What would you do if you found out a guy you knew had been MeTooed?

[WhiteShoulder]

Updates

+1 y

Not somebody I know that well. Just a guy I used to talk to occasionally on the gaming forums whose work I respected.

[hellionthesagereborn]

That is meaningless. It is nothing more then an accusation made and in most cases provably false. Unless their is actual evidence to support the claim then an accusation should not be used to judge a person nor be used as an excuse to destroy their life (especially since the #metoo movement was made up primarily of anonymous women making accusations without evidence and almost none of them sought legal action on top of the fact that these women will never be punished if it turns out they lied (as many have (some of these "rape" accusations didn't even involve rape. Hell Anis Ansari was accused of rape by a woman. By her own admission she went on a date with him, went into his hotel room, made out with him, pulled out a condom and they had sex and at no point in time did she say no nor did she ever attempt to leave, yet she claims she was raped. That's not rape, that's consensual sex (and I don't even like the guy and I can see that this is complete bullshit))). So in this situation I don't think that this is anything more then gossip (and as such is highly unreliable) unless they have evidence and they took legal action within a reasonable time frame (waiting ten to thirty years to make an accusation of rape is simply not acceptable). Even then I think its important to believe in the core principles of our society, namely that a person is innocent until proven guilty (now I think its reasonable to judge some one based upon the evidence (like OJ Simpson was clearly guilty based upon the evidence even though he was acquitted), but a trial must occur first).

[normalice]

To be honest, there isn't anyone I know well enough that an accusation against them could change much about how I interact with them. I guess my boss, but if he were "metood" he'd still be my boss. The company is capable of deciding if they want that kind of PR, without consulting me about it. I mean, I might mention it in a review or something, but otherwise I would continue not to interact with him socially, which I already do because social interaction isn't my thing.

But really, the "shunning" thing seems a little bit self-defeating. Keep it up and soon the political right will consist entirely of rapists and all the girls they deem too unattractive to rape. At that point a bill to legalize rape could very well make it through Congress. This is the cost of division, and the division starts with rejection.

Granted, I don't think they should be forgiven. I think even to ask forgiveness is to force their insecurities onto the woman, again, with the expectation that she will relieve them, again. But a lifetime of guilt because of one moment of sociopathic desperation also isn't fair. But neither is expecting others to accept being collateral damage for a guy's grudging pursuit of civility. It's... complicated. I suppose the only thing we can do is lay the groundwork for stopping it and hope that in 100 years after we are all dead whoever picks up where we left off doesn't have to deal with such complications, and instead can legislate based on the certainty that boys are taught civility before their teenage hormones kick in.

[WhiteShoulder]

Wow. Once again I’m really impressed by your analysis.

[normalice]

Heh. I have my moments,.

[SpacedCharr]

I'd ask the guy what happened.

This has sadly happened to several of my most important and influential men in my life. My doctor (who now has to have women present when he was trusted to be a professional before), my boss (one of the most professional, not at all sexually interested person), and an old teacher friend of mine (happily married for 30+ years and monogamous).

I would ask his side and then FUCKING LISTEN.

Because clearly some woman didn't like something he did - but I bet she never told him. And maybe I'm wrong, in which case I can be justified in my wrath. But until I know my wrath is justified, I do not wish it to harm anyone I know.

If you respected his work, respect him until he gives YOU reason not to.

Just cause some bimbo got her feefees hurt doesn't mean he's deserving of every woman's ire. You're an independent woman, hopefully, so make up your own mind.

[WhiteShoulder]

You raise a very good point. Thank you.

[peachybaby]

I made friends with someone my junior year of high school and was immediately told he forced girls into doing stuff with him. As someone who has been assaulted and almost raped by someone close to them, I was cautious. I asked around and told him what I had heard and he was so upset that something like that was being spread about him. I believe him because he was genuine and I could tell. Allegations are something to take serious no matter what. Unless there was some type of proof for it, I would keep my distance but not seriously judge him.

[WhiteShoulder]

Thank you

[backintown]

Alright what happened when you say he was “metoo’d”. Was there an actual criminal investigation, charges filed and a guilty verdict? That information is usually publicly available.

Or was it just some girl who posted her experience about him, publicly identified him and then using a metoo hashtag? In that situation he is virtually powerless to defend himself.

If it’s the later than you got to take it with a grain of salt. Although radical feminists don’t believe in due process and innocent until proven guilty, most normal everyday people do. You should as well.

[WhiteShoulder]

He hasn’t been criminally charged yet as far as I know

[backintown]

Alright than you need to reserve judgment. Talk is cheap.

While it’s possible he did something it’s equally possible that she is doing this for nefarious purposes.

I would keep your distance from him. But if you and him get in contact for some reason try your best to treat him the way you always did.

What was he accused of anyway?

[WhiteShoulder]

Raping several women over a fifteen year period

[backintown]

Wow. Well remember it is just her so far saying this. Did she claim to be one of the victims?

