Do shy people ever come off as rude to you?

[beebella]

I feel like some people probably think I'm rude because of this...

Shy people are rude

Sometimes they do

I've never thought that of a shy person

[sapphire3506]

I always hear about how people say "they thought I was rude because I'm shy" yet I've never thought that of a shy person. While I'm shy and socially anxious myself, people say they find me intimidating but I don't think they've ever called me rude

[AmandaYVR]

I don't typically think this, but my husband thinks it's what extroverts think of introverts... that they see it as hositility, not shyness.

[AmandaYVR]

I think this could be avoided by shy people giving a quick smile or acknowledgement to others when it comes up. They don't have to engage in full on conversations, but the former would be helpful. I feel like a lot of people avoid eye contact, but this is maybe because for the first time in history demographics have flipped to more urban less rural, so we're packed in tight quarters and get a bit desensitized. Plus, it's normal to want some privacy or alone time. (But if people don't start looking up from their screens once in a while, no one's ever going to interact.)

[ArrowheadSW]

Some people mistake shyness for rudeness or "standoffishness". A lot of the time the person is just shy and they don't mean to come across that way at all.

[Dolemite510]

I can usually tell the difference between shy and someone just being a dick 😂

[beebella]

So you don't think I'm a dick? 🤔😂

[Dolemite510]

Not all the time I suppose 🤔😂

[beebella]

[StingRayxoxo]

Sometimes! People have said that about me too.

[bklynbadboy1]

Really

[SuperManiac]

Not to me so much since I had my shy phase as a teen and so I can usually recognize the difference between shy and unfriendly. Plus it has taught me to be more reluctant to judge whether someone is unfriendly or just shy until I gather more information. That said, while I can empathize, a shy person can still be rather difficult to talk to, so I might not be so eager making an attempt to talk to a shy person for long periods of time. But I at least wouldn't jump to the conclusion that they're rude.

[Dongtai]

I’m not shy I’m sorta reserved which some see as shy. Let’s just say quiet. Quiet people.

Ok. People usually assume I’m rude, mean or stuck up because I don’t go out of my way to make conversation. I’ll become outgoing based on who I’m with. Like my close friends. Especially women. But by default I’ve never been the type to be in everyone’s face.

People just assume I’m mean or something. I have no idea why. I’m the funniest, kindest, coolest and probably the smartest person you’d ever meet. But most people just don’t give off that vibe that makes me want to meet them.

On average, most people talk about nothing important or intellectual. I’m drawn to deep conversations or important topics. If you’re taking about the new car you bought or gossip about your coworker, it’s not going to draw me into the conversation. If I’m attracted to a woman I’ll go up to her and speak because we won’t be introduced otherwise.

So. Do I seem rude?

[ChiTown33]

I imagine they can if the person doesn't know that you're shy. But there is a possibility the person is just rude and shy.
If a shy person is afraid of interaction with people that's one thing. But some just simply expect others to put in all the work and that something else entirely. Rejection is a part of life. And you never know ( people aren't wearing signs) which person is going to be worth the energy. you put forth. I'm a natural introvert as well i'd rather have 10 good friends than 100 acquaintances. But l'm a firm believer god put us hete to interact and help each other so i figjt my natural inclination to keep to myself.

[Anonymous]

This triggered my anxiety. If taking can make people upset, but not talking makes them upset also, is just being around someone enough to make them upset? Is existing in the same space all it takes?

My voice physically can't come out when I'm around somoene new. Its a problem and I need to fix it, but the fear that I'll have an opinion or say something they don't agree with can upsetting them stops me in my tracks. If I know someone, I know what not to talk about or say. New people are like land mines: Say one wrong thing and you've made yourself an enemy.

If not saying anything to someone also makes them mad, then the only option left is to avoid that person. Then they can't be mad by something you did. Or will this also make them mad?

There is no winning.

[AmandaYVR]

Ha, good point. But if you are a basically decent person and you yourself don't think your words are offensive, then you don't need to spend any more emotional energy worrying about whether they are upset. My husband feels the same way as you. But he's slowly interacting more and it's going fine. You know what topics to stay away from.

[Opinion Owner]

@AmandaYVR Seems today that ANYTHING can make people angry. Nothing is off the trigger list. Even this paragraph may trigger someone. People can be brutal.

[Astrid_18]

I chose "Sometimes they do" cuz I'm one of the shy people. Often mistaken as a b*tch.

To be honest, it is rude to ignore or avoid them and where poker face, but it can't be helped. That's normal for people who are shy cuz' they either don't know what to say or do.

I won't say that it is not rude cuz it is. But, it should not matter if we are. It is actually helpful to identify people who'd easily judge you or has a mean personality and makes you have friends who are actually understanding. It's also nice that they get to leave you alone so you can just chill.

That's just my opinion. Again, it shouldn't matter.

[Izumiblu]

Well I hear this all the time. People that aren’t shy often don’t understand why the shy person is being quiet. They can chalk it up to rudeness when they don’t understand the motivation for the person to be quiet.

It’s a social anxiety keeping the person from talking when they otherwise might talk instead of rudeness.

[Swat_]

I am not shy, just awful with people, but I'll tell you one thing: "no one cares".

I am working on socializing, but when I make a mistake it haunts me for a long time. The thing is though, most people probably ignored it or forgot about it. In their world, you are not the center of attention.

The same thing applies with shyness. If you don't speak a lot or said something stupid, no one cares.

It's a really effective method to become more tollerant to what you say or do.

[Anonymous]

depends cuz i have really bad social anxiety and always get mistaken for being shy (huge difference between the two!!!) however when i see a shy person, i usually don't think of them as rude since shyness can, won't always but can, turn into social anxiety

[jennifer_bloom]

I was very shy in high school and a lot of people thought I was stuck up cause I was very pretty so they didn't know why I was so insecure but it was because I had a jealous mother who told me I was ugly and stupid and fat and worthless every day

[Clo917]

To me, no. But I'm also a shy person so I assume they're the same way unless they're displaying clearly rude behavior. I've been told I seem very unapproachable before though, I'm not sure if that's cause I'm shy or what.

[Sensmind]

I know exactly what you are talking about because I am very quiet - Just try and be aware of anyone getting hurt ready to say "Don't worry, it's just me, I am very shy/quiet"

[BestUserName100]

And they probably think you are rude tbh because you are trying to make them do something they aren’t comfortable with doing and wouldn’t do with anyone so shouldn’t take it personal. Some people gotta realize that not everyone is the same.

[Jjpayne]

I think it's important to try and talk to people, even if it's not much. But there are many people that sit silently by themselves too

[Nicolette777]

Yes sometimes if they don’t smile, but most shy people smile awkwardly so I know they don’t mean anything by it.

[naijagurl]

Sometimes they do. Not necessarily because they’re shy but because sometimes when they don’t want to talk they just brush people off.

[BluesheepOwl]

Not always. I find them kind of annoying. Like it's extra work for me to talk to you and honestly not worth it to me. I'd rather talk to someone where it's a two way road

[Curmudgeon]

What is sad is that they often do come across that way, even though in reality they are anything but that.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes they do if they get defensive rather than vulnerable. I’ve been like that at times when I’ve felt drained and just wanted to have time to myself no matter how much I tried to be sociable and failed.

[TurtleTamer]

I used to have a girlfriend who was why hated to talk infornt of people and when ever we went on dates she would just leave 10 mins after it started and I eventualy had to break up with her