What does it mean when a guy says, we can only be friends right now?

Question

So, more details… we’ve both know there is an attraction between us, and we’ve been flirting since last year. We’ve been on 3 dates in which one of them we had a little misunderstanding so we stopped talking and then I texted him a few weeks after that and we went out and had sex. He sent me good morning text the day after and then he disappear the whole weekend and Monday he was apologizing for being a bit off for bro writing me, he mentioned there was something going on in his life so I tried to be understandable. I asked him if he wanted to go out, he said he was going to be busy as he was going on a trip for a week in a few days.
I told him I was confused as sometimes I felt like he liked me and sometimes I felt like he was avoiding me, he said that something happened on his life that was unexpected (this was a week after we had sex) so he came from his trip and I asked him if he wanted to hand out and he said that we could only be friends for now as he caught feelings for someone and he wanted to explore that. I feel really upset because before we had sex he told me he was not dating or seeeing anyone and he even mentioned he was not ready a relationship but he was not closed to one.

I feel so confused, how can he caught feeling for someone in just a few days? It feels like he was kind and of using me.

We work together, so not sure how to behave with him. I kind of want to be cold and indifferent with him

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I am very sorry and I hope you will get angry with me but I always call it as I see and tell the truth. I think this guy played you like a fiddle from the start, or he is not interested in the you after sex, or he cheated with you on someone else and he needs to cut you loose before his world collide. Ether way he's not into you and I am sorry if that hurts you.

Bottom line is simple- he's not into you, if a man was interest in you after sex he would not be so random or insensitive and even if he was or is interested you deserve better then this from any man and you should tolerate it. There is nothing you can really do about it but take this one on chin and move on.

The lesson learned his if you ever date a guy then that a few weeks off with zero or little contact in-between, its a mistake to immediately jump into bed with him. After long break with little to no contact he obvious he lost interest and only got back with you for the possibility of sex. You should of slow played the sex in this circumstance until you were sure what he was really about. I like I never tell women to slow play sex after the 3rd to 5th date... but in this scenario I think you should of stretched it out until at least date 5 or more.

I usually tell women to never go on third date with a guy if you would not consider having sex with him at some point, but usually by the 5th date you should be at yes, or he's not the one.

JamesDiaz11 · Accepted Answer

It means you aren't the one.

As hard as that is to hear, a guy can/ will use your time and body with no intention of dating you.

But, when we feel IT with someone (how he is feeling towards this other girl) we will make that official REALLY quick.

For instance, I was casually seeing a girl for a few months, and although I liked her enough, the day I met this other girl (2-3 weeks ago) I knew I wanted to seriously date her- and dropped this other one.

What you can learn from this is to take any non-committal behavior/ speech from a guy as "I DON'T WANT YOU, HAVE NO PLAN TO DATE YOU, WILL NEVER DATE YOU, or WILL SLEEP W/ YOU UNTIL I FIND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR."

A guy can be in prison, or working 70 hours a week, or just had both parents die and still be ready and make time for a girl that he thinks is the one. You were not the one for this guy.

hIopinionated_ · Accepted Answer

It means he’s only keeping you around incase it doesn’t work out with other women. He’s manipulative

Don’t be friends with this guy. Block him and be done because I’m pretty sure once he’s done with other women, he’ll come back to you, making it sound good that he used you when I’m reality it isn’t.

In the future though, don’t be understanding towards men if it compromises you. You are most important and no one will love you the way you love yourself so if a guy is treating you bad, don’t make excuses for him. You deserve better

And at work—> Don’t smile at him, talk to him (unless it’s work related), do anything with him. Pretend he doesn’t exist. He was just a lay and not even worth the extra time, that’s it. Don’t forget he lied to you. Remember that. Remember how useless he would be in a relationship and or being friends with

You deserve better. Be better and remember, don’t make excuses for ANY man from this day forward

MoniqueTLC · Accepted Answer

It's probably best if you remove yourself from the situation you've been having with him.

It sounds like he enjoyed receiving the attention from you, but had no desire to pursue thing any further. He could have just been wanting some validation from you and now he's found someone that he's actually interested in.

If it happened that quickly, chances are he was probably speaking/seeing her as well and maybe things have no progresses which is why he's telling you that.

