Why Being Friendzoned Isn't Bad

[Avicenna]

I know how frustrating it can be to be friendzoned when you have your heart set on someone. In this Take, I will explain the silver linings of being the Mayor of Friendville. Since I am a straight male, this is going to focus on males getting friendzoned by females (not friends with benefits situations). Maybe a female GAGer can address females getting friendzoned by males (which is relatively rare).

1. You still get to enjoy her company

There is some overlap between what you do with a platonic female friend and a girlfriend. You can still hang out with her and have a good time. It's also usually much harder to develop a really good friendship with a woman than to get a girlfriend!

2. You are seen with a woman in public

Other women will notice you with your female friend(s) and that will improve your image with them, especially if your female friends are attractive and/or popular women. It will also increase your street cred with other guys- I've had other guys later congratulate me for being with a female friend and they didn't believe me when I said she was just a friend!

3. You don't get too frustrated by rejection

She didn't turn you down because she can't stand to be around you- quite to the contrary. You also learn more about how women think and communicate by being around a few.

4. You get to meet her friends

Assuming you don't already know them, you increase your own friendship circle and, who knows, maybe one of her friends is interested in you.

[kymberz]

dude! did a female angel create you for all women on the planet and then drop you out of the heavens and name you Robert Smith? like how on earth can a human male be that smart? i am gonna give you the best compliment that i can ok? here goes: if i was a guy i would want to be you - bahahahahah! oh ya! i'd be you! and i'd be surrounded by the most interesting, most beautiful women on the planet! like all the time! no wait a sec... that's me already! i have a ton of super girlfriends so i really appreciate what you just took the time to write and i hope that a lot of other people - guys and girls - read it!

[Avicenna]

Thank you, I'm flattered...

[kymberz]

don't be flattered - i just call spades - well - spades! and you nailed this! and i want to support people who have clarity, ya know? and you have it! and it's beautiful that you would want to try and share that with others - so keep doing that k? yer helping people. and that is living up to your full potential. and when i see that? it just makes me want to dance and sing!

[mert11345678]

wtff

[ChefPapiChulo]

Weird

[kymberz]

ok there's some strange stuff being said here and i don't want to judge so i am just gonna say to you that Brainsbeforebeauty comments here and that is all i need to know - plus you leave really good comments and write really good posts... so i am just gonna hang out with you and her and a few others... that's all i need!

[Ummmmmmm222]

Never say thank you to a back handed insult. "How can a guy be that smart" just shows you that she thinks that guys are stupid in general, she views you as below her.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Great take👍And very true. Sometimes you get friendzoned not because they don't like you, but because they like you that much , value your friendship that much that they'd rather have you in their life than not at all if a relationship didn't work out. And agreed that if she has single friends she'll have talked up what a great friend you are which what lady isn't looking for a man who can be her love but also her friend, so that'll be in your favour. Win/Win👍

[hillbilly311]

seriously? maybe your that friend that she keeps around playing like a puppet... if something goes wrong then there's a fill in... all I'm saying is this.. when its over.. its over.. its best... could only cause problems...

[Rangers]

Backwards, as I've stated multiple times, no woman wants a guy as a friend, she has girls for that, she thinks he isn't good enough to date but wants him for attention.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@Rangers
Once again assumptions. How have his become more expert on women than the actual woman. Don't presume to know me or any other female you don't personally know. Most of my friends when I was younger were platonic only Male friends. Most the girls were catty, competitive, little b's. Didn't get that from the guys. Guys and girls can be friends, well used to be able to.

[Clayaya]

@Rangers I enjoy having guy friends. It’s a new day & age.

[cajun]

i dont think its easy for a guy to shed his feelings for a girl and take the friend role..

[talloak]

Good points! Assuming that she wants to keep your friendship (as opposed to politely kicking you out of her life), you are much better off than losing her completely. If the guy sees the situation as an all or nothing tradeoff, he cares more about himself than her. When he is angry about her lack of romantic interest, it suggests a sense of entitlement and selfish motives behind past acts of supposed friendship. If the acts were sincere, the disappointment of rejection would not degrade to anger or bitterness.

[talloak]

@Avicenna Thank you!

[Jjpayne]

I agree I look forward to being friendzoned...

[Jjpayne]

To have a girl that is a friend

[Jjpayne]

Thank you!

[coachTanthony]

--------------------Anytime I was friend zoned I immediately went Quid Pro Quo. If you aren't into me.. then who the hell do you know that would be? As soon as they see that... they all of sudden become interested.

So Yeah being friend zoned ain't bad if you know how to take advantage of it.

[Avicenna]

Very clever of you!

[KrakenAttackin]

That's right, turn them off like a light switch. Treat them like your crush never happened. Be friendly, polite (but a bit formal), pretend they are just another person you meet on the street. Smile and say things like "well, I hope you have a great day" and keep moving.

