Trapping a guy by getting pregnant... thoughts?

[Pink934]

I've heard many times before a woman will say 'it was an accident' when they fall pregnant.

The thing I find very odd about that is, birth control pills are like 99.99999% effective, yet many women who claim to be using protection such as that are still falling pregnant.

And surely that's due to negligence, either conveniently 'forgetting' to take a pill or by being 'careless' and not taking it on time.

My friend is a guy, and his girlfriend is now pregnant. There was no talk of kids, or coming off protection as he's busy trying to get his degree, in order to get a better job.

He only started his degree in September, and his girlfriend walked in with a positive pregnancy test in early January, and he said he just sat there shocked and said next to nothing. Obviously with his girlfriend being pregnant, he'll need to drop out of college and get a job to support her and the child.

Sure, he admits it takes two to make a baby, but I can't help but feel as if this has been a tactic to tie him down. And I can't help but feel this is such a selfish move that more and more women seem to be making these days.

I'm genuinely quite worried for my friend, surely guys should have a say in when they want to have a baby. It shouldn't just be down to the girl.

Thoughts?

This sounds like an accident on both of their parts.

It sounds like she's deliberately got pregnant to tie him down.

This is unfair for him.

I guess they're both to blame.

[Almosthopelesscase]

I know of two occasions in the last few years where I am certain different woman I know got pregnant "accidentally".

In one case it was because she was hyper competitive with her sister, always had been, and her sister had just had her third child. The woman was married with two daughters but economically they were having a really hard time having lost their house and renting a small place which was barely big enough for four of them, let alone five. She had told me she really wanted another child but her husband didn't want to know. Anyway, she "accidentally" got pregnant and I don't think there was any discussion about a termination (I'm not judging that, but it was a legal option where I live). She was a grown up woman who knew exactly what she wanted and she made it happen. Its unfair to say that the man should have used condoms as well. When you are in a relationship there is a level of trust which means if the woman is on the pill, which is incredibly effective, the man believes that to be the case and considers birth control taken care of.

In the second case it was my brother and his wife. Their marriage was on the rocks and they already had one young daughter. She fell pregnant again when he was already preparing to leave her. I am pretty convinced she hoped that another child would make him stay as she didn't want him to leave. Unfortunately for her it didn't change his mind. Becoming pregnant should never be a tactic or a weapon in another issue.

[Anonymous]

It happens. Two women in my past spring to mind. The first, she was 18, just out of high school. I was 20. She kept trying to get me to not use a condom. Her friends told me she didn't want to work, she wanted to have babies and be supported.

Years later, I was living with a woman that tried to control me. I insisted on buying her pills. One day she said "I don't like that you buy them. I want to buy them from now on. It is my body, I want to pay for those pills." She stopped taking them and didn't tell me. She ended up pregnant a month or two later. She then figured she had me boxed in. That she could now tell me what to do. I stood my ground. She left me. I happily walked away and found a new girlfriend. She got upset I replaced her. I told her I will pay child support, but I will never be with her again. So, she got an abortion. Best thing she ever did for me.

[Pink934]

I'm so glad that you escaped that situation. For him though? He's not gonna up and leave her now.

[Opinion Owner]

And that is exactly what she is banking on. She obviously knows him and is taking advantage of that knowledge.

[Pink934]

Yeah, I agree, she knows the kinda guy he is. And she's taken advantage of that, it would seem :/

[Jmcmanning]

I was on the depo shot and got pregnant with my son. We were already engaged for a year so it wasn't an issue for us. Yes, some girls don't take birth control like they say they do but even with a 99.99% chance with birth control, there's still a chance it can happen. Only 1 method is 100% effective. Also, he doesn't have to drop out of school. She's very capable of finding a job as well.

[lilaqua]

It might be, but to be fair women have been doing this since the start of time. You actually also have men doing something similar, I remember in the show Weeds Silas poked holes in a condom in order to get his girlfriend pregnant. I’ve heard stories of guys hiding birth control pills as well. It happens unfortunately.

[lilaqua]

But I’d say situations like this are rather rare. Condoms nor birth control pills are 100% effective, and if they’re 99% perfect, for the 100 times you have sex with your partner 1 could result in a pregnancy. Most couples have had sex much more than 100 times so it’s not that uncommon.

