If I came off as too clingy to this girl I'm interested in how long is a reasonable amount of time to wait and what should I say? Or wait for her?

[Cowboysfan89]

[she_asks_and_answers]

In my opinion, it depends on how clingy were you (i. e repeated texts, back-to-back calls, keep finding reasons to be around her/no breathing room). But I mean without that kind of detail it's hard to say how long you should step back. What I can say is maybe a few days to a week. Then what you can say to her is something along the lines of "Sorry if I was a bit much last week, I didn't mean to come off as clingy. Would you like to have a coffee sometime and talk?"... something like that.

If this is the girl you are meant to be with she will respect your acknowledgment of your behavior, probably tell you it's alright or make a joke about how clingy you were, and then change the topic and agree to coffee. If she isn't the one for you then it won't work out because the right girl for you is on the way.
And also one way to not be clingy... keep yourself busy with other things so it occupies your time and brain space.

[Cowboysfan89]

It was by 5-10 texts throughout the day got worse as I heard nothing from her. she's been asking a lot of relationship questions, kids and how many etc about my forever home etc. So I asked her to be my girlfriend and she's replied neither way yet. I apologized told her I need to be more mindful of these things. Not expecting a reply back but texted that to her saying I wanted to clear the air. I will not absolutely not message her. You think a week is commendable time to wait?

[Cowboysfan89]

She said she's been really busy moving and getting settled at a new job etc. So just gonna give her whatever space is good to give. What is a good time to wait. Should I wait no matter what for her to reach out or after awhile if she doesn't then I do?

[she_asks_and_answers]

Wait..5 - 10 messages from you straight? Ohhh boy.
First off it sounds like she is trying to figure you out, your goals, what you want out of life in the future because she doesn't want to waste time. It sounds like she wants to see if you are someone with similar outlooks on life just like her. A female like that needs time, she is processing a lot, could be getting advice from her female friends. I could see why you would jump and ask her to be your girlfriend because with her questions it sounds like the timing was right.

I think (if you can) try close to a week... at least let a few days go by. Because you don't want to sound like you are pressuring her into anything. Some females really want a great relationship and want to make sure they are investing their time well. So maybe she is one of those females that just needs time to process her views, you, a relationship... that's why I say when you do give her some time... she will not feel up against the wall and pressured to answer anything. Because honestly you want someone to be with you because they want to not because you jumped up and down and made them feel they had to say yes. It's a good sign that she was asking those relationship questions. And you're human... you got excited.. and you went for it.

If you can hold out for about a week great... if not.. at least mid-week and don't mention anything about her being your girlfriend. All you want at this point is a clean slate.

[Cowboysfan89]

No like back and forth with her replying

[she_asks_and_answers]

Oh.. I didn't see your other message about her moving and saying she is busy... how soon after did she say she was busy? This could go three ways she's truly busy and needs time to manage her life, or she is busy as in buying herself time to answer and not seem to eager.. or she is busy and trying to wean herself off away from you. Right now there is no way to tell what it is. I can tell you really like her. But you don't want to come off too strong where you lose even a friendship with her. Knowing this new information... The week could suffice but... the way you communicate with her has to be different then what I said originally. As in "Hey I hope you are good and getting settled alright, I am sorry about earlier if I came off to clingy, it's not how I usually carry myself, you just seem like a really great woman, I know you are busy and I don't want to rush you but I would love the opportunity to take you out for a coffee or to grab a bit sometime.. no strings attached." Something like that

[Cowboysfan89]

Sent her this today. I genuinely felt bad and wanted to let her know that I realized what I'm doing wrong its not the women its me. This is what I said "Wasn't going to make contact but wanted to clear the air. I've been thinking about how busy you been and I need to be more aware of this. You were right to feel the way you did. Gonna seriously work on this, it can be unhealthy. I apologize truly, i feel silly. Have a wonderful day and I hope all is going great 🙂." Today I'm getting productive and will wait at least a week to reach out, unless she gets in touch. You have been so helpful. Please follow me so if I need help in future ill have good advice.