Women cannot stand being treated as something other than a special snowflake, so treating them as just a regular person makes them CRAZY.

[Daniela1982]

Just the very word Friend zoned means it is bad because you don't have that term happen to you unless you were looking for, and actively seeking, more than just friends with someone. I must have been friend zoned at least a dozen times, if not more, in my dating life. I mean isn't that the point of dating, to find someone that you can live your life with until death do us part? I mean of course you are going to want to be more than friends. But it sucks and it hurts when you think you have a connection with someone and find out, no, I guess I don't. I'm not one to take on rebounds so even meeting his friends means is not always a good thing. After all, just because he has friends doesn't mean you feel anything towards them as anything but friends of a friend. In fact, you may not even like all his friends. As far as being frustrated by rejection, I find that I did. At least until after the first half dozen rejections. Then you don't even let yourself think that there may be something here than just a standard friend. Whatever happens happens. You just go with the flow as even shit rolls downhill.

[DonCachondo]

Aw come on you're too cute to be friendzoned!
... unless all your male friends happen to have been underwear models and pro athletes or something because those guys can afford to be quite picky XD

[Avicenna]

@DonCachondo: Quite right. I thought she must be joking when she posted that.

[hillbilly311]

Daniela you are correct.

[Daniela1982]

I never joke about my love life double oh seven.

[Dolemite510]

You need to listen to some Patrice O’Neal Or Tom Leykis or something you need help 🤦‍♂️
1. I really don’t believe guys and girls are genuinely “friends” if either one of them is attracted to the other. Girls generally use guy friends as more of a way to get attention, feel in demand/show their current boyfriend that they have options etc. Guys try to be friends with girls usually as a backhanded way of trying to sneak their way into her pants cuz if she sees how much of a nice guy you are maybe she’ll change her mind about u eventually 🤣🤣 If she says no then take your ball and go home don’t let them waste your time. Go look for the girl that is into you life is too short for the friendzone., If your not getting laid but have a bunch female friends complaining to you about the guys they are having sex with then you gotta rethink your strategy.
2. I believe the proper term for what your referring to is a female acquaintance not so much a friend. You can have lots of female acquaintances from school, work, a roommate, an old ex girlfriend etc. that would beneficial to be in your social circle at a bar or party. I just think hanging out with a girl that has specifically shot you down before just looks makes a guy look desperate, especially if her friends know about it
3. Hang around with acquaintances that haven’t shot you down before if you must or better yet hang out with guys that get laid a lot and listen to how they interact with women to see what actually works. The majority of the time, girls give guys horrible, watered down advice about hooking up with girls cuz they don’t like admitting what actually works to get in their pants cuz it makes them look bad 🤣
4. Hook up with an acquaintance’s friend or a buddy’s sister or something. There’s an expression that water seeks its own level. If she shot you down her friends that are similar to her will prob not be into you either even if it’s just based on the fact that you are the type of guy that’s comfortable being in a girl’s friendzone.

[Avicenna]

From the sounds if things, your perspective and/or experience is quite different than mine was.

[brennanhuff]

why would her friends feel the same way about you? You do know every woman has different tastes as far as the guys they like. And girlfriends can have quite different men they like from each other. The pretty girl that friendzoned you, may have a friend that's just as pretty or even more so, who could find you attractive. If you're a good looking, charming guy, there's no reason you won't appeal to her friends possibly.

[PixieDust]

Getting friendzoned sucks. I have (apologetically) done it and i have been on the receiving end too. However, i do agree on your points. For me, we started out liking each other but maybe because i am 8 years older than him, i didn't quite fit into his ideals and his interest changed. We are both attractive according to other people who have mistaken us as a couple before. We still click and we became close friends instead. The down side was, i liked him for the longest time and we hang out with our other friends often. At first, it took a lot of hurts and a lot of refreshing my mind before i finally let go of that hope that maybe someday he might like me as more than friends. Why did i not just cut ties? Because being good friends isn't all that bad either and we had a lot of fun together, travelling, sports, exploring new challenges, being there for each other through good and bad times. Along the way, we went on dates with people who interest us. That 'what if' question will pop up every now and then but because i have made the conscious choice of NOT ever wanting anything more than friendship with him, it works for me. Seriously, after years of being close friends, you know each other's faults and things that irks you about your bestfriend and you can clearly think this is not what you'd want romantically long term. Different people handle getting friendzoned differently. It turned out okay for me.

[CharlieUnicorn]

This is great stuff. I personally never had a problem with it, probably because my feelings go away so fast it feels like I only imagined there was that sort of chemistry. Sometimes though, this whole friends-after-rejection thing turned into a real mess, but because of her. So I'd follow up and also add which rules applies to her in this situation.

