Why do I get unattractive women on dating apps?

[Anonymous]

So I’ve done everything that I’m suppose to do to make myself look more “attractive” by going to the gym for five years, having a face care routine, getting into style, etc. So I started a tinder the other day and after one whole day I say that I had 60 girls who liked my profile. So I swiped right on everyone to see who these people were and every one of them was unattractive and/or overweight. So what gives? I’ve done the “self improvement” right? Where are the attractive girls that are suppose to be somehow now attracted to me?

[Anonymous]

Another guy on Tinder... Jesus Christ... Anybody would think that the only way you can meet girls is on Tinder. It's so annoying to see the number of guys who think like this.

Look, unless you're ridiculously good looking you're not going to do well on Tinder. You're wasting your time there. That's because Tinder is nothing like real life - the cards are stacked against you there for many reasons.

The male:female ratio is about 10:1. This gives the women there a much larger number of options in comparison to men.

I think that the reason so many guys only use Tinder is because they're so afraid to talk to women in real life. They don't meet women in their day to day lives, out on weekends etc. So they go there because they're sexually unsuccessful.

Then they, just like yourself, get barely any matches and only from women they usually wouldn't be attracted to. Over time they become sexually frustrated, and they start to think that maybe they should lower their standards. And they do. They just message any girl that isn't completely hideous - although some of them do stoop to that level too.

Then they become thirsty. Then you have these average looking women - 4s, 5s, 6s - who have all of these guys trying to pull them. Some of these guys are good looking. Therefore they think that they're the shit, and they start to actually think that they're 8s, 9s and10s.

You might be an 7 in looks, and you swipe on a 5. She's getting messages from better looking guys than you, so she thinks she's at least an 8. In the street, in a nightclub, where ever else you wouldn't give her a second look, but on Tinder she sees you as being below her.

That's why it's a stupid idea to try to use Tinder.

If you can get over approach anxiety and fear of overt rejection, which is literally the only reason so many guys use Tinder, meeting women in real life is so much easier. There's so much more to attraction than whether or not you're photogenic, which is all that mattes on Tinder. About 93% of communication is non-verbal. Your body language, mannerisms, eye contact, voice, your "energy", your "vibe". All of that is lost online.

[Avicenna]

This is the best explanation on this topic I've ever seen.

[Asker]

And so you’re saying that attractive women don’t pick the most genetically superior males? What about racial differences? Height? Weight? Your explanation of tinder makes sense but the real world explanation seems too naive.

[Opinion Owner]

@Avicenna

Thanks.

Asker

It's more complex than that. It's not naive at all and it isn't some blue pill bullshit. it's based on my own experience and my understanding of game. I was an incel at one point, learned game, then had no trouble finding women.

The trouble with many guys, especially those who obsess over tinder and online stuff, is too much logical thinking. Kind of like being autistic, they can understand logic and may be very intelligent in logic based thing, but when it comes to understanding social situations and psychology they struggle. It's either that or just looking for excuses not to try different approaches - i. e. if tinder doesn't work, real life won't work - therefore I don't have to get uncomfortable approaching women in real life.

But that's where I know for a fact that self improvement ia not false hope.

[brennanhuff]

I don't know what it is about in person too. There is a lot to attraction like you said with personality and looks combined. I think dating apps in general are garbage for most guys except those with high status careers or model good looks. I don't buy simply good looking guys would do well. There's good looking, then there's jimmy garrapolo handsome. Yeah the jimmy g's will do well on tinder. But women don't face plant from being distracted by me, but I've never had an issue getting women's attention whether from my sense of humor or from my looks. Even at 38 that hasn't stopped younger women checking me out, actually women from a greater age range give me eyes. mid 20s-late 20s, actually some early 20s. women in 30s and 40s as well and different races and ethnicities too.