[Cowboysfan89]

We spent nearly every day together before she started moving to her new place and we talked nearly everyday and she's been busy with a new job, the move plus planning a families wedding. She just needs to get settled and past that I don't know

[she_asks_and_answers]

That is a really great heartfelt message to send. Some words I personally wouldn't have added but regardless it shows vulnerability and accountability which can be very respected from a woman's point of view. Your heart is is the right place, you got excited... it was sudden for her.. and she could be going through a world win of emotions on top of her busy life she has going for her right now. She sounds like a female who has her head on straight. And if so be the case then yes she will need time. As long as you can give her space to sort out what she needs to... and you can also keep yourself leveled out and in good spirits im sure things will work out fine. You also have to be prepared in the event that she may not want to be your girlfriend and not take it to heart. When I give advice I always tell people to prepare for the flipside. And if so be the case remember it has nothing to do with you as person. It just means she wasn't the one. Buttttttttttttttt im not saying this is the case here. Just give her sometime. I've been where she is where part of me wants a relationship and part of me has a lot going on and then a guy gets close to me and then im stuck so I back away and bury myself into my tasks and responsibilities.

I will follow you, you can follow back. I hope I was able to help shed some light some how. :)

[she_asks_and_answers]

See with what you just said I don't think it's you per se I think its just she has a thousand and one things going on in her life. She clearly enjoys your company. Try to not go overboard with the texts. Because even if you become boyfriend and girlfriend too much texts and clingliness can turn off/scare a woman. So if you can just master giving a woman some space to get her things done im sure all will be well :)

[Cowboysfan89]

Well before she left out of state to move in with her cousin she told me she loved me and I meant the world to her I was shocked cause she knows I would take that to heart like I did when I first met her but she never told me those things. She doesn't have many people here where I'm from but told me I am enough and would stay for me. I've known her for 11 years but the first 2 years was only friends and I got heartbroken and moved on 9 years passed with no contact and just reconnected 2.5 weeks or so before she moved. She showered me in compliments and lots of personal and flirting a lot. She opened up like she never had before and so yes I got overly excited and was just in the moment and realized that I made an error and was clingy. 100% my fault. You think she'll respond back to my apology. I will wait as long as I need to. I quit feeling needy yesterday and been okay even when I'm not busy and able to go on about my life but still think about her. but im gonna respect her wishes. Do you think there's a good chance or no.

[Cowboysfan89]

Okay will do. Space she gets, I want to change her view and respect for me in an even better way. To infinite and beyond lol

[she_asks_and_answers]

I can see why you jumped at the opportunity to ask her to be your girlfriend. I mean from what you tell me she really spoke to your heart in a way that she didn't before. For that I won't totally say your impulsiveness was an error. You were excited and in the moment. Now while I can't vouch for why she got so deep in expressing her feelings to you, I can say that she is processing a lot. Sometimes when us women get too vulnerable we sit back and go "oh no... what did I say.. omg I can't believe I said all that"... and then we retreat for a while until our embarassment fades. I'm not saying this is the case... we could be trying to figure out her thought process until the cows come home lol.. but I'm glad you are out of a needy state.. and that you are ok now even when you aren't busy. I know you said you would wait for as long as it takes but I actually don't want you to do that. I want you to go on with your life and hold a special place in your heart for her. You can't put your whole life on hold until she provides you with an answer. As we said... you give her a decent amount of time... and then you pop up and be casual, as about how things are with her, let her lead most of the conversation, you can apologize at that moment or you could wait until you both are having a coffee/bite to eat and then apologize.

I am sure everything will work out the way it is intended on working out hun. Just don't forget to tend to you and your heart.

