Women, who are "anti-marriage"! Explain your reasons for not wanting marriage?

[Unit1]

I'm anti-marriage and childfree myself and I would like to understand women's reasons for not wanting to marry.

I thought virtually all women crave marriage like a meal since they were little girls.
But here in GAG I saw some women going the other way but they have solemnly stated their reasons. Only stuff like "Marriage is out of the question" or "Marriage does not appeal to me" or "Marriage is just a piece of paper. You don't need marriage in order to validate your relationship" (yes, I get this one).

I mean is there a deeper reason or is it that simple, that some women just don't want marriage? Help me understand.

Marriage is just stupid and not needed. It's pointless

Since governments overtook marriage it's just about a piece of paper and the fee, the big money and all that crap

I just personally despise the idea of marriage. WTF?

Legal complexities and involving the government into our private lives is repelling me from marriage

I am not religious

Marriage is too mainstream/overrated. Too many do it. (I may also wonder why they do it)

Other / I am a guy

[Cynicaldreamer]

It serves no purpose.
All you're doing is taking your partner's last name if you choose to, and paying for an expensive ceremony and piece of paper saying you love the person you choose to marry.

In addition, nowadays divorce is just way too common- call me paranoid but I don't want to go through the headache and heartache of the divorce process if things don't work out. Instead if I have someone and things don't work out- one of us just moves out. No lawyers, no drawn out process of splitting our finances and property; we just go our separate ways.

Also, I never pictured myself getting married, even as a kid. Why do I need to get married to let the world know I love someone? It's overrated and an archaic ceremony. If you're happy with someone, you can just be with them, simple as that.

[AlphaGhost]

The marriage kind of kills the guys option and force the prospect of being loyal upon him, are you ready to give up right?
The Guys can be cheater and in 21st century its very very common for guys to just dump yea and bang the next-one (I am not trying to say you should marry but I would love to have your take on my question)
Please be realistic (n- if he loves me he won't bias)..

[Unit1]

You share my exact thoughts! Good lady! I see you have some common sense! So happy to see this. 😀😁

[Barrabus_the_Free]

@AlphaGhost

You're completely backwards there. Most women just jump from guy to guy, getting what they can and then moving on. If the guys are smart enough to avoid marriage and doing the things that the System says equal 'common law' marriage, they can at least avoid getting cleaned out and having to pay the bitch for years, maybe even the rest of her life.

[AlphaGhost]

@Barrabus_the_Free I agree with Man 100000% and I am not big fan of the Western marriage and the Man hungry woman either,
but I am just asking her Why She abandon the potential advantage woman have?
Why She won't go out that road?
and of-course like I mention "IT kills the guy option" which will behave like mentally retarded person and sign his own death certificate cuz bitch will get away with half of his earning but here is a little catch.
You can store your cash in some foreign account like Eu banks (their interest rate are not high even less than US+ Euro is stable currency) and take loan on your house and store it overseas account (which is not costly). There is no fucking shit the US government can do about it cuz they can only divide your earnings under US control.

[mooky06]

Yes i’m anti marriage because i’m scared. The process of entering one and it possibly failing which will lead to ending it is scary for me. The process makes it sound like a complete mess.

It’s a lot easier to be with someone now and not need to get married but live somewhat a married life. I think it’s more acceptable now and that makes me feel a lot more comfortable and secure.

[mooky06]

Thank you for MH

[megaman242]

If you are anti marriage then they have the same reasons as you, they are not aliens you know.

[Unit1]

Fair enough 🙃
Although women seemed mysterious/mythical to me.

[megaman242]

Deep down they are just as you and me, but they have to navigate the world slightly different because if they say they masturbate and watched porn they will be named sluts but we would be Bros

[Unit1]

Makes perfect sense to me!

[WhoDatGuy]

So many people think it validates them.
No it just turned you into a meal ticket for life

[Unit1]

Hahaha, that is one way to put it :D 😁

[Inneedofusername]

What awful women you must choose then

[Unit1]

@Inneedofusername It's less about whether the woman is awful or kind than it is about the legal powers that come with marriage/divorce.

[WhoDatGuy]

Awful woman I choose? You know nothing of me.
Women will take your resources. That literally what marriage is. Or can you not see that?

[Inneedofusername]

You wouldn't be afraid to give someone powers if you trusted them and knew that this person won't hurt you in any way. Parents are given all legal power over their kids because society trust that they will treat them right (but you can't choose your parents unlike your partner)

[Inneedofusername]

If YOUR women take your resources, then it's because of women you choose

[Unit1]

@Inneedofusername ever heard of masking? That's what *some* women have mastered. Post marriage *some* women unveil their demonic self.

[WhoDatGuy]

🤦‍♂️You have zero idea of how bad the law is for men.
And that means the woman you chose makes zero difference

[Inneedofusername]

The only unfair law that I know of is the fact that a man has to pay if he doesn't want a kid. But law is fucked up also for women - abortion and sterilization are illegal

[WhoDatGuy]

You know what alimony is?
You have to keep your ex wife in the lifestyle their used to. So even if they had nothing, it doesn't matter

[Journeyman11]

@Inneedofusername
The kids are given to the woman in the vast majority of cases, even though most child abuse and child murder is committed by women, and even though children raised in a single-mother household are far more likely to do worse at everything.