1. He will be starting to look for other people to date. Don't be possessive, don't jinx him. Don't jealously stand in the way. Only, and only if you're certain this other girl really is bad news can you intervene, but check yourself.

2. Accept he may not spend as much time with you. This ties in to the first point of course, since he is single and looking after all. However, if she is supportive and helpful of him, it might be nearly as before. So roll with it.

3. Friendships are 50/50 equal contribution. If giving up until this point was one sided, that has to change now. He helps you move, you cook him dinner. You hear him out for 2 hours and wrestle with his problems, he buys you coffee. And so on.

4. Physical closeness may be inappropriate now. So you used to spoon and watch Netflix, maybe even sleep together in the same bed at times. This has to be discussed now. Make certain it's still ok, because if it isn't, you won't be doing that anymore.

5. So she figures out sometime later she actually wants him after all? There's only one way, she has to talk openly, sober, and be prepared he might've moved on now. What she can't do however is get hammered, suddenly shove her tongue down his throat and go "I don't know why I did that" in a confused back and forth.

[McKellar]

1. Being Friendzoned is always bad, it's never great.
2. "You still get to enjoy her company",... well if I don't agree with that & I choose not to, then it's my choice. What's the point of enjoying my crush's company when she doesn't feel that way about me. That makes no sense.
3. "You are seen with a woman in public" This may give me so called "Street Credit", but that "Street credit" will give off a shit load of misunderstanding which means I will have to straighten things out with other guys by saying "No, we are just friends". That still doesn't do anything.
4. "You don't get too frustrated by rejection - She didn't turn you down because she can't stand to be around you" Rejection is still not a good thing no matter how you look at it. Yeah she didn't turn you down because she can't stand to be around you, it just means you are not her type at all. Go figure.
5. "You get to meet her friends - you increase your own friendship circle and, who knows, maybe one of her friends is interested in you" - Uh you don't know that & that doesn't mean anything. I'm sure all of her friends' views will be the same as hers. No matter how you look at this, it's still going to be a No-win situation. You still lose no matter how you look at this. Nope, if I don't feel comfortable being friends with her, plain & simple it's not going to happen. That's still within my choice, & she can't do anything about that.

[Avicenna]

LOL, well if you want to see it that way, it's your life

[McKellar]

I've experienced much of this,... it just gets tiring on so many levels.

[Avicenna]

Admittedly, the last time I got friendzoned was when I was 19, but I had good experiences. One friend's family members, not knowing she had friendzoned me, actually told her she should ask me out!

[McKellar]

Sounds like a missed opportunity right there.
I remember once this 1 girl I knew from high school, this girl was unbelievably nuts about me. Just crazy about me. What happened with her was he kept on telling me that she was interested in me, then she swiftly changed her mind & didn't want to date me at all, but on that same level... she couldn't damn well make up her mind. ... yes, she literally told me that. By the time I left high school,... my first thought was "Whatever. She clearly couldn't make up her damn mind. Well it's too late now. I'm gone already!".

No I just don't feel comfortable with the whole friendzone crap. Look at it this way, I remain friends with her, she then gets romantically involved with some other guy, those 2 hit it off and then begin to date then inevitably get engaged & get married, I'm still friends with her & I have to be okay with this? Fuck that.

[Avicenna]

Well, that us a difficult pill to swallow. But there must gave been something-sexual you liked about her.
That girl was 23, so at 19 I was a bit too young for her.

[lonelyromantic]

2. "You still get to enjoy her company",... well if I don't agree with that & I choose not to, then it's my choice. What's the point of enjoying my crush's company when she doesn't feel that way about me. That makes no sense.
Actually, are you saying ifa woman doesn't like you she's worhless?
if you spend time with her, she will.
but you'll be friendzoned all the time if you have that veiw

[McKellar]

@lonelyromantic "If you spend time with her, she will" - You don't know that. There's never a guarantee of that.
"You'll be friendzoned all the time if you have that view" - Regardless if I maintain that view or not, that will still happen no matter how I look at this.

[ManOnFire]

I like this Take because of the experience and knowledge you have and can convey that in the same way I do (and I think we both have some similar thoughts from our experience with women). But on kind of a side note, I do want to say that I feel like when we keep talking about 'friendzoning,' that we actually keep entertaining women's egos with it. Basically, we inadvertently promote or subscribe to an idea that says guys are victims or at women's mercy and women have the power to "friendzone" who they want, and whether they say it or not, women actually like that this is talked about and goes around. They like that this image of having power over men is a popular thing.

However, I do understand exactly where you're coming from in this post, and No.2 is frighteningly spot on with my own self and something even I was thinking about a while ago. I often do make friends with the women that a lot of guys try to talk to or want to fuck, and I do notice how people watch and think I'm the cool guy because I can get that close to her and be chill with her like that.

