What would you do if you found out a guy you knew had been MeTooed?

Question

hellionthesagereborn · Accepted Answer

That is meaningless. It is nothing more then an accusation made and in most cases provably false. Unless their is actual evidence to support the claim then an accusation should not be used to judge a person nor be used as an excuse to destroy their life (especially since the #metoo movement was made up primarily of anonymous women making accusations without evidence and almost none of them sought legal action on top of the fact that these women will never be punished if it turns out they lied (as many have (some of these "rape" accusations didn't even involve rape. Hell Anis Ansari was accused of rape by a woman. By her own admission she went on a date with him, went into his hotel room, made out with him, pulled out a condom and they had sex and at no point in time did she say no nor did she ever attempt to leave, yet she claims she was raped. That's not rape, that's consensual sex (and I don't even like the guy and I can see that this is complete bullshit))). So in this situation I don't think that this is anything more then gossip (and as such is highly unreliable) unless they have evidence and they took legal action within a reasonable time frame (waiting ten to thirty years to make an accusation of rape is simply not acceptable). Even then I think its important to believe in the core principles of our society, namely that a person is innocent until proven guilty (now I think its reasonable to judge some one based upon the evidence (like OJ Simpson was clearly guilty based upon the evidence even though he was acquitted), but a trial must occur first).

normalice · Accepted Answer

To be honest, there isn't anyone I know well enough that an accusation against them could change much about how I interact with them. I guess my boss, but if he were "metood" he'd still be my boss. The company is capable of deciding if they want that kind of PR, without consulting me about it. I mean, I might mention it in a review or something, but otherwise I would continue not to interact with him socially, which I already do because social interaction isn't my thing.

But really, the "shunning" thing seems a little bit self-defeating. Keep it up and soon the political right will consist entirely of rapists and all the girls they deem too unattractive to rape. At that point a bill to legalize rape could very well make it through Congress. This is the cost of division, and the division starts with rejection.

Granted, I don't think they should be forgiven. I think even to ask forgiveness is to force their insecurities onto the woman, again, with the expectation that she will relieve them, again. But a lifetime of guilt because of one moment of sociopathic desperation also isn't fair. But neither is expecting others to accept being collateral damage for a guy's grudging pursuit of civility. It's... complicated. I suppose the only thing we can do is lay the groundwork for stopping it and hope that in 100 years after we are all dead whoever picks up where we left off doesn't have to deal with such complications, and instead can legislate based on the certainty that boys are taught civility before their teenage hormones kick in.

SpacedCharr · Accepted Answer

I'd ask the guy what happened.

This has sadly happened to several of my most important and influential men in my life. My doctor (who now has to have women present when he was trusted to be a professional before), my boss (one of the most professional, not at all sexually interested person), and an old teacher friend of mine (happily married for 30+ years and monogamous).

I would ask his side and then FUCKING LISTEN.

Because clearly some woman didn't like something he did - but I bet she never told him. And maybe I'm wrong, in which case I can be justified in my wrath. But until I know my wrath is justified, I do not wish it to harm anyone I know.

If you respected his work, respect him until he gives YOU reason not to.

Just cause some bimbo got her feefees hurt doesn't mean he's deserving of every woman's ire. You're an independent woman, hopefully, so make up your own mind.

peachybaby · Accepted Answer

I made friends with someone my junior year of high school and was immediately told he forced girls into doing stuff with him. As someone who has been assaulted and almost raped by someone close to them, I was cautious. I asked around and told him what I had heard and he was so upset that something like that was being spread about him. I believe him because he was genuine and I could tell. Allegations are something to take serious no matter what. Unless there was some type of proof for it, I would keep my distance but not seriously judge him.

backintown · Answer

Alright what happened when you say he was “metoo’d”. Was there an actual criminal investigation, charges filed and a guilty verdict? That information is usually publicly available.

Or was it just some girl who posted her experience about him, publicly identified him and then using a metoo hashtag? In that situation he is virtually powerless to defend himself.