Ps. Your last statement reminded me of Buzz Lightyear :)

[Cowboysfan89]

I know. So how long is too long to wait. I dont wanna wait to little but not so long she thinks I dont care anymore. I believe that she's just dealing with a lot may have more feelings then she's comfortable to admit at the moments given she just moved 3000 miles away but had told me she wants to move back once her debt is paid. This is all very very helpful. wasn't getting many good answers and been battling with myself. And the joke was from toy story lol

[Cowboysfan89]

Yeah she deleted me off fb but logs on when im getting off work when we used to talk, Kinda odd. But I friend requested her back but she left it pending. And she didn't block me in anyway. She says I just need to give her time and I need to chill

[she_asks_and_answers]

I would say check-in on Tuesday. Monday's are blah for everyone... but a simple check-in. And the rule of thumb is don't send a text back to back. When you do contact her leave something in there for her to respond to. I'm glad I was able to shed some light on your situation. I saw the question and saw no responses and I was inclined to give my two cents worth (which turned into a whole novel... lol). But hey if it helps some then im happy :)

hahaha @ buzz light year joke. It made me laugh. You're a good guy... all will be well

[she_asks_and_answers]

Wait what? She deleted you off fb?

[she_asks_and_answers]

Ok so... I didn't see that message until after I sent mine. Had you told me that before I would have probably said something totally different... she didn't have to delete you... things have shifted in my head now...

[Cowboysfan89]

Yeah she did delete me but my request is pending. I'm off Tuesday and ill ask how her new job is and wish her well.

[Cowboysfan89]

She just got really irritated wasn't mad. Just annoyed.

[she_asks_and_answers]

So... here's the thing.. if you still fo forward and message her on Tuesday you have to leave things alone after that and let her make the next connection.

[Cowboysfan89]

Tuesday long enough? I already apologized dont wanna be repetitive. You think asking how her job is going and how she doing is appropriate. Thats all I need to know. Look for updated questions soon. Thank you. Sorry to take so much of your time

[she_asks_and_answers]

So here's a story... I had liked a guy a lot once and when we were chatting he was overreacting... so I blocked him and had plans to just forget about him and go on with my life because I didn't like how he made me feel. I slept on it, and woke up and said i'll give him another chance. So I unblocked him, explained myself and then yes for a time frame we continued onward. I am serious when I said if you message her on Tuesday after that leave it alone after that. Let her make the first contact. Because what happens is when a person gets annoyed... annoyance then turns into resentment... you don't want to be on the side of resentment... thats hard for someone to switch their feelings from.

[Cowboysfan89]

Okay I think I'm gonna wait it out. Since I sent her that apology today. Don't wanna do more damage

[she_asks_and_answers]

Let the weekend go by. Tuesday is at minimum.. if you could make it to Friday even better. Since you already apologized, yes don't do that again. Just keep it simple. You asking about work is casual enough and harmless. Good angle. No need to be sorry, I type like the wind... and im taking a break.

[she_asks_and_answers]

If you can wait... wait... if you can't then Friday... if you are anxious.. keep it short, brief.. not personal and on Tuesday... I think that is a fair gameplan for you.

[she_asks_and_answers]

It's Friday... go do something fun.. blast music...*smile*.. deep breathe...
:)

[Cowboysfan89]

Hell yeah.

[she_asks_and_answers]

Feel free to message me if you have other questions :)

[Cowboysfan89]

Okie dokie. "Look buzzz an alien" hahaha mad you look." Bye have a wonderful day

[she_asks_and_answers]

HEHEHE more Toy Story jokes :)
Thanks have a wonderful rest of your day

[Cowboysfan89]

I hate this distance thing. I love this girl so much and I'm doubting she'll be back in touch. I hope that message I sent her make her realize that I did get excited and caught up in the moment and doesn't stay mad at me forever. Gonna try my hardest not to contact her till Friday and just ask her how her job is going etc

[Cowboysfan89]

Also around the beginning of July already have her address and will be sending her a card as I had told her before got her a small box of 2 necklaces oll be sending her. Gonna spray a little cologne on the card I got her and some homemade soap my family makes she wanted. I hope this makes her think of me and message me

[Cowboysfan89]

Also I don't know she never responded today. But I hope she got my heartfelt apology today

[she_asks_and_answers]

You are backpedaling. Earlier you had come to the conclusion that you will give her space, that you will keep your mind busy, that you don’t want to ruin things and now you are in full trottle again. As a female I will be honest it does not take much for us to feel smothered or creeper out. I get it you eant to show her you are sorry, you want to show her how much she means to you. But these tactics only work in the movies. In real life you will drive someone away.

There’s a saying “if you love something let it go, if it comes back its yours and thats how you know”.