Sons of single mothers turn criminal in ridiculously hight rates.
They're doing worse at school.
Can't keep a job.
Are bad at socialising.

There is no reason to give the children to the mother, rather than the father.

[Inneedofusername]

@Journeyman11 I agree. But I also think that having kids is the worst decision you can make in your life in the first place

[freakyzeaky]

I believe marriage is a contract that helps to bind the people together. So many people focus on their happiness only and don't consider that ultimately marriage is to build a strong foundation to build a family, and requires quite a bit of sacrifice. If you don't plan on building something around your marriage, then yeah, it is kind of pointless.

If allow your self an easy out, as so many people do in relationships, then when the going gets tough, will you stick around? Relationships can get some pretty rough patches and low points. Now-a-days, with so many options available, it is so much easier for people to just ditch anything that causes them discomfort or boredom, and rather than working at it, they just discard it and go shopping for the "new and improved".

I think it is indicative of the current culture of instant-gratification and hedonism. Granted, you should never stay in a toxic relationship where both partners aren't working together to overcome obstacles. What some people call love is really just infatuation and a fear of being alone. This is why so many marriages end in divorce and so many relationships are based on chemistry alone. Once the honeymoon period is over, then both partners are left feeling empty, and if they don't choose well, especially in marriage, they end up slipping back into their former selves before they puffed themselves up to impress their partner.

I think marriages are more focused on building a life together than just a relationship where two people are happy in love and grow attached. For some people that is unsavory because it does require the willingness to let go of some of that happiness for a cause greater than oneself.

[freakyzeaky]

Put it this way. A relationship without marriage ends up just being two people living in harmony. That is fine, but marriage is where two people become ONE. Your happiness is no longer your own. You end up being responsible for both of you because you are him and he is you.

[Unit1]

A regular relationship is just as much capable of doing the same things in a marriage as you have described. Marriage doesn't make it any more accessible or possible compared to being unmarried.
Except when splitting up the process is extremely complex and difficult. A ton of Money get's lost in the process.

[freakyzeaky]

I disagree. A marriage is supposed to be a vow. "Til death do us part" remember? It wasn't supposed to be so easily broken. It was a vow that in many ways was upheld by society. People looked down on others who couldn't keep their marriage together, it enforced by the expectation that people are more than just a sum of their parts and that unity required sacrifice.

In a regular relationship, it offers an easy out. It is like you are always one foot out the door, regardless if both partners are madly in love. What obligations do you have for one another? A promise? Those can easily be broken. You have no overreaching principle that holds you morally accountable.

That is what marriage is. Being accountable for one another. In a relationship, there is nothing that says that you should do that. Your partner might say you should. Maybe even your family and friends. But there is no greater vow, no proposal, no real definitive statement. Without it, just like a person who has no religion, their morals and principles are in a state of flux that can easily be changed on a whim.

I am not saying relationships can't work without marriage. I am not saying that. What I am saying is that people like the idea of being able to shirk their responsibilities if it suits them and that is indicative of our modern culture of hedonism and self-gratification. It becomes more about what other people can do for you than what you are able to do for them and for a greater good. This especially is important when it comes to children. They need a good foundation to be raised properly.

I would equate it to a person who pledges his allegiance to his nation and person who only wants to live in that nation for the benefits it offers them. One now has an obligation to stand up for his country, through both the ups and downs. The other has no obligations what-so-ever.

[freakyzeaky]

All that said, I think if people aren't ready to sacrifice themselves for marriage, then they shouldn't do it. Either that or be pretty damn sure who you are getting married to before you do. Times aren't as traditional any more. The past people were willing to suffer through some hard times and come out the other side stronger for it. Now people aren't so willing to do that.

If you are open to marriage, just know that you are better just keeping it as a relationship if you aren't willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. In that regard, yes, I think many people are better off not getting married.

[freakyzeaky]

If a woman is more traditional, is willing to honor her vows, AND the guy is willing to not be an abusive asshole, lazy slob, or denies her sex (or vice versa), then I see marriage being a wonderful thing. Part of the vow isn't just to promise to stay together, part of it is being responsible for upholding your duties. For some people, the duty in and of itself makes them happy. For others, they need to be happy before they do the duty. Just depends on the person and what their values are. For a person who holds on to resentment and then no longer has the pleasure in doing their duty, that person will never be content with marriage. They don't have that easy out when they get dissatisfied (putting their own happiness and needs first). Some people take pride in how happy they make their spouse. That in and of itself is a joy. Those people are rare nowadays, but they are still out there.

[Unit1]

This is only and only because the governments made marriages terms and conditions so complex and difficult, that they made it even harder to get out of it. Like dare you want to end it, you'd have to go through a series of hoops like in high school and university.

For as simple as breaking up with a former sweet woman/man, who turned into a demon in less than 1 year or any time longer.

[freakyzeaky]

I agree, but then, it was just as hard when you were ostracized by your community. If the man or woman didn't uphold their vows, became mean, abusive, neglectful, etc. then traditionally that is breaking your vow. In some religions, like Catholicism, divorce was a thing to be taken very seriously. Some believe you should never be able to get remarried, others believe that the circumstances need to be dire. This is also coming from the idea that people shouldn't have sex outside of marriage, but not all Christian denominations are so strict when it comes to condemning sin and are more tolerant, at least in terms of forgiving others.