[Pink934]

These things shouldn't happen though, it's not right. And the pill isn't just 99% effective, it's 99.99999999% effective, which leave less that the corresponding 0.00000001% (or however long it is) chance of getting pregnant. So the odds are virtually nothing, meaning, getting pregnant on the pill is actually uncommon.

[lilaqua]

That's with perfect use. Most women might accidentally forget to take a pill once or twice. This reduces their effectiveness to around 91%. Condoms are even more susceptible to human failure. Shit happens.

[lilaqua]

If you want to get more into it: According to the CDC, "typical use" failure rate for the pill is 9%. This means out of 100 women who use the pill, 91 will not get pregnant in 1 year (100%-9% = 91%). In order to not get pregnant over two years, you have to multiply the probability of not getting pregnant the first year times not getting pregnant the second year, because both year1 and year2 would have to be pregnancy-free years. .91x.91=.828. So the probability of not getting pregnant over two years is 82.8%, which means the probability of getting pregnant is 1-.828 = .172 = 17.2% over a two-year period.

Continue this reasoning and you have 1 - (1-FR) x (years) = probability of getting pregnant over x years. Multiply this by 100 to express it as a percent, or number of pregnancies per 100 women. For the pill over a 10-yr period, that's 1-(1-.09)10 = .611 = 61.1%, or 61 pregnancies per 100 women.

[sensualquinoa]

I feel like if the guy doesn't trust the girl he should bring his own condoms for protection. Still a super shitty thing for a girl to do. It'd be cool if there was a law that said guys didn't have to pay child support if the girl sabotaged him purposefully to trap him but ofc that'd be really hard to prove

[Drumlin2001]

Guys can say say when they want a baby. They can use condoms, aswell as the women taking responsibility by taking pill. Or they can obstain. Easy excuse to put blame on woman.
I've been through an experience recently. Sadly ended by miscarriage.
Ex told me she was on pill, we fell pregnant, immediately she changed, ended things and started pushing me out.
I can piece together a tale of deception, that she wasn't on pill & trying to get pregnant. I don't necessarily believe it but a compelling case can be made with available evidence.
Your friend has to step up and be the best dad he can be. Whether this was planned it not, it's not the childs fault. And it dosent matter if they're together. Child is better off with happy parents. Ideally together, but if not then apart but happy (even if it means 2 families with step patents)

[Pink934]

Sorry to hear that happened to you. He will step up, it just doesn't make it any fairer for him.

[ravedave]

While I understand the predicament here, there's really no solution.

If he was that scared of the possibility of a kid, he should've been using a condom, especially if they've never had a conversation about such a possibility.

I don't use a condom with my current partner, but that's only because she has an IUD, and she HATES kids, so abortion would be our #1 choice, so there's no worry of her staying pregnant. If this guy didn't know what would happen if there was an accident, then he should've been using protection too.

But the real problem is that, yeah, I do think guys should have some sort of say, how do you do that? It's the woman's choice to have an abortion, you can't force her, that's not right. And to make sure the child is supported, you need some sort of financial support.

How do you fix situations like this?

[Pink934]

I think because she's been on birth control for a long time with no trouble, he's probably trusted that that's been enough. But you do have a point with the condom.

They should. But it's too late for his say now. And well, abortion was never on the cards for either of them, so he's gonna be stuck paying child support now.

[englisc]

It can happen accidentally but there are a lot of women who do this. I had an ex that lied about being on birth control, and my girlfriend has told me about quite a few girls who've admitted to her that they did this on purpose.

It's a stupid idea to keep a man tied down, usually doesn't work, and it's not only bad for the guy but for the kid too. Usually they end up breaking up - if the relationship was strong enough to last in the first place she wouldn't feel the need to try to trap him. This is how many women end up with many kids all with different Fathers who don't stay.

[Unit1]

It takes two to make a child, so both are just as responsible as the other.

How to prevent from getting pregnant...

For men: Condoms, Vasectomy (coming soon: Vasalgel)
For women: Anti birth pill, Tying tubes, IUD, Abortion.