I think part is I look younger than I am. I'm often confused to be thought that I'm 30 or 31 instead. Anywhoo, despite that, I get likes on tinder but women way far away or big women and I think fake profiles. Bumble, more often they aren't women that are attractive. I'm not being picky, I don't just swipe on hot women, but will for fairly cute women too. Anyway it's such a big difference between online and in person. If one were to base my looks on my dating online succes, you'd think I was the hunch back of notre dame. But then in person getting checked out, googly eyes, a coffee for free because a cute barista thought I was cute. It is kind of annoying tho when pretty women use it when you know they are very social. There's some I know who play on a ton of co ed sports leagues many days of the week, yet I saw her profile show up on bumble. I'm thinking like none of the dudes on your team or the many teams you've played on or seen out were attractive to you? Or she just wants more attention than the much she already has

[Anonymous]

Dude don't take it personal ( i know, easier said than done). Online dating is a s*** show. You have 4 types of women on dating sites. 1. You have the fat and ugly women they make up the bulk (no pun intended) they're on their mainly because theycan't find anyone in real life so don't rub sand in their wound. Just politely tell them not intetested but wish them luck. Secondly you have the decent (avg) looking women. They may have a kid by now, they may have a drug habit, they may be jobless. Simply put if they're doable and a decent woman some guy would have snatchex them up by now. Thrdly there's the attractive women. They're not even intetested. Why would they be? They're typically not nice peoe and are on thete simply for the attenrion. Finally there are the catfish posing as attractive women. They usually message YOU with something obviously transparent like "hi handsome". Lol women don't do that.

In short welcome to the world of online dating unless your standards are through the floor you're best totry your prospects in real life.

[brennanhuff]

I think what's frustrating for guys tho or could be. I know comparison is the thief of joy but I wasn't so bothered by bumble as I had a few dates which is better then a lot of guys. It's one thing to get matches but even harder to make those into a date. Most weren't who I'd find that attractive tho one was quite cute. Situations happened where a second date didn't happen. But anyway a friend using bumble seems to have a date or two once a month and the woman is pretty. He's a good guy and happy for him. I think it's more about that I can't get much dates or attractive women. Since then no likes from women I find attractive or they don';t respond in the 24 hour window. Even if I did get dates but he got more I wouldn't care because he's a good guy and is handsome and got a good personality. But I don't believe he's a 100 times more attractive which results seem to imply that. But it might not be about just looks. I've worked on my profile and it's improved and had others look at pics and made it funny. But he does have a higher status career than mine too. I like my job it pays well, but it doesn't have the title like his. But yeah bumble and dating apps have left a bitter taste in my mouth, because I feel I'm an attractive guy but feel overlooked and undervalued on bumble or tinder. I think tinder has turned very scammy which is why i've used bumble more

[Opinion Owner]

@brennanhuff well I don't consider myself an very attractive guy. I always figured my substance, what I had to say would be my saving grace. What I discovered was kind of the opposite. I completely erased my bio. And posted all new pictures. Action pictures, pictures of me at music festivals, at parties etc. (And I'm pretty much a home body most the time). And I got 5 times the response from women when I did that.
It's pretty clear why when you think about it. Women do not make very sound choices. They'd date a serial killer if he drew her interest.
My advice to guys is post interesting pics. Pics that tell a story. And say as little as possible. The less you say the greater the odds you won't say something that turns her off.

[neurolove]

There are just less attractive people , on average, in the world. The odds of you coming across them in one day looking, are low. Give it time. Or look twice. People don't always take good pictures. And some pictures are not as great in person. Try to go by substance of a person as well.

[Asker]

It’s more than not taking good pictures. 3/4 of these women are overweight and have unattractive features. I’m not overweight. I’m only 140 pounds

[Flower7]

You should try a dating site where you're able to send messages whether they've liked your pic or not. Then you can choose your own attractive women to talk to. If you chat with only attractive women, sooner or later, some of them will be interested in you.

[Avicenna]

I understand where you're coming from on this, but the truth no one is entitled to anything when it comes to dating.

You shouldn't be surprised in the least that you're encountering women you find unattractive and/or overweight. Attractive women have lots of options and don't have trouble attracting guys without going on dating apps.

Your main focus should still be meeting women IRL, where you can approach attractive ones rather than expecting to have one drop into your lap with one swipe.

