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A word to the nice guys, from a former nice guy (Page 2)
Anonymous
(36-45) 
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I'm not going to be an asshole because of a few bad apples in the bunch. I would rather marry a nice girl than someone who's not. So, I'm going to be myself and not pretend to be someone I'm not, because that's where guys go wrong. Everybody treats relationships like they are some kind of argument to be won.
This is honestly the worst advice LOL. @GUYS AND GIRLS why don't you be yourself and be genuine about what you want, who you are and don't let anyone push you around. KNOW YOUR WORTH, don't let any person step on you or make you feel like you're shit and don't go ruining your relationship by cheating or doing something stupid. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk NEXT.
Oh poor delusional you. TED talks are done by good, successful people who have something to contribute to society. They would never even so much as let you into one of their ongoing TED talks as a janitor, let alone let you host a TED talk of your own.
P. S.: Your precious ass just got owned dummy!
So now that you've abandoned your nice guy ways, are you swimming waist deep in pussy juice, or are your results just the same as before? Because unless it's the former, then you really can't draw causal relationships from your anecdotal (albeit emotionally impactful) experience. It's easy for anyone to play the "expert" on what NOT to do; but providing a tested and proven alternative that DOES work is wear most "advice" falls flatt, no matter how well intentioned it may be.
I'm an old man with a 9-to-5 day job and a failed marriage. No one was interested in me before her, and I doubt anyone will be interested in me ever again. Ultimately, I guess I was meant to be alone, and no matter how hard I tried to avoid that destiny, it came to me. It's fine. I didn't have a realistic perception of girls, women and dating before, and at least I have that now, even if it won't help me one bit. At least I know that the grass isn't that green on the other side for everyone, including me. It gives me enough comfort to sleep at night. I'm still not happy, or satisfied. If I could turn back time, I would do it and go around being a "bad boy", establishing a score board and nailing everyone around me. Not that I can actually picture myself that way, but life would've been so different now had I been that way. I just don't this to happen to anyone else.
Also I was deliriously drunk when I wrote the myTake, and was so depressed that I needed to get it out anyhow. I don't have any friends, or family, or anyone to talk to in real life. This is all I have, I used it, and to a certain degree, pain decreased, at least temporarily. I would consider that to be a luxury given the situation I'm in.
"old man" = "life experience"
"9 to 5" = financially independent
"failed marriage" = know what you want in a relationship and what you DON'T want
It's all about perspective...
I'm curious how old you are right now and how old were you and your ex when you were married? I realized everything you said about girls much earlier and I will never settle for a girl that is experienced. Most people need to get burned by fire to learn their lesson so no matter how hard people try to tell them, they will never be willing to really listen until they experienced the truth and that truth would come with a lot of pain.
Did your spouse have threesomes with two guys, a guy and another girl, or two girls? There's a variety that girls can do and would do. I'm curious because I know it has become a lot more common. Also, most girls will do that with boyfriends but never want to do it with the guy they marry because they don't value him the same and want to pretend they aren't slutty anymore. Once a girl is a slut then she's always a slut.
Dude. I get it. But that is your slice of life. And I am sorry it sucked. Yeah some women are like you said, and some guys are like you said. But not everyone is like this. Not at all. I am
Married and divorced twice. Still have fun. Just not in any hurry to settle down. But I still love woman. Their company and affections. Just waiting for the right one to come around. And if I miss her. Oh well. No one is that unique or am that special. The next “ right” one will be along before I die. Hopefully. Go out. Take chances. Enjoy life. And you know what, you just really might find the proper right one.
Everything you said, I hear so much of this in the mgtow community, they are stereotyped
As women hating losers that can't get laid, on the contrary many are guys just like you that have seen these kind of uncomfortable truths and tell other men, almost word for word i hear it often. ,, alpha fucks and beta bucks,, you where the beta bucks.
For myself I'm Christian and choose celibacy till marriage, and refuse to settle for someone that wouldn't do the same for me.
I need a woman who shares my faith, and my values. Yea I want her to be pretty and sexy and all this stuff but she needs to beautiful from inside out.
