How to tell someone you can't be friends because you like them?

[Anonymous]

I know this is an odd question, but my ex wanted to be friends and I was fine with it at first, but the more time goes by the more hurt I am getting. I realize that I miss her and wish I could be the guy she wants. But I have no time in my life at the moment, or the money to do different things. I pay 80% of my schooling out of my own pocket, I am busy studying my butt off or at work, my life is just that. Her current boy friend is this out going type of guy (just like her) and is into the things she is into, like dancing and such, I personally don't mind dancing, I just need some one to have kicked start me. I am not the life of the party, which this guy is, and the more I hear about him the more I realize how much better off she is with this guy. He does everything she wants, he might not have certain similar interest, which me and her shared, but he is again the life of the party. I also don't come from a family with a lot of money, which this guy does. I just wish that I could be with her one last moment, one last hug, one last time to feel what love is. I know that if we got back together, it wouldn't work out right now, I am to focused on school and not that much fun. As my best friend told me, she thought she was going to be held back in life if she stayed with me and wouldn't have gotten out to experience college, to experience certain things in life. I feel like sh*t, and want to break off the friendship, is this the right thing to do? Or should I just try to continue to accept that she is gone and most likely never coming back, and that friends is a good option for us? Since I do still enjoy her company and our time together.

[Anonymous]

Man, you could be speaking about me. In the end, we all have certain things to offer. Sometimes people are right for each other at the wrong times. My advise to you is DO NOT remain friends with her. Tell her exactly what you have said here. You just can't, it's too hard for you. That's your right, as was it hers to find someone she felt more suitable to her current needs. No contact is not just about being mean or nasty, in this case its about doing what is healthy for you. If you are hoping that by remaining friends with her, someday in the future you will get another shot - I think you shouldn't. The longer you are her friend, the smaller the chance of that ever changing. Go out, meet new people. You don't have to hate her, you just need to move on.

[Abcmsaj]

just tell her. I did and she hasn't spoken to me since. although it's always the person breaking up with you who wants to be friends, because obviously they don't care anymore. They say it to "soften the blow" of the breakup. Didn't soften it when she broke up with me though, funnily enough.

And in fact, 90% of the time it just won't work if you stay friends because you'll see her with someone else and freak out. Or she'll get too close to you and kiss you and then take it all back.

[precious144]

If it's really hurting you just being friends with her, then I would end the friendship. There's no point putting yourself through unneccessary pain. The longer you stay around her, the worse you will feel and it will be hard to get over her. That's why I disagree with being friends with an ex, there's always one person who is left hurting. Think of yourself. Do what you think is going to make you feel better. You seem like you have a pretty busy life at the minute, so focus on that for now.

[MaxAsian9]

some complicated relationship you have here. you can't. this is the real life. sometimes things don't go the way you want it to. if you like her, friends is a good option. but if you love her and feel that she's part of your life that you can't live without her, find a cool, stable job and marry her.

[TC123]

Just tell her you still have feelings for her, therefore you can't be "friends".

Also getting "back" with her "just one time" would probably be a mistake. Just break it off.

[Anonymous]

Just say that it is too hard for you to keep being so close. You don't need to fully explain