If it’s the later than you got to take it with a grain of salt. Although radical feminists don’t believe in due process and innocent until proven guilty, most normal everyday people do. You should as well.

thibaudddd · Answer

I am a victim of a false rape claim... It is one of the worst things that can happen.. in the beginning you will be hated by some.. In the end when i explained and showed proof of my innocense i got most respect back. But to some people i am still that guy (she was my girlfriend for a year but we didn't do it at all. Also she told everybody once that she was pregnant from a friend of mine (i didn't know this at the time).

I would say dont judge and listen to both storys first. Then judge politely

confusedrepeatedly · Answer

Metoo is a movement that needed to be made however now that it's made everyone aware of the problems it can go away the problem is that it isn't it's getting bigger and there just aren't that many sexual assaults actually happening which means that some people in order to keep the movement alive are creating a reason to keep it alive
By doing awful things to innocent men
It's gotten to the point where a man is afraid to admit that he was sexually abused/assaulted by a woman bec he was scared and rightly so that she would just blame him and everyone would believe her over him
This movement has given women the power they deserve however now that they have it some are abusing it and while it's still a necessary movement it can start calming down a bit
Should men be scared to abuse a women yes that's why the movement is good
Should men be afraid to report there own sexual assault stories out of fear it will only turn on them? I think not

LesterJester · Answer

I'd do nothing because publicly calling someone out claiming they did something wrong is no proof of anything, it isn't evidence and if they did do something, take them to court and prove them guilty.

Anybody can claim anything happened. Maybe what was claimed was true and indeed happened... Or maybe someone is being vindictive and wants to ruin someone else's life out of petty reasons, or maybe they just want attention and ride the bandwagon.

I believe in the rule of law, not public witch hunts.

_SOARER_ · Answer

Girls come after me at every job I work at
I had to deny the head of operations, she always grabs my arms at company gatherings, sits next to me, rests her head on my shoulder, once she even began rubbing my thigh, I was as red as a tomato. She is like 40.
Metoo, but I would never ruin her career over it. This woman needs affection, just wish she went somewhere else for it.

Randomawkwardness · Answer

I mean if it's just a claim by some girl and wasn't ever looked into and that isn't the kind of vibe you get off of him then I wouldn't believe it. However, if she seems pretty credible and wouldn't have anything to gain from it or he has always been a little touchy then I would distance myself from him

FatherJack · Answer

Nothing , unless he was found guilty in a court of law , after due process was followed , and including hard DNA evidence. Unfortunately , in the Western 1 st World countries , a woman accusing a man of anything means by default that he is considered to be guilty , unless he can prove his innocence. Even then , the damage is often done. Also , women are rarely punished for the double crime of false accusations , not only is it pure malice aimed at the man in question , with the intention of destroying his life , but hinders justice for REAL victims of sexual crimes.

ClearerAtN1ght · Answer

Well it's hard to say. Does it sound like a legitimate claim? I'm all for innocent until proven guilty but you have to look at the facts if you know them.

I've found out guys that I thought were great were actually scumbags.

Also, known a few good guys that had fingers pointed at them when they hadn't done something.

But if you don't know him well I'd be cautious about either supporting him or shunning him as knowing all the facts in the case is hard.

GigiMary · Answer

It would depend. If the claim was substantiated I would be uncomfortable to downright fearful around him depending on the crime. If it was unsubstantiated I would assume whether I should be worried based on my impressions, and try to find the motives of the accuser to gauge it's legitimacy.

jgokgotit · Answer

It depends. If the evidence was strong enough I would shun him. This does not mean I would shun someone with the conviction. I mean strong enough evidence for me to believe the accusation. If it was just an accusation and nothing more I would not think differently of the guy. 90% of men will be accused of abuse, sexual misconduct and/or something similar just due to a woman being emotional and nothing more.