I say that having been mgtow since 2015, mgtow taught me female psychology, how society veiws me as a man, i was the most blue pill cuck out there before, but not now.
Yeah, I think there's another important lesson often tied up with niceguyism, but not really the same things, and it's this: She has to want you sexually BEFORE it does any good displaying your "good boyfriend material" qualities. This took me the LONGEST time to figure out. But I genuinely believed that most girls operated by wanting to see that a guy was a decent guy first, and only THEN did they end up getting with them. I thought that was the norm. Holy crap is that NOT true! And it's the most obvious thing in the freaking world too! It's exactly the same way most of us guys operate. You have to WANT her first.
So my advice to the guy who things he's going to attract girls by displaying good boyfriend traits is, that you need to FIRST figure out how to be sexually appealing to a girl. THEN worry about all that when it's time for a relationship.
And that right there is my point. If only I knew all of that back in the day, I wouldn't have ended up here. As a matter of fact, I still have no clue how to go about being sexually appealing. A lot of people tend to say "money is the answer", or "get a prostitute", but I want none of that. I wanna be wanted for who I am, by someone who I want. That never happened.
Yeah man--I know what you're saying. But you already have a pretty good idea of some of the elements of what makes a guy attractive sexually to a girl. There are a WHOLE bunch and you can work on most of them. Here's just a few:
I. Appearance
A) Fitness. Eat better, sleep better, hit the gym. You'll look better naked and have more energy anyway even without a girl, so you should do this regardless
B) Style. Get a decent haircut. Shave or trim your beard. Wear clothes that fit you and start to develop a style. Get help here from fashion magazines or ask a girl who has decent fashion sense for guys.
C) Posture. This goes along with fitness but the way you position yourself and move makes a big difference
II) Personality
Develop social skills! Make friends. Talk to people. Get out and about. Observe different people and try to figure out what fails (creepyness, awkwardness) and what's more likely to succeed (confidence, humor, etc.). Then do what works well and do less of what doesn't
III) Be interesting!
Develop some hobbies, read some books, travel, etc.
IV) Work on your career.
This may be what you're mis-hearing as just be rich and pay for it. Not the same thing. This is a lot like fitness--you should do this anyway. More money and a better job gives you more time to pursue the things you love.
V) Meet, get numbers and date!
Just get a LOT of practice in. and I mean A LOT! This is another area where I KNOW I failed for a long time. Then eventually I made it a priority and got out there. You should too.
Damn dude u lived some life, thanks for helpin save us all that trouble foreal
I never settled, had more than a few already messed up chicks try to date me when I was in my mid teens but I always ended up refusin to date em after getting to know em even a little bit because it was so clear. I later regretted that for many years as u know what society thinks of men who ‘dont get laid’ but now I’ve come to recognize it was wise. Still, some animal part of me is jealous of the sex crazed around me...
I think you're making really unfair generalizations about women just because you've had bad experiences. It's never a good thing to do, and will never get you anything in the end because most decent women will just see you as a misogynistic asshole.
Take it from a man that used to be the "bad boy" type you refer to. Yes, immature women will fall for bad boys, but more often than not, things just click into place, no matter what type of person you are, which is unfortunate in some cases.
Misogyny shouldn't be validated like a real thing, it's an excuse most women use to hide from real world issues and get away from consequences. I don't care about male or female, but if you notice general news, you won't see a lot of men accusing women of misandry. Heck, there isn't even a lot of mention of misandry coming up. Misogyny is dropped everywhere so casually, but a lot of people might be reading the word "misandry" for the very first time right now.
It just goes to show that a phenomenon has come into being. Both men and women make mistakes, but most men would either own up to it, or make almost any excuse other than turning the situation into a whole "I am a man" thing. But women, on the other hand, define themselves by their gender way too much, so much so that it is disgusting. It's almost as if they want to be objectified and seen as something less than men, or less than human.
The fact that this website exists is proof that society has developed on flawed foundations. There will never be peace as long as gender is treated so legitimately.
