Do shy girls like it when a guy is being straightforward or do shy girls prefer subtle signs of interest first?

[Anonymous]

Straightforward

Subtle signs of interesf first

A total of 72 votes were cast: 50 girls and 22 guys. See detailed results

[15Nightingale51]

I don't understand how a shy girl would respond favorably to straightforward approaches. I have never responded well to someone just approaching me and saying he likes me. I probably have no clue what he is like and I have not had time to get a feel for him yet. If someone is straightforward, it honestly makes me withdraw and wait to see if his intentions are honest and that he meets my criteria. If he moves on to someone else, that is normally fine by me.

If he is subtle, I might become just as withdrawn, but he does have better chances, since he's not overwhelming me with the information.

[weasley8]

I prefer clear signs, but not ones that put me on the spot. In other words, I appreciate knowing that he’s interested, but I need time to decide whether or not I’m interested. So the first signs, for me, should be clear, but not ones that ask for reciprocation, as if it’s the first time I’m thinking about it, I haven’t decided yet if I want to reciprocate.

[Anonymous]

Subtle at first but I'd also want them to be straight forward after a few conversations. So if we knew each other or took a class together and have had a laugh or good conversation then by that point I'd be comfortable enough with them and just want them to be straightforward. If it's a stranger then maybe more subtle or you might scare her off.

[Skyfall014]

Im very shy and naïve. Id prefer if you just tell me you are interested in getting to know me and clarify what the intention is. You also cannot wait around for that person to be available if in the first place do not want to date. Its not fun for you.

[SnickerBars69]

Straightforward whould be a little to much 4 her to handle so I agree with start slow but accurately

[btbc92]

None of the above, especially when she is not looking to date. All they want is for a guy to be respectful and honorable towards them. If she wanted to date you she would clearly show that.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Would she though?

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz Yes, she would if she was serious. Some girls will get aggressive at some point when they feel like their in panic mode. However, that is not the correct way to start a relationship. Be friends and get to know each other. You don't want to make a serious mistake.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So a girl could never quietly be interested in someone?

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz She can but that doesn't mean she wants to. Otherwise, she would have just done something. It applies to guys as well. A guy can be interested in me, "supposedly", and just sits there and does nothing. That is not attractive and time is moving. You must not be that serious to want to get to know me. And how OLD is this girl or women you're referring to? The older the person is, the riskier they are. You should NEVER chase strangers. You have to befriend with them and truly get to know them. Otherwise, they'll start playing silly games with you that will frustrate you and god forbid make you grow to hate them. You don't want that. All the girls that are screaming 'Chase me, Chase me'! Are game playing. Then when its time for them to pursue you, they start holding back because they expect YOU to do all the work.

[btbc92]

And then it's going to feel one-sided. I KNOW Because I saw it and heard far too many TIMES. I had friends who did that, it drove me NUTS! And then when I make the move to do something about it they would hold me back with an iron grip and be like: WHY!!! WHY did you DO THAT!!! :'("

Look, it's damn if you do, damn if you don't. You're going to drive yourself up the wall with this. To be shy is a choice. 9/10x most who have such shyness has social anxiety and other mental health problems. When a person really wants something, no matter how shy they are, they find the time and the courage to actually DO SOMETHING about it. I should know, I get called shy all the time. Every girl is not the same, but they all tend to have the same pattern or problem. They often don't know why their attracted to random guys and why they are interested or what they want. They fall for any guy that grabs their attention. You have to be careful. Because they get really fickle.

[btbc92]

Heck! One of the easier ways a shy person likes you [overall] is them wanting to be next to you, talk to you, and isn't as SHY around you! But is very shy around others they don't know. Shyness is just another way to test the waters before jumping in. To engage with the world with extreme caution. When they trust you they don't have to be as cautious. But it also depends on their life experiences and mentality as well. Healthy shy people embrace everything and everyone be it good or bad which can make them appear naive.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So in other words yes it's entirely possible to like someone and say nothing, but you're just calling it something else because you don't like it?

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz No. What I am saying is they don't know what they really want. People who want things go for it. They don't keep making excuses for themselves. They try. If not right away they do eventually. But if you're not worth it enough they just don't. You cannot expect every person who is shy want the same thing, or else not only will it be one-sided you will be hurt. She has to know what she wants. And it must be rational and LOGICAL, not feelings or emotions. Period. Otherwise, again, you will have drama in your life you mistakenly date such a person. Many of them aren't healthy.

[btbc92]

To like a person or not again is a CHOICE. There were a guy or two that I can't even know if it was a crush or not. But one thing was for certain, I was not serious enough to want anything with them, and at the same time they weren't for me either and disliked me. So I learned a harsh lesson growing up. DO NOT FOLLOW OTHER PEOPLE. My reasons were irrational, and it made sense because I was toying with the guy and it freaked him out. I can actually admit what I did was f'ved up. That's why I'm warning you now. Make sure you fully understand what you're doing and what they're doing. Emotional games are not funny, and it leads to emotional abuse.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So it's possible but just not "worth it"?

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz Yep. I've done it so many times. And I don't regret it. I wasn't ready for that, and that person turned out to be the wrong kind of person for me. We didn't share the same values, morals, principals, etc. You can't keep playing kiddy puppy love games. That doesn't work in the real world, and somebody is going to get hurt. I'm glad I was wise enough to be smarter and let the childish way of thinking go. I matured a lot since elementary school. In order to be successful in anything and any relationship you have, you must be intentional.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

So then are you going to take back "If she wanted to date you she would clearly show that" since it's possible that she wouldn't?