"You also learn more about how women think and communicate by being around a few." - This is also something you learn pretty fast too, yes.

[btbc92]

The point is people don't know the difference between a friendship and their own selfishness. A partner should also be your best friend. Being friends will allowing you to really see the good and the bad of a person. You don't want to rush to date a person who your going to sabotage and ruin. There is no friendzone. Just people bitter their not having sex with YOU. Those are people you want to avoid.

Because most people have no logical reason to just date a person. They only see surface level. They don't see the deeper stuff. Sad.

[Avicenna]

Some people have the maturity to see things for what they are and not be bitter. I did when I was just 19.

[btbc92]

I'm glad you did early. Most people go their entire lives not caring to know.

[Hunter7754]

No, there is a friendzone. But its not always a bad thing.

[Yep12345678]

@Hunter7754 No, there is not. Maybe to simpleton like yourself. Not in the mature adult world

[btbc92]

@Hunter7754

Well then don't have any friends. You wouldn't be able to keep them.

[Hunter7754]

@Yep12345678 No there actually is and resorting to ad hom attacks doesn't change anything. The term friendzone was actually popularized by female love gurus.

In most cases, when a woman gets to know a guy, if a guy waits too long to make his move, then she ends up just viewing him as a friend. Obviously when you want to date someone, you do start off as friends first, but if you wait too long, you often miss that opportunity to date.
And I also never said it was a bad thing, it can be a good thing just as long as the woman doesn't take advantage of the fact that the guy likes her.

[Darknut]

Love a woman for their mind and mannerisms. Their causes and what they are about. That is what loving someone is truly about. How you react and respond to things the likes, dislikes hobbies etc Usually the person stays the same their entire life not veering to far from their beliefs and sometime along the way of what we call life, we hope to meet someone who shares the same ideals. As we age and beauty fades, not today or tomorrow but one day you'll never think will get here, it is discouraging that these principles seem lost on today's society. 24/7 media and entertainment garbage has corrupted us all into what they think we should be doing and feeling. Take back your life.

[btbc92]

Here's the thing you guys sadly domt understand about women. We don't have to use you if you don't let us. We use you because you let us. Often times your so blinded by your urges, lust and hormones based your bias and then blame us for something we never hid from you from day 1. You just freak out on us when we don't reciprocate. So it's not our fault. We're sensitive. And while there are some that do use guys, it's stupid of you to continue to be blind to it and then get pissed off with people who do have a brain to tell you to use your brain.

[btbc92]

That is not true. A friend is a friend. We judge you righy off the bat of your suitable or not. We get to know you to know who you are. We can see if your it. And if your not it, it's fine. But it's not our fault that you don't prioritise what's important. You use your feelings to dictate that. Instead of going on a deeper level. You have to make this known if you have interest in dating. That's for anybody.

[btbc92]

There is no friendzone. And those chicks you call love gurus are stupid. Learn from your experiences with people. Not from random strangers. That's how so many of you people she issues with the opposite sex and so much baggage.

[btbc92]

Your priorities are not in order. You date somebody who shares your values. You don't know of she wants marriage, sex, kids, if who she is sexually from her past experiences of she has them or not. NO all you people think about is hobbies and interest and how the other makes you feel and you based your attraction off of that. That's why we reject you because we often think about the future while your focus is on the present moment.

[btbc92]

He's not here to be attacking you. He's just giving you the reality that you sadly cannot fully accept. Relationships take work and not everybody you knew friend you're going to be compatible with or going to be with everybody. This has nothing to do about it being a bad thing. But how your actions and the kind of situations you put the other through can bring a lot of stress and heartache. Well him calling you a simpleton was indeed strong and don't necessarily agree with it. But he is right about one thing concerning the terminology of the word. That you think very simple-minded and not looking at it from a broader perspective.

[btbc92]

When we think on those lines we have to think about if we want sex with you, children, marriage, of your going to take care of us, who have you been with sexually, how you treat other girls, or do you just see us as another girl you ca again, screw with. And if your really dumb enough to just be with a girl because she's attractive and not see how she treats other men and other friends, then again it's not our fault but yours. A lot of us and expressing myself and other friends included had bad experiences having some guys, if not a male frontal to who took advantage of our love and kindness for them and emotional investment because they just want what they wanted. They put their own baggage from all the ports clearances with women on us. And if we do the same thing to them. And they're mad because again we done the same thing prejudging the other. Nobody want to get hurt. That's why we reject you right away. Because you remind us of our bad experiences or we see and know somebody else. Mainly a close female friend who had that experience. So when you walk away you're showing us that we made the right decision in rejecting you. Because a real man would not just walk away so because his feelings are hurt. He doesn't ghost us because he can't handle Alabama injuries. He at least tells us that he wants some space and he means it. Not make us feel like crap or that were the worse friend or question what we did wrong to deserve this pain. A d then we become guarded with e dry guy that approaches. Even if he wants to be friends, were scared to be friends all because of what you did.

