How can I deal with my boyfriend's irrational temper?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend very much, but his temper is really out of control and it scares me. He keeps doing things to hurt me (not on purpose) but if I bring it up or get mad or get upset, he gets really p*ssed at me. Also, if I want to go out with my friends, he gets p*ssed and tells me not to leave him alone. So most of the time I ditch my friends and stay with him. If I actually do go out for the first time in weeks, he'll get really mad and has even called me a slut and a piece of sh*t or broken up with me because I went out with my friends (and then take me back the day after). But if he wants to go out with his friends, he goes and I don't hear from him. If he calls or texts me and I don't respond, he gets p*ssed and spams my phone, but if I do the same to him, he gets p*ssed.

Sometimes I won't hear from him for days because his parents randomly visit him and they don't know he's dating me, and doesn't want them to know because they don't like me (long story), so I have to sit around for days without a word from him. Then if I get upset when he finally comes back, he gets p*ssed at me and says he's done nothing wrong and even tells me to shut the f*** up. He'll sometimes tell me that he doesn't want to keep me from my friends, and that I can go if I want, but then he'll get p*ssed when I actually do.

He also keeps ditching me. Last weekend we were supposed to spend some time together, and his parents randomly came over again and I didn't hear from him for days. Then when they left, his friends from out of town came over, so he didn't spend any time with me after that anyway. But he told me he would spend Thanksgiving with me so I was excited. We woke up early and he came over to watch the parade with me, then at 4 he said he had to go to his parents house and have dinner with them but that he'd be back to spend the rest of the day with me. Its now almost 10:30 and I haven't heard a word from him. His phone is off so I haven't heard from him. I'm sure he has a good excuse, but even if he doesn't, I have to accept it or he'll get really p*ssed at me for getting upset.

This has been going on for the past 2 months (We've been dating for almost 7), and it keeps getting worse. He'll sometimes tell me that I can ask him anything, but if I ask him something he doesn't like, he'll get mad at me. The worst part is I'm so clingy and in love with him that I don't want to leave him. Its so amazing when we're together and I don't want to lose that feeling. He always apologizes for what he does, and the proceeds to be all cute with me and happy and love me and tell me he wants to marry me and have kids and all that, so I don't want to leave him. But I can't even bring up concerns for our relationship without him getting p*ssed at me. If he gets mad, sometimes he'll just up and leave, and I don't want him to do that so I just have to hold back from bitching him out for what he does.

Am I the wrong one?

Updates

+1 y

I have so much more to add but I have no room. I feel like when he ditches me (whether its his fault or not, and to him its never his fault) that he doesn't consider my feelings. He says he does and I'm all he thinks about, but he doesn't show it.

Updates

+1 y

Its almost 11:30 and I still haven't heard from him. I'm actually worried now. I don't think he'd ditch me on purpose when he told me he would spend Thanksgiving with me.

Updates

+1 y

Well its 1am...I really hope he is okay and that he has a good excuse..

[cun7n1nja]

Every tiny bit of his behavior adds up to a textbook example of a CONTROLLING BOYFRIEND, not to mention emotional abuse. I've been there before. He's not going to change. You say he keeps getting worse, and that WILL continue. There's nothing you can do or say to make him miraculously change or 'come to his senses', and you're not going to be happy with him in the long run. Every single thing you've described is like a flashback for me. I KNOW what you're going through, and it will not get better until you MAKE it better and dump him for good. All he's doing is playing this manipulation game and putting insecurities in your head so that you're afraid to leave him. I've been in this exact situation before and the only solution is to GET OUT. I didn't listen to what anyone said about my relationship either and I really wish I had.

Don't let him blind you. If some other girl posted this question, what would you tell her to do? You'd tell her to get the f.uck out. I know you think your situation is different and that it will change if you 'start doing things right;' but it's NOT different, you're not doing anything wrong in the first place, and it WON'T change. Only you can change it.

[Anonymous]

He's the wrong one. Break up with him, he is not worth the headache.

Stand up for yourself, don't back down when you know you're right and stop making excuses for this guy

[Asker]

But I don't know if I'm right. Like, if he was just spending time with his family even though he told me he'd spend Thanksgiving with me, and I bring it up, he's just gonna yell at me and say "GEE I'M SORRY I WANTED TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH MY FUCKING FAMILY AND THAT IM NOT HERE TO WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND STOP FREAKING OUT." Or if there was an actual emergency I'll look like a bitch for getting mad at him when something bad happened.