Outside of religion though, it was seen as a mark of achievement to keep your marriage vows and stay committed to it. That was the societal pressure. There, of course, was the dark side to this -- women who stayed committed even though their husbands were sons of b***hes and husbands who ruled over their household with an iron fist. They might stay because they would feel ashamed based on societal pressure. Before no-fault divorce laws that were implemented in the 70s, it was even /harder/ to get out of marriage, because even if you were going through a rut in your marriage, you were expected to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and make it work.

Either way, marriage wasn't intended to be something to be easy to get out of. It wasn't intended to be something you get out of at all. But in my opinion, a person breaks their vows if they don't uphold their duties as a spouse, and that includes being an abusive A-hole or an adulterer, but also if you withhold sex. And you can't say that just benefitted men, because there plenty of stories of women who wish their husbands would have sex with them but they aren't attracted anymore. Usually there something deeper going on there, like she let herself go, he isn't improving himself and is in a rut, maybe he or she isn't as affectionate anymore, etc.

[freakyzeaky]

All those things can be worked on and don't have to be the death knell of the marriage unless one or both spouses aren't willing to work at it, hence, breaking their vows.

[Ayer93]

I'm not really against the concept of marriage. I think it's a good idea. People wanted a way to make 2 people feel more bonded and so they thought of a symbol (the ring) that represents that they'll go through everything together. It's in our biological disposition to desire companionship. It's nice to know that someone has made those vows to be there with you, through thick and thin. The only thing is nowadays, there are too many formalities and technicalities that make it too complicated. And people don't respect the tradition at all anymore and don't take it seriously which is why divorce is such a common thing. There's no respect for vows and everything is optional for people. I myself have always thought about how I would propose to my partner since a young age and fantasized about the idea. I like the idea of a ring representing our bond. Yes that makes me a little indoctrinated, but I just genuinely like the idea of it. I'm not sure I'll have a typical & traditional wedding with my girlfriend, but I do like the concept of the ring. I look forward to the day of my proposal.

[justicebooks1]

I don't really care about marriage, its too much of a hassle. I don't really care because most guys don't want to be tied down and I don't want to change my last name. As for children I don't mind if I get pregnant he doesn't have to be in the picture. (I want 2-4 kids ) At least until I have both a boy and girl. so I'm not anti marriage but only if they are loyal which is sorta low. but it would be a waste to invest all your feelings just for it all to fall apart. Marriage and divorce cost money so think wisely

[AlienParasite]

I've say it many times, it's pointless. If it's meaningful for other person it's ok, but it's not for me. I like things to be useful, specially if it means a great waste of money. People wouldn't be able to live together until they marry, that was the point. But I can live now with my partner without marrying and nobody would stop me.

Dreaming about marrying is not something all girls necessary do. I've never dreamed about marrying, I dreamed more about beign a mom. We could say a few times would dream about marrying when I was 6, but wasn't really marrying what I liked, I always liked wearing costumes and desired to wear a princess dress. Many wedding dresses look like a princess dresses. So what I dreamed was about wearing a princess dress.

[courtney06]

I’m just anti marriage for myself right now but other people can do what they want. After witnessing my parents divorce and the events the lead to it, being abused as a child, witnessing many other divorces, overhearring people talk about cheating on their spouse like it’s “normal”, witnessing infidelity, and never having a positive point of reference of a loving marriage in my life I’d rather not bother. I also have a lot insecurities because I was abused as a child so it would take a special person to love me and stay with me. Because my insecurities run so deep, it’s better for me never to have children. The amount of work and strength it takes to raise a child is something I can’t handle right now.

[btbc92]

I'm not anti-marriage. I just lack personal reasons for it, have no desire to have sex in my life [doesn't mean I lack libido], don't have somebody wants marriage, AND too many men that are anti-marriage. I just grew sick of it because many of their excuses are all of these reasons listed on the poll. I don't need disrespectful men telling me I get benefits for marrying them when I'm not marrying for benefits. Then call me religious? These are poor excuses of a man/woman. Nobody needs that disrespect just because you're not mentally and psychologically stable to marry, but you can screw any woman. Really sad. I am appalled and ashamed by my generation to the point sometimes I wished I was born in another era.

[Unit1]

Maybe if you were less pessimistic / judgmental, you'd stand much better chances. I'm sure of it.

[btbc92]

I'm not pessimistic or judgmental. They don't want me because their weak and have no desire to do what's right anymore. They're too selfish. I never tried to get a man. They wanted to come after me for one thing: sex. And I will not do anything that is not God's will. Period. I had to stop allowing myself to be a doormat just because I look attractive to their eyes. You can't respect me and my desires, don't date me. Years ago, I would cry on my bed because I got told I would never be a good mother, wife or girlfriend because I believed in God and wanted to be friends first before dating and wanting marriage. Why should i continue to get emotionally abused by such people? Answer me that? I had to learn to grow a backbone, stop allowing myself to get abused, stop allowing myself to be beaten up in fights by both boys and girls. To stop allowing myself to show my keen, kind and gentle side to everybody and guard my heart and mind! They had no good intentions. They wanted to use me and make me their whore. I am not whoring myself before marriage and I am nobody's whore. You want to take me as a wife and potential mother, marry me. Or find somebody else to be your bed warmer. That's all. I will not damn myself and my seed and family because they don't want to do what's right. I am TIRED of suffering and having long-suffering that is literally KILLING ME because of my sensitive and good nature. And the same people do the same crap to others and is getting hurt, used and abused. I never asked for that, and I won't accept it. That is not me being pessimistic or judgmental, that is me being WISE and SMART with my choices.