I don’t want your “love” to turn into an obsession. Because then that can become dangerous territory.

You have nice gestures but if you pull all the rabbits out of the hat now there's no magic later. I get it you have nice things you want to send her…. do not over do something if she is not your girlfriend because then it turns into your forcing her to like you.

You need genuine love not someone who feels pressured or obligated or bribed. Let things flow naturally.

Pull back and relax. You can’t take babysteps and then kick up speed you will freak her out.

Your heart is in the right place but it’s too much too soon.

[Cowboysfan89]

Okay well I already promised her some things that she asked for its not much at all just very small. Yeah still haven't msged her and not planning too

[Cowboysfan89]

Its just mainly anxiety, doing opposite of being overly needy and trying to get her back. I believe bow that I have matured a lot that space is the key and if she really does love me she will be back naturally. But I don't know how long it will take. Trying to not worry and just have faith in the process. Trying to be confident that she will come back and change my mindset so I don't come off as clingy or needy. And eill play it slow an and let her set the pace and just got 1-1 when texting. Trying to stay hopeful

[she_asks_and_answers]

You seem like a great guy with your heart in the right place. You are the same age as my brother and I witnessed him lose two great women because he did too much too soon and the women got overwhelmed and stayed away. And to this day he is still hung up on the both of them.

I don’t want to see you fall into this. Your heart is int he right place. Nothing is wrong with giving people a bit of space and time. Because I’m telling you once you push too much they enter a zone where that’s it.. down to a friendship they won’t want. I don’t want that for you.

At this point let her take the lead a bit. I’d prefer to have someone genuinely like me…and choose me then they felt obligated or they just want me because of the things I can give them or do for them.

She see’s your heart. Let her make the choice to connect with you. You don’t need to jog her memory. Save the gifts when it is her birthday. The woman deleted you and told you to “chill” that’s not a playful gesture…it’s a warning.

Deep breathe and make a plan for your weekend that involves you doing something for you. You are still a bit anxious (which is valid) but you really have to go about your day and yourself.

[Cowboysfan89]

So should I wait till her bday July 5th to contact her. I think I can make that. Will be hard but id think she'd wonder why I haven't tried to reach out. Wanted her to know I'm gonna work on respecting her space that's why I apologized. I really am being careful at respecting her space cause I really do want to work this out

[Cowboysfan89]

And thats what I'm wondering as well. Seems like a fair amount I initiate first. Want to know she's in this as much as I am or was etc

[Cowboysfan89]

Not gonna put myself in abad spot again with trying to get her back. Needs to happen naturally. That's my mindset right now. Would it be bad to ask another girl out that I'm somewhat interested in since we're technically not official

[she_asks_and_answers]

You have done above and beyond. It’s not your job to wonder if she wonders why you haven’t contacted much. To be honest you don’t know what’s going kn in her head and you could wonder a whole bunch of scenarios until the cows come home.

Communication is like a tennis match. It goes back and forth. You have hit enough balls over the net. It’s time she hits one back over. Give her time to do that. Or you will be standing there with no more balls to hit over. She sees all the tennis balls…they are all on her side..

And yes something worth having flows naturally. That’s that genuine feeling you want to experience. Natural.

If in the meantime you see someone you want to date you are free to do so. There’s no harm in that. There’s no reason to put your life on pause.

Because right now she’s doing whatever she wants to do. So you do what you need to do. If it’s meant to be it will happen.

Yes only for her birthday you send a gift. That way it comes off as casual. If you send random gifts to a girl and she's not your girlfriend nor is she reciprocating conversation it’s too much too soon. But on a birthday that’s a smooth time. Just don’t get too personal or over the top.

