A far too personal slice of my life of how I'm finally getting over my lowest point

[Anonymous]

I have been struggling with my emotions for nearly 2 years and I think I'm getting better

So true

There were 2 really important things I️ did.

I️ surrendered.

And I️ trusted.

I️ surrendered to the hurricane of emotion inside of me. I️ let myself feel whatever I️ was feeling and I️ didn’t apologize for it or try to change it. I️ rode each wave until it crashed. I️ trusted that God would get me through it. I️ got mad at God, I️ didn’t really pray a lot, but at my worst times I️ asked Him to get me through this and I️ trusted that He would.

It’s really hard for me to not really try in life because I️ am constantly thinking about my life and what I’m doing and why I’m doing it and where I’m going and what it all means so it was terrifying for me to look at myself and see that I️ wasn’t really doing anything. I️ wasn’t moving toward anything. I️ wasn’t focused on anything other than trying not to lose my mind. And there was no future I️ could think of that sounded good to me. I️t all just sucked, really. I️ had been living with absolutely no purpose and I️ hated that more than anything. I️ realized I️ had to find purpose in just being alive. I️ was watching Stranger Things 2 and the scenes where eleven was living in the woods just trying to survive really hit me because literally her entire life’s goal and purpose at that point was just to stay alive. She didn’t have a job, she wasn’t helping anyone, she wasn’t making any impact on the world yet we were all rooting for her to catch another squirrel or whatever and keep herself alive. There was meaning and purpose in it. So that became my purpose. Just live. Just get through it. Literally just live. Another. Day. So many destructive thoughts came into my head of things I️ could do to escape this situation the most dangerous being suicide and self harm and some of them sounded so appealing but I️ knew that if I️ did those things it would just make everything worse. So many dark thoughts came into my head but I️ did my best to push them out because again, I️ knew that succumbing to them would make everything worse. the most important things that helped me through this were my sisters my journal and go. I️ had a quiet hope in my heart that God would take care of me and that hope is what pushed me to keep going. And when everything was too much, I️ just took a long nap. Or I️ just cried my eyessss out. but even when I️ felt so dark and defeated, I️ never lost that quiet hope inside of me.

And now its starting to come back out

I've lost a lot of confidence in the past 2 years but it is slowly coming back

I know I will have exposed my identity by posting this but it doesn't matter

I think I am finally able to get over this chapter of my life move past my insecurities

I've gotten past my darkest point and it makes me feel stronger knowing I've already been through the hardest part of my life I'm starting to feel like there is nothing I can't do and its a good feeling.

So thanks to everyone on here for helping me get through this. This is a great community and I hope it can grow even more

[Secret6620]

Nice 👍👍👍