[btbc92]

How are you people right and you screw every woman or guy on the block that isn't your spouse, cheat on your partners, divorce your families because you CAN'T HANDLE it, and jump into other relationships and call this healthy or okay? But you people blame MARRIAGE? The Government for your personal choices? That's funny. And then talk about how their not enough good men/women left. No, we're around. We're just tired of getting screwed with, used, abused, and handing ourselves over to insane people who can't even keep not 1 partner. The same good people you say you want and desire, you abuse them in many different ways. You abandon them. You don't know how good you got it until it's gone and then complain about what you don't have. Because many of you don't know how to take care of what's good and what's right in front of you when you do/did have it.

[Unit1]

Exactly what I was talking about. No wonder at all. No more questions from me.

[btbc92]

No, you are were not talking about it because you would know and understood what I was talking about, instead of calling pessimistic and judgmental. We as human beings need to make rational decisions regarding partners, and life choices, all the time, every single day: that is judgment. What you people want is to do whatever you want without consequences and being accountable for them. Instead, you argue about it and or run away from responsibilities. You want what you want, but don't work for it or do what's right by the other person. This is why I tell people to wait and be friends first, don't date strangers and make sure you are compatible intentions wise. Don't be with people who don't share your desires. Another reason why I want to leave this country.

[freakyzeaky]

Sounds like you have some unhealthy hung ups about sex and that you think men are somehow evil for desiring it. Even in a good marriage, sex is important and is part of the vows you take. Sex is one of the primary love languages, and not all men desire sex for lust alone. Many do it to express their love and to bond with their partners. The afterglow of a really amazing sexual experience with your spouse can bring you closer together, and it something that should be done regularly. Men feel fulfilled when they give their wives (or lovers) pleasure because it is the way they are speaking to them through their mind and bodies.

There is a reason why so many marriage suffer when one or both spouses deny each other sex. There are just as many women that complain about their husbands denying them sex as it is in the reverse.

And yet you go on and on about how men are downright evil for wanting to share themselves sexually when nothing could be more healthy to a relationship.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky

That is where you are complete and deeply wrong. I do not have an unhealthy outlook regarding sex and men. I know what sex is. Sex is a marriage and marriage is all about sex. The desire to have sex is not the problem. The INTENSIONS and what you choose to do with it is the problem. God said it is designed for marriage ONLY. You do not approach a woman simply because you want sex. That is wrong. You get into a marriage with a person for not just sex, but to love, cherish and take care of and be a family and raise a family. It is a ministry and not everybody is called to marriage or have sex and have a partner in that manner. Share that when you are MARRIED. NOT BEFORE then.

[btbc92]

Please ask and not assume. It makes you look really bad. You're telling me things I already knew. That is not what I was discussing. I am talking about BEFORE MARRIAGE. NOT AFTER.

[btbc92]

A woman will never respect a man's desires if he doesn't respect who she is and she's in return. She will close herself off from you. You court her first and see if she is FIT to marry you. Do not marry women who don't share their values. And likewise a woman for a man. Your mentalities need to change.

[btbc92]

"And yet you go on and on about how men are downright evil for wanting to share themselves sexually when nothing could be more healthy to a relationship." Tell that to men that do this before marriage. Because those are the ones I end up attracting. Know what the other is talking about, please.

[btbc92]

Another thing to add: A true lover would ASK how the other desires to be loved. You have to communicate this verbally with love, trust, and understanding. This is why women lose trust in their men because their love has been betrayed. A lot of you men better seriously reevaluate how you choose to treat women and each other. As well as today's women better seriously reevaluate how they accept love and affection from the men in their lives and figure out where the problems started.

[freakyzeaky]

Realistically, many men and women in this modern age act on their attraction and then find out whether their partners are worth a long term relationship or even marriage. I respect your views on this, but I don't think condemning people for their "sin" is what God called us to do. We are all sinners after all.

I get your frustration. Thinking men (or women) are wrong for having pre-martial sex is wrong is perfectly reasonable. There are studies that show that the more people you have sex with before marriage, the more unsatisfied you will be in a marriage. I believe this has to do with getting used to the novelty of the honeymoon period when falling in love with someone new and the variety of experiences that come with mulitple sex partners. There are also studies that show that sex is more satisfying in marriage AND people who haven't had sex before marriage find sex more satisfying overall.

That said, I don't think it is healthy to think people who have pre-marital sex as wrong. The act might be wrong (your belief), but are the people wrong or bad for it? I don't think so. Those choices are between them and God.

The key here is to make sure that you meet a godly man who has resolved himself to wait for sex until after marriage. This might mean that he will look for marriage faster than what you'd expect. It also will mean you will probably go through a bunch of guys who say they want to wait but will struggle with his sexual desires in the meantime. As long as you support him in that struggle and assure him that you want him too, even though you are resolved in waiting, that will let him know that you understand what he is going through.

If he fails in that struggle, cheats, or otherwises tries to pressure you, then yes, he isn't worth your time. Does that mean he is a bad person? No. Does that mean he was weak? Perhaps. But then, we are all weak, and Christ called for us to support each other in that weakness.

