Have you ever told someone you wanted only Friends with Benefits but then changed your mind because you fell in love?

Question

You started out as a hookup with this person right? You thought that it would be fun to have the benefit of experiencing the pleasure of sex with someone you could tolerate and trust rather than some random stranger. You may have decided to have sex with a guy who was just a friend. You may have met someone at a bar and didn't feel butterflies but thought they were a nice guy. So you had sex. After having sex you tell him/her that you "Don't want a relationship right now". You say that you'd prefer to "just see each other" and "not be exclusive". You both even agree to date other people. But you keep coming back to this person for sex because they are generous in bed and the sex is great.

You sense that the person is falling for you. You can sense that they are falling in love so you either break things off or make it clear that you both are just "friends with benefits". But pretty soon the random friend you are having sex with feels like a best friend. You can't wait to see them and talk to them. Before you know it you are denial... you aren't falling in love.. its just the hormones of attachment that come from sex. So you resist it. Its not the real thing. They aren't your type. The weeks go by and you realize you can't stop thinking about this person. YOu miss them. Oh my gosh... you are in love?

You tell the person how you feel. You tell them you want a relationship. The person responds by saying, "I thought you only wanted friends with benefits? I'm confused. What happened?"

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever had a hookup or friends with benefits that you swore you'd never want to date but pretty soon... you're in love?

Answer 1

EpicIrishman | 90 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Xper 5

I have not, but it's been reversed. A girl I knew and I were friends. Neither of us were looking for any relationship, we'd talked about it a few times, and one day somehow the subject of sex came up and long story short she asked if I was interested in a friends with benefits. We agreed and the first few weeks were great. Nothing really changed other than one of us crashing at the other's place from time to time. After a while she started to get a little clingy (not bad, but definitely different from before) and wanted to kiss me goodbye for work or all sorts of pretty serious relationship stuff. I called her out on it a couple times but she totally denied it. After a while another girl and I started clicking and I found myself wanting to go out with her. My friends with benefits noticed us (I hadn't asked the other girl out yet) and she became pretty nasty to me for a while. Started saying how I had been leading her along and was using her. I pointed out the friends with benefits was her idea and that I'd asked her if she'd started developing a romantic interest in her. She still denied it, but was super cold to me.
Long story short, after a couple weeks of being friends with the other girl and shitty treatment from the friends with benefits I finally ended things, but she didn't handle it well. Went around spreading rumors about me and tried to publicly humiliate me. Finally, she stopped talking to me when she decided to shame me by saying she faked every orgasm in front of the girl I had started to see by now. Without even thinking I replied "Yeah, so did I." Luckily I haven't heard from or seen since

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1 Person

Apope16

+1 y
Its funny how girls get mad and lie by saying the sex was horrible. When they say that you know the opposite is the truth. How did the current girl react?
EpicIrishman

+1 y
She and a few others who were listening laughed and we slept together for the first time a few days later. It was a good relationship with her.
Apope16

+1 y
You da man!
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EpicIrishman

+1 y
Hahaha thanks!

Answer 2

Apope16

Its funny how girls get mad and lie by saying the sex was horrible. When they say that you know the opposite is the truth. How did the current girl react?

Answer 3

EpicIrishman

She and a few others who were listening laughed and we slept together for the first time a few days later. It was a good relationship with her.

Answer 4

Apope16

You da man!

Answer 5

EpicIrishman

Hahaha thanks!

Answer 6

Cammy137 | 992 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Guru

Yes. I live with her in Spain now

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1 Person

Apope16

+1 y
So what changed. What made you like her as more than a friend?
Cammy137

+1 y
Well when we first met she was already planning to move to Spain so neither of us saw much point in becoming romantic. We didn't want to do long distance so better to just keep it as a friends with benefits situation but the more we got to know each other as the months went on, the more it made sense that we would make an excellent couple so we just risked it and moved in together
Apope16

+1 y
Congrats man. So it was a circumstance thing and not an attraction thing.

Answer 7

Apope16

So what changed. What made you like her as more than a friend?

Answer 8

Cammy137

Well when we first met she was already planning to move to Spain so neither of us saw much point in becoming romantic. We didn't want to do long distance so better to just keep it as a friends with benefits situation but the more we got to know each other as the months went on, the more it made sense that we would make an excellent couple so we just risked it and moved in together

Answer 9

Apope16

Congrats man. So it was a circumstance thing and not an attraction thing.

Answer 10

Anonymous

I had a friends with benefits. He started to catch feelings, so he broke things off. Said it was because I was catching feelings.

Went from hanging out and having sex to him being cuddly and kissing me before I would leave. Very relationship type stuff - all initiated by him.

Then one day he sent some meme to me about when your girlfriend is angry or something. I laughed and said it was good we were just friends. Within four hours he said he didn’t want to be friends with benefits anymore.

We have talked since then, random stuff. But I’ve bailed on seeing him since then. He wants to hang out as just friends...

But the conversations have been getting “cuddly” again... friendlier then just friends.

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1 Person

Apope16

+1 y
He wants to be more than friends by connecting with you on a non sex level as well
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Probably not. Pretty sure the girl he wanted to date told him no so he’s hoping I’ll go back to being friends with benefits.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
😂 and he just told me he had a girl at his house this weekend after telling me no more friends with benefits because he was in love with someone else.
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Apope16

+1 y
Oh. Well if he's a good fuck then go for it. Fuck his brains out. Just know it won't go beyond that.

