How do I deal with my boyfriend after he went from wonderful to wanker?

[nugirl_06]

My boyfriend and I have been off and on for about 4 and a half years. We've started dating again and he's a completely different person from when I first met him. He used to be so wonderful and kind, and always put the needs of those he cares about before his own. I know that there have been a few hardships in the past couple of years that have done a number on him. But sometimes he's just so hard to be around. He makes comments about people he doesn't even know. He cusses everyone out behind their backs. We could pull into a gas station and someone could be look at us pull in and he'd start cussing them out when their back is turned, just for watching us pull in. He's very self conscious and insecure, but he's also let himself turn into a total d***! Now it's him above everyone and if someone doesn't agree then screw them. I want to make this last as long as possible, so I want to know how to deal with a boyfriend who's turned into somewhat of a douchebag. I know he still cares a lot and wants me around because we're good for each other, but how do I deal with his "period" without totally blowing it for the both us?How do I show him its not OK to be a jerk?

[Anonymous]

Could be one of two things. 1) You've allowed him to become a jerk. He doesn't feel like he has to pull his weight in the relationship anymore. 2) Your attitude has changed and he takes what you're saying always as sarcastic or some kind of condescending undertone to it. A lot of women do that. I am a lot like him and put the needs of others before my own as well, and I also am quite sensitive and take a lot of things personally. I think that because I do so much for others and not enough for myself, that when I care about someone I don't want there to be any drama? I don't want the spats or the confused words or for everything to be taken personally by one party or another. I just want things to be smooth so we can enjoy each others company and do things for one another. I am not insecure or self conscious though, so I have no need to take things out on people. Though I am battling some internal demons and a substance abuse problem at the moment which sucks, but that doesn't give me an excuse to be a jerk to anyone. He still cares, he still loves, that doesn't just go away. I would try and sit down with him and express what bothers and upsets you. Make sure that you don't seem like you're attacking him or read into what he's saying too much. Sometimes we don't even know when things we say upset you. Best of luck.

[toulouse]

Do you think saying something bothers you really mates. If someones behavior is naturally offensive to someone(assuming they are not being passive aggressive and are acting the way that seems normal to them) then isn't it more a case of simply not being compatible? You can't be on their case every single time they say something you don't like,as a means of keeping things together. either they don't care about hurting people,or they do it without meaning to- but then that's still just them- you can't change people