[WhiteShoulder]

I heard it second hand. Not from one of the victims.

[backintown]

Again talk is cheap. It could still be a horrible rumor. If is the person making it can be sued for character assassination.

I would Google his name along with the words arrest. If nothing pops up than there is real chance this is still hearsay.

[WhiteShoulder]

Okay. Thanks.

[backintown]

I hate how many women and some guys panic when hearing these rumors. Do your due diligence first.

[thibaudddd]

I am a victim of a false rape claim... It is one of the worst things that can happen.. in the beginning you will be hated by some.. In the end when i explained and showed proof of my innocense i got most respect back. But to some people i am still that guy (she was my girlfriend for a year but we didn't do it at all. Also she told everybody once that she was pregnant from a friend of mine (i didn't know this at the time).

I would say dont judge and listen to both storys first. Then judge politely

[_Abel_]

I agree. Innocent until proven guilty beyond reasonable doubt. So always get both sides of the story. Good on you, mate, for getting through that phase of life. Respect.

[confusedrepeatedly]

Metoo is a movement that needed to be made however now that it's made everyone aware of the problems it can go away the problem is that it isn't it's getting bigger and there just aren't that many sexual assaults actually happening which means that some people in order to keep the movement alive are creating a reason to keep it alive
By doing awful things to innocent men
It's gotten to the point where a man is afraid to admit that he was sexually abused/assaulted by a woman bec he was scared and rightly so that she would just blame him and everyone would believe her over him
This movement has given women the power they deserve however now that they have it some are abusing it and while it's still a necessary movement it can start calming down a bit
Should men be scared to abuse a women yes that's why the movement is good
Should men be afraid to report there own sexual assault stories out of fear it will only turn on them? I think not

[LesterJester]

I'd do nothing because publicly calling someone out claiming they did something wrong is no proof of anything, it isn't evidence and if they did do something, take them to court and prove them guilty.

Anybody can claim anything happened. Maybe what was claimed was true and indeed happened... Or maybe someone is being vindictive and wants to ruin someone else's life out of petty reasons, or maybe they just want attention and ride the bandwagon.

I believe in the rule of law, not public witch hunts.

[_SOARER_]

Girls come after me at every job I work at
I had to deny the head of operations, she always grabs my arms at company gatherings, sits next to me, rests her head on my shoulder, once she even began rubbing my thigh, I was as red as a tomato. She is like 40.
Metoo, but I would never ruin her career over it. This woman needs affection, just wish she went somewhere else for it.

[WhiteShoulder]

I totally get it

[kim45456]

Wtf. She is sick. Report her

[_SOARER_]

@kim45456 not gonna ruin her life over something like this

[Randomawkwardness]

I mean if it's just a claim by some girl and wasn't ever looked into and that isn't the kind of vibe you get off of him then I wouldn't believe it. However, if she seems pretty credible and wouldn't have anything to gain from it or he has always been a little touchy then I would distance myself from him

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks

[FatherJack]

Nothing , unless he was found guilty in a court of law , after due process was followed , and including hard DNA evidence. Unfortunately , in the Western 1 st World countries , a woman accusing a man of anything means by default that he is considered to be guilty , unless he can prove his innocence. Even then , the damage is often done. Also , women are rarely punished for the double crime of false accusations , not only is it pure malice aimed at the man in question , with the intention of destroying his life , but hinders justice for REAL victims of sexual crimes.

[ClearerAtN1ght]

Well it's hard to say. Does it sound like a legitimate claim? I'm all for innocent until proven guilty but you have to look at the facts if you know them.

I've found out guys that I thought were great were actually scumbags.

Also, known a few good guys that had fingers pointed at them when they hadn't done something.

But if you don't know him well I'd be cautious about either supporting him or shunning him as knowing all the facts in the case is hard.

[WhiteShoulder]

Good point

[GigiMary]

It would depend. If the claim was substantiated I would be uncomfortable to downright fearful around him depending on the crime. If it was unsubstantiated I would assume whether I should be worried based on my impressions, and try to find the motives of the accuser to gauge it's legitimacy.

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks

[jgokgotit]

It depends. If the evidence was strong enough I would shun him. This does not mean I would shun someone with the conviction. I mean strong enough evidence for me to believe the accusation. If it was just an accusation and nothing more I would not think differently of the guy. 90% of men will be accused of abuse, sexual misconduct and/or something similar just due to a woman being emotional and nothing more.

[WhiteShoulder]

I hate it when people say I'm being overly emotional

[jgokgotit]

@WhiteShoulder I am not saying all women are. I actually believe most women until the evidence proves otherwise. However, I myself was accused of raping a woman when I have never had sexual relations of any kind. My career was almost ruined, even though I took the burden to prove my own innocence.

[WhiteShoulder]

I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's horrible.

[jgokgotit]

It's ok. Everything did work out in the end. I was lucky to have my girlfriend stand up for me. Without her help it would have been my word against the accuser's word.

