Why do shy people come across as rude and what are they really thinking when they meet new people?
It's our nature and character. We are observers by mature and some of us are old souls that do not feel the need to socially integrate with everybody. Ther did also a lot of negative perceptions about us from people because we like quite and they don't. We get shamed for being who we naturally are. Then some assume rudeness because we don't respond the way they want us too. They often seek things from us that they can't get for themselves , and when we don't give it or be honest it comes off as rude. No, most people do not like shy people we know this from day 1 of interacting with others. We just tend to be liked by similar people with similar interest. Or those who are mature enough to tell the difference. Most of us probably just want to be left alone. But are tired of being told that we don't fit in or something wrong with us or we must've depressed and lonely or something. And that is not always true. We just need very few people in our lives. Not a whole bunch of meaningless relationships.
Some also Pointed out some good points too. I as them also have been bullied very young. By family, peers, and yes, even adults. We will avoid situations, with skill, maturity and learned lessons where we will be mocked or seen as unwanted. If nobody do something about the behavior, we might as well assume most people in that group if not all are that way.
We do try to make people feel comfortable around us by making sure we're comfortable first with some peace and quietness. But our quiet nature causes people to have this misconception as if we are pushovers, easily manipulated, socially inept, and even go as far to say that with people Pleasers. The people pleasing however may not be too far from the truth depending on one's personality and character, but for the most part it's done because it's out of pure intent. Not always to try to please others to win the attention of others by some attachment issue. I learned a lot of did a lot unhealthy and toxic people everywhere around you, and most of them are indeed sociopaths in their own right as well as narcissist.
For people like me we sometimes don'tike smiling or have a need of it all the time. We go through a lot of thinking we people. And the last male user has a good idea of it. The most common one that goes through my head is "Okay, who is this person and what do that want with me?" The movie think this way about a certain person, yes we don't do this to everybody, this may be something about you may not like. But it doesn't always mean that you are a bad person. It could be something about what you did in the past, what you're doing now that's not beneficial or healthy for you that will hurt us in the future, or your around certain types of people that are bad influences and now whatever energy that they got you got too.
Most Helpful Opinions
-
When I graduated from high school, my then friend actually wrote in my yearbook that when she first met me she thought I was a stuck up b-tch because I didn't say anything or much when she was so outgoing and welcoming, but it's because it takes a while for me to warm up to people. I'm usually observing for a while and then I might say something or begin to interact more. This is the impression that people often take away when people don't talk or aren't loud or in your face even when you literally have done nothing other than perhaps be quiet. It used to bother me, but it's who I am just like they are who they are and I can't fake being this outgoing in your face person who wants people to like them instantly and so what. Despite the world telling me if you're like that no one will like you, I have great friends, some I've known 20+ years just being who I am and I respect them for learning to get to know me rather than just go by some unfounded assumptions just because I was quiet or shy at first with them.
When shy people have lacked socialization skills with others in person, they are unsure what to say and how to respond when someone new or even slightly familiar approaches us. As a result, people like us are very reserved and quiet, in analyzing and figuring out what the other person wants. We don't mean to come off as rude but at the same time, we don't want to sound foolish either when we're uncertain of how to initiate a conversation or where to begin. Often times, we just wish to be left alone if we're going somewhere to avoid small/long talks or if we do want to approach you, we're not confident enough to know what to say or do. It's mainly a lack of self-confidence and too little of experience being around people as a whole.
When we are approached by new people, we usually think about what you're going to do or say, are afraid of being judged, wondering why we are being approached when it isn't necessary and/or panic in our minds thinking really quickly what to do. Being outgoing must be nice in knowing you don't ever have to fear about what could go wrong but to feel comfortable with socializing to just about anyone you meet! If you're patient with us and understand our point of view, we'll likely open up for you much more comfortably than usual. Where we lack in talking in person, is made up by what we're thinking in our minds; it can be quite overwhelming honestly! Hope this helps with the information you're looking for, regarding shy people!
-
What I usually think is how can I get away with killing them so I can live in peace without them filling my brain with pointless information about their dogs, kids, nails, holidays and whatever else. Sadly, killing them takes too much effort to make it worth it.
What Girls & Guys Said
14
Opinion
22Opinion
-
Seems like you've gotten plenty of awnsers already, but its worth a shot;
They come off as rude because they don't talk much. It makes them look like they are not interested in what you're talking about, when they probably are.
Shy people don't talk because they feel their opinion is unwanted. Once they get more confident, they'll say the occasional thing, but they do not want to interupt someone, or say something that they didn't intend to say.
Shy people do not think differently from others. They simply tend to be too hesitant. They are affraid of being judged. Just keep on talking to them until they get used to you.
Hope this comment is still relevant ^ - 821 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
Because they generally have poor social skills. I used to be that way: I had trouble looking at people directly in the eye, maintaining eye contact, smiling, or just talking to random people. And someone told me my body language was offputting and intimidating. And we're not even gonna talk about my resting bitch face, LOL.
Did I know that? No. But I sucked... and still do to an extent, interacting with others.
Shy people are just like anyone else, we just have a harder time opening up or trusting people. So what's rude to an outsider, is just a shy person being on guard to keep from being hurt, made fun of, or disappointed by another person.
As for what they think about? My first thought is usually, "What do they want?" or, "I wish they would leave me alone..." - 812 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
People always assume either that I am snobby/bitchy or they assume that i'm an innocent little baby who is acting shy because they think they have more wisdom or knowledge than me. Both of these hit me in the face a lot but after a few years I honestly just expect it. If a person thinks I seem rude, then I'll assume they are rude. If someone thinks I'm innocent, I know that they are more innocent than me. People need to stop judging eachother and practice accepting others who are different from them
-
To answer both questions in one what we're most likely thinking is some variation of;
'SH** SH** SH** SH** SH** WHAT DO I SAY? SH** WHAT DO I DO? SH** LOOK AWAY, JUST LOOK AT YOUR PHONE, PRETEND YOU DIDN'T SEE THEM. SH** SH** SH** SH** SH**'
"Oh hey Todd, you waiting for the bus too?"
