“True” Femininity


During this day and age, femininity has so many contradicting meanings. Some equate it to just a certain sense of style, others, more recently, equate it with the “strong, independent woman” stereotype. Because this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately, I thought I would share my own conclusions and opinions on “True Femininity.”

First and foremost, I would like to say that I do not think that the way you dress is integral to being feminine. However, it can enhance the appearance of being feminine. I’ve known some of the most enchanting and truly feminine women who did not dress in beautiful and “girly” clothing all the time. Their femininity simply radiated from their every word and act.

I believe that true femininity is within reach for every woman, no matter how brash, strong, and/ or independent they are. Being feminine has become something of a taboo among many young women my age due to the negative implications that they incorrectly presume that it has. In reality, being feminine does not mean that you are weak or a doormat. Quite the opposite, in fact. It requires an inner strength, compassion, and durability that is often forgotten about.

For me, being truly feminine has to do with the manner in which you conduct yourself both outwardly and inwardly. There is a type of courtesy and inner strength of will that is necessary to be truly “feminine.”

Here is a list of some of the attributes that I personally associate with true femininity:

Kindness- choosing to be kind or do the kind thing even when it would be easier or more popular to be mean, cruel, or simply ignore other’s suffering.

Gentleness- conducting yourself and speaking in a manner that is not overly harsh and is instead soft in order to make others feel more at ease.

Selflessness- doing the work that must be done without fanfare and even at the expense of more pleasurable opportunities. Also, putting the wants of your family ahead of your own in order to maintain the peace. (This does not mean putting the wants of others ahead of your NEEDS)

Gracefulness- this one is twofold. Being graceful and merciful to those who have made a mistake (not to be done to the excess.) Also, the manner in which you move, think, and speak. Think fluid, airy movements, kind and adaptable to every situation and person thoughts, and soft spoken and supportive words.

Optimism- Seeing the good in everyone, everything, and every situation. Filled with hope for a better tomorrow, and strengthening your loved ones with this hope.
Consideration- taking into account other information you know about something or someone in order to make a conversation or even that person’s life better, even if just temporarily.
Strength- this can be physical strength, but I’m speaking more on the mental strength and perseverance. Despite all that goes wrong and all that is lacking, the ability to stay strong in who you are, what you believe in, and hold onto the important things.

Benevolence- having the genuine desire to help those who are suffering or who are worse off than you are. Wanting to be a helping hand.
Empathy- feeling the pain of others as if it was your own.

Comforting- using the right words and actions to help put another at ease and help mitigate the hurt that they are feeling.

There is so many other attributes I could list, but I thought I would stop there lest the list become too long.

“True” Femininity

In the end, I think femininity is a bright light in the darkness. It is where others find peace and freedom from pain, and is a rallying point after anguish has been felt. The inner essence of femininity is a force unlike any other. Embrace your femininity, you might be surprised by the joy you feel, and the courtesy others show you.

“True” Femininity
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Mercedes79
    I actually joined a group that helps women be more feminine in their relationships with men. The main things are allowing a man to step up, and lead the relationship forward. The thinking behind this is women’s bodies are naturally made to receive and mens are made to give. We should not be chasing men and we should lean back and allow them to pace the relationship. When we tell the things that bother us we should tell them how we feel and allow them to step up to fix things or reject them, not treat them like we are their mother and try to change them. This is just a short description there is much more to femininity.
    LikeDisagree 11 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • Oldman70

      Being feminine for your partner is serving a basic need of all men, and solicits kind and equal reciprocation in areas that you like and need..

  • JHwong
    Great take! While some cultural definitions of femininity tells you to express femininity in a one-dimensional way of being subservient, I personally believe you can express your femininity in a variety of way depending on who you are and the people you interact with. Your point about optimism is especially brilliant, and I think optimism should be the focal point of what femininity is all about~ Optimism pretty much is what lets you see the bright light in the darkness, and the rest is how you want to receive and express that light to yourself and loved ones.
    Like 2 People
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Most Helpful Guys

  • RingOfFire
    Stunning and refreshing insight from someone your age. Just when I thought your entire generation was hopelessly lost to woke propaganda you have proven me wrong.