[WhiteShoulder]

Good

[Hai_tis_E]

Depends on the situation, how long ago it was and if he is guilty/ shows remorse for it. I wouldn't want to be the "he hasn't done it to me so I dont believe it" type. I'm a believer that you shouldn't let people's past mistakes play a big part in their future

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks

[Lucaiden]

This thread seems to have legitiment points from men and women get angry at them for defending and legitment points from women and men getring butthurt because it goes against what they think, how about this, you've only heard it, since hearsay isn't admissible in the court it shouldn't be admissible to ur opinions of them, so just stay the same as you always have until he's proven to have done it, simple as.

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks

[Mädchen]

it happend to someone know. my cousins husband has a stepdaugther (13) and a son (3) from a former relationship. the stepdaugther said he touched her inappropiatelly cause her mother pushed her to say it. she had to talk to different psychologist about it and they all said she is probably lying. she latter admited she lied. but he still isn't allowed to see his son till this day.

[Mädchen]

*13 and 3. I wrotte this with my Notebook and somehow it Looks different in the App😅

[Bananaman177]

If you mean falsely accused of rape, I know three different guys who have had that happen to them.

It's a lot more common than most women like to admit. I think there's more false accusations than real ones, especially when you consider that women who really are raped almost never come forward, they just wallow in their own self-pity while their rapist gets to walk free and rape other girls. They don't even think about coming forward to protect the next victim. They only care about their own suffering.

If somebody raped me, I'd make goddamn sure I was the last person they ever did it to. But women just don't think that way, I guess. Worry about themselves only.

[WhiteShoulder]

OMG I am not Liking this

[viajen]

What a dumb response.

It's actually something like 80% of claims by women are true.

And you're doing a typical uneducated response of thinking you would still be able to do anything after being completely stripped of any power over the other person.
Especially if the other person was magnitudes stronger than you.

I'd like to see you lose a fight to someone and still try to stand up to them.

Fear is the greatest way to keep someone silent for a long time.
You've proven you have no understanding of the situation.

[viajen]

However I can agree that metoo is a witch hunt, and people need to hear both sides of the story.

[R_Cakes91]

Wow... so rape victims should feel guilty for not coming forward? You have no idea what it’s like to be raped. It’s absolutely and completely horrible. I didn’t come forward because I was very mentally unstable and probably would have committed suicide if I had. I can’t believe you’re judging rape victims, ugh!!

[Janncis]

@R_Cakes91 what the fuck, and how about man whos life have been destroyed by false acusations? There are plenty of them who have made suicide, aren't there lives important to?
Oh yee kill all man, we dont need man, man are obsolete. Tnx you

[bullring725]

As someone who was once falsely accused, investigated, then cleared of any wrongdoing, I know it does happen, but will never claim it happens so rampantly like some guys believe. I have no doubt there are many more cases of actual incidents than fabricated ones.

[Bananaman177]

@viajen Have you ever heard of GUNS?

[Bananaman177]

@R_Cakes91 I judge anyone who is the victim of a violent crime who doesn't come forward and report it, not just rape. Like I said, you're letting your rapist go free to rape again. Think about the next victim, not just yourself and your own feelings. Suck it up, Buttercup. Be strong for the next victim.

[genericname85]

you mean a guy who has been falsely accused by bullshit or a guy who did actually rape a person?

[WhiteShoulder]

Everyone who knows the facts better than I do seems to think he did it

[genericname85]

Well I mean there must be ways to figure that out.

[Dali-chan]

Stop hanging out with them, and avoid being alone with them. Don’t care if the statement may be false, cause I won’t risk to be sexually assaulted, just to give the benefit of doubts to a man

[WhiteShoulder]

Good point

[FakeName123]

There is nothing that can be done. I know of a case from before the entire #metoo movement. The entire court was filled with only women and they had zero evidence but wanted to convict him. So what they did was giving him the "slap-on-the-wrist"-punishment with social services to at least "punish" him at all. Was a farce.

I've also been the victim of false accusations, but not in the sexual nature. It's a complete mess and no one beliefs you rather than the accuser.

[winterfox10]

It's especially bad when a few different women accuse you of inappropriate behavior. Because then, even if someone wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt; you have multiple women saying that you are a weirdo. Women tend to gang up and band together over these things, and because hindsight is most definitely NOT 20/20; one woman's experience will tint and reinforce the experience of another.

[SydneySentinel]

Hard situation... innocent until proven guilty. Unfortunately though, it's hard not to consider rumors about a person.

[R4vedave]

If there was evidence and a credible story, then I'd completely cut off all contact with the guy, and advise the rest of my friends to do the same.

[WhiteShoulder]

Thanks

[backdoorman]

I would wish I never found out and would try to forget about it because I don't know what happened or whether he was guilty of innocent, and I'll probably never know, and I hate how people get tried in the court of public opinion.

[WhiteShoulder]

Good point