Realistically, how much attention does a girlfriend need?

Question

I ask this out of curiousity because I have never really been in a relationship. But my question is how much attention does the average female expect to receive from her partner on a daily basis? Especially when you do not believe in living together? I ask because while I really want a girlfriend, I am also really introverted and seeing people everyday honestly drains me. Spending time even with my friends and presumably a girlfriend expends me, it takes a lot out of me. I have to prepare days in advance and then recoup for another couple days before I can do it again. Do girls expect for you to visit them every single day and/or call and text them constantly? Because if this is the case, then I'm not sure if I'm ready for a relationship yet. I would honestly have no problem seeing my girlfriend only on weekends or calling her only every couple days or so. Yet it seems like the girlfriends of all my friends expect for them to drop everything--even work and school--to spend time with them on a daily basis at all hours. I just cannot do this. My introversion and social anxiety would go through the roof. She would make me suicidal or depressed. Are there girls who do not mind having a more distant and/or independent relationship with less contact all of the time?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The vast majority need much more then that if it's a real relationship. Most men do as well. When they want less it's more often because they just want a hookup and are busy with friends the rest of the time.

There are some women like you but thy are a minority. While shyness is common being strongly introverted is much less so. And in fact the shy non-introverts need the most attention because they want attention but are bad at dealing with people so they prefer to get it all from their partner.

The reason your friends girlfriends all seem to want more is twofold - one is that there are more girls who like a lot of attention (and males). The second is that non introverts put more effort into finding relationships. The third is they are more often in situations where they meet prospective partners.

If this level of introversion is part of who you are, don't try to hide it. Advertise it up front and find one of those girls who is the same. They do exist.

Just remember social anxiety and introversion are separate things. From your description you are dealing with both. Your introversion likely means your motivation to overcome social anxiety is low. But I would encourage you to do so.

That feeling that being with people expends you and time alone recharges, that's true introversion and likely your character. That probably won't change at least not quickly.

One small bit of hope? Some introverts are pretty happy spending a fair bit of time together in a relationship. Silently. They enjoy being physically near each other but they can each just be reading or doing their own thing. It can sometimes be easier when the relationship is more committed because you can simply -be- a couple rather than worrying any silence means one person is supposed to leave now.

SomeGuy37 · Accepted Answer

Every woman is different!! Some really want to text or talk every few hours, others are fine with not talking for a day or two.
The bottom line is you WANT to be with her, and you both find some way to satisfy each others need for closeness or intimacy.
Sometimes just a few hours, for dinner and a movie is great, a couple days a week, then maybe spending the night, Friday and/or Saturday, together, if that's the closeness you both want.
Just talk to her, and tell her that maybe you need more space, but find a way to make her feel OK too.
I don't understand all the relationship psychology, but she feels what she feels, for whatever reason, and if she likes you, make an effort, but agree on some boundaries, if you need 'GUY' time with your friends.

TinyCactus · Accepted Answer

I need constant attention, not even gonna lie. Well not constant, but a lot of attention. Although, my boyfriend seems to need it too. We just enjoy each other's presence, even if we aren't actually in the same room.
We talk and text all of the time. However, when we're on the phone, we don't always talk. Usually we'd just have our phones close while we're playing video games, doing homework, browsing the web, etc.
I admit that a lot of times a relationship in general takes a lot of time and attention. A lot of girls often ask (especially on GAG) why their boyfriend doesn't give enough of either and makes her feel like he doesn't care.
Some girls dont need constant attention, though. I've met a girl who says she doesn't need someone constantly wanting to be next to her or someone to constantly need her.
But I just have to state my opinion and say that there are some people who don't feel like a chore to be around. Like, you can just sit around in silence and be on tumblr but with someone there, doing the exact same thing.

bomba78 · Accepted Answer

that really depends on the person.
Most women do want constant attention, that is true, but not all of them. Especially the ones who are busy with their own lives don't need it. A very independant woman will also request time to herself. of course it is nice to at least send a couple of texts everyday. Like "good morning" or just a quick "love ya" "thinking of you" but it is not really necessary to talk or meet up all the time.
So long story short, if you find someone who appreciates her freedom and is not needy, it will be fine.

maybe you can work on your anxiety issues. I mean, eventually things will get more commited and living together or marriage will start being a topic...
But even then, a couple doesn't have to be on top of each other all the time.
I live with my fiance and we still give each other space. Both still do things on their own and can hang out separately in the appartment.
With communication and trust it can be done and nobody has to feel suffocated and overwhelmed.

RJGraveyTrain · Accepted Answer

It depends on the girl. For me, I don't need attention constantly and find that people being in my presence 24/7 is overwhelming. I don't need constant contact with you.

