Do guys not really dig the silent, low-key, introverted girls?

[Anonymous]

I am considered a really shy girl who tends to sit in the corner of classrooms, never speaks up, and just generally keeps thoughts to herself. You can say that I have a really mature/silent presence...if you can catch the drift. I tend to dress in dark or mellow clothes (no, I'm not emo), nothing too colorful. I'm not the skinny barbie type girl, I think I have an average body type, maybe a bit chubby (not fat) in the legs (think along the lines of britney spears' body currently, which is not exactly thin...).

I have guys my age rarely flirting with me, and the ones that do are MUCH older than me or just weird types...This is proven when I work at my restaurant as a counter girl because no guy will ever blatantly flirt with me, maybe just a smile and sometimes some tips, but that's about it. Also, when I'm out, I'm rarely approached by guys, rather older women tend to drift towards me and chat me up. I'm sure I am not ugly (well, I hope I'm not...)and there have been guys that approach me and talk to me in school/ workplace setting, it's just that there are not enough guys or the types of guys I really want to be approached by (less than 3 guys a year).

I don't know it's just my imagination, but it seems like there are some guys that want to approach me at college (by body language and how they act around me), but somehow it seems like I have a huge brick wall up against them...I don't know what would make it so hard for them to approach me...even my last (and only) "boyfriend" told me I was initially intimidating to approach...

I'm getting old now (if you consider 22 years old, old)...and I've only had one romantic relationship with an american guy. No, I'm not willing to approach guys myself because I don't take rejection lightly...at all. Sometimes I thnk to myself maybe if I lost 10 more lbs, I would have more guys my age approaching me, but that isn't the case either, because when I was really thin (I abused laxatives) about 2 years ago, it wasn't like there was an increase in guys approaching me, maybe it was easier for me to get hired on the spot for entry-level jobs, but my success with guys didn't improve or anything like that, so I don't think it's my weight...

Do guys choose to flirt or approach more of a certain type of girl (the talkative, loud, ditzy types who have half of their boobs hanging out of their shirts) and avoid flirting with the quiet and "introverted" girl who tends to dress modestly? Or are attractive girls flirted with regardless of how they dress and how their demeanor is?

I need to figure out why I don't have guys showing obvious attention to me ...I have no trouble making friends with older women (older than me) and men, but it seems like I'm unapproachable to my age group (19-25)...

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

[UGotStyle]

People flirt for two reasons. The 2nd reasons I'll state first. Have you ever heard the phrase "out of my league?": There's always stories of people leaving someone for someone "better," "cuter," "taller," "Thinner." etc. the point is that a lot of guys want to feel important and thus there's this thing that happens where we feel if only we had the "best" girl. And the "best" girl is the one not in our league. So guys are often trying to flirt with the girl they can't more than the one they SHOULD have.

And the first reason is guys are animals and notice the girls who stand out, not blend in. Girls with the boobs out and the tight clothes stand out. Because not ALL girls dress like that. Most girls are much like you. which is AWESOME! It's not your weight. if you can lose that fine, but don't let that intimidate you. And let's be honest, if you lost weight you'd be eyeballing the guys one notch higher than the ones you're checking out now.

So... my advice would be be the coolest girl you can as you are. Stand straight don't slouch, be proud to be a normal girl. Remember this one thing. most of my friends are on anti-deressants. This means that amost eaveryone is insecure. Take advantage of that. Be secure in yoursel because you're just as normal as everyone else. You'll see when your chin is up, you make eye contact, you live in the moment, and still have character, the boys will love those legs.

[TheAnswerer]

Hmm...

The problem with being intoverted is, well, people think you are happy that way. People that want to approach you think that you are aloneand quiet because you want to be alone and quiet, and you will probably reject them anyways.

About the loud girls who "have half of their boobs hanging out of their shirts", well, they make it obvious that they want to be approached. It is obvious from the way they dress and the way they are "loud" that they want attention from others, and can't stand the thought of being alone. So, an average guy would think that she probably wouldn't reject him.

I'm NOT telling you to be loud and wear "questionable" shirts like that, but the fact that you are intorverted might be a discouragement.

We don't choose girls based on their weight, height, etc. We are not computers that "calculate" the beauty of girls. We don't JUST see the outer shell (a.k.a. your body). Some of us are more interested in what's INSIDE (a.k.a. your soul). The fact that you are introverted makes it virtually impossible for us to get to know you ("seeing your soul", in a metaphorical sense).

To summarize, I think it's not about your weight, or any physical attribute. It is about your attitude, which might be discouraging guys. This is not about us being shallow. This is about us thinking that we will be rejected anyways, because she's introverted

[Asker]

well, I'm not sure about the fact that you guys don't choose guys based on beauty...

i think that beauty certainly plays a part...

[TheAnswerer]

I never said "we don't choose girls based on beauty". I said, the problem is not your physical attributes.

Beauty is not just the physical attributes of a person. Neither it is just the personality. It is how naturally the "looks" and the "acts" blend to each other.

[ThickRick]

The type of guy who would be attracted to you is most likely extremely shy himself. So one of ya'll has to make a move at some point to get anywhere.

I'm not a big fan of labeling people as introverted, extroverted, etc. That's all factitious when you get to know them for who they are. If you or another guy actually gets to that point, you will open up. It's really just a confidence thing.

[Asker]

well, that's just great...

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of guys that like girls like you, the only problem is that they're shy themselves. Personally, I have no interest in dating a loud, ditzy party chick; a nice, quiet girl who'd rather cuddle and watch a movie is much more my speed. I (obviously) can't see you so I can't gauge your attractiveness, but even outgoing guys won't approach a girl that seems cold. Do a little staring and some smiling at guys you think are cute and see what happens.

[Asker]

I know this sounds pathetic, but for me, even smiling or staring at guys takes a huge amount of guts for me...I don't flirt unless a guy shows obvious signs that he won't mind being flirted with...

[Opinion Owner]

Well, sorry to say it, but we generally don't approach until obvious flirting takes place. I've been trying to break out of my shell too. I know it's hard, but you've gotta' try. And trust me, if you think staring and smiling is hard, just imagine what it's like for us to walk up to a complete stranger and just start talking. I promise you, most guys are probably way more afraid of you than you are of them. All you need to do is look like you want to be approached, I know you can do it :)

[ben890]

I love introverted girls, but I'm an introvert too, and approaching girls just isn't something I can do :P Kind of a catch-22. Guys who like girls like you will mostly likely be too withdrawn to approach ANY girl.

[Asker]

wow...that sucks

[Shaun]

I prefer somewhere in between, I'll take a shy girl over a loudmouth any day, though.

[Asker]

good choice

[taster]

LOL! Take it from an "older" guy...the older males get, the more we appreciate the quiet ones!

[Asker]

oh, so that explains why most older men prefer to approach me...

[taster]

maybe...u could also be more to their physical taste...but you are probably correct...it is not necessary to "make a splash" with us older men...

[MikeK]

Sure - like the guy underneath me said, we'll take the quiet thoughtful girl over the loudmouth any day =)... but being a complete mute can get pretty boring.

[Asker]

well, that;s for certain...i just appear to be quiet and in my own little world...

i guess guys don't like lonely looking girls...

but I'm not a mute trust me, if I open up

[MikeK]

It's not a big deal if a girl is lonely looking, unlike for women

[SapoTony]

no

[Asker]

i see...

[dudeman]

yes

[Asker]

i see