    You mentioned that there were other attributes which remained unmentioned. I think nurturing should be near the top.

    You somehow rose above the din and realized that these traits are not signs of weakness but of strength: that women don't derive their worth from being just like men, but by being the perfect compliment to mens' strengths that together make the human race all that it can be.

    Thank you for restoring my faith.
    Like 2 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • KaylaJoy

      Thank you for the stellar and uplifting response! I thought about adding nurturing to the list, but I think so many of the other traits that I did describe when added together already describe the nurturing nature.

    • KaylaJoy

      Such as kindness , comforting, optimistic, considerate, and gentle.

    • I agree with you. I was thinking the same thing as I read it. Much, but not all, of the nurturing concept was covered in those parts.

      I admire you deeply. You are wise for your years.

    • Show All
  • JackSmy
    Can I say that what you wrote, made me think of the women I have loved, and cared so much about, and almost crying, at the way you said this, so well, and I completely agree!
    I have ALWAYS, respected women, and I just assume that they are EQUALS, as why shouldn't they be?
    I wonder, though, what some 'Feminists' may say, about your post?
    Unlike them, though, YOU CLEARLY DEFINE what you think is Femininity! They, collectively, can't seem to define "FEMINISM"!!
    Curious to know, if you have a sense, a feeling for that definition, perhaps, just an extension of what you said, so eloquently?
    Like 4 People
    Is this still revelant?
    • KaylaJoy

      Thank you for your thoughtful response! Are you asking me to define feminism?

    • JackSmy

      @KaylaJoy I have been asking ANYONE, to REALLY define, what 'Feminism' REALLY is, for years!
      Nobody will commit to any 'definition' and I think that NOBDY KNOWS!! It seems to mean different things, for different women!
      So how do guys know, and how can we relate, accept, and understand this, if there is just a collection of totally different ideas, and definitions?
      I would assume that all would agree, on EQUALITY, and I am not, in any way against that! But after that? Who knows?

    • KaylaJoy

      I can’t really venture to try to define modern day feminism in first world countries like our own since I, myself, am not a modern day feminist. Sorry that I can’t offer you a definition.

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

  • AmandaYVR
    You go, Kayla! Woot woot. Right on. I totally agree. And beautifully, eloquently said.
    Like 4 People
    • KaylaJoy

      Thank you, I really appreciate that coming from you!

  • ZackBan
    You sure are of a rare breed to be thinking like that. But that makes you all the more interesting to see the world so differently when surrounded by so much toxic propaganda especially on this very topic.

    Not to mention that usually girls who come to this realization do it in compensation to other things. Basically, and I know it sounds harsh, but the least attractive girls have the kindest hearts.
    You actually are vision of beauty only shadowed by kind soul and a smart head.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • Warmapplecrumble
    Feminity is biological like breastfeeding, giving birth, going through menopause, getting pregnant.

    Clothes, attitude, cannot change my DNA, hormone levels or brain wiring.

    A cat can't put a wig on, slap some fake tits, and put makeup on with a dress... And call itself human woman.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    • @Warmapplecrumble

      "A cat can't put a wig on, slap some fake tits, and put makeup on with a dress... And call itself human woman."

      I don't know about that considering they are both "pussies". LMFAO

    • @joeblow123 😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • SomeGuyCalledTom
    "Their femininity simply radiated from their every word and act."

    That's it right there. Femininity resists definition, because it's not a solidly defined, static thing, it's just something that "radiates" outwards from within a woman's... let's say... "feminine core". (Your terminology may differ, let's not get bogged down in semantics though.)

    I wonder if people have an easier time defining masculinity, because of man's tendency to tend towards order, structure, solidity, and so on. Men built skyscrapers and operate great machinery because we subconsciously desire that which is sturdy, well-fortified, functional, operationally useful.

    Because of this tendency towards "solidity" (as opposed to the feminine's tendency to seek "fluidity", emotionality, and relative truths rather than absolute truths), the behavioural operating system existing within men known as "masculinity" lends itself to being more clearly defined.