Answer 11

Apope16

He wants to be more than friends by connecting with you on a non sex level as well

Answer 12

Opinion Owner

Probably not. Pretty sure the girl he wanted to date told him no so he’s hoping I’ll go back to being friends with benefits.

Answer 13

Opinion Owner

😂 and he just told me he had a girl at his house this weekend after telling me no more friends with benefits because he was in love with someone else.

Answer 14

Apope16

Oh. Well if he's a good fuck then go for it. Fuck his brains out. Just know it won't go beyond that.

Answer 15

FGirl

Xper 3

Good question. I believe there is always a risk one fall in love in this kind of relationship. It has happened to me. But unfortunately for a reason I ignore even for sex only, the guy didn't wanted to see each other often. He was just saying everytime he was busy without details. I don't know if he was seeing other girls. But we ended up seeing each other every two months. After 6 months I said stop because it's like i was never seeing him. But I liked him and we were laughing often. I never knew why he didn't want us to see each other even just for sex... Was weird.

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2 People

Answer 16

Briee_00

Xper 4

Yes, this has happened. My boyfriend and I started out as just friends with benefits. We were comfortable because we were best friends before, but when we started doing the fun stuff I just felt a connection with him. He was funny and caring but mixing it with all the fun stuff I realized I wanted to be more. At first, he was hesitant but when he finally asked me out we've been pretty happy since.

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1 Person

Apope16

+1 y
How long did it take for you to realize that you were falling for him after you started having sex? 1 month? 2 months? A year?
Briee_00

+1 y
I realized that I was falling for him about 3 months in.
Apope16

+1 y
How long were you in denial about liking him? Tell me about what that was like? I also wonder if you had this big epic "omg i love him!" moment or if it was just a gradual realization?

I mean.. I am guessing that when you started things you TRULY never wanted a relationship right?
Show All Show Less
Apope16

+1 y
Another important question.. What did HE DO to change your mind about wanting a relationship?
Briee_00

+1 y
I was in denial for a long time tbh. No, I didn't want a relationship when I first started out on that journey. Because of my denial, I refused to think of him in a relationship way and when we did the fun stuff I usually kept it more freaky than passionate just so I wouldn't think of him as a boyfriend. I don't think I had an "epic omg I love him moment" but we went out just as friends to the movies and that night we had made out. That was our first time kissing on the lips and for some reason, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like 2 am and I could sleep and that's when I came to the realization that I was in love with him. When I told him he said he wanted a relationship with me but I denied and told him I just wanted to continue our regular get together. But I think the most he could do for me to change my mind was just showing me that I meant more than just sex to him.
Apope16

+1 y
Thanks a lot. I am in the same boat but as the guy. I am taking steps of quality time to show her that she means more than sex to me. I guess I will cross my fingers and just hope things turn out like your situation did. All advice is welcome.
Briee_00

+1 y
Just don't be too pushy. Maybe ask about why she doesn't want a relationship, she may have had bad experiences or there may be a legit reason. Maybe if you can get her to open up a little more emotionally to you then she may consider you a lot more! Just be yourself. Good luck with the whole thing! Hope it goes well!
Apope16

+1 y
Yes. She's had some bad relationships. It gives me hope even if you are young to hear something positive can happen. :)

Answer 17

Apope16

How long did it take for you to realize that you were falling for him after you started having sex? 1 month? 2 months? A year?

Answer 18

Briee_00

I realized that I was falling for him about 3 months in.

Answer 19

Apope16

How long were you in denial about liking him? Tell me about what that was like? I also wonder if you had this big epic "omg i love him!" moment or if it was just a gradual realization?

I mean.. I am guessing that when you started things you TRULY never wanted a relationship right?

Answer 20

Apope16

Another important question.. What did HE DO to change your mind about wanting a relationship?

Answer 21

Briee_00

I was in denial for a long time tbh. No, I didn't want a relationship when I first started out on that journey. Because of my denial, I refused to think of him in a relationship way and when we did the fun stuff I usually kept it more freaky than passionate just so I wouldn't think of him as a boyfriend. I don't think I had an "epic omg I love him moment" but we went out just as friends to the movies and that night we had made out. That was our first time kissing on the lips and for some reason, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like 2 am and I could sleep and that's when I came to the realization that I was in love with him. When I told him he said he wanted a relationship with me but I denied and told him I just wanted to continue our regular get together. But I think the most he could do for me to change my mind was just showing me that I meant more than just sex to him.

Answer 22

Apope16

Thanks a lot. I am in the same boat but as the guy. I am taking steps of quality time to show her that she means more than sex to me. I guess I will cross my fingers and just hope things turn out like your situation did. All advice is welcome.

Answer 23

Briee_00

Just don't be too pushy. Maybe ask about why she doesn't want a relationship, she may have had bad experiences or there may be a legit reason. Maybe if you can get her to open up a little more emotionally to you then she may consider you a lot more! Just be yourself. Good luck with the whole thing! Hope it goes well!

Answer 24

Apope16

Yes. She's had some bad relationships. It gives me hope even if you are young to hear something positive can happen. :)

Answer 25

Volvagia | 483 opinions shared on Relationships topic.

Yoda

nope

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1 Person

Have you ever told someone you wanted only Friends with Benefits but then changed your mind because you fell in love?

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