In my country it's typical for guys to date or to want to date girls who have had one or no boyfriend, preferably virgins because the girls who have "a lot of experience" are called sluts, and guys don't want to date them. Why would you settle to date an experienced woman?
Because you set your expectations too high you'll end up with nothing. Honestly we have reached the point where if a girl was past the age of 18 and still a virgin i'd actually be wondering if she was asexual.
At this point all you can really do is find someone you get along with and hope she doesn't cheat on you.(Which will probably happen anyway once she gets bored of you)
At that point, I had been rejected by a million girls (figuratively speaking), had my heart broken in every single attempt. My mind had built up this weird idea that I am meant to live alone, and then, she came around. I took what was on the table, thinking it's a miracle, thinking this is the one and only chance I'm gonna get, and beggars can't be choosers. That does not mean she was awful, she was terrific, and I am sure she would be the ideal woman for a lot of men out there. But I was also highly depressed, and desperate, and thought I finally have a shot to get what I want, even if it comes with sacrifices.
If there would've been a better girl on the table, I doubt I would've married this one and ended up down this rabbit-hole, writing a myTake while being super drunk. But then again, it's easy to blame the world. I've grown too old to care. I've resigned to my sadness and loneliness, no matter who's to blame.
I'm sorry you've gone through this. 🌹
It's fine. It is what it is. She has moved on, and I don't blame her for any of this. If anything, I blame myself for not being wise enough to see it coming. Thanks for empathizing with me.
I prefer to date women who are devoiced or have been beaten by a bad husband or he had died. those are the ones I want. Because those women needed some help with having some friends , then become good husband and wife. I am trying to get my girlfriend a reason to so me she is real. But she doesn't have proof that she is not a gay guy in disguise I been cheated by a gay guy before I didn't like that. All I have done was text back & forth with no phone call no real pictures to prove it. I feel like I should be stopping her from my texting. I like texting but I love to connect with her by touch or heard from her, she never does any of that. So what do I do? I am very confused.
Completely disagree with your entire post. I married my high school sweetheart, who is genuinely nice. I never “settled”. He was my first, and I was his first. First kiss, first relationship, first everything. And that all stemmed from him becoming my best friend back when we were in 7th grade. We started dating in 9th grade. And got married this year at 25. We’ve been together 11 years. And there was no “bad boy” phase. Lol.
You didn't read his whole post he's talking about girls who get played at an early age, they can't seem to forget about that guy so they pick others like him if a guy can find a girl that has NO EXPERIENCE with a guy than he can impact her in a good way and that way she won't go after the badboy because both woman and men chose people similar to there first sexual partner and most guys who get into relationships and who are sexual with woman at an early age are players leaving most of the other guys in the dust.
I mean do u know how hard it is to find a good girl in our day and age especially one that's had low millage or hasn't had daddy problems or been played so much that hates men
I mean, you do know I’m not that much older than you right? So the whole “do you know how hard it is” is irrelevant. It’s the exact amount of difficulty to find a good guy in our day and age who has “low mileage” as well. Don’t put the double standard of its okay for guys to sleep around but it’s all of a sudden a bad thing if a girl sleeps around.
And maybe girls wouldn’t have daddy problems, or been played too much if guys got their act together. 🤷♀️
That's funny there's millions of guy's who are virgins you speaking to one rn it's just that your kind looks past us
Same goes for girls. There’s millions of girls who are virgins but they don’t get any attention because guys are shallow.
Okay stop with the your shallow B's Because both men and women are shallow the only difference is woman care about hight while men care about weight, and that's a lie I'm yeet to see a virgin my age😒
Honestly, I'm happy for you two, I'm glad things worked out for you all the way back in high school, but much like my own situation, your situation isn't the norm. As for the entire discussion you're having with @zeineboyy, there's valid points on both sides. I don't believe it's okay for men to sleep around and not okay for women. I'm personally indifferent to whoever does whatever. But I can't let that ripple into my life. So if a woman, just random woman in this world, sleeps with another man, I wouldn't come to know, and wouldn't give a crap about it. But if this woman were to then get involved with me, I would want to know about that incident, and would want to stay the hell away from her, and that is my choice. Besides, it kind of acts in her favor, because a. I'm clearly not a good partner, and b. She gets her answer early on that I'm not okay with her past, and quite frankly, she deserves to be with someone who not only accepts her past, but likes it and appreciates it. I'm just not that guy. If the genders were to be swapped in the above scenario, I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. So in short, I don't apply any double standards, because I don't care about the two genders on that superficial level you're on about.
