevalent in some women than others, we always feel the need to make everything and everyone better. So naturally, we believe that behind the emotional unavailability, the anger, the jealousy, the mystery is all a result of a past experience that somehow made them “broken” and that we are here to fix them.
And, if accomplished, not only have we fulfilled our role as a woman, but as an added factor, we are empowered by the idea that we have influenced a man so much, we could undo the damage that was done and make someone change for the better using our love and sunshine. Through this theory, I can only conclude that women are partly maternal, partly
delusional, and 100% addictive.
2. We want passion.
I, like anyone else, yearn for the passionate, movie romance between 2 people that is so intense you get dizzy just thinking about it. Every woman wants a man who is intense, because for the most part, it means they are exciting, ambitious, and interesting. And it’s safe to say that these qualities are also carried into the bedroom. However, there are two sides to this type of intense passion. It’s amazing when things are going well, but the fights tend to be equally as intense. It’s important to understand that when you build a relationship based on an attraction to the passion, because behind that passionate can’t keep my hands of you kiss, is the same intensity that's going to kick you in the ass and break your heart. Intensely.
3. We are ambitious.
There is something to be said about the thrill of the chase. Life would be otherwise boring if everything just fell in our laps and, after all, the conquest makes the prize that much more worth it.
In all aspects of life, everything takes effort, and what would even be the point of working hard in school, going to college, and being successful at work, if we didn't have goals to achieve?
We are raised to believe this is true, and as ambitious human beings, we convince ourselves that we must always continue to pursue. It seems that this basic concept of ambition might be the culprit for why I pursue the men who don’t show interest in me. It makes me wonder if my parents had not instilled in me the value of hard work and determination, and told me to settle for a life of mediocracy, that I might have a boyfriend by now.
Like any other psychological disorder, I can only asses that the reason many women even begin to display this type of behavior depends on a case by case basis. Why we continually choose to do this to ourselves, however, is universal and simple: women are crazy. It is a trait that stems from the fact that we are intelligent and thoughtful, and many times over-analytical, but we continue to let all of these great qualities that differentiate us from men, somehow get the best of us and drive us to doing crazy things, such as insisting on pursuing the men who don’t deserve us.
Why do we always like the boys who continue to terrorize us?
It made me think about this question on several different levels. Is it animal instincts or a common example of nature vs. nurture? Do we really choose to torture ourselves just for the thrill of the chase or are we all just a bunch of masochists? Or maybe it’s just passion driving us to doing crazy things? Whatever the reason may be, we all knew that this type of behavior was not normal, but were all equally guilty of it.
"Do we really choose to torture ourselves just for the thrill of the chase, or are we all just a bunch of masochists?"I am known by many as someone who often makes the rather common and debilitating choice to pursue the bad boys. And after each failed relationship with said type of boy, I am always somehow disappointed. Time and time again, I have reviewed my offenses and convinced myself that I won’t do it again, but like a crazy person I keep putting myself in the exact same situation, and expect different results each time.
It's been suggested that this insane behavior was due to a fear of being hurt and disappointed, and by somehow involving myself with boys who were emotionally unavailable, I wasn’t making myself available to a real relationship or even love. If that was the explanation, then I could only imagine the pain that comes from being with someone who was actually available.
It boggled my mind to think that there were so many women in the world like Raquel and myself who were sabotaging their own lives only to eventually, and not-surprisingly still be heart broken in the end. I can only conclude the following obvious, yet apparently not obvious, ideas about this phenomena:
1. We are altruistic.
As women, we all possess a nurturing, maternal instinct. It’s our biological role in life and, although the trait may be more prevalent in some women than others, we always feel the need to make everything and everyone better. So naturally, we believe that behind the emotional unavailability, the anger, the jealousy, the mystery is all a result of a past experience that somehow made them “broken” and that we are here to fix them.
And, if accomplished, not only have we fulfilled our role as a woman, but as an added factor, we are empowered by the idea that we have influenced a man so much, we could undo the damage that was done and make someone change for the better using our love and sunshine. Through this theory, I can only conclude that women are partly maternal, partly
delusional, and 100% addictive.
2. We want passion.
I, like anyone else, yearn for the passionate, movie romance between 2 people that is so intense you get dizzy just thinking about it. Every woman wants a man who is intense, because for the most part, it means they are exciting, ambitious, and interesting. And it’s safe to say that these qualities are also carried into the bedroom. However, there are two sides to this type of intense passion. It’s amazing when things are going well, but the fights tend to be equally as intense. It’s important to understand that when you build a relationship based on an attraction to the passion, because behind that passionate can’t keep my hands of you kiss, is the same intensity that's going to kick you in the ass and break your heart. Intensely.
Why Do Women Want The Bad Boy?
- We women believe we are here to "fix" emotionally unavailable men.
- Intense passion
- We believe we need to pursue
3. We are ambitious.
There is something to be said about the thrill of the chase. Life would be otherwise boring if everything just fell in our laps and, after all, the conquest makes the prize that much more worth it.
In all aspects of life, everything takes effort, and what would even be the point of working hard in school, going to college, and being successful at work, if we didn't have goals to achieve?
We are raised to believe this is true, and as ambitious human beings, we convince ourselves that we must always continue to pursue. It seems that this basic concept of ambition might be the culprit for why I pursue the men who don’t show interest in me. It makes me wonder if my parents had not instilled in me the value of hard work and determination, and told me to settle for a life of mediocracy, that I might have a boyfriend by now.
Like any other psychological disorder, I can only asses that the reason many women even begin to display this type of behavior depends on a case by case basis. Why we continually choose to do this to ourselves, however, is universal and simple: women are crazy. It is a trait that stems from the fact that we are intelligent and thoughtful, and many times over-analytical, but we continue to let all of these great qualities that differentiate us from men, somehow get the best of us and drive us to doing crazy things, such as insisting on pursuing the men who don’t deserve us.
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