I know this may seem like some feminist mentality stuff, but bear with me.
Yes, I am a masculine woman. Both in looks and mentally. A part of it is by choice, other by nurture, some because of the way I grew up, maybe because of looks and maybe also because I grew up around mostly men.
So why do I consider myself masculine? Now masculinity I do not neccessarily consider it a big, burly man . Masculinity in men is different to that in women. A woman can be masculine and not exactly resemble a manly man completely. It is more of a lack of femininity per se.
And before anyone asks yes I am a biological woman.
Anyway let me get into it....
1. I am pretty tall
Okay, nothing superrrrr out of the ordinary. I mean we all see how tall female models can be and I am about 5'9/5'10 . Almost 6" above the average female height. Some days it bothers me, especially the stares, most days it doesn't.
I have met a lot of other insecure tall women though, who need either a super manly and taller man to validate them and make them feel less bad about it or they just do not want to admit that it is somewhat associated with masculinity.
But it is. People assume that I am stronger,smarter, and more independant just because of it. People also see me as more masculine because of it.
I know some models are tall and hot or so, but I am no model. The average woman doesn't look like them and just because I share the same height with adriana lima does not mean I come close to ever being as attractive.
Still, It is one of the things that makes me masculine. And I do not mean that in a bad way.
2. Facial features
I have very defined features. I also have a few not very feminine features. Chin, jaw, brow bone you get the point. Not super manly, but I would say definetly boyish. It isn't fixed easily with makeup either.
I am conflicted about this. I do not like having a boyish face but at the same time I guess it fits with my other masculine behavior.
I am curvy so there is one thing that is not manly.
However I do have slightly bigger shoulders and bones that the average woman of course. Also bigger feet and longer hands. All due to height of course.
I have a deep voice. Not manly but very boyish, I get mistaken for a boy on the phone sometimes lol. This one bothers me but not toooo bad.
I am torn because I do like casual women's clothes and professional stuff too, but I also love men's clothes way more. You can say I am a tomboy though. Men's clothes are bigger, cheaper, more stylish and are all around better. God knows why a lot of women's clothes are so expensive and yet bad haha.
Ok so now let me move onto personality .
Now this isn't a whole ' I do not need no one ' type of thing.
Actually, life forced me to be this way. For a long time, I had and still have very very few friends and an abusive family. I was betrayed and bullied a lot. At some point I had to stop crying about it and instead get shit done. Sure, I would like to someday just have someone out of kindess to do something selfless for me and show me they care, but the truth is most people do not have a long term use from me and so they do not give enough of a shit to be nice and care about me.
Of course I am also emotional. I think most people are but some people have more control over their emotions than others and that is what I think logic is.
This isn't neccessarily masculine in my opinion, just that men are raised and forced from an early age to supress emotions and therefore rely more on logic. That is why it is assocciated with masculinity.
3. I go after what I want
And I go after it hard. That, comes off to people as too harsh and intimidating.
No matter what people like to say about appreciating honesty, most people do not like to hear the truth. I admit, sometimes I don't either. But I already suffer from depression and it is easier for me to accept hard truths and therefore I can be more honest with myself and with others(although I admit I can be biased more towards negativity, I am working on that since it is heavily influenced by the depression).
5. I approach men sometimes
Of course, I understand why most men do not want a woman like me. But they still mostly think this is too forward, I have been told that by men. It is just seen as socially weird when a woman approaching a man and more of a man thing.
6. Not being too nice
I am somewhat socially awkward yet firm and respectful though. I just do not like sugar coating and sucking up to people.
For some reason, women are seen as these happy, pure beings and any woman that displays negativity or is not too nice is seen as masculine or not like other girls. One of the most redundant advice to women to be seen as more approachable,open, better looking and to attract others towards them is to be friendly and smile even if you do not feel like it.
I simply cannot be that way.
7. Intimidating presence
I have a very serious look on my face all the time and I'm always very professional with others and also my looks make me seem intimidating. Maybe that sounded somewhat not too bad, but it doesn't really come off that way.
I just am very intimidating I guess. To most women, and to a lot of men too. I do somewhat understand, but at the same time I am not a body builder of any sort or a super influencial person so I do not see why exactly almost everyone I run into is afraid of me when I get angry. I guess that combination of masculinity in me is scary.
I do still have feminine features and personality sides too, of course.
However, masculinity stands out more than femininity while femininity is considered more laid back, cozy and more at ease but because of masculinity seen as more agressive, that is what people notice first when someone has a lot of masculinity in them.
I struggle with accepting my masculinity sometimes, and my femininity sometimes, but all I know is that I cannot be a feminine woman even if I tried. And I am, hopefully one day, going to stop beating myself up over not being like the feminine women.
People often speak of how women supress their femininity and so on, but never about those who are masculine and didn't exactly choose to be this way especially looks wise.
I hope you enjoyed this.