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz It's her choice. Everybody has a choice. If she wanted she would do it if she didn't she won't. Time isn't going to wait for anybody. She has to be motivated enough to try. People who don't aren't as serious.

[btbc92]

You can't control her feelings or what she wants. The real question is, do you want to date anybody blindly or what are you seeking? Because it sounds like to me you just want any girl to want you out of desperation. A girl that isn't interested would avoid you once they realize your getting too attached or attracted to them. A girl that likes your advances would seek to have it often and make it obvious that she wants the same thing and actually pursue you. She would do it. It shouldn't have to always be you otherwise it's one-sided or you're pursuing HER wrong. That's why you should never look for signs for something that isn't there. That's like trying to wait for the apple tree to bloom when you never planted anything for it to grow. You have to plant the seed. Otherwise, don't expect anything to take root and grow.

[btbc92]

I cannot pursue something that isn't there.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

But it is there, you just agreed before that it is possible.

[btbc92]

Again, like I said. It's is not about me agreeing. I don't agree with it at all. You cannot loom at shy girls or women the same. I am telling you what a lot of them do. I for one don't do it and k ow others who also don't do it. Again, it's about intensions. If her intentions is not to date or be with a certain person, no matter what she feels, she has to decide if she wants to bother or not. Most don't like it either way. I would appreciate it of that person come to me with a humble and sincere heart, not target me because I am a quiet person. Other girls who say, they like forqardness or subtle signs are again being fickle and playing games.

[btbc92]

Look at their body language and how they chose to treat you. Is it with admiration, or fear?

[AllThatSweetJazz]

" Is it with admiration, or fear? "
No idea.

"If her intentions is not to date or be with a certain person, no matter what she feels, she has to decide if she wants to bother or not."
Yes, that's her action she has to decide on. But as you also just identified, the feelings can exist independent of the choice of actions.

[btbc92]

But you cannot go by feelings. EVER. it will decieve you. You cannot again look for things that is not there. If you want to date her, go approach and ask her if that is what you want. But if she says no, you cannot get upset. If she says yes, you have two choices, either fool around and make this about emotions or do it right and ask her personal questions. Because I promise you, it will be a relationship of heartbreak, and a lot of them if unstable can be abusive.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

If you want to date some the ideally yes you should approach, but the point is that the "want" precedes and exists independently of the action.

[btbc92]

You got to go by what you need not what you want. A lot of these girls don't know what they need let alone what they want, so you pretty much just asking to get yourself hurt. I know for myself that I would never be involved with a person I am not friends with I don't already know in whom I don't trust. Crest random guys coming up to me because I know exactly what the actor and I let them know straight off the bat that that's not the kind of person I am. I have to screen out the kind of people that are not good for me. As far as these other naive chicks they'll just take anybody.

[btbc92]

And then they're going to blame you for doing something that you didn't really do when they agreed to it. So, it really all depends what poison you want to take.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Want, need, same difference. The point is that their feelings exist regardless of being shown.

[btbc92]

@AllThatSweetJazz And why does it matter to you if she has feelings or not? That is my question. A woman's personal feelings are her personal business. Wants and needs are not the same. You can want candy, but you know its bad for your health. You need spinach, but you hate the taste of it, so you avoid it. Many people sadly avoid what they need. Just because they are attracted to you, again, that doesn't mean they want to date you all the time. They would just do it. I most certainly dislike guys who assume I want to be with them. I had a guy who did that to me and I'm glad I never dated him. He embarrassed me, made everybody believed we were together when we weren't. My feelings were hurt, I did everything I could to avoid him. And he tossed me in another girl's face he was dating saying I was better than her. Besides throwing her up about her being useless. From my personal experience, I know that no matter how I feel or want, if I myself do not DESIRE a relationship with that person, I WILL NOT pursue them. What others do is their choice, but then come on here complaining about what the other person did.

[btbc92]

I am firm with my decisions and how I feel. A lot of them do not have that kind of confidence. That's the difference.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

" why does it matter to you if she has feelings or not?"
How she feels about me is core to the situation, of course it matters. Most people wouldn't date someone who doesn't have feelings for them.

"Just because they are attracted to you, again, that doesn't mean they want to date you all the time"
It doesn't mean they wouldn't want it either.

"They would just do it"
But you said it was possible they wouldn't, so again would they though?

"if I myself do not DESIRE a relationship with that person, I WILL NOT pursue them."
Okay, but that's not equivalent to saying that if you do desire a relationship, that you will pursue them.

[SarahVanRensburg]

I'm a very shy person in the beginning that is but I still like a straightforward guy because it helps me feel like I can be more relaxed in some way🤔

[alice55]

Straightforward cause if not I don't understand if the guy is interested or not; I would just assume he aren't interested.

[DontBeATryHard]

yea exactly

[Nikkismith]

Someone gotta have balls in the relationship and id prefer it not be me

[The_FallenOne]

Shy girls are usually oblivious so be straightforward.

[elizabethcurious]

I personally prefer when the guy shows interest first

[Denz1510]

Id just prefer straightforward at least then you know where you are.

[janna_jcb]

I’m pretty shy so I’d really want you to be straightforward otherwise nothing is ever going to happen

[MollyTheOriginal]

I'm still kind of shy, but much less so than before, and I would prefer straightforward; saves a lot of time.

[blankstone]

I don't necessarily care as long as he is being himself

[emmily2396]

Straightforward but not pushy, sexual and too affectionate when it clearly isn't genuine.

[Anonymous]

Subtle signs. Then step up to be straightforward but dont be too fast

[SarahsSummer]

straightforward please. Always!

[ZELLxoxo]

Do what comes natural to you

[douride2]

I would sooner a guy is straight forward.

[fulloflife]

chase after me