[Cowboysfan89]

I love your tennis analogy lol. Makes me laugh. Okay I feel much more comfortable not feeling guilty anymore and have faith in time will heal things and hopefully can have a convo if needed. But I let her lead to that. Just gonna keep it light and fun as ill be walking on water for a bit probably. I'm going to work on this for me and if it benefits our relationship if it is to happen it will be much healthier for everyone. I e come to the decision to wait till June 29th when ill be off and reach out then 10 days. Just gonna do me and try not to think about her. Hopefully with no contact for that time maybe she'll feel better and be in touch. If not I'll be okay, it will be disappointing but lesson learned. Thank you

[Cowboysfan89]

I can see still on her fb she posted a new photo of her new haircut and did her makeup. She's absolutely gorgeous. Too it would be a big decision to be my girlfriend with the debt she wants to pay off about 7,000 then she was talking about moving back so that a lot to think about and this could be partially whats going through her head. But I don't know not going to worry about it. It will happen naturally

[she_asks_and_answers]

I think you have a good idea on how to move forward from here. It's just remaining able to see it through and go with the flow. Which means number one... stop looking at her facebook. It is triggering your thought process to bring up conversations you and her had on moving back and so forth. There's the saying..."out of sight out of mind". And the time it takes you to check on her FB you could have been doing something for you... I am very being on self-care and self-love.

Remember the analogy... you've done hit all the tennis balls on her side of the court. She has them all placed right around her and you have no more balls to hit over... don't get tempted to "throw the racket" over the net next. Because then you are doing too much.

Trust me I understand what its like to really care deeply for someone, really feel compatible, really see yourself with someone, to pour your heart out, to wait for reciprocation and it just doesn't come at the speed or the quality you would like it to be. When you see someone doing what they need to with their time... you need to take note and do what you can for yourself. The time it took her to post a picture on FB she could have innocently readded you back.

I don't want to see you get hurt. You did above and beyond, she knows where you stand. If it's meant to be it will be.

In the meantime look in the mirror and see what would make Mr Cowboysfan89 happy this weekend :)

[Cowboysfan89]

Very true to all that. I think she going through a lot of emotions at the moment and needs time to work some things out. In mean time nothing I can do but make myself happy and healthy and enjoy what I have and hope for the best. Thank you. I will let you know how these next 10 days at least go. Thank you

[she_asks_and_answers]

You’re welcome. Don’t drive yourself insane trying to figure out what is going on in her head. So many things could be at play right now. She can’t figure herself out if you are up infront of her face all the time.

Just remember she knows you, she knows what you bring to the table. If she wants you as she previously confessed her feelings she will act on it if its genuine.

So no more detective playing. Go have fun. Im pretty sure its nice weather where you are. Treat yourself, do something that will make you smile.

Keep me posted. Try not to back peddle. When in doubt…. breathe it out

[Cowboysfan89]

Okay ill try. Will be a challenge for sure. Working on being more confident and I hope everything will work in proper timing. Your right there's a million things to think you can drive yourself crazy. I guess this will really show how much she truly loves me and if so she will forgive me in due time. Definitely will not be clingy like this ever again. Its not fun being put in this situation

[she_asks_and_answers]

It will be a challenge but im sure you will get through it. You’re heart is in the right place. And I don’t want you to feel this way. It is a rough patch to be in. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. All will be well, don’t beat yourself up. Just go out and do something amazing to make you smile. ☺️

[Cowboysfan89]

Is it bad that she didn't accept my friend request and she made it so I can't send her one now

[Cowboysfan89]

This really sucks. Your right seeing those things does make me back peddle. My heart just sank. Ugh. Her gift is coming in a little late. Should I worry about that

[she_asks_and_answers]

It's been a while since i've used FB so wait you went from pending to unable to send a friend request?

[she_asks_and_answers]

What do you mean her gift is coming in a little late? You've sent it already?

[Cowboysfan89]

Yeah 😪😪😪

[Cowboysfan89]

No I mean coming to my place cause I ordered it. Should I just send ehat I have and maybe send her the last of later

[she_asks_and_answers]

I'm sorry hun. I think... you have to let this go now. At least for now before you get consumed, and it messed up your mental state. You don't want to put yourself in an unhealthy position over this. Hence why I keep trying to keep you on a level where you don't blame yourself too much and can breathe and just go forward and see that if it's meant to be it will happen in it's own time.