And for the record, I wish I had what you and your highschool sweetheart had. That's how I always wanted it to happen for me.
There’s a lot of women who are 19 year old virgins, by the way.
But this whole “women care about height” I don't know why you care if you just said so yourself that guys care about weight sooo. I know plenty of girls who are waiting for marriage too and. A few other ones who didn’t lose their v until their early 20s. You’re just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. And this whole “I’ve never met a girl my age that’s a virgin”, are you dumb or? So you’ve asked EVERY single girl that you’ve laid your eyes on if their your age or older and if they’re virgins? I highly doubt that. How about not making any false statements, ok?
Also, owner of this take. It is a double standard. To say that it bothers you that a girl might’ve slept with someone but it’s okay if you slept with whoever. You’re being a hypocrite. Just saying. A girl could say the same about you when it comes to sleeping around.
And finding a high school sweetheart was kind of the norm during my parents and grandparents generation but it’s not about luck.
It’s about how much work you’re willing to put into something and how much you’re willing to grow. My partner and I aren’t the same people from when we met, but we still hold the same values. And the most important thing is that we’ve grown together, but don’t mistake that with luck. Relationships are hard work.
Oh, is it? Is it really a double standard? Because last time I checked, it's perfectly fine to have opinions, and to want good things in life. Allow me to demonstrate.
Does it bother you that people in this world have cancer? Your answer would be yes, assuming you're a human being with human emotions. Now, do you have cancer? Your answer would be no, assuming you actually do. And since you're a human being existing on a planet where there are humans who have cancer, you're a hypocrite. If you don't wanna be a hypocrite, go out there and have cancer. That's just as much sense as your ancient logic makes!
As for your quote, it's entirely wrong:
"To say that it bothers you that a girl might’ve slept with someone but it’s okay if you slept with whoever."
Because I never said "it's okay if I have slept around with whoever". And yes, it does bother me that my wife did sleep around and I was a virgin in every sense imaginable, but I don't see any hypocrisy in that on her side, because whatever happened between us was a consensual and two-sided agreement. If one were to use your logic, I would be a rape victim, and she would be a rapist. Your point of view is entirely null and void because you do not possess the patience to understand anyone else.
I don't give a rat's nest about whether you are male or female. Both men and women have their own preferences regardless of their gender. You can be a man and love promiscuous women. You can be a woman and love virgins. And vice versa. Gender was never meant to be a part of any of this, it was solely you who brought it up as a thing about gender inequality. The fact that your mind go to such depths of primitiveness to manipulate me into feeling bad proves that you loathe your own existence enough to want to spread that feeling to someone else. Your entire response is meaningless!
cool story fella
ONLY attractive guys matter to women. Negative traits are mentally spun if she finds you hot and legitimate kindness will be mentally twisted into creepiness/dishonesty if she doesn't.
Just look at how many women choose pretty guys and end up bitching here about how bad that guy treated them and/or how often they cheat. If they paid any attention past getting moistened on sight, they have noticed what kind of person he is (those types are very obvious since they know they can be dicks and the women won't care because he's hot)
Wow! You seriously don't realize that you are exactly the type of r/niceguy that this post is talking about, do you?
I consider myself nice but I'm not trying to get as many women as possible. I actually rarely like women and I only like the nice ones. I match well with them. I don't want volume or I'd be getting it..
This exactly what I tell everyone about "experienced" ones, that they ride 100 dicks then settle down for some tame guy, and this is what everyone doesn't want to hear lol, but stick to your principles. I'm sorry for you. At the same time I'm glad I know this at my age.