    But of course, not all men become construction workers and soldiers and mechanics. Some men become painters, designers, artists, authors, thinkers and debaters, care workers... and many other roles which require a more flexible, fluid conceptualization of the "Self" that is being acted out through those roles.

    So, absolute definitions are only absolute until their not. Still though, across a random population sample of a thousand men and a thousand women, there will emerge an overall preference for women to value the more fluid self-concepts and "soft" communications that you describe, and an overall preference for men to value a clearly defined concept of self, and a tendency towards "hard" communications oriented around clear hierarchical structures and explicitly stated goals.
  • FatherJack
    A good take & as you correctly point out , viewed as either taboo , or simply obsolete by many young women , many have been indoctrinated to view true femininity as a negative & a weakness , for the " evil men " to exploit. A lot of women round my way stomp around like men , with a scowl & a negative attitude , precisely why I have zero interest in dating
    Like 1 Person
  • KatherineJ
    I think the most important thing is to own the feminine within you. You have the ability to radiate your unique feminine energy in ways that only you can.
    Like 4 People
  • Guanfei
    I'm always pretty scared when I come to that kind of take because most of the time it's some kind of modern feminist rant about how men are bad and femininity is a sexist concept bla bla bla...
    Which is why I'm pleasantly surprised by this take, which I agree with entirely.
    It's a bit the same as I said on a question about "being sexy", it's the attitude, the behavior, not the way you dress.
    Even tho I like my girly girls, but that's something else :p
    Like 2 People
    • Inbox

      @Guanfei Don't forget you're sexist just for suggesting that those articles may be sexist LOL

  • lifelearner011
    What a joyful take to read, beautifully written @KaylaJoy. Definitely honoring your nick.^^
    Like 1 Person
    • KaylaJoy

      Thank you! What do you mean by nick?

    • KaylaJoy (Kayla & Joy) Reading this take definitely evoked (Joy) ful energies.

    • KaylaJoy

      Well thank you!!!😄

  • Jjpayne
    Those are some great virtues you highlighted there! Nice work!
    Like 4 People
  • Shezadi
    Basically, Disney Princesses like Cinderella! I agree with you. Thanks for writing this. We are traditional feminists.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • blutwolfe
    I feel like on a basic level every person should encompass those traits, kinda why I wanna be done with relationships I'm just tired of carrying the whole thing, honestly most women don't really know how to contribute to a relationship these days, my opinion, but yeah
    • blutwolfe

      To follow up since you actually read responses, it's more like society, back then there was traditions and morals literally everyone was aware of, now it's basically free mode so you got a bunch of guys who are doormats and a bunch of girls who are entitled princesses, bunch of guys who need to be men and bunch of women who need to lower the peg and grow a heart

  • Ayanna240
    Being feminine is no way to survive the real world where you need to fight for your own food at work. You would need to work hard, be ambitious, have intellect in order to support yourself. The traditional "feminine" role is no way to make a living.
    LikeDisagree 4 People
  • hahahmm
    You’re somewhat describing what a lady is. Except a lady DOES dress a certain way. She’s not going to be dressed like a atreet hooker or a dude. And she doesn’t try to be a man.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
  • Clayaya
    I think this post is pointless. We all have our feminine & masculine sides even males. Some sides sometimes outweigh the other. The goal should be too always keep them balanced. Women tend to become more masculine when they feel unseen or unsafe to be feminine.
    Like 1 Person
    • @Clayaya

      All people have a lighter side and a darker side. In men they are masculine. in women they are feminine. Men do not have a feminine side nor do women have a masculine side.

    • Clayaya

      @joeblow123 i don’t agree

  • slatyb
    There is nothing particularly feminine about those traits. They are possessed by honorable people of any gender.
    Like 2 People
    • Peep1011

      YES !

    • I don't think that's the general idea of "masculine" and "feminine". The point is that girls with said personality have a certain appeal to them that guys of same personality traits don't have as much of.