With the work situation, don't give him the time of day. Just go about doing your own thing and cut him off. If he greets you, you can be civil as it is at work but other than that, no longer engage with him.

young_OG96 · Answer

Okay sounds to me and sorry to say this… you were probably a side chick to this guy or him and his girl were on some kinda break… #Thinklikeaman best way to get pay back is use that energy and put it into working on yourself and show him he made a mistake 💪🏾

yucychan · Answer

Sorry to hear that you have to encounter that. But I think all this while, he didn't really like you that way.

I can't be sure if he is using you or not but you made yourself pretty available to him. You seemed to be the one always asking him out and approaching him. I hate to say it but I guess he slept with you because you were there, you were available that time, and not because he liked you or anything.

I hope you can move on and find someone better who truly deserves your affections.

Anonymous · Answer

Well for one you never have sex w a co-worker makes for awkward situations like this. Two I realized there was someone else before I even read half of what you wrote. Three as for feelings. How could he catch them so quick. Well he may have had those feelings all along for a girl he was interested in who didn’t feel the same way he did until recently. As for how you should act at work. I’d be honest. If you don’t feel like talking to him just explain it. How you most likely felt lead on, to feeling like you were used. To which he will say I didn’t use you, I liked you. He just need soy respect that, be professional at work and co to use on.

erika25 · Answer

girls please do not believe anyone who says I’m not ready for a relationship. it’s just means he/she doesn’t like you enough, they just wanna hookup with you. probably he’s gonna date with the other girl. I know it’s hard but you should let it go.

HonestAssholeJ · Answer

This one is easy. You were typically always the initiator. He was already talking to someone on the side. Woman like to believe good intent on excuses but men are also spineless when cutting someone lose.

The defining moment in this scenario is you were ghosted after having sex. I can promise you it is over and done with. You will never be anything other than a fling for him.

Baylaay · Answer

I'm sorry, but he was just playing with you. He found someone else so he's doing the same. If he doesn't end up being with her, he'll start flirting with you again and will go for sex.

It's better to stay really away from this type of people.

YollyM · Answer

To me it means, Let me keep you as back up while I pursue other girls if it doesn't work out then you and I might give it a try.

However it could also mean that he is genuinely taking the time to work on himself before he becomes anything more than friends to you.

Exterminatore · Answer

It means he thinks he found someone better.

Be cold and indifferent.

I don’t think he played you, I think he just lucked up and somehow managed to have more than one girl interested in him at a time for the first and probably last time in his life.

Surely · Answer

I would guess that someone from his past came back into his life and he wants to explore that relationship before moving on.

As for working with him. If you stay friends with him. You may have your chance to get with him down the road. At least he thinks enough of you not to be two timing you with this other person.

boggboss · Answer

It possible he was dating or just met her hard to know if he is lying or not would need to ask him but meh just keep it professional at work and then cut him of irl if u can't deal with him not wanting u

MzAsh · Answer

Did he really say “right now” as to imply he might be single later on at some point and you’ll just be conveniently waiting for him? I hope you know better.

Moose304 · Answer

It means you have been friend zoned! If you are happy being a friends with benefits then OK, if not just stay friends and move on. The choice is yours. Be warned though. Chad and Tyrone types are noted for doing this.

Sarahplus2 · Answer

He found someone else and is probably keeping you on the back burner as he tries to see how this other realationship will work out. I would move on. If he was really into you then he would move mountains to be with you.

NYCQuestions1976 · Answer

It means at this particular moment in time, you and he are just friends. He obviously likes another girl... but since you were so persistent in pursuing him, he figured, "Why not?" and smashed you out for shits and giggles.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

You got lowkey used. He was probably unsure about you and most guys won't turn down sex. It happens. You keep pushing so he is either lying to spare your feelings or he really did connect with someone more than you.

JPresidente · Answer

Unfortunately he used you for sex and found this other person which he had a better connection with. If he wants to just be friends, be careful because he want to come back to you as a friends with benefits.

dustybiker · Answer

He probably talks easily with woman. Has many on a back burner. I would find someone else. Leave him to his fun.

katestar · Answer

I've been there before. It's not gentleman-like of him to do that to a girl who wants to date him. Ladies. Don't go there.

ElementoP · Answer

Ya you're just sex to him, he's not into you romantically. I used to do the same thing and I don't feel bad either. Most women deserve it

Anonymous · Answer

you got played. time to delete his number and move on. and save sex for official relationships, and especially after you've met his friends and family.

What does it mean when a guy says, we can only be friends right now?

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