[Opinion Owner]

I think you are right, even if say you were wrong there is no excuse for him to yell at you like that. Stop second guessing yourself and stand up to him. You think you would look like a bitch for getting mad at him - so how do you think he looks for yelling at you and treating you like that?

[Anonymous]

no offense but you only have to press the button once and it will go through, don't keep clicking it :)

[Asker]

I posted it, and then refreshed every once in a while without realizing that each time I refreshed, it reposted it.

[chris214]

Thats not right that he can do things like hang out with his friends and he can do what ever he wants with you and you can not do anything because he gets mad. The main thing about a relationship is RESPECT that's the KEY and his not doing that is not right for him to yell at you with bad words and treat you like that. And what's the point of him apologizing if he keeps doing the same thing over and over ? you should not bottle up your feelings you need to tell him how you feel.

[Asker]

I have tried to tell him how I feel, but then he gets mad at me and tells me that I'm being irrational. If I ever do bring up a good point and back him against a corner, then he gets even MORE p*ssed and starts yelling even more and says I don't do anything for him and that I don't open up to him or tell him about my life as much as he wants. I feel like I give him the world, I ditch my friends for him, get him things, wait for him, put up with him, but he says I don't have a good argument.

[chris214]

He is wrong not you, if you already feel like you gave him everything then you should not worry about it. He just not had realize that you are a great girlfriend and I wish I had a girlfriend like you. I think you should just ignore him, or give him some space.

[Asker]

Oh and if I say "Can we have a serious talk," he'll say something like "Yeah because THAT'S what I want to do when I'm just trying to relax." Then he'll say "Fine go ahead say whatever you want" but then he'll start playing a video game or something and won't really respond to what I'm saying. If I get mad that he's doing that, he'll just get p*ssed and yell at me. I'm not an angry person by nature, he is, so I always back down and shut up.

[chris214]

So that means that his a type of guy who thinks whos a "Macho Man". Sorry to say this but those type of guys are not worth it. He is not having respect towards you why do you keep letting him do this to you ?

[Asker]

If I ignore him, he'll get p*ssed. Besides, I don't want to ignore him, because if I ignore him, then he'll just ignore me, and we'll NEVER do anything. Like, I have spent maybe 5 or so hours with him since Saturday. If he's finally free and then I start ignoring him, then I'm just taking away what I've been wanting since then. Also, he'll literally start crying if I leave him alone (but if I bring up that HE does it to ME all the time, he says he doesn't care, just don't leave him)

[chris214]

Sorry but I think that guy need some proffesional help that's not normal the way he is. He just has not realize what he has. Do you ever get tired or him acting like that ? how they say " you never know what you got until its gone"

[Asker]

I could put up with the temper if he was around more often. At the beginning of our relationship he'd ALWAYS be around and always want to talk to me. If I got upset, he'd try to make me feel better. Now if I get upset, he just gets p*ssed. I'm just upset that he's never around anymore, whether its his fault or not, and it feels like he doesn't care about making me wait for him or ditching me. When I have to go somewhere, I always let him know if I'll be late or if I have to cancel. He doesn't.

[chris214]

Thats very wrong what he is doing to you, but to be honest iam sorry to say this but I think your relationship is not going to go any further one of these days you might dump him or because of his temper he could just leave, because he is not respcting you at all and his doing things that he is not suppose to do.

[Asker]

To him, I'm the one that am doing him wrong and he says he hates it when I freak out and don't give him his space, and don't open up to him, and pry, etc. So I'm not exactly an angel I guess.

[chris214]

Your boyfriend is a trip.

[Jarett]

easy, DUMP HIM. Stop being dumb, and get rid of him. He's not going to change, it's only going to get worse. He doesn't care about you, or else he wouldn't treat you like that.

[Asker]

I tried to dump him once, and he started crying and begging me not to leave him. But that was a few weeks ago. When I tell him I'm concerned about our relationship now, he just says "fine you go ahead and think that, I'm not gonna deal with this right now."

[Jarett]

You need to start thinking with your brain and stop thinking with your heart. Read what you wrote. If another girl wrote that, what would you say to her?

[Jarett]

Stop thinking with your heart, and start thinking with your brain. Read what you wrote. If another girl wrote this, what would you tell her to do?

[babygirl1213]

This is emotional abuse, and you deserve so much better than that. Break up with him before he starts taking his anger out on you physically.

[Asker]

He's not abusive, I think he just doesn't realize what he does, and has a really bad temper.

[chris214]

Hes not abusive right now but that's how everything starts things can will get worse.