"Oh hey, yeah I just have to get something from town..""
What you see;
Todd walking to the bus stop doing something on his phone "Oh hey Todd, you waiting for the bus too?" "Oh hey, yeah I just have to get something from town.." Todd playing on his phone or whatever -
I have social anxiety and i'm very shy + I have a resting bitch face. I always want to make friends but as soon as someone approaches me I start to automatically think "please go away" even if it's someone I don't dislike because my anxiety gets too high and I know I won't have any idea what to talk about because my mind goes blank in social situations and I forget and start to stumble over words and talk really fast and I know I will do this so i'm thinking they'll think i'm a total weirdo and so I tense up and probably look very disinterested and annoyed but really the only person i'm annoyed with is myself. I constantly come across as rude or disinterested though. I've been on countless dates where the guy has asked me if i'm not interested in him or why I look like i'm not having a good time.
- 777 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
Shy people sometimes seem rude, because their shyness and the anxiety of meeting people, keeps them from interacting smoothly at times. Hesitation and not responding as others would, can make a shy person seem rude. But in reality, they very often are very kind and caring people, just shy.
-
I guess it could seem like you’re not acknowledging someone’s presence. So they’re ego might get hit a bit and they’ll hate you for it. But here’s my thing if you want a shy person to talk to you so badly why don’t YOU say something. Give them a reason to want to talk to you. Nobody is obligated to talk to anybody
-
Wait, did you just ask me to speculate on a hypothetical abstraction based on a loose fallacy, which is itself based on a subjective reaction to a misperception interpreted through a human mind?😅 ... 😂
(You mean like that?)😅
It's the fact that shy folk don't get the same opportunities to socialize as normal, so they tend to unconsciously "leak" that social anxiety when they do get the chance. -
I've had this issue before because I'm in a big like friend group so I never meet new people and when I do I tend to like keep to myself and people like I'm mean but then I quickly open up and the opinions change. It's because when you like don't talk much and just stare people like you have like an angry face or something.
-
We don't usually mean to come off as rude. Usually we are not use to interacting in person outside of a work setting (like myself) and just feel lost, like we don't know what to talk about or aren't able to follow the conversation that's going on, or there are social cues we are missing and are clueless on reading the room. It takes a lot more effort on our end to sometimes just be there, let alone interact.
-
For me personally it's because growing up I was always bullied by everybody I met so I learned how to not meet people, I'd never get into public situations or interact with anyone but my sisters and when I did I was just constantly thinking of ways to escape before I breakdown crying out of fear of harrassment I still have escape thoughts when talking with people im unfamiliar with...
-
We don’t want to be seen as outsiders or something so we try to blend in, which doesn’t happen all the time. Also we might be doing things that other people see as rude, such as replying to messages after a fee hours (we were actually thinking how we should reply) etc. Me personally I think “okay, I know I’m awkward when it comes to meeting new people, so I’m just gonna fake it till I make it” and it’s working so far lol
-
I was told by a guy classmate once that before we started talking (I talked to him first) he was very intimidated by me 😂 I guess because I just sat in the back doing my own thing and not really talking to anyone. Being shy really sucks, and being shy with social anxiety is even worse.
-
We don’t mean to be, we just don’t always know how to react when someone approaches us, and a million things go through our heads when we meet new people, “why are they talking to me? Did I do something?” “Is my hair/shirt/pants look ok?” “What if I spit and stutter like an idiot?” Etc there’s so much I can’t list it, so much goes through our heads
-
While some people think they're plotting to murder in their mind its not true. What they're really thinking well at least for me is their own emotions. They probably have bad anxiety and are trying to control it like having a fast heart rate or are starting to feel sick. They could also be having some negative thoughts like do I look like crap today? Also some people are just chilled people that feel happy without talking so much.
-
Some people think shy people are rude because they mistakenly think they are being standoffish, or some might say "stuck up". In reality they are just being shy and don't say as much as others, or feel a bit awkward so they don't socialize as much.
-
I can be shy at times. I am usually just nervous about meeting someone new. I don't know what to say. I feel so uncomfortable and I can't wait for the interaction to be over. Other times I avoid particpating altogether which could be perceived as rude. It's to avoid all of the feelings of being uncomfortable. I am going through this right now with a teacher of mine. Only thing is he keeps making it much worse cus everytime he touches my shoulder or something he tells me he isn't being a perv.
-
I'm not really as shy as I use to be back in school, but I could see how I could come off as rude during the few interactions I had a day back then, I wasn't the smartest but I paid attention really well and always at least guessed an answer so I kind of came off as the smart kid, and I could see when people tried using me for answers (I didn't mind but I wanted them to learn the stuff too) so I sometimes refused to give out answers which could come off as rude.
-
I personally don't talk much around new people which leads then to think that I'm being rude. Which is not the case. Because most times I just have nothing to say or I'm afraid I might just make a fool of myself.
- 423 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.
The warm smiles and relaxed manner and pleasantries can be missing when you are nervous and trying to consciously think what to say or do next and not be weird.
Instead you may appear distant, austere and aloof which people do not warm to so readily.
Click "Show More" for your mentions
Most Helpful Opinion(mho) Rate.
Learn more
Learn more
We're glad to see you liked this post.
You can also add your opinion below!
Most Helpful Opinions