Like they do not shun your teasing or playfulness, but instead give you the strong impression that they are willing to entertain a possible relationship with you, then without warning, they ghost you, or otherwise, push you aside like you didn't even exist?
I do not respect girls who do that to guys. They should be up front about their intentions from the start.
Girls, are there ever any misunderstandings in this regard, where a guy thought you were dissing them but you really weren't, or you just failed to make it clear that they were not your type and you didn't want to pursue any type of relationship?
Please share your views on this... PLEASE!
But first, listen to and watch Mr Jeff and the UK's own "Electric Light Orchestra" preform "EVIL WOMAN" to go along with the subject matter of this post, it is mind blowingly good! ... I'M NOT KIDDING! ...
A. Yes, I have had one, or more, girls do that to me before and I didn't think it was right. I would much rather that they tell me that they are not interested at the beginning, or as soon as they know, then to just push me aside in an uncaring way
B. I have never had that happen to me
C. As a girl, I have done that to guys just because I really didn't know how to tell them I didn't want to go out with them in a way that I thought they would understand
D. OTHER, see my comments below, or just open the "Leading Guys On" survey
I only did this once. Hang on tight cuz this going to be a long story I owned my own car but my boyfriend kept taking it whenever his would break down. (He was a prick and he used me and abused but I didn't know that at the time) this left me in a vulnerable position to have to find a ride to work I was new in the town and I was new at work but I did find someone who was willing to drive me Then we got friendly and we would hang out and it was only friendly in the sense of as friends I was in no shape or form attracted to this man whatsoever. If anything he's the only person I would ever actually described as ugly and I don't like using that word cuz it feels really bad to say that. But that was something I kept to myself I didn't ever say that to him the situation started to get weird when he would start to flirt with me and I would tell him that I am not interested in that I am in a relationship (it was a crappy relationship but again young naive didn't realize that) One day I had fallen asleep and this individual who was supposed to be my friend slides his hand in my shirt and under the bra he was groping my nipple and breast that is what I woke to I was pissed told him I never wanted to see him again I didn't want to talk to him again don't call me we're done I was also able to say this because I had my car back I just got it back Well the very same day that I was due to go back to work after the weekend my stupid boyfriend tells me that he needs my car that he's taking it and to find a ride Mind you I already told my boyfriend what had happened to me he didn't give a shit that the man had grope me he told me to call him up pretend to be friendly and use him for a ride It was the worst feeling in my life at that time to have to call that man up and ask him for a ride and on top of it I had to be nice and pretend that I was going to be his friend again it was disgusting it was degrading to me that I was put in that situation I honestly didn't care about his feelings about the fact that I was lying to him because I was forced to do it and he had disrespected me anyways So while in the locker room at work I was sitting there crying hurt by my boyfriend not understanding how he could do that to me it hurt that I was stuck riding with a man who did not respect me and knew I couldn't trust him and i was afraid that he would try to do more than just grope me. then these two lovely older women walked in and saw me crying and I filled them in on what happened they felt terrible for me and then we realized that they drive by my home every day on the way to work and they offered me a ride they told me they would pick me up every day if I needed it and bring me back home I was so thankful I cried more Then I went to the cafeteria and I stomped over to that prick who had groped me and in the middle of the cafeteria I let it be known that I wanted nothing more to do with him that I did not want to be his friend I lied to him all I needed was a ride I told him you owed me one anyways you got a free grope and I got a free ride. I used him but he used me first.
He was embarrassed but that didn't mean he stopped he even went to the extent of getting me flowers and chocolates which I ended up throwing at him in the middle of the cafeteria on another separate day At least in the end I had something good come from it I met two new people and they became my friends my first real friends in a new town.
You get the GOLD STAR for a great story Ms Kitty! ... not great what the guy (s) did, but great that you came out of it victorious and with two new wonderful friends!
I am so sorry that happened to you. Both of those boys are creeps and would deserve anything and everything that they got and more. The groper creep is lucky he isn't in jail, or maybe he is by now treating girls like that... I hope so!!
They both asses I am so glad that I don't have either one of them in my life right now Though the memories of that x do torment me but I'm so glad that I am nowhere near him
I hate when guys that I’m not interested in are interested in me. I don’t hate the guys, just to be clear. That would be pretty callous. But I hate the situation. Because I feel like there’s no good way to handle it. If I’m upfront about it, they deflect and say they were never interested in the first place, and effectively call me vain or something. If I wait for them to ask me, then I’m leading them on. If I try to drop hints that I’m not interested, I get accused of playing games. It’s just a mess.
It especially sucks when it’s with a guy who I work with or otherwise interact with on a regular basis. There’s a guy in one of my student orgs who’s been anonymously posting things about me on a flirts Facebook page for months now, and he doesn’t think I know it’s him. I’ve tried indicating that I wasn’t interested. He isn’t getting it. He finally asked me out at the end of the last school year, and I tried to turn him down in the nicest way possible, but also I was panicked due to COVID and wasn’t really thinking as clearly as I would normally like to about things like this, and there’s a chance that my nice ventured into deflective territory, as I know I mentioned the pandemic and the ensuing chaos a few times in my response, because I was trying to make it sound like it wasn’t his fault. And now he’s still expressing interest in me. And I don’t know what to do about it because I’m also an authority figure in the org, and I don’t want him to quit because of me. It’s a mess.