  • nawtee_me
    The femininity of old that you speak of, that which most all grandmothers and great grandmothers had taught to them from birth. Those are the things that made them all great, and talked about by everyone who knew them. Those things are not wanted by many these days as it is to much work to obtain. The effort it takes and the ideals of the feminists' movement which had nothing to do with being feminine changed how young girls view what is now an almost forgotten art.
    I commend you on your endeavors and hope that one day other see you and want what you have gained from becoming truly feminine.
    Like 1 Person
    • KaylaJoy

      Thank you for your well thought out response! Hope you’re having a lovely day.

  • Naxwi
    Nice take! I know most of these as virtues and they do resonate with a lot of what femininity is. I wouldn't say they are exclusively feminine, but there is just very little of this in how masculinity is portrayed.
  • This myTake is really something. Thanks for encouraging non-toxic femininity. As a strong and independent woman, those qualities are also important for us females.
    Like 2 People
  • Yads_Is_Back
    Nice 👍🏼 Good points!

    This is all certainly part of being feminine, although I disagree that this is what DEFINES femininity because 1) Men who show these traits aren’t automatically feminine for it; they are just good traits. 2) Being feminine encompasses more than just good traits; it’s more about being a woman. (Which I think you were referring to at the end when you said there is more. I can understand not wanting to type all that out and then getting backlash about it.)

    Great take 👏🏼
    Like 1 Person
  • hopingforinsight
    Very well put it seems you have put lot of thought and I am sure pain in trying to figure it out. I personally believe that's what virtue is in a woman and is for certain the feminine aspects of the human equation.
    Like 1 Person
  • TallAnon
    Femininity is being feminine, encapsulating what a woman is. Per definition that means that you have the features and the behaviour of a woman. More feminine thus means exaggerating those features; bigger curves, better fertility, more empathy and the longing to provide and take care of others. Whether being more or less feminine is a good things is an opinion, the definition is not.
  • AlexanderAnttila
    A pleasant read! And similar to how I in parallel view true masculinity. These positions in my opinion are invaluable these days.
    Like 1 Person
  • itsmatty
    I do not equate being strong and independent with being feminine. That's feminist and there's a big difference. Most guys would probably agree there's nothing feminine about feminism and in fact quite the opposite. For me, femininity is about the way a girl behaves, the way she relates to the world, and her role within it. Sure it's also the style of a girl, her mannerisms, way she dresses, way she carries herself and expresses herself. The lie that feminism sold women and the subsequent damaged it caused society will perhaps never be repaired. There is no true independent women. Women are just dependent on things besides a man they are in a relationship with now. Did it help? No, divorce rates are at an all time high. Depression and loneliness are at all time highs. Hookup culture is flourishing and there is nothing feminine about it.
    Like 1 Person
    • KaylaJoy

      I never said that strong and independent were feminine. Even when I mentioned strength on my list of attributes, I referred to inner strength

    • itsmatty

      Okay pretty girl

  • Petra150
    Wonder how people in general perceives , I look very feminine , thoug I do some fitness and have some visible abs, and a very fit body, I still try to dress very feminine and get my nail down every month and wear heels too. And I'm a blonde who use much time preparing myself for my hubby and friends every day. My great problem is my height, as I'm tall as hell weight 95-97 kg , but my PMI is only 19 so in all way I'm not too big or fat at all, and my hubby can lift me and tell me twice a day how wonderful I am. Now he might do as a nice thing ore because he's deeply in love with me 💘, but I'd love to know what other think. Can a fit very tall 204 cm girl be perceived feminine, eventhoug I know many men get intimidated by my body features. Must add unfortunately my boobs are only a cup size A Or B, a thing that annoyed me until I met my hubby
    Like 2 People
    • Weight is 100% relative to height, and a BMI of 19 in no way correlates to a supposed lack of femininity. In other words, you're fine lol

    • Petra150

      @SomeGuyCalledTom tanks my hubby also tell me, but he might not be that objective, and you alway hesr that tall girls cones back in line when guys chose there girlfriend. Well I'd never felt dating guys a big problem

  • Shy_Steve
    Feminity can mean lots of positive things that's the good thing about it, Masculinity pretty much means only or quality as a Male which can be negative for us.
    Like 1 Person
  • soleil6997
    You got it right - it is none of the 'strong/independent/domineering' - those are all masculinity.
    A woman can be masculine, equal, feminine - we all have both of those in us to some extent.
    There has been far too much peddling of 'you must be more masculine' onto women - which has caused a run-in with men (since you can't really argue that men will find it much easier to be masculine, no matter how hard some (angry) women might try).