[Darknut]

That is awesome @btbc92 really it is.

[btbc92]

@Darknut

I just don't get people's logic at all. It's so irrational. That's why I'm extremely guarded today because I'm tired of getting hurt by people and I'm not doing anything. That's why these days I don't even bother trying to ask help of anybody and try to do things by myself. Because I don't want to be accused of trying Use Somebody. If it's not an authentic relationship I don't want it. Again I just don't get it.

[Darknut]

I feel like we are on the same page here!!☺ actually. You certainly are well detailed in your comments. I kept on reading more ☺ they're that good and enlightening.

[Hunter7754]

Nobody said anything about freaking out over unreciprocated feelings. You keep arguing points nobody is even bringing up.

The friendzone is a thing but as I said before, its not always a negative thing. And I know this to be true not just because of female love gurus but because I've actually talked to women before regarding this thing and most of them have said they wouldn't date a guy that they were best friends with. Sometimes its a learning experience and a chance to become better. Sometimes you can use it to your advantage to get to know the girl's friends.

Also you seem to have a double-standard. You get mad when men use women yet when women use men, you tell them its their own damn fault?

[btbc92]

You know why mongering points that isn't brought up? Because it's important. It's important to understand how the opposite sex feels. It's important to understand how old were all the other person feels. Yeah and do you understand why a lot of girls don't want to date a guy they were best friends with? There are many possibilities. I don't have a double standard. I just told you the truth and reality of women that you can understand about women. It is a man's fault no different than it was my fault then when I saw it to be people-pleasing all this because I wanted to be liked, and I still got bit in the ass about it. I had to accept my own responsibility and accountable actions they got me hurt in the first place.

It's not about having a learning experience. It's about respecting the other person's desires. That goes no different than if I was a try to be involved with a guy and I did the same thing. Who am I to tell him what he's missing out when it's his life it's his choice? Who am I to be selfish and say how I want to be involved with this person yet I can't even love or respect his choices? I don't even know what a guy I'm not to even declare that I love him or like him. It's unrealistic.

[btbc92]

A lot of these girls don't want to be hurt. I don't even want to be hurt. That's why we text you. We're testing you even when you don't know where testing. From day one the moment you lock eyes on us and we do the same with testing you. If we send something in fear does not right about you, when are you going to want to date you. And if the girl is stupid enough to just date anybody because she's naive, then it's now a learning experience for her to not just date anybody. But if she still wants to do that because the world tells us she should do it, then it's her life is her choice she's the one that has to live with it. I don't got to live that because I know better. I know that God taught me better. I know that I want better a lot of these girl don't want to be hurt. I don't even want to be her. That's why we test you. What testing you even when you don't know what texting you. From day one to mow you lock I was on us than we do the same with testing you. If we some something in the spare does not right about you, when you going to want to date you. And if the girl is stupid enough to just Day anybody because she's naive, didn't is now a learning experience for her to not just they anybody. But if she still wants to do that because the world tells us she should do it, then it's her life is her choice you the one I have to live with. I don't know to live that because I know better. I know that got want me better. I know that I want that. That's why I had been friends with so many of my close friends over 14 years of my life. Because I understand the value of friendship. In every relationship you have with people is precious. But it's up to you to decide how you choose to take care of it. If you don't see it as precious and why should we consider you precious? There is only with so much entitlement you can get out of this life before your choices and decisions affect the other.

[btbc92]

That's why I tell guys right off the bat, if you say you want to try to date me, I'm letting you know I am dating for marriage and I am not having sex before marriage. I have my standards, I have my rules, and whatever state it's in the rules that you have I want to know about it. I want us to be friends first so that way we can see how we get along with each other, and get to know each other a lot more better on a deeper level, and if we meet all about criterias then we can see how will be on a romantic level. Because if I find out you're doing certain things that is a deal-breaker, I don't care if we just started dating that same day, I will leave you that same day. That's how serious I take it. And I expect no less from him as well. If it's too religious, too boring, too prudish for him, guess what? There's the exit. I'm not entitled to give him sex or relationships, and neither is he entitled to give me a relationship or marriage. Key word is respect. Because I can date a person but I will still want those answers answer. Because if I'm not getting those answers answer especially concerning about sex, we are going to move over. I don't care how impatient he gets. Until I know everything about his past who he's been with, who he is as a person, I would not date him further. Because I am clean, I don't have a guilty conscience. I'm a virgin, I never touched a man, I never had a man touch me by consent. If anything I had been sexually harassed, and dealt with some form of assault. But other than that I don't masturbate or watch porn. So I expect no less of the person that says I want to be. And even if they done that, I am willing to give him a chance if he's willing to change. Because he's not willing to change, I'm sorry but no. That's all.

