If you dumped a guy, would you take him back or would you go back to him?

[Anonymous]

Basically that is my question, answer that main question as your own opinion, but also can you answer this scenario :

but say the emotion has left for what you have for a guy or girl, would you re-consider him or her in the future. Say he or her is the ideal person in your eye's as that type of person you would want to settle down with, but you have lost emotion for them right now.

If you have a thought about this just say it.

[lafeeverte]

I noticed you said "my ex just wants to go out and experience the world" - I can definitely relate to her. I was with this amazing guy for a year, he was the perfect boyfriend, but I broke up with him because I wanted to go and experience things that he couldn't be a part of, and I know that was selfish but it's something I had to do for myself. I feel that if I hadn't broken up with him I would have resented him for it in the long run. and I thought "well maybe we'll get back together" (I moved to europe at the time), but when I came back I had changed and learned so much about myself that our relationship wouldn't have been the same.

i guess what I'm trying to say is that if your ex is out there experiencing new things, she's going to change as a person, that's inevitable. so even if she comes back, your relationship probably wouldn't be the same. it's better to just move on...

[Asker]

That is true, I know with what she wants to experience, I can't be with her because I would just be holding her back if she stayed with me. It has taken me a few weeks to understand this but I understand now. How did you change as a person? Sorry I am just curious.

[lafeeverte]

I realized what I wanted out of life was different than what my boyfriend wanted - I want to travel and see things and live in Europe, and to do that you need an education and a good job so you have the money for it - he, on the other hand, was completely content just staying in our boring town in this boring state, marrying me and starting a family, and didn't even bother going to college - I realized I needed more than that.

[lafeeverte]

Also, I guess I turned into somewhat of a party girl... I learned that having fun is more important to me right now than settling down, and I became a lot more outgoing and made new friends. I knew that if I went back to him, I wouldn't be happy just staying in every weekend, I'd wanna go out to bars and dance and that's just not his scene - so overall, he didn't do anything wrong, but he just stayed the same while I changed and that was the whole problem.

[Asker]

OH wow, see ... I am not like that I do want to travel and stuff, its just right now I want my education and well I need to remain pretty focused on that at the moment. That is probably why I didn't see any problem developing that I could have tired to fix. I trusted her to make the right choice, I think if she wants to party, I will just be holding her back, she needs to go out and experience life.

[fall4ufloating]

okay. to me, it depends on how you broke up. if it wasn't a bad break up. or that ya'll broke up for certain reasons not having to do with the way you felt about each other. sometimes things happen in relationships or things that come from the outside into the relationship and the two people still actually love each other, but can't get past the issues. other times it's just bad timing. people go through situations and change their mind all the time. it doesn't mean that they weren't compatible or didn't have chemistry.

if it wasn't bad, then I would go back to him or take him back. either one. but I'd only ask him to take me back if I knew he liked me or if I at least had a feeling. especially if I thought he was "the one" for me or someone I'd want to marry someday.

[landingsight]

The thing is, I've never even considered getting back together with any of the guys I dumped. They're the ones who kept bothering me, wanting to get back together, not the other way around. And let me tell you, when somebody keeps bugging you about "Please give me another chance" over and over again, it only makes you sick of seeing them.

As far as the situation you've described, I honestly have no idea. I can't even fathom what that would be like, and I doubt I would have broken up with the guy in the first place if the only problem was a lack of passion. Something else would have had to be at work to make me dump him, or maybe a mutual decision to end it, but I don't know.

[blooddragon]

well that depends the relationship you 2 used to have. who wore the pants in the relationship? if you were the bitch & she dumped you your chances arelow cause girls don't take back they go back. & if you wore the pants... she'll come back, just give it some time & a hint of charm

[Irrelevance]

Personally, I'd leave the past where it belongs. Even if every girl I ever fell in love with came back into my life vividly, I'd walk away because I know it'd just end in more heartache.

[Asker]

But what happens if they are just not ready for a serious relationship with you?

[Irrelevance]

If they came back, I wouldn't date them again so it doesn't matter if they're not ready for a serious relationship.

[Asker]

See ... that is my problem, I want a serious relationship, but my ex just wants to go out and experience the world. If she came back to me, I would give her one last shot, if she was just ready to take the relationship seriously.

[Irrelevance]

Seeing as you used "if", I presume it's not even on the cards at the moment. My advice is to date other girls and if your ex does come back AND you feel the same, tackle it then. There's no point waiting for something which may not happen.

[Reeses-pieces777]

it's weird, I havent' dumped a guy before. I would try to get back with them at least once if I thought he was a really good guy for example and I was the one that got dumped (theoretically if I were in your position) and if they still wouldn't take me back then that would be the end of it. I'd accept their choice as is.

[Anonymous]

i would consider it and I would get back with an ex even if I didn't feel inlove with that person anymore. eventually if we got back together his personality will eventually lead me into falling for him again. if he had good qualities where I could see a future with that person why not give it a second go around.

[Asker]

Now my second question to you, say you two after a short while of breaking up, got back together found out nothing really has changed and broke up again. Would you go back to them for a third try say in years or something?