[Games_]

This right here lol, if I was an attractive guy, and I had constant women on me everyday I'd just be picky

[Games_]

Umm maybe because your using a dating app, where women fucking control the entire thing. U see, tinder is the shallowist place because the population of guys is insane and girls can get what ever they want there. Those attractive girls dont think you are ugly, they can just get better easily lol.

The fat ugly chicks can't be picky.

Your overthinking it. And self improvement isn't false hope lol.

there's many things a body can do for you and a nice hair style, your just whining and entitled

[Asker]

And let me ask you this. Why is tinder such a big company? A dating app aimed at the 18/24 age demographic being a multimillion (possible multi billion) dollar company. If the world isn’t shallow, there would be no market for Tinder to survive in. It’s basic economic principles. I’m not saying everyone is shallow, but a lot of people, especially in the 18-24 age demographic, tend to favor looks more than personality. Both are very important, but looks exceeds by a little bit when it comes to importance for the majority of attractive women. If they don’t think I’m optimal, then I’m ugly to them. The best I could get is a platonic friendship. In this situation, it’s a zero sum game.

[Asker]

Self improvement isn’t false hope. I was stretching a little when I said that. However, it’s a half truth. It can only improve your SMV by small deviations, but you can’t make a huge jump in attractiveness doing so. Like I’ve said, I’ve been lifting for five years. Managed to gain about 20-25 pounds of muscle. I’ve been complimented for my style before as well as I’ve been improving that too. However, no attractive girls. I don’t feel entitled, it was to make a point.

[Asker]

any market*

[Games_]

You sound like one of those.

Yes I didn't deny looks matter. But think of the platform ur using as the gender that runs it.

If u had 100 girls running down ur neck every day on a site, maybe a few of em might be insanely hot, ull be picky off looks too.

Outside of tinder people compensate because u dont get that lineage.

Also yeah women like looks, but I honestly think they only care if the guy is like model looking, one of the few percents.

[Games_]

Women in general go for value, not looks alone. Your value as a person to them is what they want. Looks are like a percentage of what matters to women lol. Obviously there will be some shallow women but it's honestly not a big number as you think

[Asker]

Compensation happens if the girl is unattractive herself (unless the guy has money or status because that’s a different situation) . Since she can’t attract the guys who are at the peak of attraction, she has to lessen the importance of looks and strengthen the importance of personality. Have you ever heard an attractive girl say “Your personality is more important than your looks”? Not likely, because it isn’t likely for attractive girls to have such a laissez faire filtering system. You can improve your looks, but if it boils down to your actual genetic structure, there isn’t much you can do.

[Asker]

No one said that looks were the only thing that mattered.

[Games_]

But you say this, and u would constantly see attractive girls with ugly men daily. Why? Because they have some sort of value to them.

Be realistic. Out of all these ugly men getting 7s and 8s, do you think every single one of them is rich and famous?

Its until u see these ugly guys with these girls in public, ull start making excuses on how they got that girl.

But in reality they just have a good value.

Personality and being interesting goes a long way, this isn't some sugar coating nonsense.

And honestly why do you want a girl that's extremely shallow? She's most likely gonna cheat on you once she sees a man that's better lol

[MustachePenguin]

The prettiest of birds are the first to get taken. It's too late for you, if you want to date a better looking bird then you have to wait until you're 40 and the recently divorced mothers start popping out of the woodwork.

[OlderAndWiser]

Unattractive girls are more proactive on dating sites and they play "the numbers game:" send out enough messages, likes, etc. and, eventually, one will result in a date.

[thegirlfromthething]

Taking those steps doesn’t automatically mean you’re attractive. You could still have an ugly face or something, even with clear skin and a nice body.

[Asker]

Exactly. It’s false hope to say that improving yourself will aid in getting the women you want

[Asker]

Even so, I don’t know why so many of them liked (and even one super liked) my profile. Why in such a large mass?

[thegirlfromthething]

They probably noticed you’re ugly and can’t be picky, like them.

[andreasderjuengere]

It's not what YOU show, but rather what THEY see.
The attention we get cannot be directed by our own wishes. All you can do is to implicate what you look for in a text, headline or such.

[roflgun]

Maybe because you’re unattractive yourself. You get what you give.

[Browneye57]

Cuz dating apps are for losers.