[btbc92]

And before anybody wants to say I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I already been through that stage where I come to conclusion that I don't care if I'm by myself for the rest of my life. I'm okay. I'm not desperate. I love myself enough to respect other people and respect myself and what I want most in my life.

So where's the double standard? At least I uphold myself to a higher standard and I can meet it. But very sad that others cannot. If they choose to give it up, that is their choice. I had opportunities to just like everybody has. But I will not give my whole heart to a person that isn't going to be with me forever. God has designed it that we will be with only one person for the rest of Our Lives sexually. But it's up to people to decide if they want to stick to Godly values or not. And if they don't heed to wisdom, then they can't complain when things don't go right in their life. I have come to a conclusion by years of observation, even though I am nearing my thirties, people today don't value relationships anymore. You want to try to take the spec out somebody else's eye, but you don't take the spec out of your own eyes.

[Darknut]

This!!

[btbc92]

We are not moving forward*

[Hunter7754]

You mention yourself getting hurt and how you blame yourself however I dont know if I would say its necessarily your fault. I mean if it keeps happening over and over again, its one thing but if it happened once, maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself?

[btbc92]

Buddy, I dealt with this all my life. Even on here, and it's against my will. I'm part of somebldy sick entertainment and I'm tired of it. It's like I can't get away from the past. I blame myself because I kept being a people-pleaser and didn't set boundaries. That's what happens when you too trusting of others and try to always see the good in people instead of seeing what's right in front of you.

[Darknut]

I'm sorry you've had to go through bad interactions and experiences. I don't know you but reading and getting a better understanding, you sound like a strong confident woman and that's a good thing. Good moral character.

[Darknut]

I pursue but I'm not sure if this person is noticing though. I feel like we could be on the same wave length though. We sure do think alike. Yes I actually feel comfortable saying that.

[suzysuzy]

Good to see a positive take on this! I have guy friends and it's never been an issue, they have other female friends too and are perfectly fine with it but they are also very positive people in general. Positive people tend to choose to make the best out of every situation. And if you can't cope with being just friends it's very easy to say so and end the friendship, there is no one forcing you to be friends with someone if it's painful so "being stuck in the friendzone" is just a terms made up by bitter losers who wants to complain which is probably why no one's into them in the first place. Plus if you have the maturity to explain that you can't be just friends and will in that case prefer no contact that in itself is attractive in my opinion because it shows that person isn't some sad loser who sits around moping but actually makes a decision that will benefit him more than having to be around someone whom he is sad not being able to be with romantically, and move forward in life instead.

[EmbraceThePain]

I agree with #2 and #4
In both cases, you’re just using the woman to get other women. I don’t believe men and women can be platonic friends , at least not heterosexual men and women. Have some more respect for yourself as a man and leave her. Don’t be the cuck who stays because you “still get to enjoy her company” bullshit. Time is too short for that man. If you’re going to stay with her, then #2 and #4 are viable reasons. I personally don’t care about street cred with other guys, but I do care more about preselection. Preselection is when a man is surrounded by women and other women are drawn to him because they see other women are attracted to him and trust him so he must be valuable and someone that isn’t too bad if other women like him. It doesn’t have to be in-person though, showing women that other women like you via an online dating app for example, accomplishes a similar goal.

[Avicenna]

It's a byproduct of the friendship, it doesn't have to be a matter of using her.

A guy who has a platonic female friend is not a cuck... geez...

[EmbraceThePain]

You’re still friends with a woman who rejected you... so, she’s having sex with different men and you’re a friend that wanted to be with, probably STILL do, but since you can’t you’re desperate enough to just be around her because you think that’s the best thing... Nah man, don’t lie about what this is. Every time you’re with her, you’re thinking about fucking her.

[Avicenna]

Well, I haven't been friendzoned since I was 19, but that wasn't the case. There were so many other girls around that I was happy to just be a friend.

[EmbraceThePain]

My opinion? If you’re THAT desperate to just be in the company of a woman, then (1) you probably don’t get a lot of women or don’t think you can (the former might be true for most men) (2) have low self confidence and most importantly self-worth. I’m not talking about you specifically, rather, just anyone with this sentiment or opinion.
I would personally feel used and weird being friends with a woman that rejected me and that I still want to have sex with any day of the week... It’s like... Why don’t I just divorce myself from her altogether? Why would I stay? Doesn’t make sense to ME, but of course everyone is different I’m sure.