My guy and I talk every day but not all day and we see each other a handful of times a week. That's enough for the both of us. He understands that I need solitude to recharge or I'll go nuts.

jackierawr · Answer

As a girl, I personally would like to have more attention from a guy, but since actually both the guy and the girl in the relationship are probably also busy with other things besides each other, expecting visits like everyday is a little much to ask for. What I would like personally is me and my boyfriend seeing each other on a regular basis but not everyday and maybe have a casual text conversation going (one that doesn't require immediate replies for either person and you can just reply when you have time). And when we see each other we would make the best out of it and do something fun together! I actually think that might be better than seeing each other everyday because it's really the quality of the time you spend together not how much time you spend together. And also if you have a girlfriend you could just talk to her about your concerns and if she cares about you she would understand and try to accommodate. I think this kind of relationship would be a lot more fun than having one where you feel obligated to see each other everyday and then it kind of gets boring, because when you don't see each other everyday you can get all excited about seeing each other and plan to make it special! Sorry this was kind of long but that's what I think!

lumos · Answer

I don't expect him to see me every day since I have my own shit to take care of and I'm not always in the mood of seeing other people myself. But having a brief convo over text or phone at the very least, is enough for me. Any less than that and I'd start wondering if he isn't into me anymore.
Have you ever had a girlfriend? Because your attitude might change once you actually get one. I thought I was like that too a few years ago, I'd be Miss Independent and would go days without contact without even realizing it. But that all changed when I actually fell hard for someone. I wanted to talk to him all the time. Because that's what happens when you're really into someone. You go from 0 to 100 real fast and end up wanting to do things you never thought you'd want to do before. Such as talking with them almost 24/7, or in general just as much as possible.

Justacuriousgirl19 · Answer

Honestly, I don't need to see my gut everyday, but I would at least like to know how his day went. I don't think physical contact is necessary all the time but at least check on me everyday. I also would start to wonder if he was interested anymore. Its not always an independence thing either. My gut is one of my best friends, so even if we're both incredibly busy, I could make time for him and vise versa. I did say at least check on her and let her know that she still matters everyday. Because you could be breaking her heart and not even know it.

caligirl03 · Answer

Honestly, every girl is different. Some are Stage 5 Clingers and some are Miss Independents.

I've always been super independent, and this has frustrated multiple men to no end, as I don't think they're used to this mentality from all that many females. We casually hook up? You don't have to call the next day--in fact, PLEASE don't. What's the point? You want a night out with the boys? Perfect. I've been wanting to hit the clubs with my girls. Ironically, this seems to make them want me and try to "lock it down" that much harder.

However, as a general rule, I'm good with a few text exchanges a day, maybe a longer phone convo here and there but not every night, and if they're in the area, hanging out 2 tops 3 times a week. Other than that, I got things to do!

It's hot for people to have their own interests and lives. A relationship should enrich your existence, not become it.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

It does vary a lot. I require a lot of time to myself as you say you do, and I had a girlfriend for 3 years who never "got" that. LOL... We were not a good match because she was very clingy and had to be around me way too much. She would even come by my very busy workplace in the medical field and want to talk to me. Talk about going crazy. The last long term girlfriend I had was a pretty good match in that regard. She liked her alone time also and she didn't expect to have a 24/7 tether on me. It does vary a lot. Heck some guys want a woman who wants the 24/7 thing. You should actually be able to find someone who is a match. You might want to read up on the social anxiety to help you overcome that.

Felinegirl · Answer

Texting daily is kind of expected I think. But if you really like a girl, you will want to spend more time with her and it will feel natural and easy instead of like something you need to get a break from for days after just a few hours.

If Im with my boyfriend for 2 full days, I like having a few hours to myself too. But if he needs anything I'll be happy to be there for him anytime.

Don't drop school or work for her (or at least not so often it becomes a problem), meeting up twice a week would be doable for a lot of girls I think.

lexythelou22 · Answer

ALL OF IT!!!  Just kidding. Relationships do require a lot of care, and each girl is different in terms of how much attention they want from you. Some start to feel neglected or not cared about if they don't hear from you for awhile, but others can go days without seeing you and be just fine. I'm the type who needs to be loved all the time (my boyfriend lives with me, so I can pretty much get attention whenever I want). You just have to look for a girl who is okay with a little distance. You may even be able to get a needy girl as long as you text her often, even if it's about nothing special.

MargaritaPeach · Answer

I think the crucial thing, especially in your scenario, would be to find a girl who has a lot of social a anxiety herself. Then she will be perfectly content with seeing you once a week or so. But even like Amy in the Big Bang Theory, she is likely going to want some assurances that you like/want/need/desire/live/admire her. Some girls need less reassurance than others. You might be able to find one that wants very little from you. A girl who is very involved in her work or her studies. But some of them are a tremendous amount if work. If you enjoy their company, though, maybe you will feel LESS suicidal and anxious instead of more.