[btbc92]

@freakyzeaky Again, you are assuming. But if you want to get into this conversation, I will. "ealistically, many men and women in this modern age act on their attraction and then find out whether their partners are worth a long term relationship or even marriage. I respect your views on this, but I don't think condemning people for their "sin" is what God called us to do. We are all sinners after all." It's not about condemning people. It's about teaching what is right from wrong. That is how so many people into relationship and or marriage hell. Because they never stuck to the traditions that we had that is biblically SOUND. Not worldly. This is worldly behaviors and there is a price to pay for doing things and accepting practices of the world. You cannot be a believer 'IF' a Christian or not and do it like the world. One can give righteous judgment as long as they are not doing the same thing. God gives me the wisdom to speak. And what he calls in my spirit to speak, so must I speak it. I won't choke out the Holy spirit if he calls me to do so just because others do not want to hear it. Be it Christian or not.

"I get your frustration. Thinking men (or women) are wrong for having pre-martial sex is wrong is perfectly reasonable. There are studies that show that the more people you have sex with before marriage, the more unsatisfied you will be in a marriage." I know about the studies. I have read most of them and finding more to look into as well as the books that support it. Sadly they are hard to find.

" I believe this has to do with getting used to the novelty of the honeymoon period when falling in love with someone new and the variety of experiences that come with mulitple sex partners." Wrong actually. Even marriage speaker and Author Mark Gungor and late pastor Myles Monroe have explained that this is due to poor choices. There is no such thing as the honeymoon phase or falling in love. Love is a choice. It is an action you do.

[btbc92]

You want marital bliss, you have to work for it. If you want marital hell, let it crumble. Do nothing. Because marriage cannot fix itself. It is you and that person. And not everybody's marriage is going to be the same because we are all different people. But we still have to honor and love and respect for each other.

"That said, I don't think it is healthy to think people who have pre-marital sex as wrong. The act might be wrong (your belief), but are the people wrong or bad for it? I don't think so. Those choices are between them and God." Then what are your personal beliefs? Because God said our ways are not his ways, and his ways are not our ways. No matter what we may think, what he says is wrong is wrong. Sin is sin. He said one day even we would judge Angels. We cannot be passive in these last days and tells or else we too shall be deceived by the enemy. Yes, it is between them and God. But when it's widespread like this to the point our OWN is doing it, and we say nothing, what example are we showing others? What example are we showing the Lord? Do you think he would be pleased to know we do and say nothing? This is why the church is losing power. Because he cannot be where there is sin. And we either change or don't.

"The key here is to make sure that you meet a godly man who has resolved himself to wait for sex until after marriage. This might mean that he will look for marriage faster than what you'd expect. " It is not my job to look for a godly man. I have no desire for marriage anymore and is a eunuch for Christ now. This isn't just about me or us, it is about everybody. We are called to preach the truth and stand by it.

" It also will mean you will probably go through a bunch of guys who say they want to wait but will struggle with his sexual desires in the meantime." That is no excuse. 1st Corinthians 7 clearly states that if you cannot control your passions MARRY. That's it. I stick by that scripture. We all struggle, but I stick by his word.

[btbc92]

Allow me to just say, I have a close friend who went through this hell and is now getting out of her marriage that is supposed to be 'Christian' because of this very problem. She has dated Christian men and secular men before, and it's the same issue and was in agreement with what you said. God spoke to her and said he will for now on guide her steps. Which means this approach your saying is not entirely correct. God has to be the one to guide you in ALL of your choices. Not do what you think is okay to do but complain about them.

"As long as you support him in that struggle and assure him that you want him too, even though you are resolved in waiting, that will let him know that you understand what he is going through. " I don't have to tell him that in that manner. That is a discussion for when you are engaged. You don't tell somebody you want them sexually. That will entice them to potentially sin if they lack self-discipline and self-control. Which is also a gift from the Lord. He said 'seek and ye shall find,' 'Knock, and I shall answer'. You must seek his gifts. I have self-discipline and self-control in that area because I seek the LORD for it. It is not my job to tell him how to be a man. He must seek to know the Lord and please the Lord for himself FIRST.

"If he fails in that struggle, cheats, or otherwises tries to pressure you, then yes, he isn't worth your time. Does that mean he is a bad person? No. Does that mean he was weak? Perhaps. But then, we are all weak, and Christ called for us to support each other in that weakness." I am very intuitive and hears God's voice. If he says no, and I sense in my spirit, whether Christian or not that he is not for me, the answer is NO. Yes, we must support each other. But we must also strive to be better and not use it as an excuse. That is what the issue is. Using it as an excuse to not change and be humble to accept correction. Because from my personal experience spiritually, that often means that person

[btbc92]

not a new creation in Christ.