[Avicenna]

Well, I don't see a problem with being a friend when she was considered girlfriend material before turning me down. She didn't all of a sudden become unworthy of my presence.

[brennanhuff]

it might just be a way to meet other women. Sometimes it's hard for people to meet other people. Other than bars and such, through friends have been still a common way of meeting a date. An attractive guy doesn't need preselection like you said as far as being surrounded by women because they are friends with him. A a guy can be friends with the girl legitimately and happen to meet women from being out and meeting her friends. It's not about looking good and having women around you to attract women, but simply meeting women to charm.

My issue has been meeting women, I don't need to be surrounded by women to look good to other women. Online dating apps are kind of junk though generally unless a guy lives in a big city. A small city will often not go well as not many women to even swipe through without really stretching out the distance radius.

[Knighted2170]

Very true. I found this out early on. I have a lot of females who are friends. Not only did I become more desirable by other females, I learned a lot about women and what their desires are, and their common turn-offs. Female friends can be more open to conversations and topics than what a 'girlfriend' is willing to open up about.

On that note, a girlfriend who becomes a friend without any romantic or sexual interest can be an amazing resource to find out your shortcomings in the 'dating' department.

[Avicenna]

I agree 100%.

[genericname85]

you don't get frustrated by rejection? in what weird universe do you live in? also how does being seen with women in public help you? if anything it keeps you from meeting girls that are actually interested in you. yeah you get to enjoy her company which will destroy you if you have romantical feelings for her but hey at least you meet her friends which will friendzone you too. been there, done that. it's all a bunch of shit. get out of the friendzone. stop being friends. you're wasting your time and hurting yourself while you're at it.

[Avicenna]

I don't know if it would work that way now, but it did for me as a 19 year old college student. Rejection isn't the end of the world.

[genericname85]

it is not the end of the world i agree but certainly the end of that relationship if you were in any way serious about your feelings towards her.

[Liam_Hayden]

I don't get frustrated by rejection, either, but I sure as heck do not hang out with her afterwards.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I agree, I would MUCH rather be "friendzoned" than harshly rejected or told he can't stand me. When I like someone, I enjoy their presence, even in a platonic way. I can't help but feel that those who want nothing to do with someone other than to date or have sex with them only want to use them for sex and don't really like or love them, to put it honestly. Why would you pursue someone you didn't like as a person, otherwise?

Maybe it's because dating and sex are at the very bottom of my list of priorities anyway, but I'd love to still be a guy's friend who I had interest in if the feelings were not mutual, especially since we always start out as just friends anyway. I can't develop feelings for someone I haven't gotten to know and like.

I feel like there are much worse things than being "friendzoned". Being blocked, being told they hate you/can't stand being around you, etc. I can't imagine why any of those things would be better.

[Anoniemus]

Hmm. I like it but I don't think it's applicable to someone who is emotionally attached to someone. For that particular individual, I would advise that he cut off the friendship since he'll likely be in pain and will fool himself into possibly trying again. She still gets to enjoy him while he's thinking about only being with her romantically. Unrequited emotional attraction doesn't feel good. I do not mean that he should purposely leave the friendship in hopes that the woman will become interested in him either.

It's rare for that to happen, in my opinion.

[Clayaya]

About 80% of the time that I friendzoned a guy it was simply bc I wasn’t ready for a relationship. It had nothing to do with them. The other 20% of guys I just knew it wouldn’t end well & I straight up told them we were Incompatible. Moral of the story don’t take things personally. It most likely has nothing to do with you. Being friends isn’t so bad. I’ve never been friendzoned bc I don’t initiate anything with guys. They never know if I’m interested. If they don’t say anything I assume they aren’t & I keep things platonic.

[chriscdi]

now you want to know what sucks about the friendzone? when she uses you as the crying rag when some douche treats her like shit, thats why i just prefer to move on during rejection, only if i like the girl of course but if i ask them out and get rejected its obvious its cause i like her you know

[Avicenna]

I was 19 the last time I was friendzoned and it wasn't like that

[bangyourhead]

Lol, there's nothing good about the friendzone. The 'friendzone' implies you wish to have the girl as a romantic partner but she only wants you as a friend. This imbalance in "power" in the relationship will always end badly for the person with less power.

[Avicenna]

There isn't if you're getting exploited, but if she's genuine about friendship it certainly can be. I speak from experience.

[bangyourhead]

If you want her as a romantic partner and she doesn't want you as a romantic partner, your emotions are being exploited if you remain a 'friend' to her.

[Avicenna]

In that respect, it's no different from any other situation in which you're turned down- she isn't interested in a romantic connection so you look elsewhere for that. But you must have liked her as a person as well, so that makes her a potential friend if you can handle not being able to have sex with her.

[bangyourhead]

It's radically different. If I ask a chick out at a bar and she turns me down, we part ways and the "relationship" is over at that point.