That's a very crude and objectifying way of putting it, but it's also the most honest way of putting it. I don't think 100 vaginas is a victory or something, and I don't think 100 dicks is bad. But at the same time, I personally feel it is gross. Society seems to have adopted a weird communication model, "don't ask, don't tell" about the past, with a lot of people going the extra mile of lying for convenience. That is actually a double standard. Most people claim to believe in self-empowerment, body positivism and all that stuff, but only enough to sleep around. However, if they really did, they wouldn't be going about lying about their numbers. If you're so proud of your self, why not just say "I've licked n number of genitals" with complete honesty?
Say what you want about my myTake, and this response. At least I'm honest. Society simply wishes to cover up it's ugliness by doing the deed and not owning up to it. It's the sexual equivalent of having your cake and eating it too. I'm glad you aren't going to be a part of this trap.
You couldn't be more right when you called it the equivalent of having your cake and eating it too.
Also, I really am sorry to hear how bad things turned out for you. I hope you'll have the strength to turn it around for yourself and with the experience you gained, to find a sane woman.
I went through some horror shit myself but definitely lighter than you, and I know what went through your mind in your teenage years because I was like that too.
You may have a tendency to sacrifice too much (that's what I do) for too little. Never forget to be your best friend. Unfortunately people rarely return (or value) your sacrifice, so you have to move the focus on yourself. Godspeed!
You copy my life story except for the married part I never got married or have a one night stand and never had sex. I am still waiting for the right person to date , and I have a girlfriend but she is not sure about me , she wants to marry me but I haven't gotten to know enough about her yet , I want to go slow , not fast.
I had 2 girlfriend who wanted to marry me before I get to know more about them , So they left me , because of me not wanting to be married , I still heartbroken over going too slow for them.
I can't say I've been in your shoes, or that I understand from experience. But as a person, I realize it can be hard, loving someone but not being sure about marriage, and being left alone because of it. In my case, I don't think I really wanted to do it either. That wasn't marriage out of love, it was marriage out of fear of losing the only relationship I ever got, and the only one I thought I will ever have (turned out to be true), which is why I did it to secure what I had.
I am in no shape to give any advice, but here's what I think. You should be honest. If that hurts your partner, it's fine. It's not ideal, but it is what it is. If they leave you, maybe it's for the best. You will be a lot happier with someone who feels the same way as you about the relationship.
the harsh truth is, if most people take a genuine look at themselves, they're neither nice nor good. it is only once you acknowledge that and genuinely work at that, that you have a chance of being a "nice" person. most people who say they're "nice" don't even know who they are.
Yes! Truth.
Firstly I find this to pile of shit. Fine you believe what you want. I didn't get my girlfriend and friends by playing dirty. I'm well ware the saying Nice Guys finish last but You dont exactly finish first for playing tough guy either.
The trick is to have a woman chase you, not you chasing her.
You aren't a jerk at all and articulated your mistake tremendously well. Good men don't appreciate how much of a catch they are.
There has to be some level of achievement she can feel by acquiring some of your time and attention. This is important for that sense of excitement you were talking about
I mean you are my age and you decided to stop being a truly nice guy becasue some bad woman hurt u ergo u haven't bee ever a truly nice guy. Next!
But that's not what he said? He stated he was nice, he wanted a relationship, he bought into the idea that the past doesn't matter (which of course is a lie, it very much matters) and as a result he feels like if he was an asshole and just went with casual sex at least he wouldn't have been taken for granted by some one he thought cared but who only was using him for security. That's entirely different then what your claiming he said. That suggests that perhaps he hit a nerve and that's why you and so many other women are taking this so personally rather then looking at it objectively.
A bad guy...
A bad girl.
@hellionthesagereborn Yeah, I would rather respond to your level-headedness than to this entitled idiot's "next". This community needs more like you. :P
Thank you, I try (don't always succeed, but I do try).
There’s a difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Be a good guy.
I also agree with the person who said your problem wasn’t being nice but your lack of experience. You were desperate because YOU were not at your best, you err just an average dude who was lonely (big mistake there already) and you took the first girl that settled for you. That was your mistake from the sound of it according to what you wrote here.