[lightbulb27]

I read a chunk of that: comments for what it's worth:
A) If you are consistently drawing a certain type, then it is your attraction and filtering system that needs repair. Inspect internal emotions (wounds) as that is what is steering the ship. I read no feminine sweetness...
B) women are just as responsible for the mess in society. Who makes the decision to date, to be intimate? women. If women are handing it out as they have been, then guys have no choice but to be aggressive. We could be gentlemen, but that leads to endless failures in this society. Men must express their desire for the woman or he will lose her within 4 dates. I've written mytake/questions on that.
C) you have the inverse problem a lot of men have now. Burned and tired by the system, you've become... ______ befuddled? dismayed? can't think of the word.
D) sex before marriage... I waited forever and a day, I believed what you believe. Knowing what I know now, that stuff has to be worked out as part of dating somehow. If the sex doesn't work, that marriage will bomb out and suffering ensue. Seen it too many times. That's why I wrote what I wrote in mytake: Valentines.
take from that what you will if it is of benefit to you. I honestly think what is going on is not accident but by design, can't prove it.
E) too bad as we are DESIGNED to be having sex. it's part of our connection and drug therapy. Then again, relationships have a lot of stress and as noted Bible says stay single if you can...

[btbc92]

Wait until you are married to have sex, end of story. If you don't then your messing up your marriage. And no, not everybody is meant for marriage, sex and a partner as I have stated before. Also you are very much wrong about the type I attract. I attracted them because one, they already thought I was attractive. 2, they assume I was secular like them. I'm not, I'm Christian. I already said before I'm not looking for that kind of life and I had stopped with such ideas back when I was still in middle school. So that has nothing to do with me. It has a lot to do with again without a lot of you are being taught. I am very much feminine. But I'm not going to be sweet to everybody as I have learned my lesson a long time ago.

Actually you are very much wrong about with that. It does not lead to endless failures in society. You got to do it in a way that makes you unique's. Enjoy into the type of woman that you personally want. That's why I have to disagree with you at because what you're saying is how a lot of end up with wrong kind of Partners in the first place and then they end up getting divorced because they don't know what they're really doing any fooling around.

Actually I am tired of the world I am not worrying myself about any kind of system cuz I am followed by any kind of system. I followed the Lord's way and I stick to what he says. Nobody is not going to do it God's way because they don't want to believe in God, that's their choice that's their decision. And at the same time they got to take it up with God. I'm not going to drive myself crazy with people who don't want to do it right by his way. And besides it is a law that guides me and tell me what to do and not to do. And if he said to stay away from certain people as I said before then I will stay away from certain people. Because I know what it's like to do what I want and I end up paying the consequences for it.

[btbc92]

I am simply warning the dangers in the damages that people who chooses to do and it take that same situations and it bring it into other relationships in their lives no matter what it is. It is important that we treat each other with respect and dignity and not assume that every person is the same as others have done to me. I don't treat men the same way. And there is a guy that do not desires to be hugged, I would not hug them. If they do not desire to be spoken about some way, I would not do so. The same way that person does not want to be treated like that it's the same way I do not want to be treated like that. It is very wrong for you to assume that is just simply based on me being hurt that I am the way I am. I am the way I am because I have no choice but to be Stern and to be bold in my walk with Christ. Because people regardless if they are Christian or not will take advantage of you. And as a person who has discernment and spiritually sensitive of everything in the physical and spiritual environment, I cannot allow myself to be filled with toxicity when dealing around people. So unless you know what it's like to be dealing with demonic attacks and having to deal with spiritual warfare every day having to fight a battle that lot of people including those that saying they are our Brethren, who do not want to take the fight, you really do not know what we're up against. You really do not know because it's a heavy Warfare.

[btbc92]

I understand the consequences of not upholding your responsibilities regarding this matter enough is why I stay away from it. It has nothing to do with what I cannot do. But what others that claim they want to share that with me chooses to do. If many men are like this then what am I supposed to do, besides the fact that I do not have a personal design for myself for these things? I am not going to hurt another man on account of selfishness because the rest of you people do and then you wanted use God's gift as an excuse to continue to be selfish and you want to know why your relationships are so broken and damaged. Because you do not allow God to lead you but you allow your own body to lead you which is your flesh. I'm not going to allow my flesh to control my actions. And if I do I repent them and I continue to go do what I need to do the best that I can that he allows me to do. All I ask the people is to do right by each other by doing it right way. But if they do not want to then all I ask is for them to stay away from me so that I won't end up having to suffer just by being around it. Because God is a jealous God. And he will not allow you to be with things and people that will separate you from him.

[btbc92]

It is my job to be a helper if I had chosen that life. It is not my job we do what men are supposed to be doing. You meant to say that as of the Lord better seriously humble yourself before God and ask him to guide you and not have you be led by your own way based on your own understanding. And truly seek him everyday. Because you're supposed to be leaders and heads of the household. Supposed to be protectors, and instead of many of you are not. I am only speaking as a holy spirit allows me to speak. It is for this reason why I do not attract a lot of people because a lot of people do not have a lot of light in them.

[lightbulb27]

ok. I summarize as it's hard being in the world and not of it. I respect your view and spirit inspiration... purity. I will say this, it is not easy being a man and navigating all this. I hope your knight finds you, there are really good grounded guys out there, but no-one is perfect and it takes two, but it is a dance with someone in the lead. Happy Sunday!:)

[btbc92]

I do respect your views as well. However you must forgive me as it is not easy for me to really explain because my life is extremely complicated and it's not like something you would hear normally. I come from a background where it is of unequally yoked relationship that has conceived me into this world. And at the same time I let protection in those areas because the air is in my life has too late been damaged severely grown up. And I had to learn to develop self perseverance. Growing up in a place where there is domestic issues, and violence all around you especially living in the hood areas you have no choice but try to defend and protect yourself. Is not the kind of environment I had asked to be in, but it is something I had to learn to survive and grow out of. As a lord had said I had to know what it's like to experience true Darkness before I was able to truly being a light. It doesn't mean I was never in the light. But I did not have the physical protection I truly needed. If anything I am a guarded person so good reasons. But I do know how to love others I know how to accept it in return. But I'm also very keen and wary of where those intentions come from. As long as I rely on God's word and the intuition that is filled by the Holy Spirit guidance I can go through anything and still make it. But that does not mean that my sensitive heart it's not affected by it. I had to learn to accept that that's just the way it is as well as allowing the Lord to guide and heal me of the internal wounds dealt by wrong hands. Remember, because of what I have, I too draw in people who wants to destroy. I make a lot of enemies demonically speaking because I know I have a high calling in my life.