[Avicenna]

That isn't comparable to someone friendzoning you- you met the friendzoner in a different context and talked to her longer than the woman at the bar, with whom there was no connection.

[bangyourhead]

That's my point. You said originally it was the same as anyone rejecting you and I'm proposing it is radically different.

[Avicenna]

No, I said in one respect- the fact you have to deal anyway with being turned down so that should not bother you to the point it keeps you from being a platonic friend with the woman who friendzoned you.

[bangyourhead]

And as I've said from the start, in a 'friendzone' relationship the power balance is in the favor or the woman, not the man. That leads to toxicity in the relationship. Listen, if you want to be a simp that's fine, but it's not good policy for everyone.

[Avicenna]

LOL, I told you when and how it worked for me.

[bangyourhead]

It's like going to a steak restaurant, telling them you'd like to eat some steak. They tell you you can't have steak but you can sit in the restaurant and watch everyone else get some.

Sounds like lowkey cuckoldry

[Avicenna]

That's a straw man argument and just plain ridiculous. As I pointed out earlier, you can still talk to other girls while being friends with another one.

[bangyourhead]

keep telling yourself that.

[Avicenna]

Yawn...

[DeeDeeDeVour]

I'm guilty of "friend-zoning" a few people in my life. I had to. I took no pleasure in doing so. The guys will tell you that they never
1. They no longer got to fully enjoy my company;
2. They no longer got to be seen with me in public as much as they hoped;
3. The rejection was more hurtful than they thought they can bare;
4. My close & loyal friends rejected them too even though I told not to.
Like I said, I took no pleasure in doing so.

[Manab]

Being actual friends and be a friendzoned guy is different. A lot of times girls know they have a crush on them sot take advantage of that. Friendship is a two way street. But in case of friendzone that girl doesn't invest anything in friendship. It's all giving from the guy. In past I have much experience of taken advantage off. In future , after rejection if someone actually makes effort to be friend , I will think about it. Otherwise it's waste of time

[Avicenna]

I had good experiences many moons ago

[Moonchild714]

All of this is very true. I counsel my clients on this all the time how when you're Friendzoned, you're still in their life, you get to still soend time with them, you don't get rejected, you can meet their other friends, and often a relationship develops out of the Friendzone...

[Rangers]

On what planet?

[Moonchild714]

All but your Planet I guess. smdh...

[bangyourhead]

How much do these clients pay you for bad advice?

[Moonchild714]

@bangyourhead, Screen Names tell everything about a person... Just because you can't have relationships with others doesn't mean everyone can't...

[bangyourhead]

The screen names do tell a lot. Mine says I like Quiet Riot. Yours tells me you are from outer space.

I have plenty of female relationships but zero where I’m in the friend zone.

[Rangers]

Just because your one sided view of things leads you to think being in the friendzone is ever a good thing doesn't make the fact that it's the worst place on earth, aside from the hospital, any less true.

[KrakenAttackin]

"Your clients"? Women give the absolute worst dating advice to men. it seems you sell bad advice to men. I guess they deserve it.

[Moonchild714]

Therapists don't give Dating Advice Morons... Well-asjusted Individuals realize being friends is better than nothing at all... Now, the Maladjusted or those who just want to Fuck the person can't be happy with Friendship it's the Loneliest All or Nothing Life for them...

[bangyourhead]

See, everyone. You should be much more grateful a woman gives you a friendship.

[Rangers]

@bangyourhead @Moonchild714 Yeah, it's so much better to have to watch your crush have sex with another guy in front of you and have all the responsibilities of a boyfriend without any of the affection than to cut them out of your life. Makes total sense

[Moonchild714]

I didn't say remain friends with Porn Stars...

[Rangers]

Just remain friends with an attention whore who just wants to use you for attention, not much better, if at all.

[Moonchild714]

With your attitude Friendzone is Not an issue since Women stay away from you... So don't get why you're bothering here... You obviously don't get female attention at all...

[Rangers]

Tell that to the wonderful woman I'm talking to so she can laugh theatrically at you.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Rangers Exactly, but our resident "moonchild" shrink thinks being a cuck, friend zoned, clown is better. Again, women give the worst dating advice.

[Moonchild714]

Hookers don't count their paid to do as you wish...

[bangyourhead]

So here we have it, a self-described therapist implies men are losers because they don’t want to be in a lopsided relationship that can cause emotional damage to the guy. The guy who is way over-paying her for these gems of advice and to be his advocate.

[Moonchild714]

I never Men are Losers, I was implying you three are Pathetic though for your Let Me Fuck You or Nothing Attitude... None if you want anything more tgan just to Fuck tgese Women and you're Pissed that they know this...

End of PATHETIC LOSER Chat!!!