Imasanegirl · Answer

I try not to be needy and try to give you your space. Like, my sister always expects her boyfriend to talk to her, see her all the time and invites herself to wherever he goes, but he's the same way. They're a match made in heaven. Whereas I don't do that. If my boyfriend was going somewhere like, his friends house, shopping by himself, or just wants some time alone then I'm okay with that. But I do expect us to at least have dinner dates 2 times a week, and see each other in person 3-4 times a week and maybe a call once a day. If I were going somewhere I wouldn't invite him because I want my alone time as well. But if he wants to go that's okay with me too. But I wouldn't expect us to be always together 24/7 that's way too much.
But some girls are different.

Spikeandjet · Answer

I have felt very similar. The key for me was to get comfortable with your close friends/ SO and then its not as much stress. I literally had to learn how to meditate and I would stretch and do yoga and I literally had to try everything I could think about to deal with my social anxiety and I didn't even realize it was social anxiety. I deal with it still, I dont think it really ever completely goes away but it really helps to date someone who is patient and sweet and loyal. those are probably the most important traits because you can get comfortable talking and hanging out with them even 3 or 4 days out of the week. Also some are so busy that you might not be able to see her on weekends. most college girls who are serious about dating and have a job are usually asleep or working or studying. So my suggestion is to date someone who lives at least 30 minutes away from you. If its the right person you'll be able to get comfortable with them and it will be as nice as alone time.

Relentless_Hippie · Answer

All of it

Browneye57 · Answer

Yes there are. Find a student or career woman that is happy with a day or two a week. The sex is usually fantastic. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Too much interaction becomes mundane.

OTOH, you really need to get out more and work on being more neutral in your introversion. Or just be happy alone and don't worry about it. An introverted girl might be the ticket. Just know about 80% of the population are extroverts, and they actually think there is something wrong with introverts. Some study of MBTI might be of benefit.

slimstiffy · Answer

looool..
sorry, that title was just so funny..
okay,, getting srs
as much as she is used to man.
if she is happy witj you then you are giving her enough attention.
just make sure not to change that. if you suddenly pay less attention, it will hurt her. and too much suddenly maybe weird too, bit some girls will be glad about that, but then when you decrease again it may not have a good effect. anyway , they say women need more attention than men, but i think , in a relationship, both desire it equally. just find a girl who is happy with how much time you give her and dont push your own boundaries. i hope i helped.

Anonymous · Answer

My boyfriend and I only see each other on weekends, sometimes when our class schedules are in our favour he will walk me from the train station to my uni. We text everyday but just casually, usually there's nothing really to say. But at first we were talking constantly.
It all depends on the person you're with, my boyfriend says he's clingy but really I've had worse, I've had a boyfriend who would get mad if I didn't reply in less than 5 min. I'd purposefully leave my phone at home so I didn't have to deal with him.

Anonymous · Answer

For me: I don't need to see him every day. It makes me smile if he might want to text me to say he is going to be doing something, either as a way to tell me he'll be busy or just because he thought of me. It's not necessary, but it's nice. I would like to at least have a text or phone call a week if we were busy, so we can still remain in contact. Otherwise, I'll detach.

I like my space, I have a lot to do and don't like to drop everything for my guy either. There are those of us that are more independent and don't mind having some space from time to time.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Women vary greatly on this dimension. Some girls are quite needy and want to see you several times per week and talk on the telephone every day. Other girls are content to see you once a week and maybe talk on the phone once mid-week.

After you have a relationship established, it should be like a respite or haven and it should feel safe instead of challenging. If a relationship doesn't feel like a safe harbor, then you are probably not with the right woman.

somebodysaycheese · Answer

Its not as much as i need attention but validation time to time to feel secure in our relationship. I need validation just as a man needs validation and that he is being a " man". Id like to hang out and do activities together but im also someone who needs space so as long as i feel validated as a "woman" and validated in our relationship i don't need or want to spend 24/7 with you.

Adviceappreciated · Answer

I think it is just important to show the person that you care. So maybe send them a text to say good morning and goodnight. Show them you think of them first in the morning and last thing at night. Then I would arrange to surprise them once a month, with something small like a small teddy or something, or symbolic necklace or something.

I am saying this because my ex was terrible, and really only ever contacted me when he wanted to see me and was extremely selfish, he never surprised me or made me feel special, so please do that to the one you love. They deserve it

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

I'm not sure bc I don't need that much attention at least not from one guy. I'm one of those people I like to kind of control how much attention I'm getting. Like multiple guys telling me I'm pretty every couple of days when I feel like talking. Yup, that's why it's good having more than one guy telling a woman she's pretty. Or it'd be a whole Trixie Tang, Timmy Turner only people in the world episode. "Tell me I'm Pretty!!!"

amarahorrorstory · Answer

Depends on her. Some girls are like a pet dog and will be up your ass all day while others want their space and hate being clung to. Guys are like this too. It really just depends on who she is. Just give her what you think is enough and if she expresses that she wants more, do that. If she seems annoyed take a few steps back.

Realistically, how much attention does a girlfriend need?

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