[Cowboysfan89]

Would it be wise to put my address on the pkg or no. What would be a nice thing to write in her card without being weird

[Cowboysfan89]

I feel completely crushed. Just feel so emotionally crush and wanna cry. I'm sorry for being this way. I loved her so much and honestly thought it was going great. Maybe I was wrong. I feel terrible, depression is setting in. I can't help it

[she_asks_and_answers]

Based on her actions right now... she is creating space. If you push any more she will block you out completely. You have to let time do what it does... and you need to go on with your life. Let her pop up when/if she is ready. As my mom says... you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

I know it sucks, I know it hurts... and I know you want to keep replaying things to figure out how things could have gone down a different path... but you will go insane doing that.. and we don't have a time machine. Some times people aren't right for each other in the moment they want it to be... and later on in life they appear in each others lives and everything falls into place. And maybe that could be your story... You know when you are old and grey and tell your grand kids "You know... when I first met your grand ma I went too fast and she created space and we didn't talk for a while... but later on in life we met again and everything fell into place and here we are today..." like do you see what I mean.. maybe now is just not the time.

Don't beat yourself up... honestly..

[Cowboysfan89]

I dont think that will happen. I won't message or reach out to her but I am completely crushed and crying. I am beside myself and I don't know ehat to do. Its going to take awhile to heal. And I honestly I don't think ill feel any better till I talk to her whenever or if that happens. I was gonna ask someone else out but dont even feel like pursuing anything at this time. I'm just gonna lay in bed today

[Cowboysfan89]

What should I write in her card. Im not going to put my address so she can't send it back

[Cowboysfan89]

After this should I even contact her. Just send her the bday gift and thats it

[Cowboysfan89]

What you think

[she_asks_and_answers]

I am sorry for the delay in response.
Crying is cleansing and will bring forth clarity. I know it hurts... I have been there. You are allowed to be in your feelings for a while. You don't know what the future holds so you cannot doubt what I said will happen. What is for you will work out one way or the other. You are entitled to your feelings today but I don't want it to consume you because then that is unhealthy territory.

I admit her actions were a bit abraisive. And I understand perhaps if she communicated something it would go over better as opposed to just cutting you out of her social life as it seems.

[she_asks_and_answers]

Let me give you some insight first (before I reply about the birthday card) so you understand why I keep saying I understand... I was in love with a guy who I felt was the one... to me he was different from the rest... we were together for a while... he met my daughter and bonded with her.. he spoke of us moving together, and mentioned kids. He went to the length to find us a relator and we started looking for homes... we had open house visits at the tail end of the week and we even put in an offer on two... one Saturday morning (I had stayed over because I was working at a location close by his place) he looked me in the eyes told me how much he loves our family, how he can't wait to spend the rest of his life with me... he is a lucky man... he spent time picking names for our two children we wanted to have... and even showed me a church in his home country where we could have a second wedding... I went to work... I messaged him on my lunch.. we got into a little argument because he couldnt come to pick me up... but we made up by the tail end of my lunch. I traveled to his place after work... he was with his male cousin and looked shocked to see me. I went to the room to unpack my work things and change and his cousin left and he asked about my day and was all sweet and went to cook dinner... we sat on the couch and started to talk... and all of a sudden he broke down and said "I can't do this anymore"...

[she_asks_and_answers]

I tried to hug him he pushed me away... I tried to kiss him he blew air in my face... I cried and cried and cried... and it didn't matter... he left me to sleep on the couch alone and he slept in his bed. The next day he drove me back to my home... and weeks later he packed up all my things and brought it back to my home and left it on the porch... all of this out of the blue... to this day no explanation... Nothing... He tried to called me at the beginning of the pandemic to ask how I am...(pfft...) and I was well and told him so... he went on to say that he knew how much I loved him and that he was sorry...

what I am getting at is... that was thee worst way someone could get out of a relationship... and to this day it baffles everyone because I didn't see it coming at all.

I took quite a while for me to get over that... I know how you are hurting... take some times to heal..
Yours isn't as bad as mine... there is still hope in time...

[she_asks_and_answers]

If you want to send the birthday card.. Literally, just wish her a Happy Birthday.. to:_____ from:______
May today bring you all the happiness and joy you deserve... something simple and kind like that.

[she_asks_and_answers]

You left me a message with no other detail….. what happened?

[bannacookies]

Just move on to someone else.