That’s my mini rant. I’m too tired to edit it. I just woke up. Good morning! But I agree with you that people who intentionally lead someone on and then ghost them suck.
I do love your attitude though and in spike of your "sleepy eyes" :) you were quite articulate in your synopsis and I agree with it all totally Ms Weasley.
It’s not fun turning someone down. But the best way to do it is to look them in the eyes (or over a text) and say “I’m being honest with you because I RESPECT you”. Always start the conversation with saying you are doing to out of respect. Then say “I got tbh I don’t look at you at that way”.
Do NOT say:
- don’t worry some other girl will like you - can we be friends? No. Don’t ever ask this unless he asks that. - “let me give you some advice on dating”. That’s condescending. If he asks for what he can do better that’s one thing. But don’t say the unsolicited.
Just say “I’m being honest out of respect” and say you think he’s a cool guy but you are not interested in that way. No if he continues to pursue then have permission to be a bitch all you want. But give him one chance
I feel betrayed and like I was toyed with. I feel disrespected and used. I deeply hate this, all of that because they wanted the good parts without the responsibilities or that they did not have the guts to be open and honest. They hurt the man just because they could not bother to be slightly inconvenienced by telling the truth. That's one of the thing I hate the most.
I have a girl that I was close friends with try romantic things on me and, initially, I did not want to until, one day, I decided to give it a try. She ended up telling me that she was not being serious about this (despite her telling me that she was serious about relationships), that I was just imagining things and she was basically blaming me for this even though I initially only wanted to be friends with her and she is the one put the idea of a romantic relationship on the table in the first place.
I felt so mad and hurt to have my feelings toyed with like that. It felt so selfish to me that she would do that without even considering how it would make me feel.
About 3 years ago my former 30 year old gal pal told me she was going to stand a guy up just because he called her “babe” in a text message.
I calmly told her it was okay to break the date. But why is it so f*cking hard to simply text the guy she couldn’t make it? She cringed like a pathetic coward when I told her to do that. I then said “if you are really that worried how he will respond then just text him you can’t make it but then immediately block him”. At least he wouldn’t be wasting his time. He might of planned and rescheduled his night to meet her. He was acting a bit like a f*ck boy but he might of been trying to just be funny and easy going (yes guys know most women don’t like guys who act too serious).
He ended up texting he couldn’t make it. She was all relieved because she didn’t have to have a confrontation. But I said “look! He had the respect to tell you he couldn’t make it. What were you planning to do?”
She ghosted ME about a month later. I had no involvement with her either. She blocked me on social media and my phone number. I had known her for over 10 years.
She tried to message me on LinkedIn (real fake) I responded and pretty much tore her apart. Then blocked her.
Very good song. ELO has always been very underrated and Jeff Lynne’s singing and song writing has been some of the best. What he did as part of the Traveling Wilbury’s was great stuff. That song was expertly done. What you’ve said is correct but happens with both genders. I had experiences where I would take girls on multiple dates, then make a move and then looked at like I was an alien. After that, no return of phone calls. One girl, I stayed up all night listening to her cry her heart out over an ex boyfriend, took her out to eat the next weekend and then “bam”, totally ignored my calls and attempts to see her. All she had to do was just tell me “not interested”. Lots of time, money and caring wasted.
If you're leading them on, acting like you like them and then just ghosting them, I agree it's immature. But there's times you can tell someone you're not interested and they don't get it or keep trying anyways. I've had that happen both on here and IRL. I don't ghost, but I can see why in some cases, some might. . I also try not to block anyone, both IRL or on here. But there's times it might become necessary to do so. There was a male user on here who said NO FEMALE ever tells the truth. That's not true! More, even when you tell the truth, some people don't hear your truth cuz it's not what they want, or what they wanna hear
I feel sorry for anyone that buys into online only as a relationship. Can't have real physical intamacy, real spend in person time together, can't physically help one another through an illness or a bad day... All for what, to say you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you don't"really" have... Well that's not my definition of have anyways 🤷🏼♀️
Most girls today do that naturally , I just learned to accept how it is , and don’t let it bother me to much , I can’t force someone to love me all I Can do is Treat them the same way they treat me, if they choose to walk away. , then I let them go , I will chase for a little but if I feel like I have to chase to much I let them go , I would never give my heart a 100 percent to a girl that treats me like a convenience , nowadays most girls like the convenience , they string you along until someone else catches their interest. So again I don’t let it bother me , if she chooses to give the same back to me in return I will do the same in return , Love only grows when 2 people decide to remove selfishness and make each other a priority , It’s just hard to find these days
The thing is we are quick to judge nowadays and we don't give people enough time to show themselves. I believe men and women have the right to explore a possible relationship without being rushed into rejecting or accepting the other person. So if you are giving time to a person and getting to know them and then you don't like what you see you have the right to reject them. So is it always women leading on men? I don't know about that.