Hai_tis_E · Answer

Depends on the situation, how long ago it was and if he is guilty/ shows remorse for it. I wouldn't want to be the "he hasn't done it to me so I dont believe it" type. I'm a believer that you shouldn't let people's past mistakes play a big part in their future

Lucaiden · Answer

This thread seems to have legitiment points from men and women get angry at them for defending and legitment points from women and men getring butthurt because it goes against what they think, how about this, you've only heard it, since hearsay isn't admissible in the court it shouldn't be admissible to ur opinions of them, so just stay the same as you always have until he's proven to have done it, simple as.

Mädchen · Answer

it happend to someone know. my cousins husband has a stepdaugther (13) and a son (3) from a former relationship. the stepdaugther said he touched her inappropiatelly cause her mother pushed her to say it. she had to talk to different psychologist about it and they all said she is probably lying. she latter admited she lied. but he still isn't allowed to see his son till this day.

Bananaman177 · Answer

If you mean falsely accused of rape, I know three different guys who have had that happen to them.

It's a lot more common than most women like to admit. I think there's more false accusations than real ones, especially when you consider that women who really are raped almost never come forward, they just wallow in their own self-pity while their rapist gets to walk free and rape other girls. They don't even think about coming forward to protect the next victim. They only care about their own suffering.

If somebody raped me, I'd make goddamn sure I was the last person they ever did it to. But women just don't think that way, I guess. Worry about themselves only.

genericname85 · Answer

you mean a guy who has been falsely accused by bullshit or a guy who did actually rape a person?

Dali-chan · Answer

Stop hanging out with them, and avoid being alone with them. Don’t care if the statement may be false, cause I won’t risk to be sexually assaulted, just to give the benefit of doubts to a man

FakeName123 · Answer

There is nothing that can be done. I know of a case from before the entire #metoo movement. The entire court was filled with only women and they had zero evidence but wanted to convict him. So what they did was giving him the "slap-on-the-wrist"-punishment with social services to at least "punish" him at all. Was a farce.

I've also been the victim of false accusations, but not in the sexual nature. It's a complete mess and no one beliefs you rather than the accuser.

SydneySentinel · Answer

Hard situation... innocent until proven guilty. Unfortunately though, it's hard not to consider rumors about a person.

R4vedave · Answer

If there was evidence and a credible story, then I'd completely cut off all contact with the guy, and advise the rest of my friends to do the same.

backdoorman · Answer

I would wish I never found out and would try to forget about it because I don't know what happened or whether he was guilty of innocent, and I'll probably never know, and I hate how people get tried in the court of public opinion.

SexyAshh · Answer

Uhmm honestly? I would probably laugh becAuse i would think he was joking.  For the most part i think most of the metoo movement in general turned into a joke so..🤷‍♀️

DanOh2018 · Answer

Honestly, wouldn't be surprised. Horny guys do stupid shit. Personally acknowledging that is how I wound up being polyamorous, that way you can just be normal rather than get all wound up and creepy. Not that I've ever done anything me to worthy, my point is just that repression is not a good long term strategy and it drives some guys into doing aweful stuff.

SkipStop · Answer

I will be by his side and back him up in every way I can. Ask him to tell me exactly what he wants me to say to anyone who asks me so we are on the same page. 99% of the time it's a false accusation. Gotta stop this misandry.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Realistically, the immense majority of sexual allegations by women are true statistically, however, I don't accept allegations as automatically true unless there are at least 2 to 3 witnesses or testimonies.

kittycat119 · Answer

Depends what he's getting metooed about and if it's true or not

Sacrilege_is_hawt · Answer

Id treat it like any rumor i heard. Might keep my distance just to be safe, but wouldn't judge the guy unless i knew for sure he did it. Innocent until proven guilty.

BluesheepOwl · Answer

What does that mean? Like he was sexually harassed? I would feel bad for him. That's messed up.