Anyone failing to be responsible to follow these protection methods and still end up getting someone pregnant (provided both knew about sex-ed) are clearly a pair of idiots. I believe in discipline and personal responsibilities and would say those kinds of people deserve such hardships in life as a result but certainly not the child.

Feed me with the downvotes. I'm feeling hungry.

[Unit1]

Also: This is a quite potential and common recipe for single parents.

[Alibaster]

If it was an accident as in "we tried the pull out method and woopsie" then in that case it is an accident and both people are responsible for not using actual contraceptive methods. But if it's intentionally betraying your partner's trust to "make them stay" then that's probably one of the worst things you could do. Literally putting him in an unplanned financial burden for life.

[Pink934]

Well, she was on birth control supposed to be. So it seems very much to me like she's stopped using it and got pregnant. There was no 'trying for a baby' talk... it was just an 'I'm pregnant' announcement.

[Alibaster]

I mean it is possible that it wasn't intentional and she was just being irresponsible. But that's kind of *ultra* "I'm questioning your intelligence" kind of irresponsible.

[Pink934]

Yeah, the girls not dumb. I'm sure she knew exactly what she was up to.

[WhereAmI]

Never let a woman tamper GIVE you a condom. Especially if she has delusions of making a baby otherwise you'll see a pinhole in that condom.

[Pink934]

Personally, I'd never do that to my boyfriend, it's completely cruel. So I guess you think she's planned this pregnancy herself?

[WhereAmI]

Anything is possible. You'll know based upon her behavior during the pregnancy to see if she has delusions of grandeur.

[Pink934]

What do you mean 'delusions of grandeur'?

[WhereAmI]

about having a baby is everything she wanted in life and how she's going to be some content mother living with the father and child. Like something out of a storybook.

[Pink934]

Oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean. My cousin had those delusions of grandeur... how booooooring 😴. Plus having a baby never goes perfectly anyways, and I wish more people would realise that.

[Blueeyes81]

A married couple I know are facing a similar situation. They stupidly never talked children before they got married and afterwards found out they had different views. You very much does not want a child, ever. She very much does. And she has thrown around the idea of accidentally forgetting to take the pill to trick him into having a child. She hasn't yet but I'm sure it will happen sooner or later.

[Anonymous]

Lying about being on birth control is just so manipulative and beyond stupid. Keep nd if makes me feel she deserves all she gets, but then the father and child’s lives are somewhat ruined because of her selfish stupidity which is completely unfair.

[karahiri]

god. i feel so bad for him if it was deliberately done.

[Pink934]

Yeah, me too, there's just no way of telling :/

[Anonymous]

Why would he need to drop out? He can still get a degree, he won’t get a decent job with out one to pay for a family. It’s just bad timing, not sure if she is trying to trap him but something happened. Birth control pills are very effective

[Pink934]

Because he will not be able to afford a newborn if he doesn't get back to work, like, now.

[Opinion Owner]

Then I guess the baby is going to delay his plans for a few years

[LIM1T]

If you don't want kids then don't have sex. Face the consequences if you do impregnate a girl.

[Pink934]

Yeah but you can still have sex and take precautions.

[Pink2000]

That is no way to keep a man.

[Pink934]

I totally agree, but he's a good guy, and he won't leave her alone with his baby. She's put him in a difficult position.

[Dartzlink]

That bitch!!! She wasted his studies!! What a dumb girl !! He could had more money...

[Pink934]

Well yeah that's what I thought too. :( unfair for him.

[Anonymous]

If she forgets to take a pill or whatever.. is one thing but, if she's sabotaging a condom, is quite another. Meaning, if I don't know that she's sabotaged a condom, and she still has me wear it, I could technically sue her

[Liisjak]

Seems to me like she's break up material.

[uisuww28272]

It happens when u have sex lol

[uisuww28272]

U can follow me if u want

[uisuww28272]

But yea accidents happen

[uisuww28272]

Just have to be careful

[uisuww28272]

Haha

[Anonymous]

she did it on purpose

[Anonymous]

Nice trap!👏

[Pink934]

Certainly sounds like a trap.

[Opinion Owner]

It's a nice trap, actually!👍

[Pink934]

That would all depend on whether you're in s position to be trapped or not.

[Opinion Owner]

Can a man escape such a trap?