    In the end, it is a lesbian thing, to want to be masculine, when you are a female (not to mention how naturally likeable, in instant harmony and enchantment, the femininity you have described is to men)
    Like 3 People
  • Wolkengucker
    Hm. What would you say about men who combine these behavioural patterns?

    To be honest, I - as a man - am not really lucky about the impression, that a proper conduct and a good attitude seem to be against their nature.
  • scarlett774
    I think true femininity is different for all woman
    And very transparent
    Disagree 3 People
  • Oldman70
    We men have a lot to learn in this area, but there is a social phobia against it..
    Like 1 Person
  • LeoElias
    Basically it is usually everything a guy absolutely cannot be and you remind us of those.
    LikeDisagree 3 People
    seems like a very legit piece of work, joy... gj... i must agree with you
    Like 1 Person
  • oncpl
    Excellent input on True Femininity. Brief and comprehensible. Thanks for sharing.
    Like 1 Person
  • DreamCatchcer
    Femininity comes from within as you stated.

    Femininity can exist in a woman no matter how she dress. I've known girls who dress both "girly" or just in a pair of jeans and flannel shirt. Their femininity shows through how they dress.

    A woman can be feminine and still be confident and be a strong woman at the same time.

    Of course each female has her own way of showing her femininity.

    Women don't need to take on masculine traits to be a strong person and compete with men in work places or society in general.

    One think I forgot to mention the best mothers are those who are feminine naturally. That may sound a bit sexist but it's not.
    Like 1 Person
  • lucas262
    I'm dad told me to treat every woman like a lady till she proved she wasn't one.

    A lady in my book can carry her self with dignity not arrogance

    I'd have my daughters learn to love themselves not to fish for the world's attention and affection but know they're beautiful inside and out.

    I'd have them be self reliable so they'd never HAVE to depend on anyone. To be hard working and honest. To be smart and yes feminine.

    None of that signify weakness. In fact it's the definition of internal strength.

    To be yourself and whatx right no matter how much pressure is applied to you to be something your not.

    Any woman in my life, and im old fashioned asf and people say extremely sextet since im mgtow and such but none of that means I hate women I mean iv got 8 sisters and 2 moms so how could I be?
    Like 1 Person
  • Xoirwinkan
    I think feminism has ruined Western femininity for the most part.
    Like 1 Person
  • Surfstyle1
    My frie ds little brother is queer as a three dollar bill and he is feminine as fuck what to you say about that? Just asking g
    • KaylaJoy

      Well, is he gay or trans? If he’s gay, but does not identify as female, then it is irrelevant to MyTake. If he is trans, then he can embrace femininity as well.

    • He is a flamer all feminine but in the wrong outfit

  • Tiffyk
    I disagree. I'm not optimistic, kind or compassionate at all, but I'm still definitely a girly girl
    Disagree 2 People
  • Younghungguy17
    What are attractive feminine qualities you like in guys
  • Kayla45
    Omg yes! This is the way it t should be
    Like 3 People
  • Aphrodite801
    Disagree 2 People
    • KaylaJoy

      What is your issue with it? Start a conversation.

  • Simplismilez
    I actually agree with this.
    Like 1 Person
  • Ranasal_Gansen
    Kinda wish I was feminine in some ways now.
    Like 1 Person
  • Luna1998
    I love your mytake 💗
    Like 1 Person
  • Not_Average
    This was very pleasant to read. Enjoyed this.
    Like 1 Person
  • es20490446e
    Yeap ;)
    Like 1 Person
    Beautiful mytake. 😎👍
    Like 2 People
  • alance99
    Well said and i totally agree with you 🙂🙂
    Like 2 People
  • orangecherry
    I'm kind of feminine but I have a tomboy side
    Like 1 Person
  • SuccessfulHornDog
    Nice MyTake
    Like 1 Person
  • YHL6965
    Yes! Completely agree with that.
    Like 1 Person