Society & Politics

Redefining My Femininity

I'm no feminist (egalitarian pride over here) but I do find it pretty sexist when my femininity is attacked. My femininity has been the subject of a lot of debate and even direct criticism, primarily at the hands of my darling mother. Naturally, she grew up in a different time, and while most of her views are progressive, she still has a slightly traditional mentality when it comes to how a woman is supposed to behave. It hasn’t been until recently that my mother truly accepted me for who I am, when she asked me to never change. It was a long road coming, but I am happy to say we’re on more level ground.


Without giving you my entire life story, let’s just put it this way: I am and always have been a weird, goofy person with a taste for inappropriate humor, and it drove my mother insane for many years. As a result, I have been told that I have a “male” mentality, that I am unfeminine, not girlish enough, that I’m going to scare men away – you get the gist. All because I didn’t fit the bill of what is “ideally feminine.” I don’t exactly come across as a delicate little flower that’s waiting for you with a pair of slippers in one hand and a slow-cooked roast in the other. Rather I think I come across very straight forward, comical, and frankly kind of weird. People seem to like me, but even still I get the same sort of formula: You’re not like other girls I know.


Redefining My Femininity


I began trying to break it all down, and here’s what I came up with:


I have been labeled unfeminine because farts don’t offend me, my humor is inappropriate on a good day and I curse. I don’t spend every day obsessing over my appearance and will leave the house in my PJ pants if I need a redbull. I’ve spent dates playing video games and debating and I make little effort to watch what I say in front of guys, unless I really suspect that it’ll be far too offensive. I am not afraid to initiate a guy and I don’t hide my feelings either. I’m 100% down to have a belching competition with you and WILL rip your heart out when I beat you in Mortal Kombat. Also, yes, I can chug a beer faster than you.


Redefining My Femininity


With all that said, that isn’t all there is to me.


I still take care of my appearance, heck I even like to dress nicely some days. I am extremely nurturing and am actually sensitive to other people’s feelings. I can cook and bake like your grandmother with a kid attached to my hip if need be. I am far more tender and sensitive than people realize once you get to know me. I am willing to let you “be a man” and I am okay with doing most of the cooking and cleaning. My patience is like that of a mother who has had 8 kids with disabilities.


Redefining My Femininity


It’s funny what you can learn about a person when you get to know them a little more.


So I decided once I got into adulthood that I was going to challenge the idea of femininity that I was given as a child, and rather go on what made sense to me. While my mother pushed a more traditional view of femininity on me, she actually presented me with a view that was quite different. I watched her battle mental illness while having four kids and a career, yet she could always get dinner on the table before 6 o’clock. She can still carry me to this day and put a grown man up against a wall if he threatened her children, and she’d do it in a pair of heels with a full face of makeup. With all of this in mind, I have redefined what femininity is to me:


Femininity is being a woman. A woman with many capabilities, both tender and strong; it’s the ability to take care of and nurture others while still being strong enough to put someone back in their place if they get out of line. It’s being able to be delicate and powerful when the time calls for either … and it’s the ability to not be so strictly defined. My femininity is a fart joke wrapped up in a real pretty bow, topped with some glitter and paired with a Hallmark card that I added a hand-drawn picture of Dick-Butt to.


Redefining My Femininity


I'm not unfeminine ... I'm just multitalented.


I hope you enjoyed another one of my very rambly-takes. I should actually be putting something up that is a little more controversial other the weekend (perhaps on Monday if I don’t finish in time) but I hope this was good enough for now. As always you all have yourselves a good day.

Redefining My Femininity
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