[lightbulb27]

Thank you for sharing that! I have a lot of knowledge around this. Questions: were you violated or just frieghtened by what you saw?
We are ALL damaged with love wounds, security wounds, emotionally bent. I'd never wish the pain on anyone, but God IS and IS working! I'm writing a book on this subject of relationships, the value, healing, pray that I focus and finsh it as it would help you I hope.
I think you are now wise enough to know how this works right? Those deep child wounds sit there and control the ship. they don't want to change. You've got a nice thick coating of God to protect you, but the love is not shinging out, is it? compassion, empathy? God will take you as you are, saved! But he really wants you to be free of all that, and that is the value of relationship.. the pain required to love someone that hurts you. Not sure if that made sense... but your internal compass guides you to what is bad for you, which in it is the growth needed to get you to God EMOTIONALLY so your heart is purified. Remember who purifies by fire right? That is what is going on.
You can work on those deep wounds without another, but it helps to have the other to suffer. When those are healed, you'll draw a better card from the deck as your light will shine differently! Get it?:)

[btbc92]

What do you mean, if I was violated? No. Thank God not in that way. What made me not bother is because 1:

I have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone in that way.

2. I grew tired from the lack of suitable men not having the same desire as me.
3. Too many people not wanting to do with me or have poor intentions.
4. Tired of being pressured by others.
5. As an INFJ, I can read and observe everything and everybody. Their intimidated by my personality.

So no, yiur very much wrong about me and my reasons for not engaging. It has to do with unsatifactority of the world and being an old soul as they call it as I am, I do not fit in. I realized that a long time ago. Yes, God heals. But it's more me, it's about others. I have plenty of good friends and family. But I have no desire for a sexual relationship. I have compassion, I have empathy. But that is not the problem once again. It's knowing what is happening around me and others spiritually. I am dealing with demons because of my gifts. This is the price of having them.

[lightbulb27]

I'm glad to hear you have compassion and empathy for others. do you feel that for men and woman, who are out making these mistakes? I think as long as your heart is filled with love for what you do and how you live, then it's all good. If not, then I think the person is functioning out of a wound like everyone else and God=love will do everything they can to get them moving in the love direction again.

[btbc92]

Yes I do. Otherwise why would I number one be on here like I was on Yahoo answers trying to tell people the truth? If I did not care I would just live my life without worrying about others. I should not be having to get myself a headache or make myself feel sick because others don't think the way I do. I give people plenty of respect. But they do not share the same respect for you in return. That does not mean I go to attacking people. But it doesn't mean I allow myself to get use will be used as a doormat either. Because Isaiah and Ezekiel didn't hold back , and they got mouths. Jesus was hear, you think they would want to hear the truth too? Nope. Because like the word of God says, in the end times people are not going to want to hear the truth nor can they stand the truth.

[btbc92]

What it is that you're seeing that a lot of people have a misinterpretation of me is me having tough love, and being stern and firm. A lot of people sadly mistaken as you being rude or judgmental. But it's actually signs of the spirit of rebellion. And spirits that are on people when they have Rebellion, always behaving that way because they reject the word of God. Even when you don't believe in God if it is Godly they will still hate it because they live in the darkness.

[btbc92]

You got to also remember something too. A lot of these people that we're thinking of people actually demon-possessed. And there's a lot of people where they having demons speak through them too. Last time I was on here I had to be casting out demons because they were giving me a headache.

[lightbulb27]

I come from a different angle on this, I know what you are saying. To me, it is all emotional damage, starts from the fall of man. People are acting out of wounds, wounds are getting spread and deeper. you didn't answer my question.
It's your life, I'm testing the edges. I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did... I didn't have kids... because of wounds. some things are too late. you have time if you want to change course... and I know your reasons. It isn't fair to say "all guys"... I know squeekly clean guys your age, but if you act as you do, you'd scare off most anyone. You have to give something. Look at Sephora in the movie Moses... that to me was an example of a WOMAN. I'd give her a ring and necklace fast. I love that movie scene!:)

[btbc92]

@lightbulb27 I'm not making a mistake. I gave it up to God and living my life. Like I said. Never said all guys, but most. I'm just not interested and I am not doing that to somebody when I do not share that desire. I would rather for that person to marry somebody else who does. I decided to become a eunuch for Christ. My actions have nothing to do with it. They don't like me because as I said before, I am different. And they don't want to do it the right way. Plus I am not physically well to handle it nor am I financially stable. I can bearly take care of myself. I believe I did answer your question. I am not interested in marriage or a sexual relationship. And it would make me happy if people stopped assuming and pressure me about it. I already made my path many years ago, and though I may not be happy in my living situation. Relationship wise, I am content. Why should I give up my peace in the Lord over a man? I need him more than I need a man.