[Anonymous]

I would go back to my ex.

And well, hypothetically, think on the other end of the spectrum. For all you know, this perfect person has finally realized how perfect this hypothetical you truly is for them. My fiancé and I took 9 tries over a course of 7 years before we were able to have a stable relationship and reach a point of engagement. I think you should give it a chance, but openly admit your lack of current interest.

[Asker]

Wow, 9 tires? I have heard so many stories about people doing that. She didn't really seem interested in me as a person anymore when she broke up with me. I was wondering did that happen between the two of you?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, what do you mean she wasn't interested in you as a person?

I can tell you him and I have been really good friends since we were maybe 12 and he was 13. Everytime we broke up we wouldn't talk for like a half a year. And eventually I would call (I was usually the one who broke us up) and we'd give it another chance.

[Asker]

Well, she did bluntly say her feelings for me have faded, did you say that to your fiance?

Wow, you two sound similar to a few of my buddies parents, which have been happily married for 20+ years.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, yes it was always something along those lines. He knows that I usually left him because I wanted to be sure that he was what I'd wanted though. Which, it would seem, he is. However, I can't say the same for your ex. But, from what I've read, it very well could be the same reasoning for her.

And I hope we're able to last that long. I always find that so sweet and cutesie.

[Asker]

Well its kinda confusing with my ex, it seems when she has a lot on her plate, and becomes very stressed, she pushes me away. I know she has met a few new guys in her life, and well I feel like she might go to one of them but it may or may not. I am not in her head. Only time will tell what happens between us.

I hope the best for you two :) A relationship is a bit of work, but its worth it in the end if you have found the right person.

[Opinion Owner]

I do the same even now. It takes a lot for me to not push him away, actually.

Anyway, thanks :) I hope you and your ex figure out what you want from each other :)

[Asker]

Thanks :)

But I do doubt me and my ex ever getting back together, a lot has happened between us, and well I have to say, that I feel like she is going to find another guy which will be better suited to her. :S

[danibanny]

I guess it really depends on if I still really cared about the guy or not. Bc most of the times were just not meant to be. So it would be pointless to get back together if nothing good would come out of it.

[megsull4]

If I still liked the guy, or felt like what we had was not something that was easily found, I'd reconsider dating him. When you find love that is truly special, that's not something you want to leg to of. But if he had screwed up BIG time or I just didn't feel the same against him I'd just let him find someone who could give him what I couldn't.

[LittleMiss93]

If I still like him I would date him again, but if we broke up again after that I doubt if I would ever date him again

[Asker]

So if you dumped him twice before because you two weren't really on the same page anymore, you wouldn't give him another shot?

[LittleMiss93]

Not if I didn't like him

If I did I would question it, but I might consider dating him again

it doesn't make sense to go out again when you're constantly breaking up because you don't get along

[yAbz_0307]

i won't if the emotion is gone...! its not always the ideal man that means he's right for me...! I don't want that...!

[Asker]

Well I am not saying the ideal man, I am saying the man who can let you reach your goals in life, who has a lot in common with you, like 'life goals', where you would like to travel in the future, and the list goes on. I know the guy would be less interesting then other guys(Since he is like you). But do you think its the lost of interest or love which a girl would feel?

[yAbz_0307]

R you sure that you lost the feeling or ur just denying it? the way you reason out gives me the idea that its still there...!

[Asker]

Not my feelings, her feelings faded for me, she fell out with me ...

[yAbz_0307]

Ow...! well, sometimes wen we lost it...its the end...but sometimes, it comes back wen we see each other./..! are you still meeting?

[Asker]

It has been three weeks since we last talked. We go to different colleges, we don't see each other unless we plan to see each other, even then she barely has free time for anybody.

[yAbz_0307]

Ow...! ok...! try courting her again...! maybe she'll have you back...!

[Asker]

She complained to me about showing that I cared to much for her, 2 weeks before we broke up, and that she felt that I am obsessed with her. She complained about like 3 different things about me.

[yAbz_0307]

Then...it really means that there's no hope...get over her...

[Asker]

I don't know, she is really confusing sometimes. I am just going to give her space.

[yAbz_0307]

Ahahaha...! you ask questions when actually, you have the best answer...!

[Asker]

I think my question would be, when should I break the communication dead lock?

[Elcristoph]

well I'm no woman but I can tell you right now that if your rejected then your out... plain and simple...

[Clair]

if I thought he was the guy for me I wouldn't have dumped him.

[Anonymous]

probably not. I go by the quote "never make the same mistake twice" so I don't take back exes. there are too many men in the world to go back to an old one. there was a reason I dumped him

[Anonymous]

Life isn't usually like a hollywood movie, there is no happily ever after. Typically when feelings fade in a relationship they never come back.

[RiaRia]

I don't know...My ex recently dumped me, but if he ever came back, I would ask him to give me some time to think...

[xokiimiieox]

an ex is an ex for a reason. why do people break up and then make up? stupid.

[Asker]

You can't say that, that is generalizing, I can tell that your ex's didn't treat you well or anything, I am sorry to hear that you feel like that.