BrotherFrost · Answer

Don't get involved. However please notice that if it was a reverse situation, and if a female claimed she has been raped, people (mostly feminists) would demand that you side with the "victim".

NickiB · Answer

I would be disappointed and ask that person to give his side of the story.

COMMODOREII · Answer

I'd be shocked. The friends i make are usually good people for a reason. But if he acted like that behind women's backs i wouldn't be surprised.

viajen · Answer

Try and hear both sides. Work out for yourself if he is pushing your personal limits of decency.

vivmatt · Answer

Doesn't mean he's a bad guy. Does mean he's got drama surrounding him. We're not in high school. Stay away from the drama or it'll suck you in somehow

Cherokeehp · Answer

I’d just avoid him. He’s innocent until proven guilty but I’d rather not welcome someone with that kind of drama into my life.

Kdude010 · Answer

Proof or I call bs. Too many men get falsely accused and their lifetime career goes down the drain along with their reputation. Believe it or not, it might be surprising for others, but women lie too.

purplepoppy · Answer

It would depend more on who I had the better relationship with and who's word I had learnt to trust the most.

LogicBomber · Answer

Assume like most others that he was horribly falsely accused and some bitch used him as a way of trying to be part of a shit movement.

Exorcist_Rampage · Answer

I am not familiar what that means. Can you inform me?

Creepazoid · Answer

I would feel for him and hate #Metoo movement even more than I do now

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

I would take the guys side automatically out of spite because people have the nerve to say you should believe the accuser.

Agape93 · Answer

Depends on who it is. One of my friends is a eunuch lol

Liam_Hayden · Answer

Nothing. Anyone can make an accusation. Is there compelling evidence? If not, I do not even consider it credible.

worldscolide · Answer

If it was false allegations, I'd be supportive, if on the other hand it was true I'd break contact... 9 times out of 10 though it's false.

Anonymous · Answer

I will support him and stand with him till my last breath, MeToo is the shining symbol of toxic female behavior, not toxic male behavior!

HeavyRoller · Answer

Your question is vague. What do you mean by, "What would you do?" Are you asking if you should date him? I mean, what is there TO do?

yourfavperson · Answer

Wdym? Did he sexually assault someone or the other way?

Shamalien · Answer

I'd look into the allegations and make my own judgement

Guanfei · Answer

Is there real proofs he did something? And by real proof, I mean something else than a woman saying he did it. "Dude, trust me" isn't a proof.

Anonymous · Answer

And all of a sudden you dropped him like a turd in a toilet. Yet I'm sure you think you're not judgmental. Did you get the full story or did you just jumped to conclusions?

LuWe22 · Answer

What does that even mean? Does it means he was accused of rape? If yes ask him what he thinks about it.

dman2796 · Answer

Want to see what’s really up, I don’t trust statements anymore, I wanna see evidence or proof.

TITAN-IDC · Answer

Revenge backstab and gosip happens.. I would test the waters.. Look for red flags... Not sure..

OddBeMe · Answer

Make sure he learned his lesson. Any second strikes should be recorded.

ask4any · Answer

Please excuse my ignorance but I have no clue what MeTooed. Is

JesseJayNeak · Answer

I would support him because I believe the presumption of innocence

DWD1994 · Answer

I'd want to see actual evidence, not just he-said, she-said.

ToxxAndy · Answer

can you elaborate? i do not recongnize the term Metooed

Apope16 · Answer

What does that even mean?

Wowgirl30q · Answer

WTH I don't know sounds 👎

ACupOfFrosting · Answer

Metooed as in a rapist or a survivor

gotc147 · Answer

Proof or it didn't happen.

What would you do if you found out a guy you knew had been MeTooed?

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Guys, if you found out that a guy had assaulted your girlfriend years ago what would you do about it? Would you reach out to him?

What would you do if you found out a guy you knew had been MeTooed?

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Guys, if you found out that a guy had assaulted your girlfriend years ago what would you do about it? Would you reach out to him?

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