I love your questions and how you debate. I didn't mean that your question is bias or prejudice but maybe I put the last sentence wrongly.
I meant to say the guy might have the perception that she was leading him on. But is that always the case in reality? The challenge sometimes lays on the unspoken communications. Where his body language, actions and the way he talks shows her that he likes her. On the other hand she is unsure. So she would entertain it and explore the dynamics. And it is okay to be unsure sometimes in my opinion. But after a while things become clear. So whether they eventually talk about it or she just starts distancing herself. The fact is her intentions were not bad (in this incident). She gave him a chance.
This really bothers me from both genders. Why would anyone want to intentionally waste time with someone else--- other than the obvious answer which is using them to your benefit. That's a horrible thing to do to people and I won't be a part of it. Life is too precious and the moments with the people you care about are too important to give up to people you don't care about or that don't really care about you. I know of someone who lives their life this way and I'm no longer friends with this person. It truly bothers me that people can do that to others.
To say I hate these kinds of people would be an understatement. Unfortunately I've had the displeasure of meeting too many of this kind of girls in my life and it's been a terrible experience.
Remember when I mentioned i had a date and would let you know if we have sex. Well she postponed the date and now I'm left wondering if she's gonna be one more girl to add to that list.
I don't know how I always pick this kind but need to change my taste in women that's for sure.
I failed to communicate to a guy I had a boyfriend early into the friendship because he had failed to make it obvious he liked me and that telling him I was taken was necessary. When I did tell him he hated me for wasting his time and continued to hate me one year later. I’m now broken up from the guy I was previously with but won’t date the guy I rejected because he slandered me when I turned him down.
Well I see both sides... Many guys are overly angry when they get push back from females in any way, and the female may not want to deal with that either out of frustration, or fear, neither of which is good. We as males can do a lot to aid this situation by being calmer and more patient as an aggregate, even though most of us already are.
However, much of the time, it's not an issue of fear or frustration at all, and she just decides to not be clear with him either because she simply likes the attention he gives her, or she's just lazy. This is also not okay, and the girls who do this are pretty bitchy.
It's usually a miss of a lot of things for me. I probably don't trust them and I'm doing what I need to keep a distance so that I don't get hurt in the end just in case. Sometimes I don't like the guy and want to be friends but he obviously hasn't gotten the memo. Some guys are creepy and I stop contact because I need to. Sometimes I'm not dissing them but again trying to protect myself by what would essentially be "pushing them away" but I don't mean to.
The last three women I talked to and went out with went great when we met in groups with friends. Two of them were even asking me questions about what kind of sex I like, etc. I thought I was getting all the signals. Then when I asked them out, totally ghosted. Am I that off at reading people?
Not necessarily, there is what's called "in the moment", where all the dots seem to be connecting and then with more thought and reminiscing, thoughts change.
It's not you it is the other person and just happens many times. It's part of the sizing things up process that everyone does.
I fucking hate women who do this. I don't really care about rejection, it sucks but thats life, but I utterly DESPISE feeling like I was disposable, to be used and then discarded without a care, that is what bothers me most about this. I have just had this happen and have had it happen constantly. Is it really that fucking hard to say your not interested? I know women will make every excuse for why they do this but its a shitty thing to do and their really isn't an excuse for it.
I keep my expectations low. I make no plans based on vague expressions of interest. If I'm expending resources pursuing a woman, I'm only spending what it's worth for the pleasure of her company.
We only get hurt when we assume promises that were never made.
It never happened to me. I don't think ghosting was possible before the advent of electronic communication. Before that, people knew each other, ran in the same circles or had at least met each other in person. If you were no longer interested, you had to either tell them on the phone or in person. I guess you didn't have to say it outright, but you had to send clear signals.
The are honing their flirtation skills, maybe their sexual innuendo skills too. You are a practice dummy. If you want to take a more positive outlook, maybe you should play along and benefit by honing your own skills too, instead of getting bent that you didn't get anywhere with them.
This behaviour to me , indicates a personality disorder & questionable self esteem , as they believe it gives them power. Only happened to me when much younger , don't remember this happening outside my teens , so immaturity will be a factor in many cases. I learned to trust the sharp intuition I have been blessed with , and became good at spotting these and similar types... and have played games with game players. Grew up with ELO , good track.
I have always made sure that whatever girl I'm with is going to enjoy it at least as much as I. That's my biggest turn on, the arousal and orgasm (s) the intensity of her experience makes the idea of being led on meaningless. Younger it may have been an issue / That wasn't meant to be any kind of boast, it's simply what I find pleasurable.
I know exactly how guys feel being lead on. You think someone is interested and it never goes anywhere. You get frustrated and irritated at the situation. I’ve had plenty of guys who would act interested but when I asked them out they rejected me. That why I let a guy know if I’m not interested. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.
