What to do with girl becoming too needy/insecure after sex?

[lv-cowboy]

Have been going out with this girl and on the third date ended up back at my place where she spent the night. When she gets home she texts me "had a great time last night" and I responded with a "me too" sorta message...hour later though get a "thinking of you"...and this continues throughout the day - "I'm doing of this...made me think of you" about 5 more times...I only ended up responding again later in the evening. I want to assure her I'm not some jerk that will drop her now that I got her in bed once but I'm also not the sorta guy that can handle a girl that is really needy which it seems like with all this "thinking of you" stuff. We are both in our early 30's and I thought we were past that. Is there any way to handle this one?

[luclarie]

Hmmm... Sounds like sex is just physical for you, but your attitude about it and the woman could also indicate YOU'RE scared of commitment or even worse, afraid of eventual rejection, so instead you don't text, don't call, don't care. After all, she'll be waiting.. Right?

Wrong. It's very sad men can't seem to understand the basic need of a woman (at least most women I know), and that without a doubt is to satisfy a man. So sex for you may be just a physical push, but for her, she's literally surrendering herself to you and wants you to enjoy what she has to offer to you. That's where she gets her high.

So you need to be extra sensitive to HER needs, ESPECIALLY after sex. She needs to know you feel she's very special to you, that you enjoyed the intimacy between the two of you but no matter what you still want to see her, even if she doesn't want to have sex.

Why don't you text her? Tell her you can't stop thinking about her? Or even better, call her and tell her, or leave her a message and ask her to meet for lunch, or at least a predetermined date in the very near future.

And when you do meet with her again hold her hand, be attentive... get to know her and appreciate that she picked YOU.

You'd be amazed at the phenominal sex you'd get then --

[Scorpio1910]

Couldn't have agreed more !

[Tamikaze]

Not often I see questions on here that show me a good reason for a guy not to rush into sex, but this is it.

For women having sex creates a strong emotional bond in most cases. Worse, some women have had the bad experience of being into a guy, having sex, and then having him cool off and not ever bump it up into a relationship. So, now you have a woman on your hands that realizes she had sex with you before you two had any real connection and now she is freaking out and testing the waters to see how interested you are at the moment. She could also just be head over heels for you and not realize that is not what is going on from your end.

The best way to cool things down at this point is just that, cool it down. Remove sex from the equation. Go back to dating and tell her why. Let her know that you enjoy her and want to keep getting to know her, but that things moved too quick and you want to slow it down a bit. Yes, it could freak her out and I realize that is probably not what you want to do, but if you keep having sex with her, she will keep up these behaviors.

[MeeshMosh]

talk to her (in the right setting) about confidence being an attractive thing. honestly, she's doing this a) because there is the bond and she's excited, but also b) she is insecure and worried, and by texting you she thinks she is keeping you in her mind. It's kind of like a "if I don't say hi, will he not think of me." by texting you constantly she's trying to control the conversation flow to make her feel more secure. "ok, if he answers, then we're good." and it doesn't matter what age you are, it depends on the person and their maturity.

I think if she is sending a single text to ask how your day is going and then leaves you be until you respond, then that's just her being friendly and participating in a potential relationship. If she texts you several times a day, regardless of a response or not, then she may need to step back and take a deep breath. You won't be the one to wind up hurting her, she'll hurt herself.

[Spikes105466]

Hmm. It would be an understatement to say she was attached... Judging by her age, she is getting desperate to find a guy so she can have a serious relationship with. Just be straightforward and honest with her and say that "Hey, I don't want to give you a false impression. But I am not interested in having a serious relationship at the moment, nor do I find myself wanting one in the near future. However, I would like to be friends with you. If that is ok."

Something like that so she knows you aren't interested in her relationship wise and understands that you won't simply dump her because you want to keep her as a friend. And you probably do, it's just her insecure clinginess that probably (well hopefully) only comes out when she is trying to find someone. Hehe, kind of funny how that backfires on her.

What you shouldn't do is lead her on, and ignoring her texts and telling her that you are busy will just prolong this annoyance. In which she will get more upset of both wasting time and not having you, then her not having you.

[Don_Garb]

Do some research on the internet and look for the hormone oxytocin. Everyone gets a big hit of it in their brain after they've had sex. But some people have an A-A receptor, while other people have an A-G receptor. The oxytocin causes very different feelings in people depending on which receptor they're born with. I do research like this all the time but I'm tired now. If you want to learn more then you can do the work.

[BabyJenks]

Simples...girls have sex and fall in love where boys just love to have sex. Unfortunately mate you're up against a whole chemical of cocktails that a lady brain creates after having sexy time.

Best way to deal with this one is not respond to her texts so often, sounds like you're leading her on a bit.

[lv-cowboy]

I only responded to the first and the last - trying to not lead her on. I am interested in her (wouldn't have done anything with her otherwise) and want to keep seeing the girl I was with - not the needy and insecure version I am seeing now - not sure how to tell her that.

[BabyJenks]

Unfortunately a lot of girls do get like this and its a tricky situation. Best way to play is be a bit elusive with the truth. For example..say hi hun, have a good day, I'm in a meeting today but I'll text you this evening. She'll be quiet for most of the day and it'll put her mind and your phone a rest.

[MeeshMosh]

That doesn't make sense. not only is it not honest, but it's playing games. if you are interested in this girl, and you think she has potential, why not just be honest with her. tell her exactly how you feel. "I like you a lot, and I know dating someone in the beginning is tough, but you have to give me the chance to earn your trust, without pressure. Don't worry, I like you, and I want to, and will, continue getting to know you better." It is honest and it quenches her insecurity.

[iXenomorph]

Eh, I mildly resent this.

[babymama2010]

For most girls, sex is more of an emotional thing than a physical thing. Guys view it as more of a physical thing. So, after having sex with you she probably feels a bond and an emotional connection with you while you don't feel that yet!

[katrinasanchez]

I don't think she's being needy or insecure. Girls respond differently to sex. Sometimes a girl just feels an attachment. I'm not saying all girls are like this. But it's like if you leave your dog at the kennel. Someone who loves their dog would like to know how he is doing all the time.

[MeeshMosh]

Cmon, you don't think texting someone persistently throughout the day with "this made me think of you" after the THIRD date isn't needy?!? REALLY? Attachment is one thing, I understand that happens... but girl, I'll throw down 1,000 dollars that 99% of men out there would be freaked by the cling factor that this guy is experiencing. Calling a guy once or texting once or twice to say Hey or wish them well is one thing. Admitting to thinking of them all day? Woah.

[Biggus_Dickus]

simple tell her you don't want things to move to fast, but you wanna keep dating her