"but if you act as you do, you'd scare off most anyone." That is where you're wrong about me, again. I am a quiet person. I don't bother anyone. I don't get myself into trouble. I like to keep to myself. I am content being on my own, and share myself with the few people that understand me, love me and want me in there life. Like I said prior. God lead me. And if he says no on certain things and people, my answer is no as well.

"Look at Sephora in the movie Moses... that to me was an example of a WOMAN. " Sephora already had a CALLING to marry Moses. That was very different. I was never called for marriage. At least from what I know of. I know what I am doing.

"I just don't want you to make the same mistake I did... I didn't have kids... because of wounds." You didn't have children because your wounds would have cursed your children. Sometimes the things we think are mistakes are sometimes one of the wise's choices we can ever make. I have to put the happiness of others before myself. I wouldn't take it as a mistake.

[btbc92]

I do not have the desire to bring children in this world of darkness. As tempting as it is, it wouldn't be wise. It says, woe unto those who give birth to suck in the last days. Unless you were called to have children, you would have had children. God knows the desires of our heart. And if it's not for you, it's not for you. Yes, if your wounds would have healed you would have had them. But what is the point if it was done out of his will too? My biggest regret is not about relationships with men or people. But not having enough with the Lord, because my mother chose to leave the church with me at a very young age. I am now trying to pick up the pieces in my life so I won't continue to suffer for my parent's sins. Please remember to be careful to not assume everybody is meant to be with somebody. It will bring other false hope and then cause more anguish.

[lightbulb27]

It's ok to have your own mission, again, as long as you have love and joy in your heart, it's all good... or are on that path, then that IS God.

[menina]

I have nothing against people who are married or want to get married.
But to me, marriage is pointless. It's just a piece of paper signed by the two people involved and a ring.
Plus, it's stressful and I'm not religious. I would feel imprisoned if I was married.

[NatashaJ]

I am anti marrying the wrong person, if they show they were a dick before marriage don't marry! if you feel like they are not the one don't marry!. Usually men like these love to baby trap you (intentional or not) getting baby trap sucks because it gets harder for you to leave and move on and keep the guy out of your life.

[NatashaJ]

I know 100% I am never going to common law marry or marry someone I am not 100% sure about I learn this the hard way I keep meeting dicks I am glad I wasn't dumb and trap myself in these types of relationships because it's fucking hard to come out and get your stuff. You need receipts to prove you brought something not as a couple by the way.

[Anonymous]

For women, marriage is great because it gives them legal control over a man and his assets.

For men, marriage today is a bad deal. It used to be worthwhile but over the last 50 years the benefits of marriage to men have slowly and steadily declined while the risks and costs for men have risen to the point where today a man would be a fool to get married.

For women though, marriage is a better deal than ever.

[Starshine85]

I'm not exactly anti marriage but I'm not particularly wanting it either.

You can be in a great long term relationship and not be married.

Weddings can be really expensive

Divorce can be expensive and messy.

I've never actually been in love long term so my views could change.

[Anonymous]

"Marriage is just a piece of paper. You don't need marriage in order to validate your relationship"

I'm sure 100% this is my quote. Thanks for quoting me
Like, I said I just don't see a purpose for it, other than society's approval. But again why do you need society's aproval?

[Unit1]

I agree.
But you are anonymous, so i can't know if i remember anywhere you saying this. It's just what i thought as well.

[Opinion Owner]

Shh I'm anon because I've got beef with some GaGers..

[Unit1]

You can just PM me 🙂
I'm not blowing covers, so don't worry about it

[emmily2396]

I am not anti marriage but i don't demand it because i see it more like a legal contract. I am not relihious so the religious part has no meanong to me. I would like to get married if i have kids because it is easier with the money issues in case something happens to one of us.

[inmensus]

I like commitment, but the whole idea of marriage is kind of "eh" if you think about it. As if loving each other is not enough, you also have to SIGN a paper and make sure everyone knows you're now legally committed. My mom is a lawyer so I've kind of seen all types of drama. I feel like some of those things can be avoided.

[Anonymous]

I'm not against marriage myself, but I can see how so many people don't bother with it anymore. It used to mean commitment, but it doesn't anymore because these days marriage and divorce goes hand in hand. Both are way to easy to do now.

[melanieeeB]

Not anti marriage, just personally never dreamed or wished to get married one day, for me I feel like there is more to life itself then just getting married and shit

[Dinklex3]

Im not anti marriage , but it has never been a dream of mine or anything. Even as a child. I only dreamed of falling in love, lol.
I can only see real benefits or marriage if your in the military.

[Curmudgeon]

Actually, increasingly it is MEN who are realizing that marriage has become a raw deal for them, in modern countries at least. It is "Men On Strike".

[BlackDawn]

I don’t wanna be tied down legally to a person if they turn out to be an asshole or something. Plus some states still allow marital rape.

[Völva]

I’m not anti marriage, I just don’t want it. I’m going to be chaste and celibate for the gods.

[Anonymous]

For me personally I don’t want kids and I’m gonna do everything I want to do by the time I’m 27 a guy there would hold me back and I prefer being single so I don’t get bored

[Opinion Owner]

I’m not against other people getting married but I would never